Journal of Dr GFW

During the interview with Mrs. Conrad last evening, I told her I was not accustomed to communicate my intentions to any individuals on any subject, much less, indeed much more cautious on a subject of this nature, and if she imagined I would sooner communicate our wishes to a disinterested person than to the Mother of her to whom I was expecting to be united, she was very much mistaken in my character, for I would ever scorn a better act, and that I could not feel willing to form a connection durable as life in opposition to the will or wish of a Mother. And I had supposed that consent had been granted, but i have since thought very reluctantly and from what cause i am ignorant and expect to be. i well know my situation in life is not attended with any strong inducements or can create any high expectations, but have ever acted openly in relation to it, and have never attempted to deceive or create the idea to you or any other that i was above mediocrity or even that my property was as great as the commonalty of the human family, and if you have from more mature reflection wished to withdraw your consent, now is the time. I consider you have a perfect right to do so, and I will abide by that decision, and now since we are on the subject and my feelings much hurt, I would prefer to hear it before we part, that I may act accordingly. She declared her willingness, but said she did expect so soon as she had been told and since we both denied it, she was satisfied. but now, Doctor, you must not be offended because I have said to you what I have. I meant it all for the best. You must not stay away but come as you always have, for you are welcome at any time. i now bid her good evening and retired again to my own room with a mind as full of guesses as ever occurred to any man from the land of steady habits. it has seldom been my lot to have had my feelings more hurt than they were at this occurrence, because I know that not a living creature knew my intention and I guess it was all made by her.