Journal of Dr GFW
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Guilford County, North Carolina
At the approach of the long wished for dawn I rejoiced, but my hopes of an amelioration of suffering were sadly disappointed. This morning rose unrefreshed from my bed and made preparations to prosecute our journey. We now drove Fourteen miles to Scott's. Here we made a short stay to refresh our horses, as the day was very warm. I can give no account of the Country or public houses, as I feel sensibly the approach of an attack of severe disposition. Of consequence, I observed little or nothing. From Scott's we drove Eighteen miles to the place above mentioned (Capt. H. Saunders'). Indeed, my anticipations are deplorable and feelings the most unpleasant, not because I fear the approach of death or that I in the least imagine my indisposition is marked with any unfavourable or fatal symptoms. No, this does not so much cause my despondency of mind as my pecuniary situation. When am I, and under whose protection, and what is y ability to remunerate services that may be performed for me? And if it shall be my misfortune to remain in this helpless situation for months, to whom can I look for assistance? my companions are as destitute, if not more so, and it will require all they have for their own convenience. To these, then, I cannot apply. Well then, I must depend on the benevolence of strangers and e completely dependent and beholding to those who know not who I am and care less, whose sole object in administering to my wants is the sum to be received at death or restoration to health. This to any extent I do not possess, hence my despondency.
Another feverish excitement seized both mind and body, thus I felt tortured both in mind and body. After some time spent in disquiet and the proper arrangements were made with the Landlord for the night, Tyler and Gage came into the room and I do believe they both felt as Brothers toward me; their incessant attention to everything in relation to my comfort was by them cheerfully attended to. Their kindness and assiduous attention to my every necessary want alleviated many an anxious moment. had I been a near relative they could not have been more kind and attentive. And for this kind and generous treatment I do feel grateful, notwithstanding it is a duty we owe to our fellow man. Yet under all circumstances, if properly considered, connected with us, they could not well have acted otherwise because we all left the same place, under similar situations and in mutual agreement, concentrating on the same object, and some considerable degree we even were dependent on each other in order to acomplish that object. But leaving all this aside, and admitting no dependence, I yet believe they would have been the same. Such are my ideas in relation to them, and so I feel toward them. And I really should be sorry that any circumstance should arise which would anihilate this amity and good feeling. It is such as we all should have. It is a benevolent sensation and productive of real happiness, in retrospection. And should distance separate us, a very probably occurrence, this will afford a mucleus round which leisure may find a pleasant recreation.
I now became sensible that my situation forbade further progress until a better state of health was acquired and that the postponement of medicine would be attended with disadvantage, as a morbid disarrangement of the system had taken place to that extent not likely to be soon removed without the necessary means. Accordingly, this I commenced immediately. Such as I required was prepared and administered by Dr. Tyler, which in time produced its effect and removed much of the oppression and pain under which I had for some time laboured and toward morning I fell into broken slumber and a slight moisture of the surface. I do not know on what subject my mind was mostly occupied during the night. Everything seemed whirling round in a circle. All was uproar and confusion.