Tuesday, 4 August, 1829

If once dark suspicion shall enter here, we may then bid farewell to every other enjoyment. Neglect and indifference will usurp the place of attention and affection. We, this morning, find ourselves in our own habitation and indeed it seems lonesome when we set down at the table, only two surrounds, and compared to our former custom, well it may appear lonesome. My mind has been occupied in arriving at some conclusion how to properly employ the hours of relaxation from professional business, together with some economical calculations in relation to expenditures, and adjusting the few articles we possess in the most convenient manner. I have determined to spend my leisure in reading and writing for the sole purpose of improving the mind and, believing it to be a source of the purest pleasure and from which the most satisfaction will be derived. My pecuniary situation in life is such and my resource so limited that necessity alone will guide my expense and every step beyond this will increase my difficulties. During breakfast a peculiar sensation was experienced which baffles description. Everything appeared so different from everything that custom had made familiar, and to think the respectability of this table will hereafter depend on me and all the necessary wants also must be derived from the same source. While thus situated and fully sensible of my responsibility, I cast my eyes to behold that counterance which was to share the pleasures or pains of our situation while we may live, and from every appearance, all was at ease and not disturbed by such ideas as were agitating my mind. I said to myself, thus to her, may this table ever be and may such expressions and feelings ever attend it.