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Wednesday, 17 December, 1828

During the conversation with Gage yesterday, the subject turned on the scenes we left. We dwelt for some length of time on the pleasures once thought to be pure and free from contamination. He had ideas of abandoning a lovely object there retained. I see but too plainly that I can never come up to my once anticipations. I feel the full effect of my situation not to be sensible, that I can never do as I once expected. But why this abandonment? Because he had forfeited that respect by sensual indulgence, which the forsaken world never sanction, and which if brought here could not be concealed. But my own situation was sufficient for me, and absorbed my attention while he was relating his story. He proposed for us to return to New York, against which I did not object, to see whether he would in reality adopt that course if seconded, and when I found he would, I opposed.