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Sunday, 7 December, 1828

It is a day of much consequence to me, viewed not only in the light of the Sabbath day, but as a day involving an obligation of a moral nature far more biding and unequivocal than any ever before imposed, and none could have required more candid consideration and none ever received from me a greater amount of thought than this for the last three months. And is it possible that my fate is sealed, that the unalterable mandate has been pronounced and irrevocably recorded? Sealed and witnessed under the Omniscient eye and in the presence of that omnipresent Being who is in every place. It is now late at night, I walk the room, I review my whole course of life and dwell over my present situation and ask, have I considered sufficiently; have I acted with propriety; is there nothing undisclosed which may not be contented and why? Because I fear the result and I fear the result only because I am in low circumstances. Had I now a competence, I should be more contented than I have ever been since the years of accountability. I will now leave it to you. You have seen or read from the preceding pages, my anxiety. To say, after you have seriously reflected whether it would not have been better for me underthese embarrassing circumstances and difficulties to have deferred such obligation to a more remote period; at least until I had seated myself, beyond all doubt on a sure, sure foundation of business; one ore certain than five or six months could possibly obtain. I have myself thought of all these. I am sure it would have been or at least propriety would sustain such an idea. I leave these feelings for your benefit