I have spent this day in riding and have found less agreeable than some days preceding. At evening I visited my friend and a few hours gave some more elasticity to my feelings. I hope I may succeed in my design in causing every hour in after-life agreeable to her. This alone will produce an easy state of ind to me, but the reverse I dread and that is my torment. In this the impropriety lies and this dread i hope you will shun. The day does not find me as usual. My thoughts are wholly on worldly affairs. I sometimes think quite too much but I hope pardon if this be the case. And my own feelings tell me that all is not right. I have not placed confidence in that serenity of mind that once cheered me up on this day. I have ever placed my dependence of life and success on my own exertions and God's blessings.