Thursday, 25 September, 1828

I see the long desire dawn begins to appear. How discouragingly tedious does the night seem to a man alone and suffering. I sometimes was almost discouraged and out of patience looking and looking for morning, and this extreme anxiety still increases in proportion to the delay and to the pungency of bodily suffering. Here I was in the most restless situation, tormented with fever and its general accompaniment, urgent thirst, and not an individual to get me even a draught of cold water, after the little allowed me in the evening had been consumed. Mr. Lash, with whom I had spent so many nights, never came into the room at no time, though now able to walk about. This proves his gratitude for favors. Having taken medicine as fast as was advisable, toward evening I was quite easy, and H. had with several others come in and made me some drink which I requested. I thought of sick patients often. I could not forget them, amid my own suffering. And being so situated as I have indicated above, I have more seriously contemplated on the subject of getting a home of my own as soon as propriety will sanction it. But the question would always occur to my mind, are you in a situation to take such a step, even if you had the opportunity? I dare not and cannot answer it in the affirmative, and until I can it would be the highest imprudence to attempt it. More to accomplish it or at least that part of home which gives it all its charms. And is it possible that a home will be free from all kinds of disquietude; is there nothing, nothing calculated in the possession of home to counterbalance all these ideas of pleasure that so frequently we see? Many act as though they thought all was accomplished when they assume that honorable station and by just such rash proceedings cause all that should be occupied in harmony to wear the badge of misery. A subject of such magnitude should be well considered before it be too late to repent or to change. Never be in too much hurry on this point, but consider, pause and reflect before you touch the sacred knot which death alone can dissolve or untie.