Details: Hits: 4603

Men must have storms to encounter, shoals and difficulties on the voyage of life, or he will lose intellectual energy. Some motive above mediocrity to engage his attention and draw him from this ease, listless inactivity, or he will depreciate in strength of mind.

Details: Hits: 4471

The day has been pleasant; the mind has partaken of the same sensation. Visited many sick, but none dangerous. We do not derive the most intellectual advantage in these calm hours of ease. We want something to rouse us. Something really disagreeable produces more intellectual energy than such enervating moments.

Details: Hits: 4180

Have visited the sick and afflicted and am happy to find several of my patients on the road to health. Nothing gives me more pleasure.

Details: Hits: 4396

But this is not absolutely correct, we should rather do deeds of charity and endeavor to advance the happiness or our fellow mortals. Never spend your money for show and vice, nor give countenance or support to those who carry vice with them. Today Horace Powell came here to begin the study of medicine, but my notion of him is that he is deficient in application, and has but a small share of energy. Yet I believe he is well disposed and upright. This I will predict he will never finish the study. It is too laborious for him. He views the mass of books as too voluminious.

Details: Hits: 4145

Have rode several miles today. Met many people going to town and no other business but to see an elephant. I have seen people who have not even enough to satisfy the cravings of hunger here spending fifty cents for which they have yet to labor, and some whose familyies are at the moment suffering for bread. He who can thus act must be destitute of feeling. I see here also a sable crowd all huddled together, pushing, crowding, cursing, swearing, quarreling, gambling, and almost every variety of vice, following these exhibitionis. Yet people come long distances to see them. But was it to give three cents to a distressed human being, they would have neither time to come or money to give.

Details: Hits: 3945

(This day should be Wednesday, 16 September.)

Have retraced my steps made last night during the storm and it is astonishing how I could have escaped. The road for half a mile is literally covered with trunks, tops, and limbs of trees hurled down by the wind. I must adore that Being who guarded me in that hour of peril.

Details: Hits: 3994

Have rode much today and have felt quite unpleasant. Last night, about eleven o'clock, I was out in a severe thunderstorm. Whoever has had no experience under such circumstances are ill able to form an adequate idea of the sensations produced when enveloped in darness in the depth of thick woods which seem to dread the approaching storm and appear standing motionless listening to low rumbling and melancholy sound of the distant clouds. Not a motion, not even a leaf moves. All stand in apparent dread, meditating on the chances of escape from the dreaded grasp of the coming enemy. Even my horse appeared sensible that something unpleasant was near at hand. Yet how patient and faithful, steady, moving toward home amid the darkness not once losing the gloomy path. I now can discover by the more distinct sound and sooner after each vivid flash of lightning that the storm is fast gaining on me. Seven miles from home. No shelter. No hope of escape, but must be content to take my chance amidst the forest. I now hear the distant roar as the storm sweeps among the distant trees, and now can see the clear white streak below the dark black that hangs over my head.

I descend into a vale, dark and most horrid, dependent entirely on the noble animal to conduct me in the road. I cannot even see the least thing, and the sound of my horse's feet on the flinty pavement gives me pleasure, as it indicates I am yet in the road. Now the leaves begin to move in hollowed mourning and here and there a few large drops are heard falling. I am now surrounded by high hills on every side and the darkness can almost be felt. The wind has now reached within a few rods of me. I hear the tornado. Now it had reached the dark vale in which I am. Gladly moving toward that dear place, home.

Now and then a few large drops can be heard touching some pendent limbs. How fast they increase, and each moment bigger with destruction. Now the sharp peals of thunder instantly follow each flash of the electric fluid. Nothing can now be heard but the roar of the wind as it rushes furiously among the branches of the trees, many of which are unable to stand the violence and are hurled to the ground.

I feel myself surrounded by danger and unable to move to a place of more apparent safety. Such are the moments when the mind must resort to Him who made and directs the tempests. We then apply to the only source of help, the Omniscient Being who can protect as well in the wilderness and amid the storm as in the palace and free from any ostensible danger.

The storm has now abated in its violence. I am drenched with rain; feel thankful that I have escaped unhurt and at last have arrived "dear hut, home."

Details: Hits: 4099

Ms. G.P. and Licetta Conrad requested me to write for the New York Mirror for them. These two sisters are, in their disposition, as dissimilar as though they were unconnected. Both may be said to be fine girls, but Paulina preeminently so; indeed there are few equal in mildness and evenness of disposition or more kind, affectionate to their parents, and to all with whom she is acquainted. The other, or Licetta, is much more morose, bold and more masculine, but not sufficiently so to be repulsive. She is more avaricious and grasping, and has not that fineness of feeling so perceptive in Paulina. Yet whoever has an opportunity of becoming very intimately acquainted with these two individuals under a variety of circumstances will find Paulina more inexorable in her antipathies than the Licetta.

Details: Hits: 3857

This made the lady really mad and she declared she would never take another drop of my medicine. Well, Madam, I have no objection as I do wish to give or to be to the trouble oif attending to any that are so destitute of any good quality as to take a delight in deceiving all that can be deceived. You may be assured that there is no pleasure or honor in curing a person that is not sick. And when you was pretending to be nearly dead, I knew that it was all hypocrisy.

Well, Doctor, do not expose me to my husband and I will respect you as long as I live. Give me some medicine so that there may be no mistrust. Such is the conduct of some people.

Details: Hits: 3111

Well, doctor, I have but a few more days to live. Oh! I must die. Where are my children? G. Honey, I am about to leave you. Take good care of my children. Doctor, I am dying. See! I can scarcely get my breath. Call them all in. I must go, Doctor, why do you not help me? Have you given me up? Oh, Lord, I must die! Well, the Lord's will be done. Oh, Doctor, do give me something, I don't want to die yet. i should like to live for my children all of whom were screaming in every direction. I said not one word. At last one of them came to me. Well, Doctor, do you think she will live long? Yes, all you see is mere pretense. There is no reality about it and she can get up and go to work.

Details: Hits: 3124

I was last night called up at two o'clock and no remonstrance was available. Well I went through the dark and when I came there she was perfectly easy and expressed great surprise that I should have come. Every one now joined in declaring that she now did not know what she said and that her mind was very much wandering and as they called it "addled in her head." Of this last I had no doubt, as in her best moments I think this is the case.

Details: Hits: 2736

Today have been steadily engaged. Am attending on Mrs. ____ , one of those sort of women that have lived in such a manner that death has no charms, and as soon as she feels a little sick, imagines that the unerring, dreaded shaft has been sent. She is, however, in sickness as in health, a little touched with dissimulation and frequently endeavors to make the family think she will soon die. Now the whole family are strongly tinctured with the same disposition and endeavor to make everything real. Immediately set out for the doctor. Let the time be what it may, the physician must go.

Details: Hits: 2927

Have visited one of those poor men made rich on the credit of others. Of all people in the world, such men are the most deplorable. How important, how wealthy, how able and willing to purchase. Money plenty but, alas, how did they get it? Not from their own industry. Not from their economyh. But by the credit of an industrious neighbor. I could never bear the idea of living on the industry of my friend. Now this man is sick, doing nothing, and his extravagance will ruin those who have given him assistance. Never give such men your name. Never go security.

Details: Hits: 2815

If these obligations are entirely disregarded, you may at once give up the idea of peace or happiness. But you must not abandon the thought of amendment. The whole should be reviewed when the excitement has subsided. It should be reasoned dispassionately and the ultimate end be pointed out, and whichever may have been in error should acknowledge it (a thing not often done) and never be guilty of a similar offence. I hope that you may never be under the disagreeable necessity of any compromise in the domestic circle. But if you should escape, it may be set down as one of the wonders of a married life.

Details: Hits: 2792

Nothing can well produce a more baneful effect in the happiness of a family than to a disregard of circumstances and perfect neglect of every duty. If your companion wishes to go to any particular place and you, from previous engagements, cannot, then it is her duty to willingly abandon the idea and be satisfied. If such thing be disregarded by either, domestic peace will never be enjoyed. Again, if your situation in life be such that you cannot consistently indulge in any amusement, it should be at once given up peaceably conforming in every instance to a just sense of your situation. This is an imperative duty and will be productive of more satisfaction than any indulgence not sanctioned by duty.

Details: Hits: 2969

I have a great many miles to ride today and should have performed the task with pleasure had things at home not assumed so unpleasant an aspect. We have a few miles from this place, Campmeeting. Always a cource of much trouble to me and instead of producing good pecuniary or religious effect, has quite the contrary effect.

Nothing can be more unpleasant in the domestic occurrences than discontent and dissatisfacction. Now I find it quite impossible for me to attend this meeting consistent with engagements before made. My companion, on the contrary, cannot and will not be satisfied unless she is there. And not from any good she expected to derive, but from mere curiosity, to see and be seen and that love of excitement so much admired by too many. I have, however, made it a rule to go when and where duty called; consequently, did not attend the meeting. Now because I did not and would not go, she has created all the unpleasant sensations that must fill the mind for hours, day and night, probably for months. She declared she would go, and indulged in bitter reflections, regardless of every feeling of respect or duty. Such scenes are calculated to weaken, if not destroy, all confidence or respect and should never be indulged in by any, much less in the domestic circle. Feeling disgusted and much injured, I left my house to discharge my duty to those who had confided in me. I came home and all was silent and abandoned. I entered my abode and gave up to my reflections, and said in soliloquy, Such a course cannot be justified. It is erroneous in every way it may be viewed. It most assuredly was her duty to have willingly yielded when circumstances and incumbent obligations joined in forbidding me to go. Secondly, our situation as poor people just commenced in life, did not enable us to go even if there were no more weighty inducements to have stayed at home. Thirdly, there was no laudable object in going, as no good was expected to be received, but all was for show and unreal pleasure, ending in pain. Such occurrences will sap the foundation of all esteem or regard, and in a few short years complete alienation will succeed and usurp the place of peace, and all the evils of such an occurrence will be seen when it is too late for retracing our steps back from whence we started.

Details: Hits: 2909

The day is pleasant. Riding agreeable. Have many sick to attend and have had the pleasure of finding several of them convalescent today, and hope to have the same satisfaction again as I take the circle. Home, real home, is the feat of pure happiness if properly conducted by your companion, but if not, there is no pleasure there. Some clouds seem collecting in the domestic horizon indicative of an unfavorable season.

Details: Hits: 2823

Again called from home in the prosecution of my profession. This gives me all the satisfaction I receive. The hopes of procuring a competence for my family - and this is all. The pleasure a poor man is allowed to enjoy. And this I would not exchange for the fraudently obtained wealth of some of the rich who are elevated on the want and misery of many of their neighbors.

Details: Hits: 2837

From these few observations you will see that in your intimacy with people, circumspection, strict and reserved circumspection, is requisite. I would caution you to be very particular in this respect and receive none as a bosom friend until long acquaintance under a great variety of circumstances and situations had proved the reality of profession. Self-interest makes sycophants and not friends. Many will cling to you most tenaciously as long as you administer liberally to their wants, but the moment this is refused, however just, you will be abandoned and traduced, and if they have the power they will sink you to ruin. The effect is not confined to your own home or neighborhood, but strangers have listened to your degradation. Your real friends are injured and is your name mentioned in good report, soon it is blasted by such pretended friends. I hope you will pay attention to the few hints here stated. By so doing you may avoid many unpleasant occurrences and prejudicial associations. I have rode much today and feel weary and disposed to retire to the pillow.

Details: Hits: 2866

Now this same individual, at this time, was using every exertion to create a prejudice against me, at the same time to my face was pretending to be my best friend. I thought one day I would give a small hint and as I was dressing the hand for the last time, as it was almost well, I said, I hope you in future will place more confidence in my advice and believe what I say.

Oh, I did always believe you and that you had done all that could have been done. I hope you have not ever imagined that I could for one moment doubled your knowledge of the effection. To which I replied, I should have been pleased had not occurrences and information forced on me views of your friendship, quite at variance with your profession.

We from this time meet as acquaintances, but not as intimate friends. It made a deep impression on the mind acting under duplicity and from that moment nothing has been too good for me. At the time I was married joy, peace, and comfort constantly dwelt on the voice apparently pleased and overjoyed that I calculated to settle in this place, etc. I could but thank them for so much goodness, but could not believe caution is the parent of safety. Reality is better than fiction.

Details: Hits: 3130

My friend called on me for advice in a phlegmanous inflammation of the hand. I made the necessary prescription. But in a few days I was told that I had been mistaken and that it was not what I called it as some doctor in Salem had been secretly consulted, and pronounced the rose. However, I attended to it and in a few days opened it and then was discharged a large quantity of matter from it. I said nothing about it or made as though I had ever heard anything that had been said.

Details: Hits: 3234

An individual with whom I became acquainted shortly after I came to this place, was full of eulogy and praise to my face. At all times full of confidence, deprecating the lowness of those who were guilty of tattling and absent slander, etc. Observing circumstances likely to occur that would require my assistance and a concealment of these circumstances, reports began at last to circulate derogatory to this my pretended friend. Long and better complaints increased. I heard this individual as often declare innocence, and say if all were true is any of their business. To which I said, No, as it really was not, but you know that some people pay more attention to that which does not concern them, than to that which does, and are you sure you would not do the same was the case changed from you to them?

No! I scorn the idea of such baseness. My mind is not contaminated with such corruptions. I love peace and good will, and will always endeavor to reconcile any differences among my friends and neighbors that may occur. I could never forgive myself were I ever to molest that peace and happiness which should exist among relations and neighbors.

I can coincide in these sentiments and we parted. I felt disposed to doubt the reality of such benevolent feeling warming the mind that had just uttered them. Observing for a short time, I detected the deception of this individual to my satisfaction and found that there was no goodness in the mind. All corruption.

Details: Hits: 3028

I have found a few individuals that profess no more than what they honestly feel and these have been of that class of individuals who have but little to say. I will now describe one, and this description will include all of this class of people.

Details: Hits: 3112

Ms. N.J., somewhat advanced in life to be yet in a state of celibacy, was very intimate in my family since I have been married and with my companion before. I must, however, acknowledge her goodness in many instances, let the motive for so doing originate from what source it may. Yet I could not implicitly confide in those great professions of esteem. Time will always develop the hidden deception of men's professional goodness. i believe it may generally be laid down as infallible that when so much is said about love, esteem, respect, there is but little reliance to be placed in its genuineness. There is no reality in it.

Details: Hits: 3094

Have been busily engaged during the day and my reflections have been principally confined to that deception so much practiced among mankind in their intercourse with each other. I have seen in those who have pretended to be my best friends more deception than could have been suspected from the warm professions of esteem often repeated. We must always closely observe the movements of all, whether intimate or not. Real friendship is calculated to elevate and purify our enjoyments in this life. But we cannot see into the minds and see the motives that operate in those we may, for a time, consider our friends. In order to detect the ruling motive of any intimacy that may be offered, it is not only necessary to have attention directed to others, but we should use self-examination, and in our intimacy never transgress the bounds of propriety or lay ourselves under any fearful obligation.

Details: Hits: 3317

Ten days ago (on the 16th inst.) A. Gage left my house for Hamptonville, where he again will locate as a physician. He once had a seat in that county, but could not succeed. How the result will now be, time must determine. Had he, however, conducted himself respectably in the first instance, he could have done better. But associating in bad company, he lost his reputation and suffered the inevitable consequence, the loss of the confidence and esteem of the will-meaning citizens. Such will ever be the result of improper conduct. Let virtue be your guide and follow her indications at all times.

Details: Hits: 3057

The day has been warm, oppressively warm, and riding disagreeable. The night is more pleasant for traveling than the day as you are free from the horse-tormenting flies, which annoy you and your horse.

Details: Hits: 3279

Have been engaged all day and night and have had no sleep. Have several very dangerous patients.

Details: Hits: 2894

I have visited the same young man again today and believe my fears will be realized. To me it appears impossible that he can long survive. I have also visited Mrs. Grabs and happy to believe so fine a woman will recover. So you will see that sorrow and rejoicing are blended in the same moment.

Details: Hits: 3152

Nothing has occurred today. My reflections have been employed on the uncertainty of life. They were started by visiting a young married man stretched on the bed of sickness from which I think he will never arise. He has just returned from, as they calll it here, a trip to Georgia and was taken ill the same day. All his found anticipations of enjoying the smiles of his companion in peace are blasted and he will soon have to leave her forever. When hope and prospects are the most enlivening, it seems to indicate some unexpected calamity. We should never be overrejoiced or immoderately certain of anything because all things are uncertain.

Details: Hits: 2975

I visited, after dark, Mr. John Grab's wife. Indeed she is dangerous. I have mentioned this family on my first arrival in this place, and the longer and better I become acquainted with them, the more I have reason to admire and respect them. I look as yet on this lady to be a pattern of excellence, humanity, and Christian fortitude. The mind has never been enlightened by science, yet full of understanding and goodness, unaffected, free from vain and foolish pride.

Details: Hits: 2879

I have seen a man today who is poor and yet he now lives in great style on the industry and credit of others. This we should never do. He boasts and tells how much money he has and how much he makes. He is a dealer in slaves on a borrowed capital. His own credit would not obtain fifty dollars. No man going on in the way this man does can continue long and then his securities will suffer. Never, without a moral certainty of profit, engage in speculation on a borrowed capital, nor on your own. And never go a man's security who has no property and does not vest his money in real estate and give you a right to that estate.

Details: Hits: 2669

If we have money and have no immediate use for it, let it out on interest and always mind and have it well secured, so that we do not lose it or have it unavailable when we may want it.

Details: Hits: 2777

I do not mean that we should horde up money and deprive the community of its use, but that we should gain property and put it in a situation that will enable us to use it when we cannot labor.

Details: Hits: 2769

Morning pleasant and remarkably warm. Have much business on my hands. Been engaged steadily until late in the evening. Feel better satisfied when I can be earning something for my family. We should use our endeavor to a decent, honest living and to lay up for age and sickness.

Details: Hits: 2910

The inexperienced are sanguine in their expectations. The experience of age produces no cooling effect on the excited mind and the daily scenes before them of the pain and misery of the inconsiderate, is disregarded because they imagine they themselves will not act as others. But we are all human, all liable to error, and all operated on by the same causes and suffer from the same occurrences. We should well consider and be well prepared before we attempt the married state.

Details: Hits: 3039

Have been led to make an observation on the effect that is produced on the mind of the young by the first notion of love or attachment to a particular female.Theopholis C. Hauser, brother of my wife, came here this morning and nothing would do but he must go and view a piece of land a short distance from town. He wants to get a home. He has become, from all the symptoms, strongly attached to a female in his eyes lovely and beautiful, elegant and fascinating, not inferior in any respect to the angels. Nothing is now in wanting to complete his felicity but a home and the legal ceremony. His imagination can see nothing but golden days. Clear, beautiful, and placid are all the days and years that are to follow. Years of prosperity brighten every moment. Domestic felicity is sure to attend after the completion of this, his only thought by day and night. He does not appear to imagine that anything divine or earthly could possibly mar the happiness there is held in store for him. His intended is all perfection, all kindness, complete in every particular. Her disposition so pure and serene that no storm can ruffle it. Finally, imagination cannot conceive of a human form of both mind and body more finished or better calculated to make a man happy. I look on him in silence, and said to myself, Youth, you are mistaken. Pause and reflect and re-reflect. The path you are about to enter is fraught with many dangers and very subject to tempests, violent and painful.

Details: Hits: 2730

Have been engaged during the day in professional duties and have observed nothing more than ordinary. Reflections confined to the sick.

Details: Hits: 2950

I have been much diverted today by an occurrence showing the effect of the imagination over the system. I was able to see B. Matthew's wife at which place a neighbor woman had come to consult me in reference to a black spot on her left cheek. As she said it had been coming for three years, and she was afraid it was a cancer and expected it would have to be removed by the knife. An operation she could not bear the thoughts of. As I went to examine it, she seemed timorous and said several times, No, don't you cut it. I just want you to tell me what it is. i am afraid of you doctors. There is no trusting you. I am really 'a notion to not let you see it.

Well, madam, it is a matter of indifference to me whether you have me examine it or not, but I am now ready to leave and you must decide one way or the other.

Well, if you will promise that you will not cut it out, you may examine it. I shall make no promises.

What sort of a man are you? Well, you may see what you think of it. Now don't, for God's sake, cut it.

Is it sore?

No.

I kept asking questions in this way, having a keen small pen knife in my hand, and while talking to her removed the tumor and threw it into her lap saying, There, madam, is your cancer.

She jumped up and screamed, Lord God, what have you done? How it bleeds! And she became so agitated as to be unable to stand still. When I never wounded the skin at all and not one drop of blood issued from the place. She, however, because composed and was much rejoiced that it was removed. Such is the effect of imagination. She had no doubt believed that she would have to undergo the most excruciating suffering when that should be removed and had painted in her imagination the scene. She could not forbear the action merely from the association of ideas.

Details: Hits: 3003

Now we have reason to believe that man does enjoy less than many other beings. We also have every reason to believe he is far superior to any other created being with which we are acquainted. Some cause has operated then to have produced this difference in the pleasantness of his situation. It is said and believed by far the greater number of people in civilized communities to be the result of sin. That this brought us all our woes. But this does not satisfy my mind. Because had man never sinned, there would have been people to have suffered. Had man retained his primeval state, it would appear from the history of that transaction, there would have been but those two first created. I draw this conclusion from the fact that they had no desires, no knowledge, and everything for all their wants was ready prepared by nature without any exertion on their part, and that they were not sensible of their situation until they had transgressed. But the whole cause of man's misery must be traced to a departure from the real wants to those of artificial wants introduced into society. He not only endeavors to grasp at the real and artificial necessities, but for more than he can enjoy. The simple wants of nature are few and the articles really necessary are plenty, I believe in healthy and necessary comforts of life, they could be easily obtained. All animals have to exert themselves and that exertion affords pleasure and produces health. So it would be vestige of enjoyment. We seek for honor, for show, for fading felicity, for that which does us no good and instead of being productive of pleasure is the real source of misery because they are founded in that which is not real. But our situation in society now makes it necessary, and necessarily makes us miserable.

Details: Hits: 2863

Morning is beautiful and pleasant. Rode out soon. It is most certainly a pleasure to be surrounded by all the beauties of nature in a fine summer morning. To hear the varied melodious notes sounded by the voices made by nature, uncontaminated by the vices of man. Everything seems to rejoice at the bounties of the creator. All seem to find plenty to satisfy all demands and are satisfied. But see, there appears one of God's noblest works, said to be formed in express image of his creator, placed at the head of all those happy creatures I have listened to this morning. And how does he appear. Sad and sorowful, full of trouble, full of complaints, full of anxiety, loaded with cares, bent down with age and infirmity, toiling to forthat which he consumed yesterday. Does not the question here arise: why this difference? Would we not supose the more superior in the scale of creation, the more rejoicing, the more happiness, the more of ease and comfort?

Details: Hits: 2737

Today, as many preceding have been, is very warm. I have visited John F. Hunter's family. I here have found some worthy of imitation, in all this family. His mother, a widow lady, is living but a small distance from his house with her son and two daughters. They are people ranked among the poor, but this is nothing to detract from their respectability. THey are all industrious and honest, kind and hospitable. Everything is neat and clean about the house.Everything has the appearance of comfort and satisfaction. They all appear to tkae an interest in each other's welfare and do think I have never seen a mother mroe beloved and respected than this one is by her two daughters living with her, Rachel and Patsy. It does me good to witness filial tenderness extended to an aged parent. They must be happy in so strictly discharging their duty. If therebe an earthly duty incumbent on children, it is in alleviating of the wants of those who protected and supported them in the dawn of existence.

Details: Hits: 2898

Have visited several patients today. Have found nothing new or singular. Have been reading some part of the time.

Details: Hits: 3070

I have for the first time been called to visit John W. Randleman. Having heard an anecdote related of him, I probably was a little more inquisitive than I should have been. While he was yet a lad his father, it appears from some cause, had an exalted idea of his superiority of intellect and had strong notions of sending him to Europe to school.Mentioning it to one of his friends, probably asking his advice as to the propriety of such a course, his friend merely made this significant reply, "My good sir, you may send a goose to Europe and when she comes back she will be a goose still." This I believe broke at once the father's notion and opened his eyes. He is a good man, very religious. Pretends to a great Biblical knowledge, makes a good living, but is blessed with a small portion of intellect. You will see from this it is not proper to be praising your own powers or proficiency in any particular, for if you possess a superiority, the sagacity of the community will soon find it out when you use it in its proper place.

Details: Hits: 2919

I have seen P. Kirby today. I have described his laziness before, but I now think he is still more opposed to labor than I had apprehended. He is fond of ruing about and is always in search of new objects. Magnified by a vivid imagination to set him free from debt. But he always wants some person to help, someone to perform the labor. Here he generally, nay always, fails. People are not fond to spend their time and industry where there is no prospect of a remuneration. If you expect to be free from want, you must apply yourself to business and if it be necessary to employ help, be sure that you can pay them and there will be plenty to be obtained.

Details: Hits: 2977

Nothing has transpired to change my feelings. I view the conduct of my friendly enemies with just abhorrence, while I treat them with civility. I deem it the wisest to attend to my own business, and to let them use their influence in any way that may suit their inclination.

Details: Hits: 3061

Today I have visited one of those individuals who have followed inebriation for half a century and before today I have heard him really boast that it always done him good. But now he sees death with all its horrors staring him in the face. He seems now to be ready to acknowledge his error. He now sees he has nothing around him that he can call his own. Not one comfort for the want of nature. He now sees his family will be cast on the charity of the world without a shelter or a place wherein to lay their heads. All these reflections now torment him and aggravate the last moments of existence. Deplorable and wretched must be the sensations of such a man stung with remorse the most severe of his past degraded life, and his mind filled with worse dread of the future. His looks, his groans, his poor shelter, his bed of straw, all declare his wretched situation. Remember that temperance and honest industry should be used by every man in society.

Details: Hits: 2908

Have not left town today but a small distance. It is really amusing to see with what anxiety people attend to sick slaves. If this attention arose from the motive of mitigating suffering of this degraded portion of humanity, it would be a worthy solicitude. But circumstances indicate this not to be the case, but entirely from self-interest. Sordid greed is the moving spring in all this anxiety. And I will not deny but this would have a similar effect were it applied to myself. I do not pretend to have a mind free from being wrought upon by self-interest, but whether it would be to the same extent as others who own slaves I have not had the trial of experience. But if it should, it is not the less a principle to be followed as a good example.

Details: Hits: 2748

I have visited a man by the name of Lewis Warner today and believe him and his wife to be as equal a match as I have ever seen. Everything about him wears the impress of laziness and every deportment belonging to her has the same mark. House, herself, children are as dirty as they well can be. He is too lazy to procure anything and she is too trifling to take care of the little pittance that may be provided. There then are two healthy individuals having a family to provide for and energy enough to gain the real wants of nature, in poor decency. Shame on such people.

Details: Hits: 2990

Many people who are not intimately acquainted with such men are often deceived, and their popularity becomes considerable. This is somewhat the case with Mr. A. Lash. But their real principle will be developed, they cannot always wear this borrowed appearance, and then they sink below mediocrity and will yet be the fate of this family and particularly so with this dissembler. He is a brother to my wife's mother, but he is now the better for that connection. She, however, believes him a little god and he is the tutelary deity to her mind and secrets.

Details: Hits: 2868

(According to consecutive days, this day should be Saturday.)

Such is the conduct of a man pretends to be my best friend. Such is the conduct of every hypocrite. They wish to injure you all they can, but they wish you to be a friend and slave to them. They wish to draw from you and if they cannot do it directly, they will attempt to do it indirectly. This is not the first time these relations of mine have attempted to act in the same way, not many months ago. I have been informed today, they had a man there for the same purpose, but he considered the site not very eligible, declined the inviation. Now whenever you find such a man I would caution to never give your hands to him to bind. You may deal with him, but never without a good witness and never leave anything to his honor. Make your contracts firm, so that no equivocation can take place.

Details: Hits: 2874

Today B.S. Manifee came to this place. He professes to be a physician and came for the purpose of practicing medicine in this place and vicinity. He is a man very fond of spirits and gambling, has teh self-importance characteristic of the state from whence he came, understands how to boast of his qualifications and to praise horses. Stooping to many degrading vices and practices degrading to the reputation of any man. He is a man of such habits as not to be desired in a neighborhood or family because all his examles will exert a deleterious influence on the morals of the youth. But those who solicited him to come here in opposition to me and for the express purpose of doing me an injury have no regard to morals, if it be not calculated to advance their pecuniary emolument. They have been endeavoring for some time to get a physician to board with them because they fear I may get along without being dependent on them. Mr. Wm. A. Lash came to me today in a guilty hypocritical tone and manner inquired whether Manifee has said anything to me on the subject, pretending as thought he had never solicited him to come. I despise him the more for using such duplicity. He is as I have always believed, a snake in the grass. A man of no principle.

Details: Hits: 2912

You will find people generally inclined to take advantage whenever an opportunity occurs. I had bought some few plank about seven miles from town, which I wished to have taken home. A Mr. Jacob Keiger had his team ready to come to town empty and the plank were at his house. I requested him to bring them. There was not even one-fourth of a load, yet he had the conscience to charge me one dollar and fifty cents. Be sure that you know beforehand the price you have to pay, or you give the man your purse to extract what he pleases.

Details: Hits: 2645

I have rode considerable distance today and visited some very sick patients, that look on all sublunary things as affording no pleasure, and the mind seems to be absorbedin the thoughts of death. It is an unpleasant situation to ahve spent our well days in sinful folly, not once seriously reflecting on our future state. But as soon as fell disease assails us and appears to be sent as the arrow of death, we begin to review our past lives and look forward for another and better. All this should be done when we are in good minds in relation to futurity and come to some permanent conclusion on the subject.

Details: Hits: 2884

The sun shines with enervating effect today, but the evening is very pleasant about ten o'clock. I have been riding reflecting on the uncertainty of life and with all our boasted greatness we are poor, weak, and ignorant mortals. We have no view before us. We can think so far and no farther. Our reasoning faculties have a certain sphere within which they may revel, but over which they cannot soar, utter darkness is there beheld. Mars soon becomes last amidst the vastness that surrounds him. He may endeavor to satisfy the mind, as to its future state after death and say it is a glorious boon to die, but thoughts still raise gloomy apprehensions and fears.

Details: Hits: 2780

Have been engaged today and have been reflecting on the physiognomy of a man who called me in as I was passing. It has so much the resemblance of a man inured to a penitentiary, I cannot believe him to be an honest individual. Yet he is a resident in this county and I believe was raised here and I have never heard a word alleged against him. I will not observe his deportment because he has a remarkably unfavorable top to his column. I set him down to be licentious and dishonest.

Details: Hits: 3025

I have visited the family of Thomas Davis in Surry County today and have observed the many advantages he has over the man mentioned on the 21st and the great contrast in the results. Davis has good land, obtained by heirship, five or six Negroes acuqired the same easy way, and he, at this time, complaining of hard times, of living much involved, his crops not good, and is slowly in a retrograde motion. Now the sole cause is the want of attention and good economy. He sends his hands to work and sees whether they half work or half do that which they pretent to go over. Leaves everything to be done by these slaves. Now he does not appear to see the cause that is ruining him. Always attend to your own affairs in person and see that it is well done if you expect to prosper.

Details: Hits: 2698

Have been very much engaged in business and my situation in life makes the reflection very agreeable as it increases the hope of being able to maintain my family. A thought ever in my mind and a pleasure to perform it.

Details: Hits: 2802

I have seen today that industry with strict economy will procure a good decent living in almost any place. Mordica Phillips, a poor man living on as poor a plantation as can well be found in this part of North Carolina, commenced the world a poor man and has bought his plantation and is ought of debt; has comfortable buildings, lives very well and raised five of his children. All was accomplished on a piece of land that many people would have starved on. I look upon his as an example worthy to be imitated, and should silence the complaints of many of his neighbors who with double the advantages are being sold out for debt every few years.

Details: Hits: 2791

Whenever I see a man vain of dress I think at once he is a mere simpleton, a conceited blockhead, a hypocritical pretender, having nothing to recommend him to notice but the fading show of his covering. Decency is commendable and necessary to show proper respect to society. But to be vain, proud, and haughty is detestible; or to act as though it confer merit and deserving of particular respect is impious and should be frowned down with disguest. If a man be able to afford it, let him enjoy it, let him indulge in extravagance but never harbor the idea that it alone deserves any regard in any way.

Details: Hits: 2760

I was introduced to Mr. Samuel Reynolds who has just returned from Massachusetts where he says he finished his education. He is far from having learned one of the most essential parts of wisdom and that is to be above little haughty pride. He shows himself to be a mere coxcomb, a proud upstart, valuing to have a fine suit of clothes more height than any other qualification; or it seems he thinks a gaudy dress compensates the want of information, or that information adheres to a fine dress. But a fine dress is, in poor individuals, sure to cover poverty of mind as well as body, because it is for the want of sense that so much pride is made use of, as was satisfactorily proven to me by a few hours conversation today with this poor fellow.

Details: Hits: 2737

It is sometimes a benefit to a man to make inquiries into the course an individual may be or has been pursuing. But this inquiry should be made of the individual into whose course you may wish to examine, and should be so conducted as not to give offense or create suspicion. When we become familiar with an individual who seems to be industrious, using every honest exertion to get along in the would, and does not succeed after years of the most incessant toil and yet is full of hope and anticipated prosperity, we must conclude that something is wrong. And to endeavor to find the cause of that wrong may be a benefit to ourselves if not to the individual. I am now well acquainted with and visited the family of a man who has for years been "tailing" to get out of debt, as he says. And at this moment owes more than he did when he first began to accomplish that object. He is very industrious and not wasteful, and has never run in debt for any real property. Now from what I can learn from him his fault solely lies in over calculation. In his eagerness to do so much in a given length of time, and from the labor thus to be done, he expects so much as the reward. All these calculations as to the sum to be realized for the labor are generally correct, but he undertakes about four times as much as he can perform. Well, he must fulfill his enagements and if he does he must hire and frequently to great disadvantage, so that when the work is accomplished he falls short of three-fourths of the sum paid to those who assisted him. How he had calculated on the whole amount and had prepared a place for the money by credit before he commenced the job; thus he is forced to give his bonds, running on interest for three-quarters more than he can earn in the next three months. This is the way he has always been doing and after repeated failure still continues to persist in the same course, and cannot see where he is at fault. And such is the case with may people. I hope you will endeavor to earn before you consider and you will most assuredly keep free from this injurious fault. No man can accumulate under such rules. It must be avoided.

Details: Hits: 3026

I have been engaged every day during this month. Have visited many patients afflicted with the fever. Have been gone much in the night. Merely had time to write a few lines on the subject of my thoughts of the fourth instant. I leave them for time to unfold. Many of the hints therein contained feelings satisfied in my own mind that the chartering of companies of any kind is calculated to abridge the time we are to enjoy our free government, and this banking affair so ramifies itself into every state and situation of life, starting on no foundation, sending forth that which has no value, and regulating the products of labor just as they please. Having the power to cause every species of property to fall and then possessing the ability to monopolize the whole market; creates a rise of prices and sells. Thus in every way and in every department of industry are the interests of the many made completely tributary to the few. And when this privilege is attempted to be taken from them they will use their whole influence to retain it, regardless fo the means used for that purpose. There will then be seen the true aristocracy of this country joining with and defending the banks in every case, however much they may violate the spirit of our government. And the results, should they succeed, will be to perpetuate on us a national bank and the freedom of the popular will be at an end. There will be, as there was before, no regard for the constitution. And if that instrument, the most pure and patriotic that ever emanated from the minds of mortal man, can be violated with impunity in any one point, so it may be in all. And our whole legislative power will emanate from the president and directors of this institution. And not only the legislature but every department must be framed according to the interest of the stockholders. It will be an insult to say we are a free people. It will be a gross violation of the meaning of the words for a man to say, we are enjoying liberty.

Details: Hits: 3016

My own views on this subject may differ from many people and time alone can decide on their correctness, and I shall be glad to find them unsustained by experience. This bank will apply for a recharter and if that be not granted it will enter the field against the administration that may be in power at the time. It will exert its vast influence to control the people at the elections. It will create panic and pressure in every part of the community as it can easily do, since its numerous branches are situated in almost every State. And such is the nature of these corporations that they can bring distress to the fireside of almost every individual and thus control the actions of men in the exercise of their suffrage.

Institutions of this nature should never be permitted to exist in a free government because they are they very principle of aristocracy and they cannot remain here long under our present form of government. They or our political system must be changed. I have every reason to believe from the avaricious disposition of some of my neighbors, now pretending to be democrats, if they question of money enters the arena of politics will be seen hovering under the Rag Money Banner, because they care for nothing but property and if they can obtain property they care not how many or how they may suffer. They have no feeling, no sympathy, but filled with selfish avarice, and no act however low will be deemed too mean, provided it be kept from notoriety and the end holds out a prospect of gain. Such men connected with the banks will be dangerous to the liberties of this country, if indeed the combined power of banks and their partisans so not overthrow it entirely. I hope you may always be on the side of popular rights and oppose any encroachment that may be attempted to abridge the popular voice.

Details: Hits: 2696

We, however, are not in some of constitutions yet as free as real republican principles would require in this state. For instance, property is made the intention of a man's capability to vote in certain cases. In consequence of this remnant of aristocracy many of our most industrious mechanics are deprived of the privilege of voting for senator. Now I look on this as an unjust usurpation of power and should not be tolerable; and it at once shows the step that would be taken if wealth alone should entitle a man to suffrage.

And there is now rising a party in this country and increasing every year whose object is to deprive the common man of the privilege he now enjoys. And that party are united with those aristocratic institutions, the banks, which in time will shake the foundation of this government, if not completely ruin it. These institutions, democratic in their nature because they have granted to them privileges by law which is denied to others, and those privileges imperceptibly draw the proceeds of the labor of the many to the possession of the few. And the laborer does not see that he is in any way affected by it because the nominal price of his labor probably increases.

He does not reflect that the real intrinsic value is the same and that the material he uses as money is depreciated in the exact ratio of the nominal increase of his wages. This spurious paper thus thrown into circulation becomes that by which we regulate the price of every commodity and it is loaned by those institutions and they draw two-thirds more interest on it than if it was gold and silver and the community have this interest to pay and enrich the stockholders for nought, for that which possesses no real value and costs those who issue it nothing and injures the community by the friction it causes every individual to encounter as a supposed reality.

Not only is it injurious and antidemocratic in this view, but these institutions have at their disposal the price of every man's labor and property. They can by their accommodations create a rise in the nominal value of property and then buy contraction or call in their debts, fraudently obtained, to a large extent. Property immediately falls and thousands venturing into the creation of laudable debts in consequence of the ease with which the spurious circulation can be obtained, are at once ruined, because property falls in proportion to the extent of the withdrawal of a redundant circulation. People soon become alarmed and every individual is anxious to secure his debts. Confidence is destroyed and distress prevails. Whoever will take the trouble at the present to view the situation of this country, see the increase of prices within eighteen months, and the near approach of the expiration of the charter of that monarch of aristocracy, the United States Bank, will be convinced that trouble in the money market to an unprecedented extent will occur soon after 1836 if that institution be rechartered, and God forbid it should be.

Details: Hits: 2827

Then as the primary source of power in free republican governments legitimately resides in the people, you at once see the necessity of information, extensively diffused among the common class of the community as well as among the more wealthy. And for one, I am satisfied that it is even more necessary with the lower classes because a free suffrage is all they have to balance against the influence of wealth and keep themselves free from oppression. Take society at large and you will find that the more opulent have no sympathy for the poor, and would, were it not for this just and equitable principle, recongnized by our general and state governments, of free or almost free suffrage, soon oppress them and make them mere tools and slaves.

Details: Hits: 7359

Have been engaged in business the greater portion of the day. You will, however, recollect that this is the anniversary of our independence, a day that should be held sacred to every American, and should be celebrated in an appropriate manner so as to awaken a just sense of our liberty in the bosom of every individual and inspire the rising generation with sentiments of patriotism and love of the many privileges they enjoy that are denied to the common classes of the communities of aristocratic and monarchial governments. We should cherish a plain, simple government in which all the community participates and the people are the primary source of all power conferred on legislative bodies.

Details: Hits: 2853

A man who prefers living by himself of course has a right to do so, but must never expect to feel or know half the sympathies of his own mind. He can have no pleasant intercourse with the society that surrounds him on every side. His house stands repulsive to the fairest portion of intelligent creation. He must be miserable, be conscious of his defect. I have visited such an individual today and indeed it is a desolate place, devoid of every lonely charm.

Details: Hits: 2833

I have today visited the child of a conceited pedagogue living some four miles from town. Taking his counterance and conversation as the criterion on which to predicate an opinion, I set him down as not an honest man and not qualified to instruct the pliant and tender minds of youth.

Details: Hits: 2541

I have visited many patients today and am happy to find many of them convalescent. Indeed there are few sources of a medical man's life affording more satisfaction than recovery of those under his care. No trouble is too great when he thinks he can be of service to the afflicted. And why this is so, is because duty requires him to use every exertion and the interest of all are benefited by a favorable result.

Details: Hits: 2688

(30 June should be Wednesday to be consistent with days following - but here again we keep consistent with Journal.)

I am, however, well aware this is a difficult undertaking for an individual in a dependent situation, but you have no necessity to labor for the wealthy for nothing, so much at lest as to keep you from entirely accumulating a home of your own. I can conceive of no place free from crime more disagreeable than for a man of a family to be seated in a situation that may entirely depend on the will of another. One from which he may be drove at any moment regardless of every feeling or consideration. I may myself come ever to this state, yet it does not the less require me to advise you to act the way best calculated to avoid it.

Details: Hits: 2757

I have today visited the slave of a rich and wealthy merchant and contrasted the comforts of those poor individuals seen yesterday and those of slaves and find that so far as the necessaries of attendance and suitable food are concerned, the latter is in the best situation. And I have observed that more anxiety is expressed by the owner of the recovery of the Negro than would be if all his poor neighbors were suffering.

I have today made an observation that is of some importance in a pecuniary view. I was requested to see the family of one of acquaintances, a very industrious man and one whose occupation was lucrative, and yet this individual was always involved and never purchased articles more befitting wealth than poverty. I made some inquiry during our conversation into the course he had pursued for past years and the secret to be concealed in the fact that this man was never permanently settled and that he was frequently building houses and improving, though a small portion, of land for others merely for the privilege of a place and shelter for his family. Thus he was giving his labor for nothing. Now this, if could be, more certainly should be avoided, because in a very short time enough is spent to purchase a small home, and improve it. You should be careful and not bestow gifts to those who have no need of them; but if your deeds of charity, let those receive who are objects of it.

Details: Hits: 2605

The day is very warm. Have attended to many patients today, some of whom will have to leave the shores of time in a few days. It is a melancholy reflection to view these poor individuals surrounded by a large family of small children and nothing but the charity of equal poverty to depend on. But I believe the sympathies of this class of individuals are stronger than those of the more opulent and their kindness more extensive. The wealthy have generally the idea that poor are just fit for their servants and must be used accordingly.

Details: Hits: 2528

The cause which led to the observations of the 25th and 26th inst. is in consequence of my own disregard on the former of these days, of disobeying these wholesome notes which I have endeavored to impress on your mind, and which I hope you may never disregard. On the twenty-fifth I purchased a clock and gave for it fifty dollars. Now this I could have done without, just as well as to have it. It affords me no comfort, it administers to none of my real wants nor adds to my interest. And had my own feelings been consulted, I should not have purchased it. A man in my situation, poor and entirely dependent, having no income but the proceeds of his own labor, and just commencing in the world, had better save his earnings for other and better purposes. But men fancy unconnected with utility creates more expense than all our real wants combined and in many cases forever keeps us from accumulating those necessaries requisite for sickness and old age which should be the constant and steady aim of all.

Details: Hits: 2465

Because it was in some way a dereliction of duty and every departure from that is a source of pain. Now my notions are that is our duty and should be our aim and pleasure to use our early days in such way as we can review our past life with pleasure. If we cannot do this, we spend a life of misery even in our pretended enjoyment. If you, today, spend ten dollars in jovial glee, surrounded with a few companions, and tomorrow are sick and unable to help yourslef and require some little restorative and have not the means to obtain it by the generosity of others, you may obtain it. But does it not produce a painful reflection and your pleasure changes into pain, sorrow, and remorse? And why? Because you have disregarded your duty to yourself. You misapplied the munificence of God. You were dishonest even, because you applied that which had been given you for your good for your benefit to a purpose not intended by the giver. Such will be the case only much more lamentable if youth or the action period of life be squandered and wasted as fast as time advances. Now only imagine yourself old, unable to go about or to endure the fatigues of labor, dependent on the cold charity of a cold world. Do you not think of the spent time, the property you squandered vainly seeking for pleasure. Do you not think that you could have, byhaving been economical and careful in the prime of life, laid up sufficient to have made yourself comfortable in your old age? I hope you will be wise and pursue the course which will in every period yield you pleasure, that your latter days may be comfortable and respectable and that in the evening of life you may have the pleasure of plenty and a retrospection productive of happiness.

Details: Hits: 2769

I have been cautioning you almost in every page against extravagance of every kind and have endeavored to dissuade you from purchasing anything that necessity or utility did not demand, or in other words, that you should never buy a thing that you could do without unless your income far exceed your expenditure. And indeed I still recommend such a course as the best, most sure and safe, producing more satisfaction when the fancy of youth has fled and older years afford opportunity and time for viewing things as they really are. Experience changes ideas materially in relation to these notions of mere desire. It is frequently said by young people, they wish to see pleasure now while they are young because when they get old, they seem to imagine there is no happiness, no pleasure to be enjoyed, or none desired. This certainly is an erroneous idea, one too that is fraught with deleterious consequence, inducing the youthful to indulge too much in what they may now imagine pleasurable to the neglect of those acquisition which are really essential to constitute happiness, having belied the false idea that there can be no pleasure in old age. I will readily admit if youth be squandered away in endeavoring to catch those momentary sallies of mirth, spending all their energy of mind to gain that which will yield no substantial fruit, but is vanished as soon as tasted, then age must be miserable. Now is the time to prepare for age, for happiness and the very idea, the thought should be our greatest pleasure that we now in our active days were preparing for ease and plenty in the decline of life. Indeed I believe that there is no pleasure to the youthful but this. They may say they see so much pleasure in such and such scenes, yet that very pleasure in a short time gives them pain and makes them unhappy.

Details: Hits: 2790

It is sometimes a fatal mistake to trust in the veracity of the most intimate acquaintance. You do not know an individual, even if you have been brought up from infancy in the same family. Permit me to tell you, you do not know yourself. You know not the effect of strong temptation. Touch an untried point of sensibility. Here it will require all the fortitude to overcome an assault skillfully and perseveringly managed. But never give way if such acts require secrecy.

Details: Hits: 2643

And indeed it may ruin your character forever. Suppose your accomplice should become your enemy and wish to be revenged? Do you imagine it would be concealed? No. It would be divulged and you fall a victim to your own credulity. Follow the path of honest virtue, and if ever solicited to step aside from it, turn with disdain from the wretch who would dare suspect your integrity.

Details: Hits: 2710

You will please remember that secret acts generally have more than one to see and know, and when there be two, there is danger of exposure. And this fear will always torment you and cause hours and probably years of misery.

Details: Hits: 2572

The weather is really warm and to many disagreeably oppressive. Have been engaged today in attending the sick. Have attended an overgrown young lady today who imagines she is pretty and lovely and to set out these charms she really thinks she is good. I hope you will never attempt to use as much hypocrisy or be as vain as this young woman is. She imagines that none are acquainted with her secret acts. But I have heard and seen sufficient to convince me of her virtue.

Details: Hits: 2405

Been called to visit Mr. Wright, but in fact he is wrong; he is too lazy to breathe were it not forced on him by the air. He cannot prevent it or he would if it was tinctured with effort.

Details: Hits: 2477

But there is another class still more unjust and dishonorable. It is those who not only add insult for your kindness, but will use every advantage you have given them by indulgence to avoid the payment of a just debt. They will plead the act out of date because it was not settled sooner. These are worse than thieves and would steal if a favorable opportunity offers. But mind that you settle every year.

Details: Hits: 2673

I am happy, however, to find some few who have honesty and principle enough to acknowledge your goodness for waiting and really feel grateful for the indulgence. To favor such a man is a pleasure and such should be indulged as far as your interest will admit.

Details: Hits: 2592

It is the same way with accounts or debts of any kind. The more you indulge, the more indulgence is expected, and at last it is claimed as a right and if you now, after a lapse of ten years, insist on a settlement, these very men will abuse you and declare that you are in a great hurry for your demand. Settle often and punctually.

Details: Hits: 2583

Having during the past two years done much for Gage, he yet thinks I must continue to do so. You will find that some people are fond of having favors done for them and are very good and condescending while you assist them, and the greater the extent of your bounty the more they seem to think they are entitled to it and as soon as you refuse, these very individuals will become your inveterate enemies. Before you ever give assistance to any extent, refuse under circumstances of need; see how a refusal is treated, and then after, act accordingly. Either continue or secure your former debts. By using this and still more caution, you may save your property and friendship.

Details: Hits: 2524

Today have experienced the result of a too precipitate judgement and a want of sufficient confidence in my own abilities. And from this same cause, I have seen much anxiety and trouble. A.D. Gage came here today from South Carolina. He wanted assistance to help out of extravagance and want of economy. He has sold his horse for ninety dollars, which cost him three hundred. When he left here for the South in high expectations, he dressed himself as though he was wealthy and had an independent fortune. He now comes here to me to ask for my labor to support such pretensions. He wishes to return back and settle his affairs in South Carolina and then return here or to this State. The laws of South Carolina are very rigid in relation to a physician and Gage, not having a diploma, was likely to prosecution. So he is forced to leave that country. You will here reflect that whatever business you may choose for a livelihood, a perfect knowledge of it is absolutely requisite that you may be prepared to follow it in any place and mind also that you get all the necessary evidences of your having been qualified to preform what you profess. Thus you will avoid many difficulties and humiliations in the course of life.

Details: Hits: 2511

Having during the past two years done much for Gage, he yet thinks I must continue to do so. You will find that some people are fond of having favors done for them and are very good and condescending while you assist them, and the greater the extent of your bounty the more they seem to think they are entitled to it and as soon as you refuse, these very individuals will become your inveterate enemies. Before you ever give assistance to any extent, refuse under circumstances of need; see how a refusal is treated, and then after, act accordingly. Either continue or secure your former debts. By using this and still more caution, you may save your property and friendship.

Details: Hits: 2661

Employed all day and the greater part of the night. Have one patient that must soon die. He can survive but a few more days. (Joseph Darnels)

Details: Hits: 2660

Have visited a young hypochondriac today. He is indeed an object of pity. Dead for the want of exercise in the open air. Has no resolution and not resentment enough to get offended.

Details: Hits: 2408

Have been called to the mountains. A healthy region, yet fell disease finds her way there. No location is free from the assaults of disease.

Details: Hits: 2366

Stayed at home. Mind sad and gloomy. Have what is here called "the horrors" and indeed I think the name exactly appropriate.

Details: Hits: 2349

Rode several miles today visiting the afflicted.

Details: Hits: 2427

Steadily engaged today. Have been in Surry.

Details: Hits: 2727

If your occupation depends on the memory you will find it not only necessary but of vast importance to frequently review your books and study still deeper if possible.

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Always be careful that you do not forget what you have once learned that is good, and that you do not retrogress in your knowledge of your employment or profession.

Details: Hits: 2353

Have not rode from town today. Reading. I find that it is necessary to look over my books frequently as some things will escape the mind.

Details: Hits: 2380

I find in expense book many little articles which were purchased more for mere convenience or show than for utility. This is against my wish.

Details: Hits: 2610

Nothing different from yesteday. I am quite convinced that if we do not rigidly guard against expense we may never have the satisfaction of being out of debt. I mean that we should avoid those expenses that we can well do without.

Details: Hits: 2328

Have been at home during this pleasant day. I find that care and anxiety increases as life advances. Such I believe will be the case with all in low circumstances, but this should not discourage, but stimulate to increased exertion because we may, by economy and perseverance, overcome some, if not all, these obstacles.

Details: Hits: 2431

To restore her to health and usefulnes. And her half-naked children require the care of a mother, and if she had maternal feelings, she would administer to their wants.

Details: Hits: 2420

Have visited a poor bedridden woman today; indeed, she has become so accustomed to her couch that it has become fo second nature and all she wants is exercise.

Details: Hits: 2353

We have a beautiful Southern day and fields begin to shoot for the staple production of this section, which is corn. You may see the slaves now busily engaged, if they have any suspicion the master is watching in cultivating it.

Details: Hits: 2187

Mak Franklin, one of the most lazy men in Stokes County, sent for me this morning. It was his wife was sick or I should have been little disposed to have went. He is of no use to his family or to society.

Details: Hits: 2118

Have been at home during the day, reading and attending some affairs about my house and yard. All require attention.

Details: Hits: 2351

Have been up in the mountains among the rich fragrance from the bounty of nature, but amid less pleasant scenes in the domestic circles of the inhabitants. Not a spot nor a utensil of any kind could I see that was clean.

Details: Hits: 2226

Amidst the profusion of lovely spring, I have been riding today. Visited several sick and returned home late in the night. The evening was really delightful and the fragrance reviving.

Details: Hits: 2220

Have done a small business today. Attended one of Isaac Lashes' children. He is a very industrious man and close in his dealings. A sixpence has silver charms for him.

Details: Hits: 2241

The day has passed and gone and as it related to myself, but little has been accomplished. I can truly say that when I have done but little, a dissatisfaction attends me to the pillow of repose. To avoid this sensation I always endeavor to be employed.

Details: Hits: 2240

Though I do not approve in general of females wearing pantaloons, yet I have seen instances where I believe it have been better. At least they could have used pantalets, and in the instance before me, I am confident she would direct the affairs much better.

Details: Hits: 2463

Have visited John Phillips' child today. He has a wife possessed of four times the energy and intellect that he has, and better able to manage all domestic affairs.

Details: Hits: 2411

Mr. Lewis Lash, son of the opulent Christian Lash and in a measure insane, produces much trouble to us as he is frequently here when I am from home and uses abusive language. Takes whatever he pleases. His own people do not care where he is when he is not at home. It is their duty to take care of him and see that he molests none.

Details: Hits: 2196

Have been employed professionally today and it is a source of satisfaction to be satisfied that I have earned something for our comfort.

Details: Hits: 2432

Have attempted to read, but find it more difficult since we have our little feeble son to attend to. He is indeed very troublesome because not well.

Details: Hits: 2358

Have spent the day at home. Family not well. Mind quite uneasy; find but little satisfaction.

Details: Hits: 2334

Always be observing and collecting your observations together. This you can do unsuspected. Notice everything you see, so that you can describe every part of it; and then when you have an opportunity, put it on paper and endeavor to truly and correctly describe every part minutely. This will increase your descriptive powers and impress on your mind things of importance.

Details: Hits: 2245

Have rode some today. I have seen Mr. Wm. Shepperd and had a good view of his deceptive counterance, and if the "face divine" be an index to the soul within, he must be a wretch. He resembles in the contour of his head and face the inmate of the penitentiary. Now should we observe the countenance and shape of every man, and then all that are acquainted. Note down the general tenor of their lives, and from this you may gain some idea of an individual as soon as you see him.

Details: Hits: 2296

Cast your eyes in every direction and see the work of an impartial hand displayed in leaf, bush, or blade of grass that shoots from the Earth, all for us finite things.

Details: Hits: 2287

The beneficent Creator has furnished everything for to gratify our senses and induces us to reverence His power and goodness.

Details: Hits: 2272

People are very busy on their plantations and everything is clothed in the rich verdure season. All must view it with delight.

Details: Hits: 2504

When any English people come to town and do not happen to please my German friends, they call them indiscriminately Irish tackies. I could never see any satisfaction or propriety in one set of people applying any word of reproach to another people not of the same country or language. Most certainly, it is no evidence of goodness.

Details: Hits: 2278

Abraham Lash is one of the ignorant wise men of the vicinity. His judgment is the unerring oracle of many of the people in town. What he says is considered inspiration. But one misfortune attends him, he loves spirits a little too well. I hope you will endeavor to have a judgment of your own, founded on knowledge and observation. Yet listen to advice and if it be good, follow it.

Details: Hits: 2420

Had the pleasure of being at Jacob Conrad's today. He and myself went to his plantation on the River. He is fond of property and studies nothing else. Has a method of his own in all his calculations, and he is so well versed in it, that he is very expert. But he cannot tell how or why it is so, and is satisfied that it does not in no instance yield a deficient result.

Details: Hits: 2334

Time moves on silently, and in its rapid motion obliterates almost the idea that is passing. I have nearly completed two years in this place, and it seems but as yesterday. I hope you will remember this and reflect that you must attend to every passing movement or lose many an opportunity of doing good to yourself or others.

Details: Hits: 2254

I would recommend to you, attend to your own interest and if you can do a poor man a favor, do it, but do not extort from him.

Details: Hits: 2510

I have seen an honest, industrious man pay one-quarter more for money than he received, give his note and pledge his honor not to take the advantage the law would give. He wanted this money to save his property from the officers for the comfort of his family. Now had this been a rich man borrowing this money to speculate on, there would have been required no such note. And here I ask, is this honesty? Is it even common justice? I declare a man that will do that will do anything for money.

Details: Hits: 2402

Have been very busy today. I believe there are few men strictly honest. Self-interest and self-love is more powerful than honestly.

Details: Hits: 2219

I have seen more injustice perpetrated in the course of the last two years than I had any idea of existing. When I see a man take undue advantages of the necessities of others, I immediately think he would do the same to me if he has ever the opportunity. I must advise you never to place yourself in the power of any man, but particularly in the power of one whom you know to have acted unjustly or to have taken and used undue advantages to others.

Details: Hits: 2321

Never claim more than belongs to you and never surrender your own right. If you espouse a cause, be sure and have a just one and good reasons for the part you may act, or you may suffer in the estimation of those you defend, in your estimation of friends and of yourself.

Details: Hits: 2285

But never increase your property by base or dishonest means. Have a just regard for others rights and your own interest.

Details: Hits: 2407

Time has no place for stopping. You must use it as it comes or expect to lose the opportunities as they come and go with it. Procrastinate not the time and opportunity of bettering yourself or improving your mind, morals, or property.

Details: Hits: 2523

Have visited John Spainhour to see his son. THe old man is fond of a dram or two.

Details: Hits: 2303

The glorious sun has banished the shades of night. Have attended several patients, both poor and rich. Few of the latter class enjoy themselves.

Details: Hits: 2474

I have stayed at home today. Reading and preparing medicine.

Details: Hits: 2310

Visited the villainous William Shepperd, once a Methodist preacher. His son, shooting about the plantation carelessly, shot a number of small shot into the child of the overseer. Here is a place of pride and misery. His wife is a respectable lady and a sensual villain. Family all feel above the virtuous poor.

Details: Hits: 2351

Nothing occurred today. Henry Clinton feelbe. Rode a few miles and returned. Mind disagreeable.

Details: Hits: 2197

Have been busily engaged today and mind not pleasant. Reflection on the same subject as yesterday. I see that those men envy the prosperity of others too much to be honest. And should I be so fortunate as to be freed from enthrallment, I can expect no better treatment than they bestow on others and this will cause a corresponding feeling in me.

Details: Hits: 2267

Some clouds darken the atmosphere and some gloomy spots entangle my mind. I see that my ideas of goodness, of propriety, are so different from those of the community that immediately surrounds me that day is not far distant when we cannot agree. Because when they denounce my notions, I cannot remain silent. I must and shall take my own part when necessary, be the consequences as they may. And then will in a few years be a change in the political notions of some with whom I have been intimate. They are now democrats. But there is too much Aristocracy mingled in their notions to continue to support the rights of the people. And here will be cause of irritation, for I shall defend pure democracy at the risk of life.

Details: Hits: 2275

I have frequently noticed some poor people very proud and everything they could earn was put on their backs. I attended one of this description today. She was called Rebecca Bear. What do such people think? Most assuredly they do not reflect. Prepare for bad weather when everything is not exposed. Old age and sickness may come and find that we have neglected our duty to ourselves.

Details: Hits: 2161

Visited Thomas Conrad at his father's. He must die. Old Eve Wendle nurses him well. She is very talkative and seems very kind. She is one of the many unfortunate widows left destitute of everything but a family. I believe this woman has been wronged out of the little property left by her husband. She has two daughters dependent on her labor. She must experience much anxiety about them.

Details: Hits: 2269

Nothing occurred today. Have been engaged in my profession. Scenes of every shade of distress are presented for sympathy and relief.

Details: Hits: 2347

How agreeable is the scene in a bright morning of spring. It resembles the first period of life when everything is gazed on with admiration, joy, and gladness. But, alas, soon, too soon, all are vanished.

Details: Hits: 2254

Morning most delightful. Have been busy. My family more healthy than for several weeks past. But Henry C. is far from being healthly.

Details: Hits: 2331

Have been called to visit a leucophlegmatic hysteric female some ten miles from this place. She is determined to die. Full of exclamations: My poor child! Oh! Death! Lord, have Mercy. Oh, Doctor! I must go. Can't you help me? I can't live. Oh! My dear, I must die. I am so faint I can hardly move. - At the same time, she was getting up out of the bed and walking to and fro in the room. I gave a little medicine which soon had the effect of allaying the excitement and calmed her fears of immediate dissolution. Such are the scenes we have to see frequently and not always as easily managed.

Details: Hits: 2191

Again the morning calls in all its splendor to improve the passing moments. Have been busy today and seen the enjoyed comforts of the opulent. Mr. John Conrad, an overgrown planter, cannot enjoy one-half the comforts that are to be found. His mind does not extend beyond his possessions and not in liberality even to that extent.

Details: Hits: 2441

So, when you wish to connect pleasure with business, always remember that accidents may happen in the paths of pleasure. Yes, there is the place for misfortunes to fall, particularly if you attempt to find pleasure in forbidden indulgences. And these misfortunes are doubly severe as they bring guilt and compunction, remorse, sorrow, and disgrace. So, mind that you are always in the path of duty, so that if misfortune should assail, you may still enjoy a clear conscience.

Details: Hits: 2236

The morning is beautiful and pleasant and I have experienced the sad effect of careless inattention, and it has taught me a good lesson, if it did produce pain. You much never think there is no danger when you do not see it and always be prepared in time of apparent security for times of danger. I was so accustomed to the animal I rode today, as I have rode her nearly six thousant miles, that I anticipated no accident. Having received an interesting paper just from the office as I left homme, I was engaged in reading as I was riding, which has been my custom for some time. I had rode for several miles with the bridle carelessly hanging on the horse's neck, entirely disengaged from my hands. In this agreeable and unsuspecting moment my horse, all of a sudden, sprang forward from a fright which threw me off balance and to the ground, and was for some moments I could not move. Now had i have had the bridle in my hand I could have recovered and sustained myself in the saddle, but in this neglect consists the unjustifiable carelessness.

Details: Hits: 2222

Never be found in such a disgraceful situation. If we see punishment inflicted on the transgressor of the laws, we should point it out as an example to be shunned.

Details: Hits: 2302

We should point out the consequences of vice in every opportunity that may present itself before them, and tell them that such is the sure result of disobeying the requisitions of the wise and good, and the laws of society or nature. Do we see the Bacchanalian, we should tell them, that is vice. You now see the situation of that man, and from that cause you see also it does him no good, no benefit whatsoever. He is incapable of doing any business, cannot even help himself. You see all good people do not want him in their houses. Every good citizen shuns him as they would a snake. I hope you will remember these things.

Details: Hits: 2182

We cannot force on children those feelings which belong to experience and mature years, and an attempt to do so infallibly produces an injurious effect. We may tell them the result of improper conduct and show them examples, unfortunately too prevalent in almost every day's occurrences. And if the do not heed our council, we must then teach them by experience, by punishment, and tell them that that will always be the consequence of improperiety, not only now but through every period of life.

Details: Hits: 2284

However, it is the duty of parents to decide the extent these amusements shall be carried so that an excess may not obtain the ascendancy and destroy their beneficial result. And also to decide between the innocent and the vicious.

Details: Hits: 2182

It is useless and injurious to deprive children and youths of thoseamusements and sports agreeable to their age. They are necessary to achive the proper and natural vivacity of disposition and active use of the system. it is only one of the sources of a pleasant and agreeable disposition and of health. It gives force and vigor to the mind and body. It gives energy to every faculty.

Details: Hits: 2222

And does a brother or a sister yet live, they feel the disgrace extends to them and if surrounding society, are willing to deal with them agreeable to merit, yet the mind feels the load, feels the anguish and mourns in silence. Some feeling of sympathy must be indulged in and life made more unpleasant.

Details: Hits: 2159

Mortification and sorrow not unfrequently prey on the parents and they go down in silent mourning to the grave.

Details: Hits: 2164

And not unfrequently find themselves diappointed in the end. Because of the false appearances generally hung out to allure and betray which a short acquaintance exposes, and they find that where all appeared to be roses, there were thorns also. From this extravagance vice often arises and all the train of evil consequences result and the deleterious effect is not confined to those that may degrade themselves, but is felt by all.

Details: Hits: 2233

If a family find no peace at home, no pleasure where it should be, they seek a more congenial clime. And as soon as they find they are more respected abroad than under the paternal roof, they become dissatisfied and will no longer wish for parental control, but sigh for freedom that they may seek a place where gloom and displeasure do not find admittance.

Details: Hits: 2354

On earth a more near approach to heavenly felicity cannot be presented than in the circle of a family all united and informed. The variety of opinions on the different subjects, viewed by the different ages and capacitites of the domestic circle produce a variety of feeling, all emanating from the same fountain and centering in the same object. Happiness and good feeling, dullness and envy has no residence, and the inmates are satisfied at home where they find love of the purest kind, always returned for love.

Details: Hits: 2128

A beautiful morning. How delightful on the scenes of nature that surrounds on all sides. A warm and gentle breeze produces a pleasant contrast to the sensations of a cold and frigid winter. Vegetation seems reincarnated, and begins to shoot forth in all its beauty. What can be more delightful than Spring. It reminds me of the innnocence of infancy. I have, however, seen a few scenes yet more pleasant and charming: a family, husband and wife, sisters brothers alll united in love and affection, all endeavoring to create happiness, bliss, and improve each other. It is Heavenly.

Details: Hits: 2163

I have been requested to call and see a man by the name of Early. He is an object of compassion, afflicted by rheumatism, cannot walk, has been in this for years. But his wife in disposition would cause me, if I had to live with her, worse pain than generally afflict rheumatics. She is dirty and disagreeable in every way. Her countenance is remarkably repulsive, hard is the fate of a man bound to such a woman, and doubly hard must be this poor man's fate, tormented by his own pain and the pervasiveness of an unfeeling companion. I really pity him.

Details: Hits: 2303

Again the beautiful morning calls to action and business. Neglect is the road to want and sorrow. Even when you do all you can, some unexpected and unforseen occurrence sweeps every pleasant anticipation from the mind, and you see nothing but distress before you. So be always doing while opportunity lasts.

Details: Hits: 2255

Have crossed the River today; visited John Marlor. He is a man of but little resolution or he would never remain on as poor a piece of land as he now lives on. He has now plenty of force, if he had land that was even common to raise a sufficiency and some to spare, but every year he falls in debt, and every few years is under the necessity of selling a slave in order to balance up. If you ever get deceived and find your calculation will not do, abandon it at once and try again.

Details: Hits: 2116

Closes the month. I have endeavored to discharge my duty generally, and can with few exceptions, bid farewell without compunctions.

Details: Hits: 2151

Have been at home today; done but little and have to close my eyes and think the day has gone and not well improved.

Details: Hits: 2202

Visited an ignorant wise man today, Mr. Joseph Doub. He is a good respectable citizen, but in his own estimation of mind, superior to Cicero and more pious than any individual beside. Well, this may afford him satisfaction, and I would not wish to cause him pain. Let every man peaceably indulge his imagination so long as he leave society undisturbed.

Details: Hits: 2345

If you should ever journey to find a place to settle, seek for one where the people are neat and clean, and have some conveniences around them; where they are sober and industrious and moral. If you should be so unfortunate as to get in a place the reverse, it will exert or have a tendency to exert a pernicious effect, if not on you, it may on your family. By being constantly witness of vice and nothing else, virtue does not appear half so enticing and we are too apt to be affected by the surrounding scenes.

Details: Hits: 2233

Again attended at the mountains. In addition to the want of neatness and order in their domestic affairs, I find them very immoral in their practices. Yet they appear hospitable and fond of entertaining you and in their way will accommodate you all they can. Immorality, added to all the other unfavorable circumstances makes it, I think, a very disagreeable settlement to live in.

Details: Hits: 2195

Visited the wife of Martin Dorsey. Mourns for the want of an heir. But is useless. Will never be gratified.

Details: Hits: 2328

Stayed at home today, reading and fixing the garden fence. Weather beautiful.

Details: Hits: 2189

Professionally employed all day and a portion of the night. Much fatigued. Our little boy is some improved. Begin to have more hope of his living. But he is much trouble.

Details: Hits: 2166

Rode up to the mountains. I am astonished to see how uncomfortable the people live in these pleasant situations. Houses are mere cabins, smoky and disagreeable in every way. No windows and comfort if cleanliness adds to comfort. Some of them appear as though they were smoked.

Details: Hits: 2183

Again been called to visit A. Randleman, in fits from spirtiuous potations. No experience or advice does him any good. So the officers will dispose of his property and his farmily be left dependent on their relations. Sad example. Yet too often followed. We should endeavor to correct all bad practices as soon as we find we have them.

Details: Hits: 2261

Have had more calls today than I can attend. I like to have as much business as I can do, for I am in need of all I can earn. And am sorry to be unable to go the moment requested. If you wish to support yourself, attend to your occupation; be it what it may.

Details: Hits: 2410

Today visited one of the most lazy men society is troubled with. He is absolutely too lazy to be comfortable. Yet he gets through the world somehow. He is particularly gifted in telling a plausible tale, and will in this disappoint the same man several times. By his calculations he will have money enough to pay his debts in a few weeks. He will say, I owe so much and so much, and that is every cent I do owe. And I have a job of work on hand which I shall finish in about four weeks and that will pay every debt I owe. At the same time he owes more than he can pay in two years at one dollar per day. But he will relate all his circumstances with so much candor and seeming truth that if you know it to be incorrect, you can scarcely discount him. Such men are good customers, but very unprofitable ones, and if you can keep clear from them, it will be the better way to do so.

Details: Hits: 2399

Engaged constantly in professional business. Attended a most parsimonious old fellow's son today and he worth thousands. Says this doctoring costs too much. He had just about as lief see his son die as to pay a few dollars for his benefit.

Details: Hits: 2271

Riding today. I saw the poor intoxicated creature who make such fair promises of reform a few months ago. All neglected.

Details: Hits: 2379

Been engaged in compounding medicine during the day and reading at night.

Details: Hits: 2590

Have visited one of those individuals that have the reputation of being dishonest and his very countenance betrays him. His name is Christian Hauser. He is in the decline of life, yet full of crime, unrepented. I do not wish to have any dealings with such men, but my business called me into it. He is thought to be guilty of theft.

Details: Hits: 2401

Today have crossed the River and was forced to ford it. This to me was disagreeable. I cannot summon sufficient resolution to drive away fear, because I do not believe in the absence of all danger and would advise you to be very cautious in venturing into the water.

Details: Hits: 2394

Have visited several patients today and find nothing but the ordinary occurrences of life.

Details: Hits: 2394

Have visited a Negro with a fractured thigh. Poor fellow has suffered for ten days, haveing had his fracture reduced by one of those natural bone setters who generally do more harm than good. It is now very difficult to get it properly adjusted in consequence of the great tumifaction of the part. Besides it is very painful. Now, for this neglect the poor fellow has to bear double pain. Never attempt to do that which you are quite incapable of doing right and may inflict irrreparable injury.

Details: Hits: 2306

Have visited a few patients today. Every family has their own troubles and it is not probably the part of wisdom to repine.

Details: Hits: 2353

Was at home during the day. All the same.

Details: Hits: 2416

No unfavorable occurrence today. Had a few hours to read. To me very agreeable.

Details: Hits: 2357

I have rode some distance today and feel must fatigued. I have but little sleep during the nights.

Details: Hits: 2230

New troubles develop themselves almost every day. Our little boy is very troublesome, and so feeble that we fear every day will be the last. His pulse and breathing appear to be more unfavorable today. But we must submit, let the result be as it may.

Details: Hits: 2254

There is no situation in life free from disquietude and none, but crime excepted, which does not afford some moments of pleasure. I visited a very poor man's wife today and he expresssed himself as receiving satisfaction in his family. Said he could by his labor procure sufficient to satisfy all the real wants of life. His wife, however, will in the course of a few months be freed from all her earthly troubles. She has the consumption.

Details: Hits: 2219

The poor fellow mentioned yesterday is from Ontario County in the State of New York. But we cannot live without attention to some employment in any place.

Details: Hits: 2294

Saw a poor fellow in a poor hovel today, with a family. Indeed, it was shocking to see the forlorn situation of this domestic place. There most certainly can be no pleasure in connubial life under such a roof. But he could do better if he would be diligent. You must use exertion if you wish to get along.

Details: Hits: 2576

Visited the Rev. Michael Doub. Family sick. He is quite an agreeable man. Feeble and delicate constitution and of no great depth of thought. Yet thinks he has a vast store of wisdom. Well, it does him good to have such ideas and as it is productive of no harm, let him enjoy it.

Details: Hits: 2336

Have been constantly with the sick and afflicted listening to real and unreal complaints. This is a source of great trouble to mankind. We are often complaining in health when we should not.

Details: Hits: 2348

Have much business to attend to. Family improving and all seems more agreeable. Indeed to me this has long been desirable.

Details: Hits: 2366

I have rode all day in the cold and feel much fatigued. I have visited one poor hippoed fellow today who has sat in the chimney corner more than two long years and made mother support and that two by days work as they have got nothing. I hope you will never be so unkind to your mother. It is a sin and disgrace.

Details: Hits: 2273

All seems mending today. This affords some contrast to the feelings for the last ten days.

Details: Hits: 2313

I have ventured to leave home today, as all appeared improving. Rode several miles to see a rich poor man's wife. She is low and suffers very much and has no convenience. All from stinginess. Such a principle is to be shunned.

Details: Hits: 2304

Still importuned for stronger food and more of it. It is disgusting to hear such volumes of wisdom as they possess. Mrs. Jacobson is the only amiable woman that visits us, and she has nothing to say about eating and drinking. Miss Small has washed and dressed the child every day and made some observations incompatible with her former reputation; and they have been offensive. But all must say what they please; and, if you can, keep mild.

Details: Hits: 2348

Wife remains weak and feverish. It is almost impossible to enforce my own rules in my own house. My mother-in-law is one among some half dozen others who wish to force rum and food on a feverish person to make them strong. Seeming to believe that solid food and much of it will force health and banish disease. They even want the infant fed on pap to keep it from crying and they insist strongly after it. I wish they would mind their own affairs.

Details: Hits: 2190

I have thought that a mind free from anxiety cannot be found, and if it were possible, I think we could not enjoy anything. I, however, have plenty of anxious feelings, so intense that a relaxation, even is enjoyment. Wife not so well. Child some more easy.

Details: Hits: 2156

Have rode out today and the moment I left the house, it was full and the constant excitement has produced slight fever. So much for such goodness.

Details: Hits: 2221

It is singular how very kind people are when there is need for their kindness. Here they fill the house to overflowing the moment I leave it, producing much injury to a weak and feeble female who requires repose and a freedom from noise and confusion. You will find more ready to help when help is required than when it is not.

Details: Hits: 2341

Prospects more flattering today; consequently, have rode a few miles. Mind not easy in relation to the child. Remains feeble.

Details: Hits: 2236

Have had several calls today, but cannot leave home. A man must take care of his own house in preference to others, but I should be glad if all were so that I could. My pecuniary situation requires my doing all the business I can. All appears a little improved today.

Details: Hits: 2245

Still anxious and all appears uncertain. The child remains much the same, and the other requires constant attentio. Old popesays, "Man never is but always is to be blessed." And so it seems to be. Hope is the mainspring of his actions and enjoyment.

Details: Hits: 2192

No sleep during the night. Fear and anxiety are predominant yet this morning. Wife not improved. Child remains much the same. My sensations are not too delineated. Experience alone can reconcile them. We have Magdelane Hauser, grandmother of my wife on the father's side, with us today. This is the first great-grandchild of Christian Lash, father of my wife's mother, and is a merchant in this place.

Details: Hits: 2587

Today new scenes in our domestic relations have occurred. We now assume in addition to husband and wife, that of parents. Dear and responsible title. Yet we may never hear the sweet sound emanate from those feeble infantile lips just emerged into life. If it should survive, it must be from Him who created all things, together with all the assiduity we can bestow. Weak, feeble, and trembling, see its hurried and irregular respiration. Seems as the slightest breeze would arrest in a moment.

New feelings, new ideas, new sources of anxiety begin to develop then under every new occurrence. And from one of this nature, probably more than any other. How uncertain may all fond hopes end. We may look or think of years yet to come, and anticipate, hope, and wish that each may add new sources of pleasure and profit, yet we see nothing of thousand snares and vicissitudes and obstacles that may lie concealed to blast at once or in regular succession all our fondest hopes and accelerate the moment of grief. How many parents have repented and their grey hairs been brought in sorrow to the grave from the impropriety of children. And again how many have rejoiced and their old age been made peaceable and happy by the goodness and help from the same source. Such is the course and uncertainty of the future days. We must enjoy from anticipation and be cheered on by hope.

Today at eleven o'clock, Henry Clinton Wilson was born. He is weak and of feeble frame, and probability now is against his surviving. His pulse is weak and intermittent to an extent I have never before met with. Appears to be in continual pain. Sally Flynt, aunt of my wife's, stayed with us during the night. We received much assistance from her goodness, which will long be remembered. From her he received the first nutriment and assistance. My wife is quite weak and feeble and overanxious about the welfare of her child. The day is cloudy and cold. Finally I have a variety of sensations of opposing elements, but hope they may be reconciled.

Details: Hits: 3150

Have attended today on the wife of one of those who deal in Negroes, buy and sell. I saw poor fellows with downcast looks dreading the moment they had to leave the place of their nativity and all relations. I cannot yet believe this is just or right and if it was free from injustice, it is a mean and vile employment.

Details: Hits: 2360

Have attended on some slaves belonging to a wealthy man in town. How anxious people are to retain everything in name or shape of wealth. To a limited extent in society this is just and laudable, but when it leaps the bounds of a just regard for others rights, it is not justifiable.

Details: Hits: 2388

A man in dealing in articles he does not understand gives himself into the hands of him with whom he may be dealing. And if he be dishonest, he is sure to be cheated. Today I purchased a beef and if every particle had been sold at the market price, would not have amounted to more than three-fourths the cost. I was very busy and had her killed from home, and the good people believing or at least acting as though they had a legal right to some of the best, used it accordingly. Never trust to any man's honesty any further than you can help. Few act justly.

Details: Hits: 2311

Have bought some posts and rails to repair my fences. People all are fond of high prices; of J. Conrad.

Details: Hits: 2300

Visited the self-made miserable young man alluded to on the ninth. He is at a respectable house, who are ignorant of his situation. If they find out his disease, how soon will they turn him from under their roof. This he is sensible of and proves a source of misery to him and he feels the guilt of imposing on their kind hospitality. I entreat you never to be in a situation so miserable and deplorable; when you can avoid it. Unjust pleasure is always bought with pain.

Details: Hits: 2263

Today I have not been from home; reading and adjusting my books.

Details: Hits: 2408

How unguarded men sometimes act, and those who seem to act with great caution and in the most secret manner are nevertheless frequently brought to light in spite of all endeavors to keep them concealed. Even when we act contrary to the known rules of morality or justice, we impose on ourselves a state of mind very unpleasant and disagreeable, calculated to sour our temper and becloud our disposition through the fear of being exposed. And for what do we do it? Probably for a mere momentary gratification and for this we incur days, months, and years of sorrow, pain, and real misery; and frequently permanent disgrace.

I have visited a young man today in this situation. His own mind is a continual torment to him from fear of being exposed, besides the pain he otherwise suffers. A man should value his own good opinion of himself. That is, he should act in every case so as to have a clear conscience and feel and know he has never violated any virtuous or moral obligation. It is or must be a poor satisfaction to an individual to receive the applause or confidence of those that surround him while he himself feels guilty of unexposed deeds of crime. Let your conduct on all occasions be such as you can approve and worthy to be esteemed.

Details: Hits: 2362

Have rode considerable distance today. Visited several poor patients not fortified against this inclement season. I cannot see how they can live in such open houses.

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I have enjoyed the fireside with much satisfaction today, as it is cold and windy.

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Preparing medicine and reading. I delight in doing something. A poor man must be constantly employed.

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Finds me nothing. Nothing to relate of the day.

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Today have rode several miles and have reflected much on the uncertainty of all calculation as to our future situation in this life. After we have determined the course to follow, thousands of occurrences meet us in the road of which we never have thought. You must never calculate on an uninterrupted stream of prosperity, but make allowances for many reverses.

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I have been employed in perusing my books the greater part of the day. Visited a few patients.

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I visited a poor old man today who has labored hard all his youthful days and now has not the real necessary comforts of life. I paused and reflected on the cause that producted such an effect and believe all arose for the want of care and extravagance in younger days. We must be careful if we do not wish to be dependent in our old age. We must not be extravagant, but live within our income and not beyond it.

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Rode to the Pilot Mountain today to see the son of Andrew Krause, and of the termagant women I have ever seen, I think the wife exceeded all. Nothing can please her. She is and must be a torment to herself and to all for some distance around her. I would prefer the lot of a slave than her husband.

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Such reflections lead me to believe there is no valid reason for the two separate and distinct states after death.

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Again, I cannot believe it can afford any pleasure to a good man to see a punishment inflicted, however enormous the crime for which he may have to suffer. Those benevolent feelings, acting in the breast of the good, must feel sympathy for the sufferer, and where there is sympathy there must be a degree of sorrow and where there be sorrow, it is not all pure unhappiness.

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I believe that God is just and so far as our finite powers of justice can reach, that his justice and our ideas of justice and mercy are alike. To inflict pain on a being, that can be of no service whatever, I believe too cruelly unjust and unrighteous, and I think the same of God. I do not believe he will inflict torment where it can be of no service to the tormented.

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Why is this dark and gloomy spot of the immensity of God's work selected for an habitation, and we know not the state preceding this? Again, if we say the soul of every human being is formed or made at the time and with our mortal bodies, the question arises from what material are they formed? If the answer from God, we fall into the same difficulty as before. And if we say matter, we go into materialism at once; so we can say we know nothing about it. The reflection that we shall live again and have identity is a pleasing thought and divests the gloomy hour of death of many horrors. It is a pleasant anticipation and among the ignorant may have its advantages. But for myself, I believe that we all live after we die. But why the next state of existence should be free from all trouble or be filled with more pain and sorrow than the present, I am unable to see.

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Had several visitors today which deprived me of my books. Conversation on various subjects, principally agriculture. My friend, John C. Jacobson, was here and we had a long conversation on theology. He said speaking of the mind or soul that must have a place of existence after we ceased to live and as an evidence cited the action of thought. Such a noble attribute could not cease to exist. Should it be said that man is not satisfied here, was always anticipating, seeking for something yet to come. But if the soul, or active principle, be now immortal, is an emanation directly from God, there can be no change in the soul. And if there be no change and it be now possessed of immortality, why do we not know something of some other state of existence? We cannot look back to the time the soul was with God.

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Have nothing to say of the day. I have been at home reading and I must hope you will find it to your pleasure to use the spare moments in the same way.

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Have been quiet today and visited the man that promised to pay me as soon as he gets home. He is better. I have no confidence in him. His counterance is not good.

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Have rode several miles today. It is cold and disagreeable. The changes in life are many and various and frequently arise from unexpected sources. When we imagine all things are moving on smoothly, all at once we see the gathering storm, and are made to feel its consequences. But the way they get along is to act with propriety and caution, so that all reports may be false and recoil on the propagators.

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By so doing you will save your property and get rid of the man. For if he intends to pay, he can wait until he comes again and can then be prepared.

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If a man from a distance comes to you and wishes to purchase any of the products of your industry, and say if he had have had any idea of such an article before he left home, he would have been prepared for it. But if you will give a few weeks indulgence, I will pay you. Beware how you trust him. Say at once you cannot have it without the money or good security.

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Many persons will not pay as long as they can have credit, even when they have the money by them. Such people subsist on the labor and industry of others.

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I have thought today it is probably the better way not to trust these kind of people without some recommendation and it is frequently the case that you insist on being paid or to have security before they leave for their home, you will generally succeed in getting one or the other.

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Solicited to attend on an old man from Virginia by the name of Weaver. I believe him not to be an honest man. Says he has property enough, but has no means to pay me just at present, but will send the money as soon as he gets able to return home. You will find many people are able to pay you as soon as they get home, or in a few days, but have not, from mere neglect, it with them. Now these people are generally the worst of paymasters and nine out of ten never pay. You must be careful how you depend on a stranger's promise.

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Was called this morning to visit an old man sixteen miles from this place. He has physicians from every part of the country, but receives no benefit from their advice and never can because he will not continue sufficiently long with any mode of treatment to receive any benefit. My opinion is he will not live but a few more weeks.

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Visited several patients today and one in opulent circumstances, but he is more afraid of expense than many less able to bear it.

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Have spent the day in riding and some portion of the night with but little return.

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Every day shows more plain that neglect is the cause of more pain, disease, and poverty than is commonly attributed to it.

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I find it difficult to see the cause of laziness in those people whose wants, yes the real wants of nature, absolutely require exertion. Industry will procure the necessaries of life.

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Today have been very busy riding, which will not ever do me any pecuniary good. Have seen some poor miserable creatures, all originated from pure neglect.

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I have nothing to speak of the day, only I had no patients today and have the disagreeable reflection that I have done but little good in any way.

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Spent the day in reading medical treatises. I have been long convinced of the want of positive knowledge in our science. I have often had to proceed without any guide but my own judgement.

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Bought a set of chairs of Charles Phillips. Brought home today. This should be avoided.

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Some people are so shy of expense, and this is commendable in most cases, but in many diseases, delay is dangerous, that they will not seek aid until it be too late and then repent of their own neglect.

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Had some snow and cold, bleak wind from the North in the evening. Visited two patients.

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Home has been my fate today and in cold weather it is agreeable, if we have sufficient for the wants of nature. This must be gained by labor.

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Have rode several miles. How many people I see unoccupied whose situation requires them to be constantly employed. People that are always complaining of poverty should be constantly busy or they must expect to be poor. Competency is the result of industry and economy.

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Have been at home during the day regulating my account books.

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Nothing occurred to disturb the even tenor of life. Busied in adjusting affairs about the house and lot, and spent the night in reading.

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Have had the pleasure of staying at home today and had but visitors. Passed the time in reading.

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Have rode some miles today visiting several poor and destitute patients while possessing plenty of property. I cannot imagine how people can deprive themselves of so many necessary conveniences and able to have them at the same time. However, I believe there is more propriety and honor in this than living far beyond our property and ability to pay. Of all things, debt is too studiously avoided.

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The morning is clear and cold and the first moments of the New Year are serene and placid. It is well to think of the course we intend to follow during the year, and begin now to prusue the path intended. My intentions for this, as for every year, are the same: a diligent attention to business, uprightness of deportment, use all people with equal justice; admire my friends and so act toward my enemies as to give them no reason to continue enemies. In my family I will endeavor to maintain a pleasant countenance, be sociable and kind, using every proper means to conciliate all differences and adopt this as my motto, "bear and forbear." All my leisure hours are to be spent in reading and writing, endeavoring to improve the mind in all that is good. I find more pleasure in reading than in any other way not employed in the immediate attention to business. Here in my room I can converse with ages past and gone, can fancy myself in the midst of uproar and confusion, in the midst of the vile and wicked and the enemies of peace and order. I can see the bloody scaffold and guillotine, with all the horror attenndant on the humiliating scene. I can behold innocence suffering from the reign of crime, ignorance and superstition. I delight in reviewing these ancient scenes that have occurred.

I left home this morning before day and rode twelve miles and suffered much from the cold to see a poor man who must soon leave this world. He has the consumption in its last stages. His wife is a real termagant and he will soon be free from her noise.

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Have seen occurrences this day producing association of mind on occurrences passed some time in the early part of the month. Just as the light began to chase away the gloom of darkness, I was called to see a most degraded creature, made so by his own misconduct or in other words, by taking the intoxicating draught too freely and was fast decending down to ignominious death. This man, in the course of a few days, say eight, drank at least eight gallons of strong spirits. How is it possible that one individual can consume one gallon per day? It destroys health and happiness. Had the consequences of such conduct been confined to the individual himself, it would not be a subject for much sympathy. But when we come to view his family, a wife, a child, a sister dependent to a great extent on his industry and on him for protection, we must have sympathy for the situation and prospects such as a scene points out. Looking at his almost distracted wife who had confidence in him, sorrowful and mourning. I could not forbear giving the inebriated wretch, after he had become sober, some admonition: "You, Mr. R., are in a deplorable situation, not only as it relates to your immediate self and property, but in relation to your family. You, as a man, have sworn to nourish and support, under all circumstances, your wife and every consideration, both moral and religious, should teach you that the preservation of all your faculties is necessary to be preserved for that purpose and by destroying these you forfeit your oath.·

If you disregard a pledge thus solemnly made, how can you in return expect confidence from her or from any other? Sir, this course of life will effectually destroy every species of happiness in your family and shame and disgrace will assuredly follow you to an early grave. Is not your duty to provide for and protect your family? And how can you expect to do so if you continue to follow a detestable course of life which deprives you of reason, sense, and will end in your death, the destruction of all property, and a breaking up of your family? Are you not sensible that soon you will be deprived of all means for supporting your family, all these possessions the result of the toil of your father, soon will be squandered by you, his prodigal son? Does not this thought in your sober hours disturb your nights of repose? Do you not look upon that child and reflect that you, as the father, should now in its infantile years direct in the path of soberness and propriety? You should teach him to be honest and industrious. And what is your example? Is it not an example that should be shunned? Is yours not a vice which every individual should detest and such is the course you, in your conduct, teach him is right?

What pleasure or satisfaction can your family know while you are intoxicated, which effectually destroys for the time every good feeling, every benevolent desire? How can you expect the least assistance from your companion or sympathy of her in her distress when your strength is destroyed and obliterated by spirits? Will you disregard the calls of humanity and abondon every species of justice, sinking yourself below the beasts of the field just for spirits? Forsake the cup and become a useful member of society.

One thing more I have to say and will then leave you to act as you may think proper, and this is, it is quite useless for me to administer means of relief if you do not refrain from drinking to excess. It will be involving you in debt and be of no durable service to you.You are now recovered from the distressing effects of spirits and can attend to your business hereafter, and I would, as a well-wisher, advise you never to taste any more spirits.

He promised faithfully to make a complete reform in his life. But the history of too many similar cases is not favorable for the duration of such wholesome determinations.

Some time after this, this same individual and his wife came to my house and stayed all night. It happened that the father-in-law, C. Bonner, was in town at the same time. He also came in after dark so intoxicated that he could scarcely articulate a word. When he started to leave, he called me out of doors to speak a few words to me of a secret nature. I accompanied him into the porch when the old man began to express his sorrow at the vicious habit his son-in-law had fell into of late, and he hoped I would talk to him and endeavor to prevail on him to leave off getting drunk, as it would ruin him and his family if continued. Said he would lose all his respect in society and be considered no better than a brute. Said he would have spoken to him on the subject, but he hated to wound the feelings of his daughter in a strange place. But he hoped I would not forget to admonish him, as Cynthia would not mind it, as I was the Doctor. Here we see that we can point out the faults and failings of our neighbors with much more ease than we can acknowledge our own. This old man, who had destroyed his living the same way, still continued to follow the same practice.

I now find the night is far spent and that the close of the year is fast approaching. The expiring moment will soon arrive. A solemn and serious reflection should occupy the mind in reviewing the scenes of the expiring year. Here I am interrupted by the constant intrusion of those who appear to rejoice that a year is on the point of being covered in eternity. I cannot possibly imagine what reason can be assigned for this continual running and noise on this night. Where is the scene recorded in the Sacred Oracle for any such scenes as it is made here a matter of religious necessity? All sorts and sizes mingle together regardless of every consideration, and if any one should refuse admittance, he could ever expect pardon or even a remission of so great a sin. I see among them some beautiful countenances of both male and female, were they in virtuous retirement instead of pacing the streets and in the mud and dark, and crowded in condensed masses on porches filling the air with all sorts of speech.

How much more becoming, how much more deneficial would they all appear were they using some exertion in the paths of improvement. It seems then there would have been a far superior luster eminating from those beautiful faces and far more and superior charms would have been developed had such a course been cultivating the mind which is and must be forever dormant as long as such superstitious notions are inculcated·and such foolish notions are acted on as the grave matters of religion. There can be no enlargement of human happiness result from ignorance. It is efectually by precept and example binding down the minds of the present generation to believe in forms and customs as constituting real Religion and as necessary to gain eternal happiness hereafter.

There is, during the forepart of the night, one meeting after another at regular and stated intervals until twelve o'clock. And there is what is called a watch meeting at midnight and the more ignorant believe that all the domestic animals bend the knee to God at that time as a token of submission to His divine will. This is taught by aged parents to their children. How absurd. How ridiculous. How humiliating to the intelligent is the calculation of such sentiment. To make the infantile mind believe that this day was marked and set apart by the Creator to be so particularly observed, that cattle observe the first day of January more than the first day of December or any other month. I am not aware that any keep vigils for the purpose of seeing this silent worship. One thing is done here which is worthy and of much benefit, and it would be well if all societies would adopt the same. At the silent hour of midnight, all the important occurrences of the past year relating to the society are read, all the births, deaths, marriages, all those that have joined the society, etc., etc., etc. Here these can be found and the dates of each. It is a good chronological history of the events pertaining to the society and is frequently of much importance.

I think that my reverence for pure Religion is as great as any of these professors. I love every species of real goodness and I love and reverence my Creator for his unbounded goodness. But I can now, nor never could, see any such goodness in any or all these ceremonies and practices such as this and many other days have acted on their annual occurrence. Soon I may draw the last sigh that can escape from my breast the present year. The clock admonishes me that there are but a few moments remaining. Soon I bid farewell to all the pains and pleasures, sorrows and disappointments of the ending year and it has fallen to my lot to see and feel many, and judging of the future from the remembered scenes of the present, a gloomy prospect may and is anticipated. But you are going; you are gone. Farewell. You are now in eternity, never more to revisit time and with all that has been done, you are shrouded in endless night. But pleasant thoughts, and yet painful; the mind, the memory that solace and torment of human beings still lives, still survives. That constant and faithful, yet treacherous adherent to mortal creatures, records the deeds that have been performed during your existence. You are gone, yet my diary records every day of your existence, and in that record are many things unpleasant and may, at some future moment, create a tear of sorrow and pain, which even were it not mentioned would have remained among the forgotten transaction of your career. As it regards my own self, it was during your reign on eof the most important moments in my life occurred. Often did I pause and reflect, resolve and re-resolve, to do and not to do. Many hours of deep reflection and painful anxiety did I spend endeavoring to see the probable future. Yet how incomplete, how fallacious have many of the conclusions drawn in these moments of relection proved. When the only true test was applied, even experience is not always a true guide.

So far as a short experience has demonstrated, the correctness of reflection anterior to the occurrence resembles very much an unpleasant morning when the sun, the glorious and effulgent light of day, bursts through the dark clouds and presents a clear sky and all appears animated with cheerful gladness, plesaantly anticipating a deautiful day. Every prospect brightens. All is animation, no dangers are expected; a pleasant breeze seems to fill every sail, and anture appears decked in all her beauty. All seems free from danger. Yet before night's sable curtain be spread; yes, before the sun shall have attained his meridian splendor, some small cloud may be observed in the horizon, gradually increasing in magnitude and moving in different directions, spreading far and wide. Gloom and horror seems gathering round; on every side is heard the distant and mournful sound of the roaring elements. Every prospect darkens and before night usurps her dominion. The tornado breaks the calm and all the expected, wished for, and anticipated pleasure of the morning are hurled to the wind. Nothing left but the blasted, ruined prospects with scarcely a single ray of light to cheer or relieve the mind so pleasantly situated in the time of safety or bowers of reflection. I think, I feel and see the day, yes almost the hour fast approaching that drives peace and contentment, joy and happiness, from my possession. Have I done wrong? Have I deviated from an upright course? No. Or, if I have I do not knoww it. Yet I see it is so. The designing and ignorant will never think or consider. I feel that I have been wronged, yet I cannot arrest the torrent. Time must decide all.

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This day is passed away and left but little impression on the mind, and added but little to income. But we all cannot have each productive alike. We must feel that we are not all the people who have to live. Man always prosperous would be vain and insolent.

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Our matrimonial life seems to move smoothly down the current of time; peace and a degree of pleasure has for some time found an asylum in our dwelling. And had not similar feelings before been succeeded by those of an adverse nature, we probably would have more grounds to hope our pleasant sensations would be more durable. I find that happiness must be found in our own mind and in our own habitation. It is in vain we seek for it abroad. No, our own fireside should always be made cheerful and pleasant by the radiance of the serenity of our minds. We were seated by a good pleasant fire, when we were interrupted by a young would-be lawyer named Appelt, and all that makes him disagreeable is he is endeavoring to peep into every lady's bureau if it should accidentally be left open. And if there be ladies working in the house, he is sure to be prying into·their business much to his own disgrace and disgust of all who know him. No gentleman will do this. It shows meanness and low breeding. I hope you will studiously avoid all these disgraceful things and be superior to them. It most assuredly is none of your business whether a female be making a night dress or silk frock. It is much the better way for every individual in the community to pay diligent attention to his own affairs and never be overanxious to see into those of other individuals foreigh to his own interest. Such meddling people are never highly respected, and indeed ought not to be, because they have no respect for others or they would act different. This same individual frequently had the impudence to ask me what was the diseases of females on whom I attended. Never be guilty of such impropriety.

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It is, I believe, a very correct observation that vice sooner or later brings misery. I was called to visit to a female that had for years indulged to some extent in forbidden pleasures. She had too often visited the haunts of dissolution and partook freely the intoxicating draught. She had always enjoyed good health without once thinking of the certainty of death. Fatal delusion! Unfortunate lady! No, not lady, unfortunate creature! Sometime ago she found it difficult to continue in the road she had been following and in a measure had relinquished it. She has now nothing to expect but death. Her complaint is incurable. She has but a short time to make the necessary arrangement to leave this transitory state of existence. Her eyes are continually suffused with tears and her mind, as far as her pains permit, engaged in fervent supplication for mercy. You must never feel or at least you must never act as though you may never want the aid of those that surround you, because you know not how soon misfortune may assail you, whether affluence or poverty is your portion. This female has since I have been in this section endeavored to do me all the injury she could and implores me to give her ease. Although she has misused me, I feel no disposition to withhold any relief I can afford. I do as a duty and find a satisfaction in its performance. We must be merciful to our enemies and do good for evil. You will always find more satisfaction from doing good than from all other acts you can perform. If you should be so inconsiderate as to act from a spirit of revenge, instead of gaining friends, you will create enemies and not only create, but you will make more inverterate those you may have. Goodness has a far more powerful effect than revenge.

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Morning foggy, dark and unpleasant, yet the fate of a Physician is such that he must go when called or get no employ. Left home soon as I had received a message the night before. Roads very muddy; consequently, rode very slow with my mind absorbed on various subjects. My mind is much occupied on my family whose welface I desire. The situation of my father and family would often present itself to me in an unpleasant light, as I had just received a letter stating that father was unable to labor and that my brother Daniel had left home. And father had requested me to help him. Most willingly would I do it if I was able, and as it is I feel bound to afford comfort to a parent in preference to myself. There can be no duty more on a child than which they are under to parents, and none should be more promptly and cheerfully complied with.

It is singular what artifices people will resort to in order to show their dislike. It is much more honorable and becoming to speak boldly and fearlessly than be obstinacy or deceit. Last evening, Mrs. Conrad was here and went home in the evening. When she entered the house, she found his clothes in their usual place, but could not find him in no portion of the house, nor make him answer her repeated calling, when all at once he appeared standing in the door, which gave her a severe shock. And all was done to show his dislike of her groing from home. Now in quite young children this would be pardonable, yet it should be allowed in a family. But in an old man, so to act to any, much less to his companion, shows a mind free from reflection.

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I was much pleased today on listening to a stranger endeavoring to show his information and imposing on some of the wise townsmen, merely by show. And he did succeed admirably well. He took a historical circle, in the first place; then a political tour. Then he spoke long and loud on morality and closed with a few patriotic observations. He was a real predestinarian and in order to prove what he advanced, said that Bonaparte was ordained to just what he did and it was impossible for him to have done anything more or further. And that he was buried in Spain and that the people had, from their love to him, erected a great monument to his memory. I need say no more of his information as all was about as correct as this mentioned. But here the people were astonished at the extent of his acquirements, and many almost believed him a prophet.·How often do we see men possessing no information endeavoring to imitate those who do possess valuable and extensive information and why is it so? Because the most ignorant can see that a well-cultivated mind is an ornament to those who possess it and use it for good and noble purposes. Indeed it is a worthy acquisition and much neglected. The moments of youth cannot be better employed than acquiring those stores of laudable information calculated to produce respect for themselves and be of incalculable importance to society. And I hope you will endeavor to improve the mind in those things which are of importance.

Whenever an individual attempts to palm himself on the public for that which he is not, he generally, in endeavoring to conceal his want of the necessary knowledge for that particular occupation, he exposes his ignorance in this attempt. It is much the better way to make no pretension beyond what you feel conscious you can perform well. A diffidence of our abilities is preferable. I have been led to these observations in consequence of the observation forced on me last night. I was confined in Surry County in consequence of the swell of the Yadkin River and could not return home. I stayed at Mr. Joseph Conrad's. He was very kind and sociable and had it not been for the idea of my own dear home, I could have pased the night quite agreeable. During the day, Mr. Conrad conducted me over his plantion, praising with seeming delight his premises, stating how many hills of corn; then to such a place, how many barrels he had gathered, etc., etc. He took me to his brother's plantation just below. I find that some Negroes take a pride in the quantity of grain they produce for those to whom they belong.

While thus rambling over farms, my mind seemed to dwell incessantly on home, so that all these subjects afforded no pleasure. My wife, the River, the difficulty, the danger, the probability and possibility of getting over the water kept me in a state of constant anxiety. The longer I stayed the uneasiness seemed to increase; at last, I was determined to go, as I could get across the River in a canoe, even if I should be forced to leave my horse. However, home I must come, and accordingly to the River I went, determined to cross and go home. As we came to the water there were ten or fifteen Negroes preparing to cross. They poled far up the River, and as soon as they changed their course and struck the current of the water, there was no more guiding the boat; down the stream they all went, as merry a set of fellows as I ever saw. They gradually came to the shore after going down about half a mile and had to pull up against a strong current. Among these Negroes was one who had left his master, and he expected them in prusuit, and I have never seen a man apparently in more distress from similar circumstances. Indeed the fellow shed tears copiously. After finding that the boat could not cross, Mr. Conrad proposed to swim my horse across by the side of a canoe, and after some solicitation and my horse warranted, I consented and had him take over with perfect safety and myself also. After giving my assistants a hearty thanks and a few pood promises, I left for home.

In such cases it is the mark of wisdom to stay until there is less danger in our undertaking. We should, by all means, endeavor to be at home when we can, but by our anxiety to get home, we should not encounter dangers that might prove fatal to existence. After much difficulty, I got safe over and soon arrived at home to an anxious companion. Mother came here in the evening and spent a few pleasant moments. Same secret poison corrodes her breast. Mr. Wm. A. Lash was also here and related some of his mischievous tricks in perfect accord with his principles.

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He never paid, so says the wife and mother, one cent for John H. Hauser's children, nor never gave one copper for the use of the land or slaves. He gave them food from his table after he had done eating, though his own victuals was prepared in the utensils of the deceased father. He ate on the table and drank out of the furniture, legitimately or justly belonging to them.They disturbed none of this property except the food and house that sheltered them as before indicated. When they were married, he told her that all these things should go to her children as they became of age, as he had pleanty , and all he wanted was her declaring it was the property of their father, and they ought to have it. Now, was he speaking what he really intended, or was he acting hypocritically in order to gain the widow? If it was the former, then we have the changes of his goodness by the alteration of circumstances, and if it was deception, we have the villain and a character in which no dependence can be placed any further than bonds will show. But my own opinion is that he really intended at the moment to do as he said.

Well, the desired union took place agreeable to his wish, and we will now see how punctual he has been to his word. Soon after I was married, my brother-in-law, living with J. Conrad, proposed to have the estate settled. I never mentioned it myself. Why this was not before done, I believe, they were all afraid of the stepfather, and believing that now the blame would fall on me, and they themselves would have no responsibility; and in this they were not mistaken, though I do most solemnly aver I had nothing to do with commencing it. But as it had been eight years in the hands of the administrator, I could not object to such a course, believing it to be not only proper, but justice really required it. I did not expect that any individual could be offended or injured by doing an act of justice. However, here I was much disappointed. Mr. A. Conrad became exceeding offended, placing all the blame on me and abused his wife very much, and declared he would not give up one thing, as it was his by law and he would have one-fourth of all, and that if the Negroes were hired out, he would not hire them about him. But I was appointed as guardian for the youngest child. I said not one word, but knowing I was acting justly, I proceeded to discharge my two, and as I wanted one, the boy he had before said could not earn his board, he now run up considerable just from pure revenge.But his pleasure and happiness I envy not. Now here is a man, a pretended good man, falsifying his word. All his own obligations, made of his own accord, are set at nought and disregarded; there is no soundness in such a man; no reliance can be placed when such changes take place. Add to this picture the treatment of his wife, which was such as produced a severe nervous disease, or at best roused it into action, as she is a woman of very delicate health that threatens for a while her life.

Now to me it appears impossible that Mr. Conrad can, in the sober moments of relection, feel that pleasant sensation always the accompaniment of just and upright actions. Is this the fruit of a mind filled with religion? Can he, when he reclines on his pillow, ask of his God forgivness, when he has taken from the fatherless, their mother and property while he has more than enough? No, I must answer. No goodness, no common morality dwells here. Not the first dawning of a Christian feeling can here be discovered. The pungent stings of conscience must haunt his midnight dreams. I hope that you, my children, will never follow the example here set down, but as you hope to live happy and peaceable in this life, shun it as you would the fatal precipice. Always reflect well before you promise, and when you have passed your word, abide by the consequences and let it be said your word can be relied on. Sooner suffer your own indiscretion than to do wrong or act unjustly.

I now leave it with you to decide on the whole affair and pronounce the judgement, whether he acted justly or unjustly, even as a man of correct principle, not to say a stepfather. To me it seems evident that none, no not one, of the whole human family, let them be ever so abandoned, will say his conduct was correct or justified as a moral man, much less as a christian and a father. I am sorry that I have felt bound thus to represent Mr. C. I have the information from the wife and mother.

Having dismissed one disagreeable subject, the noise and confusion on the streets tells me from former experience that Christmas is here, and in this place has parted with none of its former folly. As I dislike everything kept not in accordance with the original intention of its institution, it will be presumed that I do not approve of the way this night is celebrated here. I am equally opposed to all traditions calculated to perpetuate superstition among mankind, because I believe it to be our duty to diminish all this folly as fast as we can, and in consequence of this belief, I cannot join in the improper mirth here used. I am well aware that there are those who stand far above me in scientific depth and education, nevertheless mingle with and recommend these scenes, but my own idea of this whole affair is that they act from interest to advance themselves and sanction these proceedings in order the more effectually to draw from the weak and ignorant. The day originally may have been consecrated for good purposes to teach people that they should regard with veneration everything relating to our Saviour, and as such it should be commemorated. But instead of this, it is now made subservient to every species of vice and the advancement of ignorance and superstition. Those denominations who use this day for self-interest (or more properly, those divines which inculcate the ideas) make it a crime to do any labor on this day. Yet grant free indulgences to every vicious, as well as innocent, amusements.

Here in this place to refuce a compliance is to subject yourself to denunciation; and the only reason assigned, you do not act with us. It makes no difference how exemplary your deportment or how upright your conduct in every particular, this all-important participation obliterates the sins of the past year, if you but comply with OUR views. Now the reason this is so considered by the uninformed people is because they place all their confidence in the minister who directs the whole movement and saves them the trouble of thinking for themselves. He is looked up to as the supreme director and head of all goodness and his word the law; consequently, he is viewed as infallible and they will tell you it be right because our preache says so. I admire as much as any individual a minister of the Gospel whose life and actions all proceed from the love of goodness, one whose whole aim is to point out the road to all mankind, not only for a future and better state of existence, but also for a better state of living while here; one that will frown on all species of injustice and not endeavor to palliate in his followers misdominions which he condemns in others, not hold out a prize for those professing the same faith with himself whose only goodness consists entirely in observing this day and attendance at church on the Sabbath. Though both these are not improper, yet they make not a Christian.

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Christmas once more is fast approaching, which could have been known, in this place by any individual, without the knowledge of months, by the immense call for baked things and the abundance of wafer cakes in circulation.

It would appear that custom in this place has a force far superior to reflection, if indeed they do reflect at all. This may be owing and no doubt is, to earliness of engrafting these in the mind and fastening them without the least innovation through every period of life. It is difficult to impress on the young mind, the ideas of age and experience so as to make them sensible that your advice is calculated to enhance their pleasure and unless salutary precepts and good example be frequently and constantly repeated to them, they are too apt utterly to disregard all admonition calculated to add to the sum of their happiness and respectability. This is plain to be observed in those which have been permitted to grow up with every desire gratified, in infancy, childhood, and youth, and have not been subject to timely and judicious discipline, from the mistaken notion of hard-heartedness. How many parents do we hear exclaim, I cannot be so cruel as to punish my child? But to me this seems to be the most cruel doctrine a parent can advance, because it permits the child to indulge in things calculated to be a detriment as long as life continues. It is the very method to make an unhappy and discontented individual, as it teaches to indulge mere desire regardless of consequence. And if this is not gratified, disquietude is produced. It is impossible, as well as improper, in our intercourse with man that we can have all we may desire. We must learn to discriminate and deny ourselves many things; and I think it is one of the many duties of a parent to teach in infancy their children all that is just and proper, and if words will not do and they be satisfied, then use the necessary force and make them do as they ought to. Parents here suffer their offsprings (or many of them) to grow up with uncultivated minds and unsubdued wills. At last they arrive to the years of maturity, unprepared for any kind of business, averse to any kind of application for any length of time, pleased with every new thing, fond of change, and as soon as any course or kind of employment becomes familiar, abandon it, however aludable it may be or lucrative the result. Place them at what you will, before they have made sufficient proficiency to carry it on properly, it is abandoned, forsaken and thrown aside for something more novel because untried. Thus, many people go on perhaps through life, or until many and repeated experiences admonish themselves diligently to its execution. Retrospection, sad and gloomy, now will haunt the mind. They now look back with horror and sorrow and despise the unmanly impatience which prompted them to be always changing until youth and meridian of life had been wasted and nothing accomplished. Now it is too late to retrieve the lost and vanished opportunities; no hope remains, and thus they descend in sorrow and misery to the grave and are forgotten by all surviving and all for the want of decision in the parent.

My mind has been much disturbed by the conduct of A. Hauser, my wife's brother, for some time past. I see in him the exact picture of thousands, no application, no industry, no attention to any kind of employment, and so he is permitted to spend his time in idle inactivity and his mother often telling him but never insists and forces the accomplishment on any particular. And if anyone indicates his want of decision, she takes his part and thus upholds him in his conduct. He is now about thirteen years old and has never been taught to do the most ordinary trifle, not even to wait on himself or make a fire. He has been sent to school, but as may be supposed, learned nothing of consequence. He has went over many sums but cannot tell a single rule in arithmetic, nor do the most simple sum in addition. Whenever he is admonished at school, he is obstinate, the same as at home, and instead of doing better, would do worse. Thus he has proceeded and thus he is proceeding, doing and learning nothing. His father died when he was quite young and his mother has not fortitude sufficient to punish him or permit him to be punished, saying he has no father and she does not know how long she may live, and consequently cannot correct him. These considerations are emphatically such as should produce a different course of procedure toward him, that he should be better prepared to meet those reverses he must meet in the course of life. It is most assuredly an incumbent duty on parents to prepare their offsprings to meet the various reverses and self-denials unavoidable in our intercourse with mankind. Is it better to permit him to go on in his present course until he has no parent and then be forced by strangers to follow a more judicious course, by those who can have no parental feelings toward him? No. A parent must rise above such improper and injudicious feelings and teach a child while young the way it should go while under your control and direction. Learn it to subdue all improper desires and if this can be done by mild means, it is so much the better, but if severe means are necessary, then use them effectually. Teach your children application, that they may be the better prepared to brave every difficulty that awaits them in future life; fortify the mind for trials and disappointments and when the silent tomb shall enclose your mortal part and your spirit be wafted by the angels of peace to everlasting happiness, your children will bless the Father and Mother that thus directed and taught them the value of time and the great importance of using it properly in preparing for future usefulness while they were young.

My brother-in-law has been living with us for some time, and I have endeavored to impress his mind with the necessity of forming regular established habits of industry. Have endeavored to explain to him the consequences of idleness and indolence; and have endeavored to portray to him the pleasure of a well-directed and improved mind. I have entreated him to become attentive and industrious and have exerted all my ingenuity deprived of authority, to induce him to learn. But all in vain. He remains the same; unpleasant, peevish, and disagreeable as ever. He would like to know many things, but has not the fortitude and application to search for them; offended at everything in the least opposed to his fancy. Indeed it is disagreeable to be with him because nothing just pleases him. If he would like to learn, I should be pleased to have him iwht me. But there is no pleasure where he is. I hope, however, that time will improve him and that he will yet acknowledge he is or has been in error. And my wish is that he may do well. But time and the force of circumstances must do it.

One disagreeable occurrence more I cannot pass over unnoticed, which occurred some time ago or was told to me months past, as it tends to prove a principle I have long believed to govern man: that we are creatures of circumstance more than any settled principle of reflection have ever produced, and that while we are under one set of circumstances and see others do wrong, we speak in severe terms of the actor. But if things are propitious and are become involved in a similar situation, attended by similar opportunities, we are ready to act those very scenes we have once deprecated and imagined ourselves incapable of acting. No, I will still go further and declare that I have seen people performing and doing those very things they were at the same moment doing themselves. People seem to forget former situations and reservations and even declarations, particularly if changes have been propitious. Mr. Abraham Conrad, stepfather to my wife, married the widow of John H. Hauser. At the time he married her she had three children; and there had been a superabundance allotted to her from her former husband's estate and many things not necessary, such as cupboards, chests, beds, and furniture, and kitchen furniture; one horse, and besides there were a grown Negro man, woman, and one boy sufficiently able to earn his living and a piece of land on Muddy Creek. The use of all these he had and the labor of the oldest boy and my wife, just for the boarding and clothing of these children. And before he was married, she says he promised to use them as a father. But instead of doing so, he has abused or treated in many instances unfeelingly, and now the estate is to be settled, he will not even be guardian for the youngest child. He will do nothing, only what his obligation in writing has compelled him to do. He says he will claim no portion in the land, but will hold a child's part in the slaves. He will give up none of the other property.

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Have attended a few patients today and reflected on the avaricious disposition of mankind, caused by information given by my mother-in-law in reference to her husband, and the property he used belonging to her first husband.

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Jacob Miller, a singular man distinguished from several other Millers by the name Novard Miller, came for me this morning to visit his wife. Said she would not be alive when we reached his house. Now this is often the case. People wait until death has taken hold of the victim before they call for aid.

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Have been constantly employed today and one of the places visited presented one of those uncomfortable rich places sometimes met with in society. We should most certainly endeavor to be comfortable.

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Have several slave patients in town threatened with dissolution. These poor creatures have no conveniences when diseased, and their complaints little listened to unless symptoms of danger appear.

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Spent in reading and compounding medicine.

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Have been at home regulating many things about the barn and house. All these should be regularly attended to; that they do not get so formidable as to be repulsive.

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It is a little surprising that people will continue to employ ignorance in cases of childbirth. Called to one of these cases today to remedy the ignorance of the midwife.

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Have been at home during the day preparing medicine.

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Have visited a poor enfeebled lady who is afflicted with that fatal malady, consumption. Indeed feel sorry for her and lament the impotence of my art to remove the malady.

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Have rode some fourteen miles today and visited a family robed in dirt purely from choice, because they are able to live decent.

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This peaceful day finds me at home reflecting on the various scenes of life and the situation of mankind in reference to their situation, often death. And from all the light I can as yet gather, I cannot bring my mind to believe that eternal punishment is allotted one individual of the human family. Everlasting torment to my mind is most horrid and to me it appears incompatible with Divine Goodness.

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My thoughts have been much employed on my situation in life, and if it was more prosperous, it would produce a more agreeable reflection.

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Nothing today has occurred to change my reflections.

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Have been at home reading. I find much pleasure in spending my leisure in such employment.

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Nothing occurred today of consequence. Have rode several miles.

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George Shelton sent for me to dislodge a crust of bread from the throat, which had accidentally become stationary at supper from laughing while eating. I had nothing for probing so I cut a small well with three prongs and fastened a piece of leather on the end and forced it into the stomach.

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Have visited several patients today and have observed nothing particular.

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Visited the wife of an old man who is said to sleep with his eyes wide open, and I am some inclined to believe it or he would have before now discovered the cause of his wife's sickness. Her intercourse has been of the most base character, and how her husband has to pay for her turpitude. Pay for being abused.

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Have rode considerable distance today. Weather very cold and disagreeable.

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The day is very rainy and cold. Have visited one of those rich men that in reality possesses ten dollars worth of property. His house is well decorated with fancy. His daughters, elegantly dressed; his table well furnished; his stable full of horses, and his pockets full of paper money. And all these are the credit of a few industrious men who in the end will have to suffer from their own and his imprudence. Let me advise you again, never to suffer your name to elevate that of another art the risk of great pecuniary loss, and if in the course of life you should feel bound to give assistance by going security, let it be to the poor industrious man and not to the idle and profligate. Daniel Hauser is the man to whom I allude.

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I am disgusted at the obstinacy of a confirmed drunkard. I have several times removed convulsions from Augustus Randleman and have been again called today to see him in the same unpleasant situation. His property now almost exhausted, himself a bloated skeleton, and want viewing a wife and one child fully in the face. Let me entreat you by all, both divine and earthly, never to be guilty of most despicable and wretched vice. I had much rather see you consigned to the tomb.

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I have visited an aged man today who has labored hard for forty years and now has nought but a large family to solace the few remaining days he has yet to survive. Yet there is this remarkable fact attending this individual. He is, or at least appears to be, contented and happy, perfectly at ease, and undisturbed except by sickness. Says he enjoys himself better than thousands of wealthy and would not, as it relates to himself, exchange places with any of them. Wm. Dixon.

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Well, through the goodness of that Divine Being who has the full control of things, I have been upheld until near the close of the present year. Indeed, I feel grateful for all the blessings I have received and hope that my conduct may have been in accordance with as much propriety as accompanies the gravity of my fellow man. I have nothing to boast of superior goodness.

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Today November leaves the world and during its existence I have hinted at several very unpleasant occurrences and have done so with the hope that you may avoid such a similar disquietude and live peaceable.

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Have rode several miles today attending several patients and one in the lowest circumstances amid plenty. This cannot be commended and should be avoided.

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Have been at home, during the time spent in reading.

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Nothing has occurred today more than ordinary. I have reflected on yesterday's observations and am convinced that many a juror pronounces a judgment for less crimes than he himself has committed and such a situation to a feeling mind must be horrid.

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Now, I hope, you may be honest and take no low, mean advantages, but if you ever buy a man's property at a forced sale, give him a fair chance to redeem it. But here you will find a difficulty in consequence of some individual underhandedly purchasing this place or property at the same price or for less. And in this instance, I would give the individual time to make the property by his own industry, and then let him have the property and not otherwise; because in this instance it will be evident that the man does not want this property for the use of his family, but merely wishes to be freed from the trouble of it himself and that he does not wish you to have it. Act so honest that no charge of the reverse may ever be alleged against you and so that you may condemn all aberrations in others and not inflict a wound on your own conscience.

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I have again seen one of those traits in Wm. A. Lash, proving the correctness of my ideas expressed the first moment I saw him. He took the advantage of a poor man in distress for my buying a note on a good man, due in a few days. He would not let him have the money short of twenty-five percent. Now if this man wished to speculate on this money, I could not blame Lash so much, but the man wanted to save a home, a shelter for a wife and children. Such advantages taken by the rich are condemnable. Where is there a man that under all circumstances will act strictly honest and upright? I do believe from my own observations that there are very few individuals who do, in all instances, act honest. If you will but observe the bent of nine-tenths of the human family, you will be astonished at the acts of dishonesty committed. And I believe the proportion among professors of religion is equal to that of the heathen. It may be asked, why men are dishonest? And it may be answered that we are so taught from infancy and that the great sum of thought among mankind is not how we shall act to be honest, but how can we get the advantage to serve our own interest and to evade the law. What avails the precepts of age to the youth when he sees the example in every transaction, even of those whose percepts have been to the reverse. Self-love and interest appears to be the strongest pasion of the human family; consequently, to each individual it appears of the most iportance. We should have, it is true, respect for ourselves; but we should regard the feelings of our fellow man.

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Today I had to visit the same place and I requested my companion to accompany me as it is but a small distance and during our walk the conversation turned on this subject. I stated freely my opinion and said, "So long as you harbor such ideas in relation to me and Miss L.C., so long we must be unhappy, because a want of confidence in my veracity would forever destroy your satisfaction and mine also." Because my desire was to see her perfectly contented and if I failed on this I must be miserable. "How," she said, "can you blame me, for you were the cause, in giving the letter inthe way you did, and though you are innocent, here you see my word is no better than air. No confidence."

Fidelity cannot be relied on, and all for nothing. Not even the shade of a shadow for suspicion, but I do believe it is all assumed for the mere purpose of gaining a control over me, in everything where and when fancy or inclination may indicate. I believe so because there is no foundation for any suspicion. And if I am right in my ideas of the cause of this charge against me, it is indeed a poor course to pursue in order to gain the ascendancy, because this way it can never be accomplished. I mention these things that you may see how very small things will destroy the peace and tranquility of a family for years and that you may be very cautious how you give the least suspicion to your fidelity. One innnocent, inconsiderate act done with the best motives from any improper design may forever deprive you of peace or pleasure. The life of a man in the ordinary walks of society is made up of small incidents and one of these a little diverted may upset every prospect of pleasure or good feeling, and initiate perpetual strife. Bear and forgive as far as propriety will sanction, but never be forced into an abandonment of all control over yourself, but in this advice I have supposed you to act just, because when you do wrong, it is your duty to acknowledge it and be directed by any advice that would teach you not to follow such a course. You should accustom yourself to indulge such sentiments and always take good advice.

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I have neglected to mention a visit to Guilford on the 10th inst. to see Doct. W.W. Tyler, who calculated to go in a few days to New York. Before we left that state we had bought on a credit a Bill of Medicine and a few books. And our obligations were given for the amount. I have not for some time put confidence in Tyler, and he had a small due bill against me for a case of instruments I had purchased of him in the Spring, and I wished to discharge it as I was calculating he would give it to an officer as soon as he left. So I called for it. He pretended to seek for said paper, but could not find it. This was in the night and was all a mere pretense to force me to pay to him my portion of notes in Geneva, New York. For this I had not the means and did not wish to pay it to him because these notes might be sent here while he was gone, and perhaps he would not ever return, and then I should lose the money paid him and the whole sum of the notes. I gave him this reason, at which he was not pleased, but did not say much. I now requested him to find the due bill. He said he had been examining his papers and had found several he had, but to me and which expected to have returned, as that was the understanding and I had bought the same articles; however, he insisted on my paying him for them, so I did. He now presses on me several books when I told him, "Tyler, you have treated me unjustly in these other articles and I have acquiesced in it. You now wish to extend that injustice further by compelling me to pay you for those books? I gave you the best books we purchased and you now wish me to purchase them from you? No, sir, because from my regard to you I submitted to one imposition. You must not expect I shall to another. My object is to deal justly with you and every other man, but when one imposition follows another in such rapid succession, I do not feel disposed to acquiesce. Consequently, these books you may dispose of where and when you can."

He now found the due bill and I paid him. I have mentioned this case that you may be on your guard at all times, both with those whom you may consider your friends as well as those you may think your enemies. Never have anything to do with any indivdual without having it distinctly stated on paper and acknowledged by signature, because an honest man will be perfectly willing to do and a dishonest should be made to do it. In the case above, Tyler in the absence of proof intended to make me pay several dollars which he had no right to expect or demand. From this time forward I set him down as a dishonest man and never wish to have anything more to do with him. So if you find a man to be in the least dishonest, wish to have anything more to do with him. So if you find a man to be in the least dishonest, never after, if you can avoid it, have the least to do with him. At once forsake him. He will bring you into difficulty, if he can, from which you may not escape unhurt. BE HONEST! I have thought often of the unhappy female mentioned a few days ago and do not feel altogether as comfortable in relation to her as I have supposed a man would feel if he had acted completely just. I have, however, heard that her infant died the next day after she left here.

Our amity still continued in all its pleasantness and our endeavors to make each other happy in full force. Though some momentary occurrences from mistaken ideas and preconceived notions seem to ruffle the placid surface of the domestic sea. Yesterday we were alone, freely indulging in anticipating the future and the general result of matrimonial pleasure, and that hereafter we should have to divide our attention, as objects accumulated and required our assistance, and the hours we now enjoy uninterrupted would be required to discharge the many duties we should have to discharge in teaching and conducting those that may come after us. From this a subject was introduced in relation to infant Baptism or the christening of children. I freely expressed my ideas on the subject; I in opposition to any such proceeding and declared it, in my opinion, as both erroneous and injurious, consequently ought not to be admitted because it was keeping up a foolish superstition, productive of no benefit whatever either to the child or the sponsors, but a probable injury to both. An injury to those who assumed the title of godfather or mother because the obligations thus agreed to are never, never fulfilled or thought of after. And to the child as it may induce it in after years to assume this as the ground of more perfection than those who have not received this ceremony and as the necessary qualification to entitle them to the appellation of goodness. And not only so, it was calculated to elongate a mere superstition which had already descended too far, and ignorance and folly would longer continue; and as long as people act to perpetuate these imaginary ceremonial traits of goodness, and leave the reality, so long will unhappiness be fastened and so, of course, continued and the sooner we abandon all these scenes of fancy alone, the better for society. No substantial reason can be designed for infant Baptism and it should be at once abolished. My companion listened with great attention to the recital of my ideas and her surprise was equal to her attention. She had imagined that a child could not live unless it had the ceremony of Baptism performed and exclaimed, My! my dear, how can you talk so. I should be ashamed to have a child and not have it christened. I asked why she wanted this ceremony said over an unconscious infant. Because, she said, I was baptized.

And is this all you can produce as a reason for it? No. Everybody has their children christened. Then, because you have had the rite performed to yourself and other people do so, too, you imagine to be sufficient cause and reason for you to follow it? But can you give one reason why this act is necessary? Does it make the child any better, wiser, or more healthy while it is an infant, or even when it grows up and arrives to the years of maturity? Will it then be any better? Or to take into consideration the point you have in view, will it be the more likely to be received by our Savious in consequence of its being baptized? All she could urge in favor of it was that other people had their children christened. Well, now you have given no reason for it except tradition, which proves that it is attended with injury, as it tends to perpetuate supersitious ignorance, and your children will use the same pleaas you do. Yet you cannot give up the idea that your children should live without it. Seeing then that some difficulty might arise, should we ever be brought to the test, I wish to have it decided before such a time may arrive, or it may cause difficulty at a time when we are the least prepared for it. We agreed that all the males, if we should have any, should be as I said, and the females as best suited her pleasure.

This day seems most unfortunate for me, and I may exclaim, well had it been for man had jealousy never entered the mind, for it is the poison of every peace or source of happiness to every individual that comes within the shade of its wide-spreading branches. Its vision is more acute than the Eagle and can see through all barriers; darkness is no barrier against its ocular powers. It possesses a power of magnifying so great that distance only seems to make everything more plain to its sight. Every action, thought, or word is plain to the jealous, though at one hundred miles distant. It appears to be omniscient, and I do not know but it is unchangeable. I much fear it has found an abiding place in the bosom of my wife and there seems disposed to remain. I left home to visit a few patients and among the number a slave of Jacob Conrad's. And from there I went directly above there. As the slave was not likely to recover, I had to see him again tonight. So I concluded to stop as I returned. Night came on becore I arrived at Mr. Conrad's. I called to see to the slave and tarried half an hour. It was past bedtime when I arrived at my own dwelling, with the fond hope of meeting a pleasant reception. But, alas, how different, how changed, how altered. Distressing looks, discontented mind, not a word, not a welcome, and nought but sullen silence and for nought.

What was the cause I could not imagine. I requested an explanation, but could receive none. Not the least satisfaction could be received. However, in some few hours, I ceased all solicitation and concluded to permit time to unfold the mystery. Now if there be no cause sufficient to produce such a disagreeable feeling in the mind, such conduct, without even the shadow of a cause, only in imagination, I see as the effect of a mind filled with erroneous insupportable and this the treatment of a wife who should use every exertion to make my house and home pleasant and agreeable.

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Received some of the materials for my builiding that I should have had three months ago. You will see the necessity of following the admonition I gave you some days ago in relation to this subject. All men do not regard their word. And disappointment follows. And here they come on Sunday. Shame!

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I cannot free my mind from the barbarous cruelty of Clemmons, mentioned yesterday, and he pretending to be a good Methodist Christian. Oh!!! Methodists! Purge your society from such monsters. They would cheat heaven if they could.

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Have visited an old lady who gave me a mournful tale of woe. Her name was Brannon. Her husband had been put in prison for debt by a Mr. B. Clemmons, considered to be a wealthy merchant. Clemmons took the advantage of this old man while he (Brannon) was intoxicated. The old lady found out she was to be stripped of every specie of property by Clemmons and having a Negro or two given to her by her grandfather, she had them sent to Virginis, and Clemmons confined the old man in prison. He has now been there for eighteen months. I hope you will never be guilty of first inducing a man to do wrong and then force him to prison for that very error. It is monstrous injustice.

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And if she then would conduct with the greatest propriety, she could yet get a good respectable home as long as she continued industrious and would forsake the haunts of vice and folly and endeavor to live by the most exemplary deportment, the stain which by imprudence she had brought on her own reputation, which she must be sensible had produced her present degradation and was the cause of her friendless situation. My feelings were much hurt as I saw the deep distress of her once delicate mind; indeed, it touched the briny fountain and the tears fell fast on the almost lifeless infant in her arms. Who could have viewed such anguish without emotion; indeed, I almost repented of the steps I had taken. Now I will leave the unahppy sufferer and hope that all females will shun her example, as such will be the inevitable result of such conduct. The road that leads to virtue, industry, is the only source of happiness and respectability. Vice should be viewed as a monster, ready at any moment to devour the unfortunate victim who may be so imprudent as to trust to his direction, and no antidote will heal the wound thus inflicted and too often when once yielded to, all law of honor is abandoned, and vice gains the whole control. I hope this may never be the fate of any of my offsprings, be they male or female. Let virtue ever shine in your minds and be your guard in darkendss, and you will avoid the consequences above described.

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I will now attempt the recital or description of an occurrence which should have been done on the 13th inst. I have seen before many similar before I had a house of my own, and have thought my conduct would have quite different if I had been in the same situation of those who could act cold and indifferent to the sufferer. I am not perfectly satisfied with my own acts on the subject. I will leave it for you to make up your judgement and approve or otherwise by the recital of the whole affair.

On the evening of the thirteenth, as we were seated by a fine blazing fire, in mutual happiness after partaking last meal for the day, I was rather wet and cool, and I was felicitating myself that I was at home and could enjoy the happiness of our situation not probably imagining that any human being was in a less happy situation than myself. While indulging in these ideas and conversing on the occurrences of the day, suddenly a call was made for admittance and the opening of the door was folowed by the entrance of a female with an infant in her arms. She was tall and delicate in appearance. Her face was pale and countenance indicated intenese sorrow. Her child still more feeble and seemed to be verging fast to the grave. She had sought for shelter in this place at several wealthy and poor places, but could not. They turned her from the door and bid her be gone. The night was cold and an infant that requires her care and the sympathy of mankind, or shall we have no feelings for those that have been unfortunate. Shall this poor creature be deprived of even a shelter and forced to suffer in the streets? Here in this pretended Christian town. The refusal by those who profess Christianity in this is a proof of its reality. Such is not hte conduct said to become a true follower of Him who spake as man never spake. We cannot be justified in refusing this requested shelter even if the mother has once left the course of virtue and wandered in the damps of vice. Such is not the case of the infant in her arms. It is free from crime as the child of a virtuous mother, and common humanity requires of us the same help because it is our duty to give relief in distress, and he who will not does not possess a Christian heart. I looked on her in silent commiseration and sorrow, imagining the keen remorse her unhappy situation produces. May she not have attoned for her folly and now leave a course which experience has taught her the folly of? We made her comfortable for the night as we could. I could not follow the example set by my neightbors and drive her from my house. To superficial observer, she appeared to have a mind quite at ease and contented, but otherwise was the conclusion to those who from the sad experience had become familiar with the agony of misfortune. To me, I thought I could observe the appearance of a mind exhausted with those enervating reflections unavoidably attendant on her forlorn situation. We soon all retired for the night and my companion soon fell asleep and left my mind free for reflection and contemplation. I found that a spirit of selfishness was rapidly fillling my mind and my circumstances are such that it requires all I can procure. Yet I wished to do justice and act correctly and make a strict regard to justice. My line of conduct, I said to myself, never act unjustly to any and particularly against a helpless infant and a destitute mother, although that mother may have deserved her present distress. My house must be where circumstances do not forbid a shelter for the destitute and those that require a lodging for the night. Never can I turn from my door the distressed while they properly conduct themselves; never will I say you cannot have shelter here because you have done wrong once; go and find a place in the midst of vice or in the streets. No. It is injustice and inhumanity. It shows a feeling of inhospitality unknown among the untutored savages of the forest and a total want of any philanthropy which ought to dwell in every individual bosom. It is no reasonable or rational excuse to say that the sufferer has done amiss. But now the morning develops a new train of ideas. A new train of ideas which emphatically come home and touch the mainspring of benevolence, placing the benevolent in a critical situation. This morning she declares her intention of staying with me until her infant recovers or dies and from present symptoms it is not probable it will be long, but it may possible live months. But I have not any doubt of the fate of the child. What must now be done? How am I to do? How shall I act and do justice?

I took a view of my family and situation, and I found this situation: I have just commenced a home of my own and have not had time to fix and arrange those things necessary for our own convenience, and am now repairing my dwelling and outhouses and necessarily must have laborers and they require a place and add much to our perplexity, and I have to earn everything by my own labor. Now am I, in justice, bound to keep this unfortunate woman? Does even humanity demand it of me or do the tears of the sufferer call to me or any individual under these circumstances to yield to their melting tones? I think not. My reasons are: first, no person or individual is bound to make himself or family unhappy in order to accomodate others. Secondly, it is the duty of every individual to use his endeavor to diminish the sum of misery in the aggregate and of each individual as much as he has the power, and not diminish the small quantity of those dependent on him. And to do this, of course, our assistance must lie to individuals and this proceed from one to the other until it reaches the extremity of society. Here then I have placed my justification, because if I had granted the request I should have made a greater number unhappy and uncomfortable and from this consideration alone, did I tell her she must seek for a more convenient abode. I gave her the proper direction in relation to her child and the probability of her soon being freed form the necessity of further trouble with and that she would be at liberty to procees to labor free from any incumbrance, but feeble health.

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I have contrary to my wish stayed at home during the day and the only reason is I have had no place to visit. The evening shade has arrived and all is hushed in sleep. My mind fully employed amid the stillness that surrounds me, in comparing my present and past situation in life. I find I have committed errors in several particulars, but will endeavor to avoid them in the future. I find that our connubial confidence is apparently as strong as ever and willingness to bear and forbear seems to have gained for some time past; yet when difficulties occur, old occurrences are very apt to rise fresh in the recollection and this may be adduced as one particular reason why a domestic, disquietude weakens that confidence so important in the married life. It should be the aim of both to avoid contention and before resorting to any such measure to suffer much in order to preserve a good understanding. There is no situation so pleasant now that can afford such real happiness, none so replete with enjoyment, wants and wishes free from fear or anxiety as that of an agreeable married state, where both desire the welfare and respectability of the other; and no situation more deplorable than that where enmity has destroyed all confidence. My short experience has made such impressions on my mind and if all should continue as it is they are now, I could defy the hand of time to make any inroad on my happiness in relation to my companion. No. Nothing would disturb our harmony and all our troubles would arise from inability to procure a competence and other misfortunes entirely beyond her control. How these things may terminate, time will decide and I shall endeavor to relate for I wish you should know and avoid all if possible of those difficulties.

I have been the victim of disappointment and its consequences for some time past. I had engaged all the necessary materials for a building four months ago and all of these were to be delivered here on the first of October and are not yet arrived. People in many instances do not regard their word and it seems to me they often promise when they do not perform intentionally. When you once find out such men the only is to put a severe penalty on them in case of failure and this you must have in writing with a good reliable witness. If you do not do this, you will suffer loss by disappointment and when you depend on a man's work to furnish you with anything you want, engage that these things shall be ready long before you expect to use them so that you may have time to make other arrangements in case of disappointment.

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Expenses of the day far exceed the income. This is contrary to my wish and disagreeable to my feelings.

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Have been at home all day, attending to building my barn. I find it requires much attention to those you employ if you wish to have your work done as you wish, and you must tell them that it must be done as you want it.

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Have seen that my expenses are more than I could wish without a more great income. Still I have endeavored not to purchase only things quite necessary. I cannot too often caution you on this point to be always on your guard, that you do not exceed your expectations of debts for littles every day soon amount to large sums.

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The day is fine for this season. Rode about fourteen miles to see a man who had money locked up in the chest and his house and famijly in the most nasty, dirty situation imaginable. But this was not his fault as much as that of his wife. She is teaching several daughters to be just like herself. It is deplorable to see inculcated in a family such low feelings of propriety.

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Have rode some little today considering it is much better to be doing a little than nothing.

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At home all day. Reading and writing.

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The luminary of the day has once more disappeared. The shades of night find me in my own house, seated by a good fire. This is pleasant.

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I have again visited the young lady mentioned on the fourth instant, and sorry to say, my notion of the terminating of the case in dissolution more speedy than anticipated. Here is a source of anxiety and I cannot remove from the mind.

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I find this day produces many idlers. No reading can be seen among them. They must go and hear instruction or they are not good Moravians, and are under the displeasure of the Creator. This is the force applied. None go for the idea of goodness or with the idea that the human family will be benefited by it or from goodness itself. Such religion is of but little consequence.

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Like many others has produced but little benefit to me, yet I have been employed in regulating my accounts and reading.

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Have rode but little today. My reflections have been on my situation and the serious of my life and the cause of these difficulties; a few of these causes are left in the preceding pages and I hope you may profit by these few observations.

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I have bid adiew to this day and have but add I have employed in mental improvement and the last gleams of the clear setting sun, and thought that it could be the last time I might be permitted to see so pleasant an earthly scene.

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Visited a young lady, Miss Sutif, who has for years labored in an effection of the liver, and from durancy and exposure, excited, acute inflammation of that organ, and will never recover. Sorrow and repentance will come for every erroneous act.

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Rode but a small distance today. Reading.

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Have spent the day at home in reading and attending the repairs of the house.

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The day has passed and I find that nothing has occurred to change my reflections.

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I have been much astonished at the small amount of creative genius some people possess and at the same time pretending to be mechanics. I left home this morning and gave a Mr. Holder directions in relation to removing and readjusting a flight of stairs. I came home about four o'clock and found the stairs in the same place as when I left home this morning. I inquired the cause and he gave the best of reasons and that was he did not know how to get them out of the place and he did not think it could be done. I was surprised and told him I could remove them safely in one hour without the least help and I went to work and he stood and looked at me and in three-fourths of the time I had them from the place. You will find perplexities of this kind frequently occur in the course of life, and you will find it much better to act so as not to injure by abruptness the feelings of the individual, unless the failure originates from indolence and then the sooner you are free from such an indiviudal the better.

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I have at work, spinning, a young woman named Nancy Corelius. She is indebted to me for medcal attendance. She is healthy and able to do any kind of housework, but is too lazy to do anything. She has no consideration about herself, nor cares how she looks. Her clothes are not half made or half adjusted to the body, and her face, hands, fet, and clothes are never clean. No telling seems to have any effect. She loves to be on the streets more than in the house. She can never be beloved or respected, but scorned by all and for no other cause than having her own way.

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Have visited a man by the name of Jacob Conad, known by the appellation of "Kelt," which means in German "money," not because he has so much money or wealth, but because he is so very loath to part with it when he gets a little. He will suffer before he will part with a cent. We should use our labor to alleviate our real wants, but not those that are merely imaginary. But if we are able, we may be more liberal. But yet I cannot condemn the course this individual follows because if he lives to be very aged or from any cause should become disabled so that he could not labor, he will have something to support him, which under these circumstances will afford him more satisfaction than feeding now a facetious want or mere vanity. We ought to prepare for age or inability.

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This day has gone much as the preceding. Done but little business.

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The day has passed smoothly down the current of time and left nothing to mourn except I have done but little today to add to my income.

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It is probably impossible to calculate the amount of misery, contention, and strife that have been introduced into the domestic circle by such means as have been mentioned and I seriously apprehend that such seed sown in the bosom of my companion will ahve a very deleterious tendency.

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This idle day has again returned and you find many using it agreeable to that appellation. None think of improvement, either moral or religious, but the various schemes of interest are discussed by some. Most assuredly this is a deplorable state of society and calls aloud for reform. I find that day affords me an opportunity of noting a few momentary ideas that have occasionally run through my mind since the seventeenth inst. I have endeavored to keep on the smooth, level path, let occurrences be as they may, using my utmost exertion to create the idea that they were unnoticed by me. My countenances and appearance are closely scrutinized by many. Yet none have had sufficient penetration to open the storehouse of my thoughts and these read the ideas concealed and unutteredor expressed by any external indication. My countenance is under my control, never betraying the internal commotions that may be raging unless at my request or permission. Enemies sometimes are of benfit particularly to the young who have not the opportunity of good counsel or wil not listen to the admonitions of experience as it teaches them not to place too much reliance on any individual until a long and varied course of acquaintance has in various ways proved them friends, for in the common acceptation of friendship, receiving confidence, it is a mere show, an interested pretense, solely for the purpose of deception, no reliance can be placed on it; always be on your guard; never step beyond the bounds of well-defined prudence or it may prove your ruin.

Secondly, it causes him who has suffered from confidence prematurely confided in, and instead of that expeted continuance of friendship, enmity has assumed its place, to be more careful and watchful over his own conduct. It puts him on the outpost guard, and more carefully observe the approach and movements of all claimants to confidence. It elicits a close examination of our past course of life, in order to see when, where, and under what circumstances, and how he was led into difficulties, when every external appeared so favorable and entiicing. It leans us to know that we are not free from danger when everything around appears pleasant and prosperous, and particularly so if that pleasantness and prosperity be not the fruit of our own honest industry. We see there are some advantages, as well as disadvantages, resulting from false friendship. I pleace these things here that you may profit from my experience and avoid the consequences, which I hope you will. I hope these lessons will learn me to become more wise and life declines, and to endeavor to give to those who may come after correct ideas and hints how in some degree to avoid the evils arising from too much confidence placed on small acquaintance. One hour, week, month, or year will not do. It must be years, and several of them too, before you dare venture one inch. Men are corrupt, fraudulent; nothing will make them honest but bonds, and these must be witnesses. May it ever be my delight to expose to you the good and bad actions of men from what I have seen and felt.

It is no uncommon occurrence to see injustice added to inhumanity. This I had presented to my view no longer ago than yesterday. And the circumstances attending it and the effects produced are so conected with my peace that I cannot refrain from noticing it as one of the ten thousand unexpected incidents of life. It is not a little surprising that so many individuals will do that which, when done by others, they positively condemn and represent it as quite unpardonable; all under the same or similar circumstances. My mother-in-law is a woman of delicate health and easily touched when self is the object effected. Often have I heard her complain and weep because her husband had said, at some unlikely moment, a few words not exactly in accordance with her feelings. Oh! How ungrateful, hard hearted and unjust to use such language, and for nothing. She could not help it. She was not in the fault. She considered it quite unjust for him to inflict such pain on her. Now, see how soon she herself commits the same crime and even steps much farther from the road of justice. My companion has often been abraded by her mother for that which she cannot help, when the mother is entirely in the fault that it is so, and could have effectually remedied the very evil of which she complains. I went up to my mother-in-law's yesterday morning where my wife had been gone for some time, and when I entered the house I found my wife in tears and from appearance had been for some time. I saw the countenance change, and not a word spoken, which led me to imagine that I might have been mentioned, which I learned to be the fact, blaming her for what I had done, just as though she had the full control over my actions, and the whole affair of her spite thus vented on me was because I had once left home and went to see some patient (much more dangerous) when she was sick. She said I was mean and all I could think about or cared about was the Irish in the country, meaning the English; that I did not care for her and did not care for my wife, and that if she was dying I would go off and leave her. This and much more of the same nature was said. Now, she did not act the Christian in this case if she is a Moravian, though I think she is a very good woman, only little to selfish. Now this was to use the most language a very injudicious reproof to me. Instead of doing good and endeavoring to make her daughter peaceful and contented, she was endeavoring to sow the bitter seed of disaffection and discontent, and if there had been before this an inclination of that kind, this was the course to aggravate the evil. I have been much disturbed from this cause and now believe that the difficulty before mentioned was instigated by the mother by just such representations, and am now satisfied that interference will have an unpleasant tendency in our domestic relations. I could never have anticipated that the mother of a child could wish to make that child unhappy, but such is the misguided notion of many. They act and never stop to think of the ends of that action. I have no cause, yet, to regrest my change of life. If we unite our endeavors, as it is our duty to make each other comfortable as our circumstance require, all will be well. If not, all will be ill.

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It may be stated every day has its pains and pleasures, incomes and expenses, at least if everything else should stand stationary for one day, expense would continue. I find that it requires very close attention to this item in a man's life, or he will have to suspend payment. Indeed it does require great circumspection in a man to confine himself within the proper bounds, if his income which depends entirely on the proceeds of his own industry. It is the duty of every man to have a balance in his favor every evening; there should be no exceptions to this in health. If that balance be ever so small, it will amount to something and be an evidence and an excellent one, too, that he is solvent and that there is no dread of the cast of officers hanging over him; no fear of the jails; and it has another advantage of no small value, and that is it produces peace of mind, contentment that few of the affluent feel. It also acts as a wholesome stimulent for further and greater efforts to increase that income; it teaches to be very circumspect in purchasing, that you get only what real necessity requires. By strictly attending to these indications and a continued application of them in youth and middle age, you will be able, in the latter period of life, to live comfortable and contented without labor and have a beautiful scene of retrospection that your past days have been properly spent in honest industry and that you are enjoying the fruits and rewards of time used as it should be in labor and economy.

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I have visited a young man today who has set in the house nearly eighteen months. He has been disordered in the digestive functions and has become so convinced that he cannot move, that he will not try. The best remedy he could have applied is left to his own resources and hunger would force some kind of movement which would be of more advantage than all the medicine. I can administer a few pills which will suffice for him.

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The place here is everything but peace and love, tattling and backbiting are more prevalent than feasting and prayers, though the former is attended to much more than the latter. I have never yet heard of Moravians ever attending to evening prayer in his family, nor have I ever seen or heard of anyone of this society except their preachers pray in public. I do not believe they do ever pray at all.

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How many happy and useful hours do we completely spend in making ourselves, and all who are around us, miserable? All such proceedings or actions are in reality unpardonable, particularly in married people who have bound themselves in the most solemn and sacred obligation to be kind, affectionate, and a departure from that seems to be an infraction of that agreement, and the first infringing is doubly culpable, because that may stimulate a resentment not easily to be appeased, and frequently recurrence of this unpleasant animosities is sure to weaken, if not utterly destroy, every vestige of affection, and a rain of vice and evils generally bring up the rear of a degraded existence.

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Who is it that should first teach the lisping infant to articulate aright? Most certainly the mother. Who should be well qualified to direct the first operations of infantile intellect? Most assuredly the mother. Who should understand the most proper and effectual way to correct in a mild way, and at a proper time, all the little thousand deviations and departures from correct actions? An intelligent mother. And for the best of reasons, all this is the proper, legitimate duty of the mother, because she is always present with them and her mind is less occupied with obtaining the necessaries of life and all the perplexities incident to the inevitable intercourse with the world forced on the man or father in ordinary life. I am disposed to think that much of the goodness and greatness of man in after life depends on the manner the infant mind has been conducted and disciplined and muchof this should be conducted by information and reflection; and this the mother should possess. To me it appears it is the most sacred duty incumbent on the mother to qualify herself that she may be capable to discharge these obligations in every particular, as a neglect of these duties must, in many instances, be attended with melancholy effects. Such, indeed, I fear will yet present themselves to me in some considerable degree. It may be considered by some that it is unwise to anticipate troubles and difficulties that may never occur, but it is a duty we owe to ourselves to prepare for these that are probable to occur.

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For some time our dwelling has been illuminated by a pleasant serenity that would have reconciled any individual. Love, the only true cement of connubial bliss, I had hoped had returned to cheer our remaining days but, alas, today seems to indicate the reverse and all has vanished. I know not where or for why my companion saw proper to leave home in no pleasant feeling, without giving any cause and returned at night with the same appearance, not only regardless of all just propriety, but perfectly indifferent to her own health. Here you will observe that persons who are determined to cause trouble and perplexity will even inflict punishment on themselves and it does seem to me they would, in order to carry their point, subject themselves to irreparable ill health. It has been my constant endeavor to keep as near one point as possible, that my example should have a good effect in keeping that harmony which ought to exist. I have observed and reflected much, and cannot ever consent to abandon an upright and just principle, to uphold and protect an unjust, or consent to become a vindicator of gossiping because it ought to be discountenanceed by all. We owe it, as a duty to society, to eradicate all such common vices, and all that we cannot accomplish by precept we should endeavor to gain by example. It is this I wished to accomplish, that it should become the delight of those who are near and dear to me, whom I rejoice to see happy in doing good and really desirous of extending these blessings to those who may live now and also those that may succeed us. I now look forward with much anxiety to a period when will devolve on me a responsiility of great importance and to be prepared, properly, for that moment is one of my great desires. But I now see it is much more difficult than could have been expected to change those notions, erroneous as can be, inculcated during the early part of life. In fact, it seems impossible to overcome them; experience and reason are unavailable. It has been imagined by many that all the female portion of the human family require no education. Fatal mistake.

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Is a pleasant day. The sun has been beautiful and now is just descending in magnificent grandeur below the horizon. Why could not man have always been as steady and unvarying in his disposition as marks the glory of your orb? He must be of much more importance than any inanimate matter. Why was man, or why is man, made the slave of unending disquiet? Has his nature changed from its primeval purity, or has nature made a greater variety of circumstances to surround him, and these more enticing and calculated to lead him from the true path of virtue, or has the improvement of which he boasts been instrumental in destroying his peace and benevolence, so plain to be seen on every countenance at this age or the world? My own opinion is that man has been the cause of all the misery under which he groans. His improvements, like every natural good, becomes detrimental by being used to some improper end. Why is it that when man has a proper opportunity of enjoying the things of life, he does not improve the moment and not wait until the object be gone and then lament his folly, and become miserable because of that procrastination? It has been said, and said truly, that we are not sensible of happiness until it takes its flight. There can be no doubt but this last has been, and will continue to be, a source of a great portion of the unhappiness now prevalent in the world.

I have for several years observed the effect that this very circumstance has produced on myself and have observed its operation on others; there is only one way to avoid it and that is when you have anything that duty requires you to do, whether it be for your pleasure, aside from the consideration of your fellow man, is to do it at the moment and not put it off and think that some other time will do as well. No! Grasp it at once, for if it be really an incumbent duty, there can be no danger attending its indulgence. Glad would I be if it was not so often the case in relation to myself. I have frequently, from diffidence alone, refrained from doing that which duty required until it was entirely too late, and have suffered for it not only in mind, but property also. I would recommend you to follow different courses in this respect and when you have any business with a man to do the first opportunity and by no means neglect it. If what you may have to do be agreeable, it will be the less, so the longer you defer and if it be disagreeable, it will increase in that disagreeableness. So by far the best and most proper way is to have it done at once.

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The supposed bewitched Negress is much better today. The man really asked me if I did not think she was bewitched. My answer was no and that in the course of a few months he would have the witch added to his estate.

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Visited a negro woman, the property of Phillip Miller, said to be bewitched; but she had been rather freely indulging with the male part of mankind. It is very singular that people in this age of the world should believe in such absurdities. Such is the power of superstition over the reasoning faculties of the mind, that those ideas impressed on while young and impressions easily made, that it is difficult to eradicate them in after life.

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The day has passed away without observing any innovation.

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I have been actively engaged today and was called to see a woman in a critical situation. I propsoed what I considered must be done, and was violently opposed by a middle-aged termagant who declared it should not be done, as it would kill the woman. I took my hat and bid them good evening and went my way. Such are the superior knowledge and sagacity of the ignorant.

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I have visited several patients today, among them there was a poor disconsolate widow surrounded by several children creating more misery than consolation because they had no regard for the mother. Her oldest son, now a man grown, was given to the vice of drunkenness, neglecting everything about the plantation regardless of the salutary admonitions of an aged mother. Her daughters planning visits and preparing gaudy dresses to wear in romping about the neighborhood. Such undutiful children will see the time of repentance, chagrin, and remorse for such conduct. Every respectable individual in the whole community looks upon them with disgust. We should be kind and dutiful to our parents.

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Time fast advances, accomplishing its work faster than the swift winged arrows of light; speeding all things into the gulf of eternity and forgetfulness and bringing many unexpected occurrences to light, and activities some laden with agreeable and others with disagreeable consequences. Our connubial life moves amid the general commotion as calmly as has been latterly anticipated, some few unpleasant indications occasionally occur, but by perfect silence and complete forbearance have as yet succeeded in allaying these morbid excitements, and I really hope that such may be the case while life may continue to vibrate. But it is rather an unfavorable symptom, this soon to return after its recent departure. I have felt quite indisposed for several days, which with the occurrences of the ninteenth of September cause some disagreeable thoughts.

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I view each day as it passes as one less in the history of my existence, and less of pleasure and pain.

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Have been over the Yadkin River to a few patients; one of them a Negress belonging to a Mr. Randal. Miserable indeed is the poor old creature's situation. Broken down by age and hard labor. Yet now in her last momets has no comfort from commiseration.

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Have been at home reading during the day.

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Have been occupied in attending the sick.

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Some few clouds may be seen collecting in the domestic horizon, but I hope a pleasant breeze may dispel them.

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I have nothing to relate of the day. All the same.

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I have rode a few miles today and the residue in reading. I hope you will use your spare moments in improving the mind, as it is a source of pleasure and profit.

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At home, attending to adjusting some conveniences about the house and reading.

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I have not much professional business for several days. It seems quite healthy. But I find a plenty of pleasant and beneficial employment in my library, a source of unfading beauty.

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The day is agreeably warm and pleasant. Nothing has occurred to change my reflection. By economy and industry, I hope to procure an honorable living and never envy those who may prosper more than myself.

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I have remained at home today and confined to reading and preparing medicine. I am discontented unless employed. The month expires today, and the scenes that have occurred to me are not likely soon to be eradicated from the memory.

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The intensity of my feelings for some time past have been so intense and constant that they begin to give way and I feel a little relieved, and I should be much pleased if it could settle down into a calm once more and there remain.

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I have been absent a few hours today and have observed nothing changing.

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From the observations of the few preceding days, the feelings of mind can well be imagined. Yet, I continue to have as much business as ever, notwithstanding that Mr. Transue has called several from the street and endeavored to induce them not to call on me for assistance. I do not envy the happiness such a mind produces. As for myself I feel no disposition to inflict even a wound on his feelings, much less on his interest. My only hope is that he may see that he has unjustly done me wrong and feel that compunction which is calculated to produce reformation.

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I do not believe that Doctor Shuman ever made the declaration attributed to him. If he has, it can be accounted for on no ohter principle than self-interest. He might have imagined that I was increasing in reputation and would in a few years come in competition with his popularity and that now, backed by such a set of false newsbearers, he had a favorable opportunity of at once putting a stop to my career, in its infancy as it could be more easily done now than at any future period.

(Marginal note later penned: In 1836 I had conversation with Shuman and he said it was all false. E.H.W.)

There may be some little redeeming quality if the doctor had such ideas, but in the willful falsehoods of the others, there is none, because it was pure malice alone that induced them to such diabolical acts. Mrs. Transue, though aunt to my wife, was tenfold worse than he was. This is the first time I ever lived by a neighbor that would not speak when we met. Such things are very unpleasant. Now I will tell you my course. I listened to every report that came to my ears and said nothing against Transue or Shuman, but felt ready and willing to speak to him at any moment, resting assured that time would correct the whole affair, and in the end probably it would not be detrimental, or at least not to the extent desired. And as to the probability, it will do me more good than harm. And I think this much the best way to act in all similar cases. I have no doubt that if I should live here a few years, Solomon Transue will again be as good a friend to me as he wever was, and that he will again call on me for professional aid, though he swears he never will.

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I shall now proceed to make a full statement of all the facts connected with my present feeling. I was, on the night of the twelfth of July last, called from my bed to see a Negro woman who had been in labor for sixteen hours, attended by a Negress midwife. I found things in an unpleasant situation. More I believe from the ungovernable conduct than from any other impropriety. I found, after a short stay, that unless the woman could be made to mind, the child would be dead in a very short time. Of this I acquainted the mistress (Mr. Transue was absent) and also told her unless she could be induced to conduct herself, I could have nothing to do with her at all, stating that the child would be born after awhile, but it would be dead. No means were taken to force obedience. I left and went home. About sunrise I was again requested to see her, as it was declared the woman could not live in her present situation. I went and soon succeeded in my design. In some few days thereafter, I was again asked to visit, as her situation was precarious. I went and tended on her for some time everyday, and had done everything that was required to be done. Transue now got offended at me because I did not subscribe to a school to be taught by B.C. Oppett. He now saw a way prepared to get satisfaction and declared to all and everywhere that his slave was getting worse everyday, declaring that I knew nothing about the complaint. He consulted the wife of C. Lash, a real dissembler on every subject, and a conspicuous detractor joined with several more not necessary to mention. It was concluded by his wife, who by the by, has never shunned a falsehood, if she wished to do an injury, to send for Doct. Shuman from Salem. He came and was told by some half dozen that no one had done anything to the woman but me, a declaration most wanton and unfounded and uncalled for, but by the real disposition he must possess for false declarations. It could not have originated from interest, because it could have producted no benefit to him in no possible manner. No, it was nothing but false malice, a deliberate intention to injure me. It was one of those acts that have their origin in sordid, selfish, low mind. It is real devil-like, doing evil for good. The report was immediately circulated far and near and was declared by Mrs. Transue, that Shuman had said in Salem that I had done an irreparable injury to Transue's slave by using cutting instruments. A more willful and barefaced falsehood was never told by human lips, because in the first place there was no necessity for instruments of any kind and, secondly, I had no kind of an instrument within the house. Now I ask, where is there a man having one item of a good principle warming his breast that could have fabricated such reports and all devoid of truth or evidence? None but the very dregs of the human family.

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Man does not feel for the misfortunes of his fellow man. Self is the predominant principle by which he is guided in his course of conduct toward others. And in many instances in a religious community, they are more unfeeling than the natives of our forests, and as unfeeling as the beasts of prey. Often endeavoring by false means to filch the reputation of one of his fellows from no better motive than that he cannot bear to see his neighbor accumulate property or live in peace. Pain, misery, or suffering he regards not so long as it does not disturb him. Unfeeling and merciless does he make, exaggerate and circulate unfounded reports, leaving out every true or even palliating circumstance connected with the transaction. You may say and properly enough also, if these reports are false, why let them pass and not even notice them? And I would not have noticed them had it been for the fact of showing how many perplexing things occur in life. A private individual's life is made up of such little varieties of perplexities, and it frequently happens that he is accused unjustly and often praise is abundantly bestowed when not deserved. It should be our object to blame and praise when due, and never exaggerate the one or depress the other. And an untrue statement should never be made; truth should be held sacred and never departed from. I believe that truth will prevail nine times out of ten in spite of all the falsehoods that interest can invent, and that when you are basely calumniated it is much the better way to say but little about it.

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Having accomplished the adjustment of the difficulties before described, I have still unpleasant difficulties that occurred sometime ago or the foundation of it was laid. It is said of misery, man is the author to himself. Probably this may be the case in most instances, yet the deep distress that I feel arises not from conscious guilt, but from the base representation of conscious rectitude. A base and false report made and circulated for the sole purpose of doing me injury in my business.

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Not willing to permit this first important inroad upon our happiness without that mild reproof which it seemed to require, with hope that it would have the effect of preventing a recurrence of similar unpleasant difficulties, I then stated in serious, candid, and manner the most mild, that all our happiness depended entirely on our mutual confidence and that if this was once destroyed, our respect and happiness was gone forever. That if differences in opinion did occur, we must endeavor to deny ourselves the expected pleasure, which must endure, while life last and that there was no real happiness to be found in any other path except that of duty. This is the only foundation of true happiness and whenever we disregard this we must expect corresponding consequences. Having thus reasoned the case, after the excitement had subsided, and time had elapsed sufficiently long for deliberate reflection, all was amicably adjusted for the present and a prospect of more peaceful days seemed favorable. Time will determine its durability.

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It would have been much pleasure to me could I have avoided the recital of the occurrences of today. I have, for several days, suffered in mental agitation severe pain, and judging from the cause which producted it, there is reason to fear that the present is but the commencement.

I will now in as short a space as practicable relate the cause of the disturbance. I will here say that I adore my companion and my object and wish is to make her contented and comfortable. But I can never consent to act in opposition to what appears to me to be improper in order to accomplish it. I cannot abandon propriety for impropriety, principle for unprinciple. These to me are everything and if I now resign them, want and misery still more galling will haunt my hours of repose. Indeed, I could not expect to be countenanced by any. No, I had much rather embrace the could arms of death than live disrespected. I observed more than a usual degree of dissatisfaction depicted on the countenance of my companion. A cold, unsociable indifference to everything but her own self. I was at home the greater portion of the day and endeavored to amuse her by reading, as I thought this would be attended with both pleasure and profit but, alas, it produced no effect but a sullen mode of contempt. It was all the expression that could be elicited. Having some medicine to compound, and as I cannot set idle, I employed my time in this for a while. When all at once, she spoke, the first time during the day, and very abruptly said, "I am a good mind to go and get Alexander to go with me to get some grapes." Having been treated so disrespectfully my reply was quite improper, but I had been so irritated I could have submitted to any severity without emotion. I said, "You had better get some of the other boys to go with you." Now she had never intimated to me nor could I get her to declare the cause of her unhappy state of mind that she wanted grapes or anything of the kind. Had she requested me to have accompanied her I should have done so. I now said I would go with her if she wished as it would afford me much pleasure to do so, as I desired to see her contented and happy. But she gave no reply. As for myself I had no desire for these things, but if it would be productive of satisfaction to her I would take great delight in accompanying her. But all to no purpose, silent contempt seemed to afford more satisfaction than my proffered company. But I well knew the cause. I have been for the last week so much confused in mind as not to feel disposed for conversation, even to my best friends, and from no other cause than this domestic disquietude. And the first start of all was this. Today there is a camp meeting a few miles from this place, and my wife had during the week expressed a desire to go. To which I said I was not inclined, and did not wish to attend, and that my business there seemed to forbid the idea as it was my duty to be here at home unless called away and that I could see more satisfaction at home than abroad unless on business of a pecuniary nature. And this is not all, if I was ever so desirous of going and nothing before mentioned to oppose, I would not go because I have no vehicle for that purpose and my circumstances fordibs even the idea of purchasing one at present. And as to borrowing, you know my aversion. Having thus stated my real objections, hoping that reason would have its proper effect in restoring her mind to its proper state, I then mildly asked her if she still wished to go and received the unpleasant reply, "I shan't tell you whether I do or not, because you do not want me to go."

I was astonished and said no more. is this a bosom companion, dividing the troubles and sorrows incident to life and endeavor by cheerfulness and resignation to our situation to make it pleasant and agreeable to all and particular to her companion, whose welfare should be her greatest delight and afford her more pleasure than gazing at the multitude. The feelings of my own mind I cannot describe. I went to Mr. A. Conrad and requested that he would take her in his carriage; came home and saddled my horse; and went to visit the afflicted, her words and conduct was ever in my ears and eyes, I saw all was lost of peace and confidence. I returned home and found my dwelling locked and evacuated. She was gone. Where or with whom I know not. I will not praise my own goodness or pretend that I am any better than others, but believing the course adopted by me was the correct and proper one, in every consideration, it was her duty to have acquiesced in it. But no, believing the course adopted by me was the correct and proper one in every consideration, it was her duty to have acquiesced in it. But no, that love of power and want of control over men, that love of power and want of control over mere desire; and without one good motive attending it was so great, that she would sacrifice peace and happiness for life for a mere moment of gazing at the crowd and confusion of a camp meeting. Now what must be the inevitable consequence of such proceeding? Perfect death to all good and kind feeling. Complete loss of domestic happiness, annihilation of all respect, love or esteem, indifference to everything near or dear, changing in every respect the balmy couch of connubial felicity turning that which on earth should be a heaven into the torments of despair, and at last complete estrangement and final destruction of constancy! All for fancy!!!

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Many are the necessities of life producing as many and various ideas and attending or producing a multiplicity of feelings. And he who is so insensible that he cannot see any just rules of conduct must approach the nearest to happiness and this must depend on ignorance or indifference. But he who wishes to view things in a proper and rational light must never expect to feel the pleasure of contentment while he sees things in opposition to all propriety unless he be left entirely by himself and free from the causes that disturb the mind or when objects of a different nature so engage his attention that it excludes the disagreeable scene. Yet the feelings of commiseration for those we love almost forbids an abstraction of thought so completely as to remove the unhappiness or if it should, it will be momentary. NO! The man of just feelings wishes to see all happy by seeking the only legitimate cause of true happiness: acting justly to all and viewing the peculiar circumstances that may oppose desire, because a thing perfectly just in some circumstances are quite improper in others. We should, when under the excitement of desire, endeavor to cast aside that detestable veil which it casts over the real nature of these. For instance, you wished inordinately to see a friend and had made calculations to have done so on a certain day, but you found on that day one of your neighbors is in great distress and had depended on you for assistance and combined with this, it was your interest as well as duty to give your aid. Now you should not suffer your desire to see your friend cause you to neglect the requirements of duty to your neighbor. No! Duty alone can ensure real happiness or respectability. We should have a disposition and a determination to do good, not only to ourselves, but to our fellow creatures, instead of that selfishness which seeks mere ideal pleasure. If you wish to enjoy real happiness predicated on the principle of doing good to all and relieving distress whenever found, and you have the ability acting agreeable to the dictates of humanity, arrived at by sober reflection; duty can alone ensure it. And if this be not the governing principle in a family, real happiness cannot there exist.

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The weather is somewhat cooler than for a few days past. No occurrence of consequence. I can plainly discover from all the circumstances that have, and are, transpiring that a fatal calamity to all peace of a domestic, will soon burst upon us and its effects will be as durable as life, because when once an infraction is made in connubial confidence, it never again returns in its first purity or extent.

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Nothing affords me more satisfaction than constant employment, as it is an evidence that I shall at least procure by honest industry the means of sustenance for myself and family, and not only this, but it keeps the mind engaged on its execution, thereby preventing thousands of unprofitable and tormenting thoughts.

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I have been engaged steadily during the day and have succeeded in saving a small debt. How many ways some of those never-pay fellows try in order to avoid paying a just debt. One of the holders was indebted to me for services and was getting boards for Wm. A. Lash and for fear I should find it out, employed another individual to fetch them to town. However, I found it out and saved my debt, much to the dissatisfaction of holder. Such men you will frequently encounter.

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Nothing to relate of the day except its pleasantness. I wish my mind could resemble it in such perfect calmness and serenity.

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The day is pleasant, fine and elegant, and agreeable warm breeze is constantly in motion. Have rode some distance today. I wish at all times to be employed.

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The day has departed and I am at home after a few hours absence to visit the family of the Rev. Michael Doub. Some conversation with him on the subject of religion. We do not coincide in sentiment.

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The more I reflect on what I have done for A.D. Gage, the more I am satisfied I have done injustice to myself and family. I hope you will remember these things, because put them on the most favorable ground that you have not to pay them, yet they produce a disagreeable effect on the mind. Keep free from security.

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Have rode considerable distance today and have reflected much on the cause of the interference of other people in the administration of Medicine. Some pretend to be judges when the proper Medicine is given to others, but when they require our aid they are very cautious of taking it without advice. This shows a native disposition to hypocrisy, a pretension to something more than they really are or to be considered wiser and greater than others in the same walks of life and at the same time destitute of a proper feeling for others.

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Mind somewhat agitated by misrepresentation of the case of Mrs. Conrad and strong solicitation by some for her to call council when there is none required. This is the fate of a Medical man. We must put up with all such interference.

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Employed in reading and compounding Medicine, and a visit to Mrs. Conrad.

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I have observed nothing changeable today. Gloomy anticipations continue.

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The day has passed and gone. I have spent the day in reflection and reading. My circumstances are constant in mind. I now see them unfavorable, and a species of gloomy anticipation appears hovering round the mind. And a small portion of our time probably cannot be better employed than in considering how we stand and the situation of future prospects. It has a tendency to restrain extravance if such a disposition should be present.

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One more of those peaceful days have arrived in which I have been permitted to stay at home, with the exception of a few hours soon in the morning when I visited Mr. Conrad, who to my great satisfaction, is convalescent. My time has been occupied in reading medical works I find very agreeable.

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Nothing is so productive in substantial pleasure as an honest, plain, and undissembled action in every sphere of life. All other endowments appear contemptible where the above are wanting.

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I have the reflections of yesterday with the fond hope that you will ever keep the path of honesty and virtue not only for the sake of the name, but because they are good and will afford substantial peace and permanent serenity of mind in all circumstances and stations of life.

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Time advances us onward toward the appointed period where all must vanish. The shades of life are various; one moment all is pleasant and the next dreadfull storms are gathering in the horizon. The chain breaks and all is suddenly enveloped in ruin. Apparent situations are not real. But this much I will declare from my present information that all the unhappiness which has occurred to us since married has been produced by others interfering unjustly in our domestic relations. Some sly insinuations, calculated to engender suspicion, would be used by those who envy peace in any form, in order to alienate our regard for the opinions of each. If ever such had been made to me, they would have met the treatmentthey deserve, but they were made to produce dissatisfaction in the mind of my wife. Some people cannot be contented to behold prosperity or happiness anywhere but to themselves.But such attempts should meet with no attention excpet with derision and scorn, not only the principle but the person attempting to do the injury. You will encounter many scenes of this kind in the course of life and I would advise you at once to leave the company and abandon the society of such. There had been considerable warm feeling exacted for a few days past between the stepmother and the female children of old Mr. C. Lash in reference to the death of W.A.Lash's wife, who died a few months ago. Some of them believe her sickness was caused by weaving and this was done at the stepmother's, and she, of course, would not be willing that such information, however correct, should obtain notoriety, sought the aid of one of the sisters to counteract the report, which produced many unpleasant hours to all, and called forth information of a private nature that had been concealed for years, and probably had been intended never to have been exposed. Scenes indeed that would cause a blush on the fair cheek of modest virtue. So you will find in the course of life; old things are not soon forgotten and learn from this hint to always act correctly and then, if any difficulties ever should arise between and former friends or relations, then can be no dishonorable charge made against your character or reputation. This will afford you much consolation in all difficulties.

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One more day is gone and all its perplexities have transpired, but the effects may yet live. Reflections the same as yesterday.

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Have spent the day in attending the afflicted in the country and returned home at evening satisfied that I had discharged my duty. I visited in the evening Mr. Jacobson and family in whose company I have spent many pleasant hours. Indeed, it seems to me that his wife endeavors to make him contented and respectable. I cannot avoid contrasting the difference in his peace and mine.

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But shall I complain and murmur and give way to causes of unhappiness? No! Bear up against misfortune and oppose the adverse current and make my situation as pleasant as possible. My companion is yet quite feeble and confined in bed. It gives my pleasure, notwithstanding, to administer to her necessities. Still hoping these unfavorable ideas will be removed. I have some reason to believe that my mother-in-law has assisted much in producting the melancholy difficulties and differences now existing, and rejoices to see it, as it affords an opportunity for "I told you that you would find difficulties, and you ought to suffer for not listening to a Mother." Such is the bitter consolation of a parent administering gall and wormwood. I believe it was never intended that man should taste, any length of time, happiness. Rich or poor feel its effects, and nothing can prevent it.

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This pleasant day has at last arrived, lived and expired, and during its short existence many an idea most disagreeable has passed through the mind. My reflections have been all anxiety. My unfortunate situation has a tendency to depress the feelings, instead of elevating on pleasant prospecs in future. Those sweet communications which fancy somtimes imparts unless forbid by cogent reasons are all fled and every appearance indicated that my mind is not soon to enjoy refreshment in such flowery fields, cold and dreary winter is now all round reflections.

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My mind is in a whirlpool. My companion is quite unwell. I have much business I ought to do. She, of course, unwilling that I should leave the house. And my situation requires attention to every call. But bear and lament. If I mention of going away, it is at once declared, "You care not for me." Every anticipated action is tortured into something uncommendable.

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I find that I cannot force from the mind those unpleasant ideas caused by the recent occurrences, because I find that my declarations are not fully credited, but the last insinuation tending to criminate is taken as true and acted on accordingly. Such a situation cannot be pleasant. I am now of the opinion that this is one of the many methods resorted to by the female to assume that control over the male, so much desired by the most of wives. I really hope that the experience of a few more months may prove this notion incorrect.

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Nothing has transpired today or come within my notice. My reflections have coincided with the unpleasant circumstances that surround me. These circumstances were indicated yesterday. I feel that my sympahy for Gage will do me much damage and indeed I was appprehensive of it at first, but had not the resolution to say no. i hope you will avoid this false delicacy and under all similar situations, declare in the negative.

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I have, against my inclination, become responsible to Isaac Conrad for the sum of one hundred dollars for A.G. Gage. i ought not to have done it because he, with proper care, could have paid it himself. But having given way to illicit conduct with an old widow of abandoned character and had continued so long that he became confident in its safety and bold in its execution until the whole scene was observed in open daylight beneath the shade of lofty trees. This soon put an end to his remaining respectability and business and he left for South Carolina. You will here observe that vice will lead to misery and that although you may carry on contraband trade in secret and suppose that no suspicion is abroad, yet every eye is endeavoring to see your secret haunts and you frequently become less vigilant and at last exposed, abandoned by the wise and good, and the finger of scorn is pointed at you. I hope you will never be so inconsiderate as to attempt any course of the kind. But take an honest, honorable, and upright path and adhere to it in every stage of life. And if you go for pleasure, honesty will procure it. The pleasures of vice are momentary and those of virtue constant and never ending.

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I have spent the day at home attending to a few patients in town. I see the fatal rock on which all my anticipated peace is to be dashed in pieces and that is the stone of jealousy. The monster has taken up an abode; thus soon without foundation and will never depart where this passion once gets root no subsequent action can ever eradicate it because every look, word, and action is noted as so many steps in the path of vice.

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I have visited the orphans and widows today and heard the bitter groans of the disconsolate and afflicted. Thus is the world divided and all portions and all stations present, in the same moment pleasure and pain.

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The day agreeable. Home pleasant. Time moves on uninterrupted. See nothing worthy of note today.

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The occurrences of the day have producted no change of thoughts or caused no new train of reflections.

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Left home soon this morning and returned late at night, much fatigued. I have thought much of my parents today. Indeed the longer I am absent from them, the more strong seems to be my affection.

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I have visited the hovels of the poor and destitute and am forced to believe that there are few individuals placed in that situation, but have themselves been the cause of the wretchedness of their present situation. All are addicted to some particular vice. Idleness joined with drunkedness.

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I have nothing to relate of the day. Have been employed in attending the sick.

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The day warm and damp. Have rode some distance today. I find that many things are wanting for culinary purposes not before thought of and that many things require fixing and changing to accomplish which is attended expense and occupies much of my leisure time.

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I have been steadily engaged in business for some days and feel a disposition to indulge the day in reading and repose. Accordingly so, it has passed. All except my situation wear the semblance of contentment and happiness; this alone disturbs my mind.

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Morning agreeable. Have been called from home and to me this is one of the most pleasant occurrences, as my situation demands constant employment in order to meet probably an increased expenditure.

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The day ever warm and the rays of the sun scorching. Rode all day. Many sick.

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Nothing has attracted my attention today. I have rode all day.

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I find I have a difficulty to encounter before many days that will be disagreeable. My brother-in-law is living with us and he is quite saucy and impertinent, and I cannot endure such conduct. And not only so, he is lazy and inactive and if suffered to go on so will become odious to society and miserable to himself.

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My reflections again receive the past and think of the future and endeavor to forget the occurrences of a few days past.

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Nothing occurred today worthy of notice except that Mrs. Conrad is better, which gives me much satisfaction indeed. It is a pleasure to be there when she is well.

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Things are assuming their former state and home again smiles with pleasure. Have rode considerable distance today. I have seen much trouble with Aunt Betsy. She is so very particular in everything in relation to medicine, though she is very good to me and has none of that abrupt manner which is so conspicuous in her brother, Wm. A. Lash.

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Having disposed of the difficulties of the preceding day, new ones occur. A.D. Gage wishes to go to South Carolina and having failed in discharging his expense for board, now solicits me to become his security for more than one hundred dollars in order that he can get away. It is a thing I do not like to do. Yet my connection with him seems to lay me under obligations. These obligations arise from the fact that he came with me to this country and that I have been much attached to him and wish him well, and believe him to be honest. I believe perplexities occur to all in every circumstance of life. But when a friend comes to me and requests my assistance, it is not my duty to give that help if it be probable that I will hereafter have to suffer in consequence of it. But it then becomes an imperious duty for you to withhold that assistance, because your duty to yourself is the first of all duties.

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I left home this morning with a mind full of sorrow and disagreeable reflections, as may well be supposed after having so anxiously sought for a home for the purpose of living more at ease and independent. Indeed these feelings were so intense, that after having discharged the duties of the day, i dreaded the approach of home. At last, weary and tired, i arrived at the door and was told unceremoniously that I must visit Mr. Jacob Conrad's wife as she was worse. I went and returned as soon as convenient. But, alas, the scene that awaited. That counterance resembled the gathering of the tornado in a pleasant day. None can imagine but those who feel. Am I thus doomed to pass the remainder of my life? My solicitations to know the cause were unavailing for a length of time, but when it came, all was mere imagination and came from the expressed wish of Miss Licettea Conrad, her cousin, and to whom I had handed the letter before mentioned, to have a little conversation with me alone. Such was the mighty cause, and such the course used to force obedience from husbands. In this transaction, imagination could see vice, inconstancy in their most aggravated forms. And nothing but motives of the most degrading kind could have producted the request of L. or have handed a letter unobserved, or untold. no, the idea of keeping in your own mind a secret, and not divulging the whole to your wife, is unparadonable. But my notions are quite different. When a man or any individual relates to me his own ideas and requests they be not communicated, I feel disposed not to communicate them; no, not even a wife.

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Morning agreeable and pleasant. But a mere nothing has produced serious inroads on our happiness today. Great difficulties arise from trivial circumstances. The mere fact of my handing a letter to Miss L. Conrad without telling my companion of it, previously has been magnified into an unpardonable crime and of magnitude sufficient to destroy all peace in the domestic circle and that feeling is jealousy. When I came home this evening, not thinking of having done wrong in any case, my reception was repulsive and instead of a pleasant welcome, a violent torrent of crimination ensued and it was with uch difficulty I could learn the cause. Thus commences and thus early, difficulties unexpected and from trifling circumstances calculated to end in bad consequences.

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No occurrences of the day have attracted notice. Reflections have been on my circumstances and prospects and I should be pleased if both were more agreeable. I hope that persevering industry may change them for the better.

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Nothing of importance has occurred today and all moves on quite agreeable and happy will it be if such shall continue to be the case. The day has been spent at home, except a few hours.

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If once dark suspicion shall enter here, we may then bid farewell to every other enjoyment. Neglect and indifference will usurp the place of attention and affection. We, this morning, find ourselves in our own habitation and indeed it seems lonesome when we set down at the table, only two surrounds, and compared to our former custom, well it may appear lonesome. My mind has been occupied in arriving at some conclusion how to properly employ the hours of relaxation from professional business, together with some economical calculations in relation to expenditures, and adjusting the few articles we possess in the most convenient manner. I have determined to spend my leisure in reading and writing for the sole purpose of improving the mind and, believing it to be a source of the purest pleasure and from which the most satisfaction will be derived. My pecuniary situation in life is such and my resource so limited that necessity alone will guide my expense and every step beyond this will increase my difficulties. During breakfast a peculiar sensation was experienced which baffles description. Everything appeared so different from everything that custom had made familiar, and to think the respectability of this table will hereafter depend on me and all the necessary wants also must be derived from the same source. While thus situated and fully sensible of my responsibility, I cast my eyes to behold that counterance which was to share the pleasures or pains of our situation while we may live, and from every appearance, all was at ease and not disturbed by such ideas as were agitating my mind. I said to myself, thus to her, may this table ever be and may such expressions and feelings ever attend it.

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This day is the commencement of a new scene of action, and I feel sensible of its importance to us both and particularly so in relation to the many duties incumbent on me as being the most responsible. We moved to our own dwelling today. My wife has now left her mother, confiding in me as her faithful guardian and protector, freed from the control of all others, willing to share with me the vicissitudes of life, be they pleasant or unpleasant, good or bad, or whether prosperity or the cold unfeeling hand of cheerless poverty may attend us through the tempestuous voyage of life. The prospect is gloomy, yet it must be determined, which shall be our fortune. It gives me real unpleasant feelings when I reflect on the many vicissitudes of life. Of how many and how various are the changes that are in the course of a few years. How great is the number that during the past year, as young and healthy as we are, have left the shores of time, and one of us, before another annual revolution of the Earth, may be called hence. Soon may the unerring shaft be hurled, which consigns us to the silent mansions of the dead and all our anticipated happiness may end in anguish. What occurrence unattended with crime can more effectually deface every prospect of enjoyment, than the loss of the one we have chosen for life. A kind and affectionate bosom companion whose existence creates all our happiness and all our earthly affection concentrated there.

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On this day all have relaxation from the toils of the past week. It seems to be a day of happiness, each one here repairs to the place where inclination directs. It is a day of pleasure to both old and young. The aged use it as a day of rest, and the youthful to enjoy the company of those they respect. But the Physician has not these privileges, even if it be his wish, because he is liable to be called any moment, In the forenoon I performed my circuit for the day and anticipated a few house of leisure which I wished to spend in writing a letter to my brother, but I had not been at home one hour before I was called to ride some distance and was soon called and told that Mrs. Conrad was much worse. She was one of my patients and friend to me and I should regret her death. So the world goes, full of perplexities, but were there no greater than this, life would be considered free from many of its thorns

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Once more the dawn of day awakens the cares of the world that had, during a few hours of sleep, ceased to distract. Called away to meet the difficulties of a medical life. Yet with all its perplexities, I have chosen it, and my duty requires me to attend to it. Indeed I admire the practice of medicine as much as any can. Yet there are times when I feel a disposition to abandon it. These times are when I see those who are good, benevolent, loved, and respected by all, capable of being beneficial to society, fall a sacrifice to disease. And all the skill I possess cannot arrest the downward course of the grave. Such were my feelings on the 24th of July.

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Such ideas and reflections, presenting themselves to a tender mother, are calculated to create unpleasant feelings and awaken the sensibilities of the mind. She dwells intensely on every difficulty and danger her daughter may be exposed to. She may be far removed from her where she can never see her again, nor hear complaint if there should be cause for any, etc., etc., Being then sensible of the kind feelings of the mother for the peace and happiness of her oly daughter, my care and attention to everything for her benefit should be equal at least to hers, whom she will in a few days leave. I hope that will never arise the least cause of sorrow on either side and that the mother will never repoent of a consent, reluctantly given. It remains that merely mention this among one of the most perplexing kind. i am involved in business. many dangerously ill. All these caused an apparent expression of a dissatisfied mind and I was pleasantly accused of speaking short.

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It is no less curious than true, the flight of pleasure increases its value, or when we find a deprivation is about to take from us something that we have long enjoyed, almost without thought, all at once we think it was of the value. Indeed we enjoy many things that we do not justly appreciate until it be too late. I have seen a conspicuous example of the above today in the mother of my wife. It would appear that she now just begins to imagine or believe Henrietta was of great comfort to her, but she never thought of it before. We are preparing to occupy our own hourse, which is but a few yeards distant. Yet she seems to grieve much, and depict her sorrows in shades of woe. But the distance cannot produce this effect, but the effectual loss of the direction and control of her daughter and reflecting on the many untried scenes of life, no doubt operated strongly on the mind, seeing her child about to emark on a tempestuous sea of life and from under guardian care was enough to produce the effects exhibited.

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Night's sable curtain is now drawn and I have a few moments to enjoy in writing. I ask myself this important interrogation, have I advanced one step in the path of improvement or increased the happiness of my fellow man? I have used my exertion to accomplish both and feel that serenity of mind which is the result of believing we have performed our duty. My mind is uneasy in relation to the circumstance related yesterday. How people can be so weak in reference to these deathly visitors, and yet have good understanding on all other subjects, is singular to me. To me it appears the extreme of folly to harbor such improbably and unauthenticated reports. I really hope you will never suffer your minds to believe for a moment any representation of the kind.

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It has been my opinion for some years that the mind was never to be at rest. As fast as one obect is obtained or one void is filled, another of equal or of more importance seems to open and demand attention, and not unfrequently more difficult or more disagreeable to fill. Every day convinces me more and more that such is the fact. I have had many wishesand many objects to obtain and have succeeded in gaining many of them, which before they were achieved appeared to my view the very points on which my happiness depended; but, alas, for the shortsightedness of man. I have been as often disappointed. And in every case I have as I thought maturely, considered and reflected on the most laudable and vest way of obtaining my ends, and notwithstanding all the sagacity I have endeavored to use it, it appears I am not likely to succeed in gaining the object of all my endeavors, peace of mind. Now if my wife be dissatisfied, it productes a corresponding effect on me. This uneasiness in her mind now arises from the imagination of many superstitious and timid old women who have lamented to her that I had purchased THAT HOUSE, telling many tales of shosts, spirits, hobgoblins, apparitions, sights, and wondders, and sanctioning all in order to produce conviction with, "I would not live there for the world." All people wish others to be more or less as they are, and if that situation be unpleasant and they can without expense make others so, they are ready and willing to do it. My companion will not say she does not wish to live there, but I can discover a fear, a dread of all these false and base representations. This has produced on my mind an upleasant sensation. I do not like the idea of taking her where every breath must be breathed in fear. But it is too late now and I must console myself that a few months experience will teach the falsity of these stories.

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Morning beautiful. Wife still mending. Have several patients to visit. My thoughts are on the preparation of my dwelling. As there I hope our enjoyment will still be increased. I have for the first time become acquainted with Miss Elizabeth Stauber, commonly called Betsy. Her countenance to me indicates deceit; I should never communicate a secret to her nor speak before her anything I did not wish to be spread. She is the reverse of her sister, Mrs. Shore.

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I am much gratitifed this morning in finding my wife so much improved that I am able again to attend to the solicitations of others. I have visited several patients today and returned home at night and find my companion still improving.

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I can never forget the entreaty of Mrs. Lash yesterday morning a short time before her death, to be bled. I was much affected by it. Her voice was so different, her countenance so changed, and had chilled every extremity, and she requested to be bled. Indeed i have never yet stood and observed the extinguishment of life that so much affected me, and Mr. Lash will never repair her loss. She was too pure, too good to live in this vile world. She was buried today. I could not attend the funeral in consequence of my own afflictions. Mr. Lash seemed quite too much affected. His grief appeared inordinate. It will be of short duration. He will soon get another, but never like her. None so amiable.

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My companion is better this morning. I was called up at three o'clock by Mr. Lash, who came to my bed and requested my opinion of his wife's case. I told him it was unfavorable. I went with him, and as soon as I saw her, my hopes vanished. Death must soon close her eyes on all sublunary things. At the moment of desolution she appeared perfectly calm and resigned. She was one of the most mild and amiable women I have ever been acquainted with, possessing almost every endearing quality of disposition calculated to produce peace and happiness to all around her. In her manners unostentatious, mild and insinuating, scrupulously avoiding affectation, a disposition as mild as the gentle zephyr of a summer's eve. A native purity of mind loved and esteemed by all, and intimate friend of my wife.

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My wife still continues sick. My attention is unremitted. Many solicitations from abroad. This is to be placed in a disagreeable situation. Mr. Wm. A. Lash's wife is evidently failing; I am more convinced than ever that she will not survive much longer. My feelings from these ideas are inexpressible. It grieves me much that so good a woman must die so young.

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I have now the unhappiness of seeing my own companion suffering the pains of severs illness. Yet I have the pleasure of attending her. And here I can prove my esteem. I have spent the day and night with her. The wife of William A. Lash is dangerously sick with a remittent fever and I much fear she will never recover.

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The day has vanished and I have not time scarcely to mention it.

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I have no time for sleep or rest. Continually riding. Feel somewhat fatigued. How the mind dwells on those whom you expect can never recover.

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It is frequently the case that there will be some few days free from new cases and then all at once, several will occur in the same day.

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Ere the sun had obliterated the night, I was called to employment. Many dangerous cases of dysentery.

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Morning warm. I have been involved in business. Calls are faster than I can attend.

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When once the solemn vow is made, it is the duty and it is for the benefit of both, to impart as much happiness to each as every kind attention is calcualted to do. What would my feelings now be were I to imagine and have cause for that imagination, that she whom I have chosen for my bosom friend through life was untrue, inconstant, and unhappy with me, because some secret respect was bestowed on another. I had much rather see her shrouded and closed in the silent tomb and such must be the case on either. I will, therefore, endeavor to avoid everything, the tendency of which leads to such a dangerous precipice. We will, therefore, endeavor while we do live to use every precaution to avoid disturbing that happiness which pure and undissembled respect can produce and debar that friend, jealousy, from entering our peaceful abode. St that when the icy arms of death may encircle either, the surviving may not rejoice, but mourn. I am happy to state that my business yet continues to extend and that my anxiety of mind in consequence is great.

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The day has been unpleasantly warm. Peace and happiness has attended us. The pleasure of life is made up of small incidents. The least deviation from expectation where confidence is expected, causes much disquietude. It is therefore of the utmost importance that we so act as to afford no reasonable ground on which suspicion may rest, for it is the bane of happiness. Our plans and intentions invariably be communicated to each other, so that our peace may be mutual and perpetual. What can injure the mind or more disturb the mind than to believe your best friend and companion connected to you by the ties of plighted faith in matrimony, has some object more dear than you to whom that respect be given which should be bestowed on you? I believe that no other occurrence should be more fatal to every source of happiness. Death must be a pleasure in comparison.

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I receive more satisfaction in the company of my companion every day; indeed the happiness of her company exceeds my anticipation and a perfect confidence in both I hope will continue to create in both unbroken esteem. I was called up soon after nin o'clock to mingle where pain and distress was evident and in a short time after i arrived I saw the wife and mother leave this world. Indeed it is a painful spectacle. Just before she died, she called her husband to the bed and told him never to get married again and have a stepmother over her children. Here in the arms of desolution a mother remembers her children and thinks of their welfare. Indeed her loks directed to her husband at the moment of uttering her wish can never be effaced from the mind.

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It has been said that every day has its pleasures and pains, and to a certain extent it may be correct. i leave you to verify it according to your experience and circumstances under which you may be forced to act. i rode some distance today. Mind much agitated with my prospects in this terrestrial abode. Imagination led far in the disagreeable path of anticipated poverty. Yet I am determined never to give up the ship until forced by unfeeling necessity. I have ovserved today one disposition in my companion which if it continues will be of great importance to us. We purchased a few culinary articles today, and she only wanted such as were necessary, and for a poor man this is of consequence. Mere show should be out of the question.

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It is a pleasant moring; all seemed to indiciate an unclouded day. And new scenes of conjugal felicity were anticipated, and all seemed favorable to that end, and where are they? Ending in reverses. It is useless for me ever to calcuate beforehand of participating at any specified time any of those laudable amusements which cheer the gloomy hours that sometimes infest the mind. And this is more the case where we are dependent for room on others. Our wishes must yield to theirs. Yet so it is, and so it must be; if then it be unavoidable, why murmur, why repine, or suffer those dejected feelings which only add a deeper tinge to every disagreeable idea? Indeed, I can bear these disquietudes without any expression of them, yet I feel them in my own happiness. I see an evident gloominess in the countenance of my esteemed wife.

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Time passes away and each moment of pain still lives, and we more frequently think of the causes productive of pain than of the pleasure. I have, during the day while riding, endeavored to penetrate the future in respect to prosperity and adversity and the result has been a belief from all the prospects I can see, that adversity will accompany me in my journey through life.

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This is the common misfortune of all; and all experience it in a greater or less degree. Happy indeed would be that individual who is exempt and worthy the name of a man is he whose philosophical mind is so far above the ordinary capacity of his fellows, that he feels with indifference the unpleasant effect these sudden changes produce on minds less disciplined. But destitute of all sensibility must that man be who can view with cold indifference the mental agony of a friend, without feeling some unpleasant emotion rising in his own mind. Nothing now gives more pleasure than to see my companion happy. And if it should be our fortune always hereafter to feel as well satisfied as we did this morning, our days will glide away in peace. I was called from bed to visit the house of pain. As I proceeded on my thoughts were endeavoring to make comparison between my sitation now and before I was married. I had many difficulties before that and have many now, and from that short period of my present situation, I can give this as my opinion: that when a man's pecuniary circumstances will warrant his in marrying and the disposition of both are similar, that connubial affection is by far the most agreeable. But if the reverse be the case, it is tenfold more miserable. A kind companion is one of the most pleasant and desirable possessions a man can have.

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It is really a matter of astonishment that from the hightest degree of pleasure that mortals can enjoy, we can be cast down in a moment to the lowest degree of dejection. I felt this on the 6th and 7th.

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Man's life is one continued scene of rain and sunshine. Never stationary. Peace and discontent have their regular paroxysms. We went to Mr. J. Conrad's this evening and stayed all night. I was much pleased with this visit, as it gave me an opportunity of showing to her satisfaction my partiality to her.

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The sun this morning shed his radiant beams on us in peace, but was not suffered to go down before a second source of disquiet was presented, all referring to the same setter. I came just day and hope the explanation will forever hush all disturbance from that source. It should not have produced any effect.

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It is a fact I believe that when we least expect any danger, it seems to be the nearest at hand. When I finished the last page, I was satisfied and peace filled my mind. But, alas, the impervious veil of the next moment had concealed from my view some keen anguish and of that nature I never expected to experience. Why could not those pleasant moments have continued, causes light as air sets nations at variance. And so it operates among individuals. Must unhappiness so soon mingle with our thoughts; must disquiet raise her voice and drive peace from our enjoyment? Shall that curse of confidence so soon enter the thoughts of my companion? And for the trifling cause of giving a billet from Gage to Miss L. Conrad, and not telling her of, produce such violence? I hope you will be cautious how you act before and after you are married.

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Morning rainy. Have considerable distance to ride. Returned home at four o'clock. Some appearance of gloom is visible in her counterance. Now if I meet the cold indifference of the world, her smiles and kindness hushes every tumult and I am contented.

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Independence has again visited us. We have no celebration here. One year today we took a small perambulation, probably little expecting that we should be at this time in our present, pleasant situation. We hope that years may roll way and our respect increase.

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Morning pleasant and warm. Rode considerable. I return to town as well as have with much satisfaction because when I return I am sure to meet my friend and companion. And none has ought to say. Preparing house.

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Time rolls in silent and rapid progression over our heads and we think peaceably as the most perfect respect is calculated to produce. I have caused a little uneasiness in the bosom of my companion in consequence of having to ride in the night, but all ceases on my safe arrival.

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Nothing has occurred during my ride today. Mind occupied as yesterday. And returned home and found all peace and contentment.

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The glorious sun has now fallen behind the hills, and I am approaching to meet my companion. I have been absent all day and feel somewhat weary. Mind occupied on preparing house and conveniences.

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Happy and contented do we hope to pass down the stream of time. Yet expect to meet some adverse gales that may cast a momentary cloud over the sun. But when the storm may have subsided, it will be found we trust to have caused no injury.

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One week has passed away since we changed our situation, and as is generally the case, pleasantly. One reflection alone disturbs our thoughts, but its foundation is merely surmised and hope inclines to our wishes. Real friendship imparts to the mind such consolation as none can imagine but from experience.

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All nature appears more lovely and wears that cheerfulness which to me it had long ceased to present. I now return home and meet my companion and none molests.

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All nature appears more lovely and wears that cheerfulness which to me it had long ceased to present. I now return home and meet my companion and none molests.

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I now board at Mr. A. Conrad's and shall do so until I move into my own house. I can observe nothing adverse from any source; whatever may have been the feeling a few days ago, all are reconciled or concealed. i am more contented than before. A placid sensation fills the mind and all apprehension has been vanished.

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I have rode my circuit today, but have seen best the ordinary occurrences and have nothing to write.

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Business calls. I find this a great source of satisfaction as on it depends all my hopes. I visited my esteemed friend, the Rev. I.C. Jacobson; his amiable companion is complaining. I observe here more real enjoyment than at any other place. They are so agreeable to each other. I hope that my fireside may be equally happy.

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Morning finds me satisfied and ready to depart for visiting my patients. Returned home before dark, calculating my future prospects.

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Morning pleasant and I may consider this day the commencement of a new epoch in my life, one that in a great degree must decide all that may follow. My happiness or misery now depends on another, as well as myself, and the care of two instead of one will now devolve on me. Her smiling counterance this morning gives me delight.

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As may be expected, from the importance of the day to me, I was soon up and viewed the first dawn of the morning. It is brilliant, not a speck can be seen in the blue arch above. I watch the first appearance of the su, as it rose above the horizon all was serene as the crystal; not a leaf was moved by the breeze, all was silent. I feel a placid serenity of mind and reconciled, be the ultimate fate of this day as it may. Indeed it may prove a day of continued sorrow and force a wish hereafter that it had never been. I rode to see several patients this morning and returned about twelve oclock and had a few words with my intended companion. Indeed she appeared more lovely and endearing to me than ever and seemed not once to think of reverses. Now many are anxiously waiting to see and hear the sacred words pronounced which is as biding as life, and I myself long to have it articulated and launch me at once on the ocean of married existence, and fervently pray that the voyage may be pleasant and prosperous. Having now adjusted myself and bid adiew to my present state, I repaired to meet the bride and lead her to the altar to receive and give before God and man the willing pledge I had made, which was done about two o'clock and in consequence of the crowded apartments of Mr. Conrad's house, the rites of marriage were solemnized in Christain Lash's house between Henrietta Sophis Hauser, daughter of John Henry Hauser, dec'd. The maiden name of her mother was Philpina Lash, daughter of Christain Lash. Both were born and raised in this country. The mother of my wife had three children by her first husband (John H. Hauser): the oldes, Theopholis C. Hauser; the second, Henrietta Sophia Hauser, and about fifteen years old; and the last, William Alexander Hauser. Mr. Christian Lash is a native of Pennsylvania and came to North Carolina sometime about the Revolutionary War and married here. His parents were from Germany. The father, John H. Hauser, was once an opulent man of this place, but by some mismanagement, became reduced in circumstances. He also was of German origin. The father of my wife, John H. Hauser, was dead before I came here, but it is said he was a very intelligent, active, and economical man. He died with the consumption. Some few years after his death, the widow and mother of my wife married Mr. A. Conrad, a wealthy planter of this vicinity, by whom she has one child now about six years old, named Julia Amelia Conrad. From this you will see that my companion is a German. Owing to the death of her father and the embarrassed situation of his affairs, his oldest children have never received the benefit of but very limited education. At his death they were too young to have received but little and unfavorable circumstances since have interfered so much that it has been tooo much neglected. My wife is much like myself, small in stature, but in constitution far different, as she is feeble and unaccustomed to hard labor, yet has been taught to work and never lived in idleness. We shall now commence a different tone of writing and faithfully describe the vicissitudes of the married state, exhibiting the causes that lead to difficulties and the result of these difficulties, if there should be any. I hope I shall never have to record animosity.

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And the result of tomorrow will show how I shall succeed. I have passed the day in visiting several patients. Returned home and spent the night with my intended wife and Miss Licetta Conrad, her cousin. We all were cheerful and the night passed pleasantly. I, however, in the morning saw an unfavorable symptom, but it is now too late to seek for remedies.

I cannot attempt to describe my sensations today. I have indeed, as I have often done before, looked back on my past life in order to satisfy myself of the propriety of that step which I was now about to take. I am fully sensible of its importance and its binding obligation, and of many of the causes that may put a negative on all my anticipation of happiness or benefit. My own disposition may create an obstacle of magnitude and unless a corresponding reverse may be found in my companion, that amity, will not follow which should characterize the domestic fireside. And if the female disposition shouuld be unyielding and determined on courses which to me were, or may be deemed, improper, I may now declare that happiness will take her departure; yet I now feel determined to "bear and forbear" if any difficulty should arise. It may not be improper now to give you an indication of my disposition during my single life that you may avoid the errors I have fallen into from that cause and be the better able to form a more correct estimate of any change that may occur during the continuance of my marriage existence. I am disposed to be serious and contemplative and not easily roused to the expression of inordinate passion, always enduring reproach with apparent mildness as I have for several years had the control of the passion of anger, so much that I could refrain from the manifestation of feelings. But when I gave vent to my resentment, it was like the wind. I had no thought of consequences, but was always willing to come to an understanding and when·that was done that difficulty was behind. But if any individual attempted to injure me in a secret way, when I had given no provocation, I could never forgive or forget until that injury was repaid, and in the accomplishment of these ends I was equally regardless of the consequences to those whom I was determined to effect. Yet could never resort to falsehood or misrepresentation. I conceal within my own bosom the storm that is there collected, never intimating that I regard what may have been done to injuriously effect me, and become intimate with the individual against whom I indulge the most bitter animosity. My most intimate and real friends never receive the most distant allusion to the object I have in view. By this course I extracted from those who had done me wrong all their plans and intentions, and then sought my satisfaction in a way unsuspected. I was never outdone in any attempt of this kind, though in one case it required five long years to accomplish my design. But I cannot recommend to you the adoption of such a course because experience has proved to my sorrow it is unjurious even when successful. It requires time and much thought and often expense, all of which could and should be better employed. It is much more preferable to go and tell him if there be not a proper satisfaction of explantion that you look upon him as destitute of the principles of honor and deserved the most severe contempt. My mind sometimes was so intensely applied on the means to be employed and the way to be followed that I could neither eat or sleep. I was always after having reflected sufficiently on any course, determined to go through it and believed I could overcome every obstacle, however great. My attachments were warm and sincere, though I never made any great pretensions to my friends because it was one of the symptoms of deceit. To them I often appeared cold, when at the same time the warm glow of friendship was burning in my bosom, and if difficulties assailed them I was ready and willing to help.

I am averse to noise, uproar, and confusion and fond of retirement. Opposed to every species of trifling amusement or show without benefit. Opposed to all attempts at gaudy decorations, but more particularly so in people of low circumstances, like myself. Opposed to extravagance, and for the last few years ave been disposed to do good for evil and in distress ready to give relief to most bitter enemies. I have from the exercise

I cannot attempt to describe my sensations today. I have indeed, as I have often done before, looked back on my past life in order to satisfy myself of the propriety of that step which I was now about to take. I am fully sensible of its importance and its binding obligation, and of many of the causes that may put a negative on all my anticipation of happiness or benefit. My own disposition may create an obstacle of magnitude and unless a corresponding reverse may be found in my companion, that amity, will not follow which should characterize the domestic fireside. And if the female disposition shouuld be unyielding and determined on courses which to me were, or may be deemed, improper, I may now declare that happiness will take her departure; yet I now feel determined to "bear and forbear" if any difficulty should arise. It may not be improper now to give you an indication of my disposition during my single life that you may avoid the errors I have fallen into from that cause and be the better able to form a more correct estimate of any change that may occur during the continuance of my marriage existence. I am disposed to be serious and contemplative and not easily roused to the expression of inordinate passion, always enduring reproach with apparent mildness as I have for several years had the control of the passion of anger, so much that I could refrain from the manifestation of feelings. But when I gave vent to my resentment, it was like the wind. I had no thought of consequences, but was always willing to come to an understanding and when·that was done that difficulty was behind. But if any individual attempted to injure me in a secret way, when I had given no provocation, I could never forgive or forget until that injury was repaid, and in the accomplishment of these ends I was equally regardless of the consequences to those whom I was determined to effect. Yet could never resort to falsehood or misrepresentation. I conceal within my own bosom the storm that is there collected, never intimating that I regard what may have been done to injuriously effect me, and become intimate with the individual against whom I indulge the most bitter animosity. My most intimate and real friends never receive the most distant allusion to the object I have in view. By this course I extracted from those who had done me wrong all their plans and intentions, and then sought my satisfaction in a way unsuspected. I was never outdone in any attempt of this kind, though in one case it required five long years to accomplish my design. But I cannot recommend to you the adoption of such a course because experience has proved to my sorrow it is unjurious even when successful. It requires time and much thought and often expense, all of which could and should be better employed. It is much more preferable to go and tell him if there be not a proper satisfaction of explantion that you look upon him as destitute of the principles of honor and deserved the most severe contempt. My mind sometimes was so intensely applied on the means to be employed and the way to be followed that I could neither eat or sleep. I was always after having reflected sufficiently on any course, determined to go through it and believed I could overcome every obstacle, however great. My attachments were warm and sincere, though I never made any great pretensions to my friends because it was one of the symptoms of deceit. To them I often appeared cold, when at the same time the warm glow of friendship was burning in my bosom, and if difficulties assailed them I was ready and willing to help.

I am averse to noise, uproar, and confusion and fond of retirement. Opposed to every species of trifling amusement or show without benefit. Opposed to all attempts at gaudy decorations, but more particularly so in people of low circumstances, like myself. Opposed to extravagance, and for the last few years ave been disposed to do good for evil and in distress ready to give relief to most bitter enemies. I have from the exercise of these two last feelings found more satisfaction than in harboring revenge. And I would strongly recommend it to you. You may be assured that a good act done for a bad one is productive of more real felicity, the most complete success the revenge can accomplish. And nothing will more tend to create pungent remorse in the mind of your enemy than to be made sensible that he has done you injury and that you never could have deserved any unkind treatment. I really should be glad that this feeling would never occupy my mind, and that under all situations I might feel a disposition to do good for evil. But let an individual have as good a disposition as nature can bestow. A constant application of irritant will, at last, denude the surface and cause the unpleasant opposite to assume a very unpleasant aspect. Indeed I believe it is worse than not to have forced down from its natural stand or elevation. Because the man has double cause for imitation; irritated because he had to give way to improper feelings, and the cause he did give way.

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Indeed I have a day for preparation. But have I to prepare? What have I to do? I am prepared as much as I can be under my situation. I have a house, but, alas, it is not furnished yet. How many thousands enter into marriage unprepared, even with a shelter to protect them from the storm. They indeed do not appear to imagine it requires anything but a wife to cause everything to be pleasant. But this fatal mistake is soon disclosed and instead of all pleasure anticipated remorse, misery, and unhappiness frequently through life is the consequence. I have indeed reflected on all these things.

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Beautiful morning, how serene and clear. Oh, that my mind was in unison with your appearance and that my prospect was as fair as your indication. I then could say I am satisfied. But it was never intended by omnipotence that man should be here contented. My fate therefore is no worse in this respect than others. I ought not to repine.

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Well, the time approches and each morning brings it more near. I feel that it is an important measure and one attended with great responsibilities, but should that cause me to dread it. I will meet it and endeavor to fully discharge the duties incumbent as far as my ability will extend. Now is not the time for abandonment, if done at all it should have been adopted some months preceding and if there be any wrong atttached to it, it is attributable to my inconsiderate course, and none are to blame but myself. Learn wisdom by other's folly.

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I have rode fourteen miles today and the remainder of the time used in reading. Visited H. this evening. Am pleased to see her in fine spirits and my hope is that she may always have cause to feel the same.

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I have rode some distance today and again visited a rich poor man's house. A man who has several thousand dollars on interest and has not a comfortable bed. I cannot look upon such close as right, for what do we live if not to receive and properly use the good things of life, if Providence has blessed our efforts.

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Peaceful day, you have arrived once more and found me at leisure from riding and i have reviewed my past conduct for several months and find that all has not been used so as to produce complete satisfaction, because had I the power now I would change many things that have been done by me. But I have endeavored to discharge my duty to my fellow man and for all that has been done amiss I hope the forgiveness of my creator and solicit his aid in directing me aright. I have spent several hours in company with H. and find all agreeable. This I expect will be the last Sunday I shall live a single man. I have no dread of the married life, but for one thing a fear that I shall not procure a competence.

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I have visited a patient some ten miles from town at the house of one of those men that are always busy at nothing and were you to believe them have more work to do and do more than any other three men, and at the same time never accomplish anything. And as a necessary consequence never pay any. I hope you will endeavor to avoid following the example of such men. They are a disgrace to society and are mere drones. nothing is more obnoxious to my sight than an idle, lazy man. I can't endure them.

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I have been, for the last few days, striving hard against the horror, but I am apprehensive of an attack. I rose very early this morning and enjoyed a very lengthy excursion, but everything was dreary and afforded no animation or satisfaction. Every view of my prospects were the same.

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Had some conversation with Mrs. Conrad and she appeared quite different and spoke quite freely and very agreeable to my feelings. What could have been the cause I will not pretend to explain. But let her be as good as she may, I fear I can never have that love for her I should have had, had she treated me different on the two occasions before described. I can forgive, but my mind is to retentive to forget when I consider myself unjustly assailed and treated.

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I have roade but little today. Have dealt out some medicine from the shop. Read some and thought much on the conversation of last evening and once determined to go and converse with Mrs. Conrad on the cause of her abrupt answer to me on the day above mentioned. But reflecting that it would be probably better to suffer it to pass apparently unnoticed, I acted accordingly.

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I finished my business today before the sun sunk below the western hills and returned home. Feeling rather melancholy and uneasy and full of unfavorable ideas, my inclination induced me to see H. I found her much in the same situation and apparently unhappy. i immediately guessed the cause to be of the nature of that spoken to me on the twenty-first day of May and found it to be of the same nature and today was the first time she had heard what her Mother had said to me at that time. It is of no advantage now to grieve for it is done, past and gone, and will think of the day now fast approaching and prepare for being contented when all these things cease from troubling.

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Called up at three o'clock to visit a man said to be at the point of death. Arrived and was agreeably disappointed. He was quite easy and fast asleep. Had had a severe paroxysm of intermittent fever; thus we are often called when there is no danger, from sleep.

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I have rode constantly today from soon in the morning until quite late in the night and have crossed the Yadkin River twice. I have seen nothing today worthy of note except the craving disposition of the wealthiest man we have in this section. And I wondered if such could be my disposition if once in possession and the real owner of as much property as this Mr. Jacob Conrad, I cannot now believe it could be the case. Indeed his thirst is so craving for property that he does not enjoy. Even on this day against Religion and the laws of our country he will trade with the slaves.

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This morning the clouds appear breaking away and the prospect of a pleasant day brightens. Have rode to see several patients and thought much of my Father and Mother, as they have no idea of the step I am about to take. It would be a great satisfaction to me could they know it and be present. But this is impossible. But let the course be satisfactory or otherwise to them or any others. I hope it may ever prove agreeable to me and to H.

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Morning unpleasant and about the middle of the day commenced raining and continued until sometime in the night. I arrived at home after dark, very wet, and felt quite chilly and very disagreeable. This made me very anxious for to have a place of my own, where I can have these little comforts without offending any. But while I am preparing to obviate these inconveniences, am I not creating some vastly greater. I must hope not, and for the day to arrive which closes my single life.

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You must take the words of men in relation to money matters with considerable allowance because if there be any chance for misrepresentation, they do not regard a small deviation from the truth. I was told this morning the Estate mentioned yesterday was able to pay any amount under twelve hundred Dollars and this old man could come to me and make such misrepresentation just the sake of a few cents. What would he do when the temptation was of great amount?

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How diligent and attentive people are to get money where they can without effort. I had an account against the Widow Jean's Estate and Daniel Wolf was one of the Executors. He came to my shop this morning and began to state the probable insolvency of said Estate and said he would give me so much for my debt. I let him have it at a very small discount, believing what he said was true.

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I have used the day in reading and conversation with Mrs. Jacobson. I must confess the more I become acquainted and intimate with this family, the more I esteem them. How mild and agreeable is this lady and the man who has her for a companion must be contented and happy. Both these kind people are not justly appreciated here by those over whom they preside.

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This warm and pleasant month has concealed in it an occurrence for which I look with much anxiety. how intense are my thoughts fixed. How many unfavorable changes may take place, not thought of or expected, which could blast at once the glimmering of all my hopes. These ideas posionthe fountain of all satisfaction. But it is time enough to weep when misfortunes break around us and we both see and feel the unwelcome blow.

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This warm and pleasant month has concealed in it an occurrence for which I look with much anxiety. how intense are my thoughts fixed. How many unfavorable changes may take place, not thought of or expected, which could blast at once the glimmering of all my hopes. These ideas posionthe fountain of all satisfaction. But it is time enough to weep when misfortunes break around us and we both see and feel the unwelcome blow.

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Twelve miles has contained the distance rode today. Mind uneasy, apprehensive, and dejected. And my feelings more easily wounded than other people's. No, when I have acted from good motives and have these aspersed irritates me.

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The day has again afforded me an opportunity of reading and preparing medicine, and in the evening of visiting my friend and digesting the preliminaries, in a small degree, of the approaching day of good or evil, of peace or misery.

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Morning pleasant and have been at leisure during the day. Making arrangements to discharge my dues to Mr. Lash, as today completes the year of my boarding with him. Indeed I have to think of my situation twelve months ago. And my only consolation is in knowing that I am now able to pay all my debts, and if this shall continue to be my fortune through life and leave me enough for contingencies in old age, I will endeavor to be satisfied and live contented.

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Time moves apparently more rapid than usual, and today foreruns the anniversary of my arrival in town. I was then engrossed in trouble and perplexity and have been trying to extricate myself ever since, but instead of having succeeded in gaining this desirable point, I am now deeper involved in an inextricable labyrinth of woe and from too hasty and inconsiderate procedure. Let me here again caution you never to adopt any course until you have weighed and re-weighed, reflected and re-reflected on what you may intend to do. View the consequences diligently.

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The morning air is most pleasant and agreeable and seems to renovate the whole system and a man feels much more fit for action to eat little, sleep little, and be up soon in the morning and take a little exercise before eating. I have rode to see many patients today and my reflections made disagreeable from the scene of the twenty-first instant.

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I have visited the rich poor man today and find him well stored with whisky and all his conversation is of a religious nature. I believe this is often the case with drunkards. They seem to speak much more rational than when sober. Say little and be a good Christian is best.

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Nothing transpired to be recorded by me. I have been busy in my shop and have not left it one-half hour. No man delights more in beneficial employment than I do, and I am discontented when out of it.

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Have been reading all day and in the evening conversed with H. Now I will tell you one truth, I never have felt as welcome in Mr. Conrad's house since the first night of April, and it is not probably I ever shall. Yet I will always admit she has a perfect right to direct as she may deem most proper, but none have the right to make such answers to a proper question.

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Have had much business to attend today. Returned home late in the night. Felt myself injured by such inexplicable conduct. If you are displeased, say so; and have it over and not use such insinuations. Let all know your wish and then you and others will know how to act.

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I am not yet this morning completely recovered from the effect of my communication yesterday to the Mother. Having started our wishes and intentions to her in as feelings and polite a manner as I could and received this frigid and significant answer, "well, I don't care," at the same time a look completely corresponding and not another word was spoken. I had no more to say and left her presence to attend to my patients, full of disagreeable reflections and a little touched with irritation.

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This morning is pleasant but my mind is in an unpleasant mood because I am going to inform the Mother the day we have set on which to end our lives of single blessedness. You will not wonder at my feelings if you yet remember the night of April, the first. Indeed the occurrences of that night are ever sounding in my ears. I can't expel them.

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Morning warm and pleasant and songsters of the woods are warbling. It is sweet to listen to these uncontaminated voices of nature praising the great Author of their being. I have had an interview with my esteemed H. this evening and was rejoiced to find her affection still the same and increasing. We now converse on the many probably incidents of the wished for and fast approaching period.

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I have been called to visit one of the most obscene men I have ever heard speak. He is now far past the meridian of life; his taper cannot burn many more years, yet in any company and place, his language is such that the vulgar must blush. Such conduct is in the highest degree rerehensible and should be frowned on in all company. Never be guilty of using language offensive to the most refined and delicate ear.

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If we properly consider our situation as it relates to the system, we must be convinced that the favor to die can't be prized too high. Who would wish to live when decrepitude had swept every enjoyment of the body, and just sufficient in remaining to create misery and disquietude. Or when fell incurable disease had seized the mortal part and was slowly consuming in pain our existence. Under such situations it must be pleasant to depart and wing our way to everlasting repose and blooming youth and free from pain.

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I have been busy during the day and find that my thoughts are inclined toward a world where pain and sorrow never enter. I am doomed here to see to sufferings of my fellow creatures in the most agonizing forms, yet they cling with tenacity to this state of life. I have indeed thought with the poet that it is a glorious boon to die.

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I have rode some distance today but have done but very little for myself because I shall never receive one copper for my labor, yet it will not be lost, as it may prepare the way for some more wealthy call, so in the end we may gain by sometimes laboring for naught.

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I have visited one of those pretended righteous individuals, who are all goodness with works and all badness in action. It creates no small degree of surprise to me when I reflect on such beings. How it can be possible that a man in a neighborhood where he is well known to be destitute of one good principle, can pretend to be so honest, so meek and humble, as scarcely to speak audibly, and at the same time as diabolical as any hypocritical creature that ever lived. Shun such people, leave them and ahve as little to do with them as you would with a venomous reptile.

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Have rode but very little today. Books have been my companions, and the contents my reflection. Employment is peace and idleness misery.

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I have nothing to relate of this day except having spent a few hours with my esteemed friend, the Rev. Mr. J.C. Jacobson, and wife. I find much more satisfaction in their company than any other family in my acquaintance because they are well informed, very agreeable, and seem to have ideas more in accordance with mine than any other individuals here.

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Have had much to attend to. A few crosses in the course of life must be expected, and I have no idea of being more exempt from unfavorable occurrences than others.

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I have visited today the daughter of one of those frail and easy virtued women that are to be found in every part of the world. The very one, too, that so fascinated A.D. Gage that he left his horse in the thicket, in open day, to receive the caress of the old, yet glowing, damsel. Oh! Shame!

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And were it not for anticipation, we of all creation should be the most miserable and instead of the busy activity that now pervades society, we should behold the idle, abandoned wretched and listless spectacle that fancy can paint. Therefore, study to be employed.

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However, as I was musing today the true words found in Pope's "Essay on Man" could not be forced from my imagination: "What future bliss he gives not thee to know. But gives that hope to be thy blessing now." Such are my ideas; hope is our great pleasure through life.

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I have been well engaged today in endeavoring to mitigate and remove the suffering of mortal man, and have now returned home well satisfied that my efforts have not been unattended with success. Spent a few moments with H. Both filled with lively hope of the future.

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The day now is approaching on which seems suspended my peace or misery through life. The fatal period has been designated, painted out, and fixed. Well, I welcome its approach, and hope for the best and imagine that storms may possibly arise.

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I am pleased that my business does not diminish and if you should ever be in my situation, experience will teach you this sensation is the most gratifying that can occur. It causes more satisfaction to attend my reflections on the intended change in my situation.

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Called again to activity from sources unexpected. Nothing to mention; occurrences ordinary. Reflections as usual.

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Morning indicates attention to business, have before the repast two invitations to visit the afflicted. Niight has come and i find myself at home.

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Morning very warm. Nothing has occurred to produce any change of ideas or notions. Keep steadily in view a home, a place of sacred enjoyment, or at least I hope for such a one, but disappointment lurks in many a prize, like bees in flowers and often sting.

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I have anticipated during the day more pleasures probably than will ever fall to my lot. Now this is time misemployed and of very little consequence. We had better be preparing ourselves for a different mode of living than to spend our time in idle imagination.

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Morning pleasant. Have rode considerable and returned home much fatigued, in consequence of the pain suffered in my knee and retired at an early hour to bed, reflecting on the consequences of a neglect of duty.

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I have today, for the first time since I was hurt, rode on horseback. Visited several patients. Found several of them evidently, for the want of attendance, worse. This gives much uneasiness because I should not have went to the Pilot on the 25th inst. many people who envy me the pleasure of going to the Pilot with these young ladies now rejoice at the misfortune that befell me at the time. I envy not the feelings of such minds or the contracted pleasure they can enjoy. They are all self.

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I have, after a painful effort, rode in Mr. Conrad's carriage three miles, and seen a few patients and sent medicine to several more. Can use my limb a little. I yet stay with Mr. A. Conrad and in the company of H. Her kindness to me increases my respect.

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Confined in the house and a little fretful at my own folly. I have been treated very kindly at Mr. Conrad's. Some better today.

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Morning pleasant and to look through the window everything appears pleasant, yet I cannot get out of the door. Suffer uch pain, and all the satisfaction I have is in conversing and being with H. I had several calls today. This is vexation; I can't go.

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Agreeable to previous arrangement, Henrietta S. Hauser, Licetta and G.P. Conrad started very early to pay a visit to the Pilot Mountain, distance sixteen miles. I have long been of the opinion that whoever leaves his duty to indulge in pleasure will always be disappointed in that pleasure. Some unexpected occurrence will transpire which will cast a shadeover the expected satisfaction, if not destroy it entirely.

And this day's experience proves, or at least strengthens, such idea. We were all in good spirits and going very well, thinking of no unfavorable scene, but before we had drove the distance eight miles, our horse ran away while decending a hill. Such screaming I never before heard, indeed everyone endeavored to get hold of the lines, and it was with much difficulty I prevented it. If they had succeeded, it is more than probable we alll should have received injury. I succeeded in stopping the horse, but not before I had received a severe hurt on my kneee by the kicking of the horse, so that when I stepped from the carriage to take the horse, i could not put my foot to the ground. Yet i was not willing to abandon the object in view. After a few moments repairing harness, we proceeded on. I suffered intolerable pain and my knee soon became swollen and flexure very difficult. In this situation, I walked up the ascent to the pinnacle and twice up the pinnacle and when we had finished our survey of the place and I sat down a few moments, my knee became feverish and unable to walk for three days and did not recover from the effect in a month. I stayed at Mr. A. Conrad's for three days and was attended by H., who endeavored to give all the consolation i could receive. Here then was pain overbalancing all pleasure, even if all had been favorable.

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Have rode but little. Arranged my books, prepared some medicine, and evening went to spend a few moments with H. Our conversation was on domestic happiness. I stated at some length my ideas on the subject which appeared to be satisfactory. I do not think that it becomes a woman to interfere in her husband's concerns, and in all cases where feeling is concerned, and the wife does not yield to the judgment; if one wants one thing and the husband another, and the wife insists on her way and will not receive no, without getting into passion, will cause much, yes, very much discontent. It will in the end, or before the end comes, produce the worst consequences.

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I have now a difficult case to treat, not because the complaint itself is uncommon, but because the individual idiosyncrasy is very peculiar. It is Mrs. Conrad, wife of Jacob Conrad. I am well aware of the difficulty I have now to encounter. My attention must be unremitted, necessary or not, and the time each visit must occupy be considered, and every little circumstance must be explained and remedied. And every symptom of a symptom considered with the utmost gravity. This medicine cannot be used. Doct. Shuman tried that and had to abandon it. Well, you can take some of this. No, that serves me the same way. So I found it would be much the best to say nothing about it, but give and see the effects. And it had no unpleasant effect. You can here see the extent of imagination in producing unpleasant sensations.

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I have rode some fifteen or twenty miles today meeting nothing of rare occurrence. Visited my friend and had some conversation respecting a visit contemplated of going to Pilot Mountain with Mr. J. Conrad's girls.

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Morning agreeable. Soon on my circuit and found sufficiently extensive to occupy the day. Returned before dark and spent the evening with several young men of the village. But here I find no food for my mind except it be a stronger determination to never accustom myself to such amusement because there is benefit resulting from them, but the tendency is immoral. It is a very improper place for boys just growing up, as they are presented with conduct and conversation of the most obscene nature.

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The day beams of the morning are cheering to me. i love to behold the gradual approach of light in all its varied beauty and to hear sweet warbling of the winged race that sail on the atmosphere and soar away toward Heaven. Who can be so cruel as to even wish to deprive them of life or happiness?

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Today I have had a day of leisure except a few patients in town. Time employed in reading and the preparation of Medicine. At evening, called on H. a short time, which was passed congenial to my feelings; all now for a few days appears to wear a serene smile.

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Time with the busy seems to pass swiftly. Sundays come before I think they are hardly passed. But not so with idle and lazy on these crowns, in society the hours drag a heavy burden, and it is probably a wise provision that it should be so, or these creatures would never move or use the least exertion. But few things more dispensable than an idle poor man, whose situation requires him to be doing. He is justly an object of the finger of scorn and contempt to be pointed at. For myself, I have no patience with them. I want them out of my sight. I have several of this class today. I hope you will avoid such all vice, particularly this.

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Indeed there is no innovation occurred during the day. Was at jacob Conrad's and saw wealth and all its fine decorations ornamenting the form of these lovely flowers just blooming into perfection and womanly grace.

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The day fine and pleasant. Have attended my patients and had the satisfaction of arriving in town just as the sun sunk below the western hills. Mind and feelings have felt no change. In company with my friend several hours. All appears stable and unchangeable.

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I have witnessed scenes today that have never before fell under my observation and I could wish never again would. I stayed with Gage last night. We set up very late conversing on various subjects connected with our situation and prospect. After he went to bed, I still sat up and wrote considerable, as my mind was not easy and the piece will be found in the proper place. Indeed I did not go to bed, but just lay down before day. Soon in the morning a messenger came for Gage in great haste and he obeyed the summons immediately, and I started for home, stopping at several places on the road. I had not been at home but a few minutes before I was requested to visit the same place, distance about ten miles. i found the woman in perpetual convulsions and quite insensible even during the intervals of the convulsions. Gage had done nothing to her except gave her, when he first saw her, a dose of some cathartic. I now bled copiously, several times, but all would not do, though it increased the intermission and moderated the severity of the convulsions. Finding that nature did not act efficiently, recourse was had to instruments, which succeeded, but no alleviation was perceptible, and in a few hours the woman was dead. Here was men, both old and young; women of the same and different ages in profusion, some sober and drunk, betting, cursing, and swearing and all immoral conversation going by both male and female. Such a set of human beings at a place where a mortal just was leaving and had left the stage of time was indeed shocking to every benevolent feeling. Never be guilty of base conduct, but frown indignantly on it and them that act both by precept and example.

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It is of more importance to be regular and steady than fast and irregular. A man will accomplish more by keeping a constant and steady application than by sometimes going very fast and stopping and delaying time at places where he may have business. Never wait when you have anything to do. Accomplish it at once and while you are at it, finish it complete. Have it arranged as it ought to be so that no misunderstanding can take place.

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I was called to visit the family of a very singular man in his manners. Indeed if you were unacquainted with him, you would suppose he was lord of the creation, and that he was constantly viewing the heavens. I have never seen a whole family of people have so sickly an appearance as this, and one of them will, I very much fear, die. Yet with all the peculiarities observable in this individual, he is said to be a very good neighbor and respectable citize. Always be careful and not condemn before you have good evidence.

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I have had the pleasure again of being constantly employed. There but few, if any, source of amusement to me, equal to employment. I have no desire to set down and have nothing to engage my mind or body. No, to be forced into such a state to me would be the greatest misery and punishment. Man cannot be contented without occupation; he was formed for action, either physical or mental, and if neither be employed, he does not discharge his duty. And there is maxim better established than this; Idleness produces vice, want, and misery.

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I find that I have no demunition of practice yet and if this should continue at its present extent, I can make a good living and gain a little every year, by using economy in expenditures, and this important point I hope I may not neglect. If I should, I may expect in a very short time to be at my end, in peace. My situation requires the most rigid economy compatible with comfort and respectability. Had some conversation with my friend in relation, certain culinary utensils. Thus you see I am preparing for other modes of living.

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Weather more pleasant and roads improving. Have had much riding to do today and feel quite satisfied with the solvent portion of patients today. I came home at eleven o'clock and rode very slow as my horse was very tired, and as I was passing rather before, I came opposite a porch before a certain once yellow house, the apartments of which I was well acquainted with, and a pleasant sitting place in a warm evening was in the porch, and here I saw a young, or at least a single, man and a married lady. No! but a married female in a position that the light of day would have pronounced shameful, horrid, detestable, and even diabolical. I passed by or nearly so with my eyes fixed in a steady gaze. They, however, discovered me and used their endeavors to conceal themselves from my view. Now both these individuals are considered among the most respectable people of the place and move in the first ranks of society. The description of the man and woman have been described in the preceding pages of May or June, 1828, or at least one of them have. Indeed, I was somewhat astonished at the man being in such a place and on such as errand; but to see the female there, her husband and children in bed, ought to create astonishment, but to me it was as I had from my first acquaintance with her expected. i was sure from her manner and conversation that she was not a virtuous woman. Here then were two individuals in the very depths of vice, and considered here to be the patterns of virtue.

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Few moments in the life of man are passed free from some corroding idea, sufficiently strong to shade his most agreeable amusement. Even in those individuals who can sing or whistle from morning until are not exempt from these sensations of unhappiness and for which he can assign no adequate cause. Such is my sensation today and I know not why.

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Nothing occurred during the day. My mind clings tenaciously to the ideas of home and the difficulty of procuring one, etc., etc.

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Have not rode much today. It is very wet and disagreeable riding. By all that I have observed today of my friend, she is quite contented and I am much pleased even at the idea that her mind is at ease and that her life flows once more in a smooth channel.

Details: Hits: 2251

Have been diligently engaged during the day and for part of the night. Returned home about eleven o'clock and after having finished these few observations and reflected a few moments on the results of the day and find nothing of consequence to alter my ideas or cogitations, I leave all for repose.

Details: Hits: 2381

Morning delightful. Nature begins to wear the beautiful robe of green in all her departments, and many now participate in the beauty and fragrant odor of the many flowers now in full bloom.

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Morning agreeably warm and very pleasant. I have enjoyed its beauty in riding all day and some part of the evening. I had the pleasure of seeing H. a few moments before I retired and am happy to believe her unpleasant feelings have subsided. My own in the same state as usual.

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Time again moves along in her accustomed course and my mind following the same channel and seeking the accomplishement of my object as before. But one thing more to perplex and render unpleasant my reflections.

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This evening I concluded again to see H., as it would be an act of injustice to her to give no explanation or consolation to her if the unfortunate occurrence of the first instance had affected her. Ineed, I found her in a deplorable state of dejection and sorry for the step her mother had taken. But endeavored to apologize for it and to satisfy my mind on the subject. Again everythingwas arranged, in a satisfactory manner, but I have lost much of my respect for Mrs. Conrad, and it may be I am very wrong in my opinion of the cause of the conversation on the first instant. I, however, will leave the subject and only keep it in rememberance.

Details: Hits: 2444

During the interview with Mrs. Conrad last evening, I told her I was not accustomed to communicate my intentions to any individuals on any subject, much less, indeed much more cautious on a subject of this nature, and if she imagined I would sooner communicate our wishes to a disinterested person than to the Mother of her to whom I was expecting to be united, she was very much mistaken in my character, for I would ever scorn a better act, and that I could not feel willing to form a connection durable as life in opposition to the will or wish of a Mother. And I had supposed that consent had been granted, but i have since thought very reluctantly and from what cause i am ignorant and expect to be. i well know my situation in life is not attended with any strong inducements or can create any high expectations, but have ever acted openly in relation to it, and have never attempted to deceive or create the idea to you or any other that i was above mediocrity or even that my property was as great as the commonalty of the human family, and if you have from more mature reflection wished to withdraw your consent, now is the time. I consider you have a perfect right to do so, and I will abide by that decision, and now since we are on the subject and my feelings much hurt, I would prefer to hear it before we part, that I may act accordingly. She declared her willingness, but said she did expect so soon as she had been told and since we both denied it, she was satisfied. but now, Doctor, you must not be offended because I have said to you what I have. I meant it all for the best. You must not stay away but come as you always have, for you are welcome at any time. i now bid her good evening and retired again to my own room with a mind as full of guesses as ever occurred to any man from the land of steady habits. it has seldom been my lot to have had my feelings more hurt than they were at this occurrence, because I know that not a living creature knew my intention and I guess it was all made by her.

Details: Hits: 2334

It sometimes appears that I was born for the express to be the sport of misfortune during the period of my existence and why it is so, I leave to those who have more knowledge on the subject. How soon may we experience a reverse of fortune, a reverse of feeling, a revers of expectation, a revers anticipation, a revers of hope, and a sad reverse of every pleasant prospect. How quick may a clear sky be overcast with stormy clouds and the atmosphere be wrought into wild and furious commotion, devastating all before it. Such has been my misfortune to experience today. I had been riding considerable distance, fondly reflecting on y intended change of life and the necessary arrangements to be made prior to that period - which time had not been determined. I at last at about ten or eleven o'clock retired to bed, not having one disagreeable idea to molest my thoughts. But this pleasant state of repose, a situation uncommon for me, was not suffered to exist but a few moments. Before I had time to close my eyes, I was summoned by a slave to Mrs. Conrad. I immediately inquired if she was sick. The slave replied in the negative. To me it seemed a singular call at this time of night and none sick. Yet I had no apprehension of any reverse sentiment; however, as soon however as I had adjusted my clothes, I obeyed the summons, When entered the apartment, none was up but Mrs. Conrad. I seated myself in order to be informed of the cause of my being sent for. When she began in an earnest manner, Doctor, I never thought it of you. I did not think you would use me so or that you thought so much more of others than of me. Why did you not tell me. I blame Henrietta more than you because she was my child. What have I done that I must be used so? There is nothing in this world but trouble for me. Am I so much of a tattler that I cannot be trusted? Doctor, I have always used you well and trusted the best I could. You have always been welcome hereand I think you should have considerd me as a mother and not used me worse than you do strangers. It almost kills me to think I am so little thought of. I have heard uch about your coming here but I believe you meant nothing but good, and I thought much of you. So I did not care. But now to be told by others that you and Henrietta are going to be married soon in a few days and that neither of you have said a word to me about it is shocking. Why did you not tell me? Then a long pause ensued and remained in perfect silence to hear the end of all she had to say. Why, she again commenced with, I am willing you should have Henrietta, but not now. I want she should be fifteen years old first and there are many things I want yet to learn her about housekeeping. She is very young yet, and you can have all that you want done fixed here. Come, Doctor, now tell me is it so? I answered no! It was all false and without the slightest foundation. There had never been any time set or fixed on by us and whoever has told you so has uttered a flasehood and fabricated by themselves. I have never said one word to a living being except Henrietta about marriage.

Details: Hits: 2299

I have this evening agreed for the house mentioned yesterday and at that price. Such steps as these are indicative of an everlasting more approaching. You will here see that it requires preparation before you commence any important undertaking, and that it is absoultely necessary to reflect well before you embark on a voyage that will land you in the Haven of Matrimony. All that troubles me is this event ofthe necessary quantity of means to ensure a competence and comfort so as to make my situation pleasant. Nothing would make me more unhappy through life than to see my friend not provided for comfortably and hence my anxiety on that subject. But the fate seem to have decided that it must be tried in the course of a few months, or at least to commence being decided.

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Today it rains, emblem of the life of man - sunshine and clouds. i have been endeavoring to contract for John Grab's house here in town. Myself and Wm. A. Lash are to each pay half if I get it, as he will soon be married to a Miss Hardin, a very amiable lady of Surry County. If I take the house I am to give him nine hundred dollars.

Details: Hits: 2603

A warm and delightful day and I have spent several hours very agreeable. We walked on the graveyard and viewed the depositories of the dead, both male and female. Indeed it was melancholy delight and the thoughts that filled the mind were gloomy. May I not in some future day walk here alone to view the cold mansion of my friend now walking by my side - I will not harbor the idea. We returned at sundown and enjoyed the evening in conversation originating in mutual confidence.

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If it were not for the consideration of Gage's whole dependence being placed on me and I was free from any obligation to him, more than that which arises from friendship, I should now feel much more satisfied and my connection with H. much more agreeable. I cannot say that I am sorry of this respect existing between us, because I do really esteem her and would do any proper thing in order to make her happy. I only believe that had I waited until I was more prepared for such a step, it would have relieved much of my anxiety of mind, because all I fear now is that I may not be able to have things as comfortable as I should wish. I will hope for the best. The day has been warm and pleasant and after having finished my day engagements, I once more had the inestimable pleasure of conversing with H. and as the evening was warm, we participated in a pleasant walk. I was delightful "when souls are linked in union, sweet and friendly hands are pressed."

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This morning I cast my thoughts back twelve months and exclaimed, where was I? In Hopeton, New York, full of anxiety and apprehension. I was in a similar dilemma to a lost man in the wilderness. I knew not which way to go to find a home and at the same moment was starting from home, or from the parental roof. He who has never experienced my situation in life and the circumstances under which I was then placed, completely destitude, except the assistance obtained from others, can form no just idea of the feeling or sensation produced in the mind at such a moment. Many have left home and probably not knowing at the time where they would stop, but by far the greater number of these have the one thing needful that a small accident would at once define them all. But had misfortune assailed me on the road, a few days would ahve swept everything from me and I should have been as destitute as I was born. All this I thought before I made up my resolution to leave the place where I had spent the pleasant days of youth. And all those friends that had been endeared to me from my earliest recollection were now to be left. I was probably never to see them again. And above all and worse than all, an aged Father and Mother were weeping for me. It is not a pleasant moment and even now it can from sympathy feel the sensation of that moment. It is only one year since I left New York and where am I now? And what is my situation? And what are my feelings? It is probably I am some better in property, but my situation must now be more deplorable than at that moment, because I have acted in one or two instances very unwise and inconsiderate. This is the great misfortune of every unfortunate man; he himself is more to blame than the ominous stance that may be twinkling at the time he is home. My agreement with Gage is one improper step and for which I have suffered and expect to during its continuance. And my speedy adopting a friendship which will result in my leaving a single life.

Details: Hits: 2611

You will remember that a good reputation of great value and to have and keep a good character should be your constant care. It is much easier to keep a good reputation than to regain it when tarnished. And indeed if after once deviating from the path of rectitude, your walk thereafter should be the most exemplary and unexceptionable, yet on differences of sentiments or in political contests, it will be cast in your teeth. These things are never forgotten. Your enemies, if you have any, or your opponents of every kind will set them down and use them to your disadvantage, whenever interest may require. You cannot be too careful of your conduct under all circumstances. Never do that which would cause a blush to mantle your check by being held up to the gaze of society. And if at any time you are tempted by the demands of appetite or by the solicitations of associates, at once leave both, or leave one and shun the cause of them for both lead to ruin, guilt, shame, and remorse. Let me beseech you, never, no never, abandon the pleasant and upright path of virtue and honor, because these is no real substantial enjoyment ever derived from vice. But pain in your own breast if it be never divulged to the world; you, yourself, will know it, and you are aware of the consequences if it was known, and even this alone will prove a source of torment in every place and station of life. You can never reach an elevation, however exalted that will be above the sting of error or vice. Then as you regard your own peace, follow virtue.

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I have rode considerable during the day and have been told of Gage's conduct and what I had known before had now become public; and not only public, but had been exposed in open daylight, in the woods with an old widow woman practicing his illicit conduct and had to run. I am much pained at this want of a due regard for his own reputation and an abandonment of those principles taught and practiced by his Father and Mother, and almost the last words of his Mother to him were the reverse of such conduct. But his character and standing must receive a severe shokck here, from such reports, and more particularly so when these are backed by the most unexceptional witnesses. Who will call or what respectable person will call on a man of such loose principle and no regard for his own reputation?

Details: Hits: 2260

Indeed it mortified me very much to think that he had suffered his fancy so far to overstep his judgment. But you will please remember that in all cases where your fancy is strongly wrought upon, which is nothing but another word for desire, that if you act under such influences, you will sure to be deceived, and remorse will soon follow. When you find you are very anxious to purchase anything you had better reflect and investigate the cause of that anxiety and you will generally find the cause to be quite insufficient to produce such an effect when properly considered. Overanxiety invariably leads to disappointment. I do not believe there can be found an instance to the contrary, because this state of mind views the acquisition far above all possibilities, and when successful ends in a fact that it is nothing so superior, and it unfrequently happens that in a very short time this same thing so eagerly sought for ends in disgust. And it would be well if we would but be guided by one sad experiment of the kind, but instead of acting agreeably to indications of experience we again and again go on the same way.

Details: Hits: 2476

I have again to lament my connection with Gage. Have paid on his account two Dollars for advertisements for horse. Now Gage took the idea that a horse owned by Capt. H. Sanders of Guilford or supposed to belong to him at the time he started for him, whould do good business in this or some of the adjoining counties, and as his business in his profession was but very little, he concluded to purchase the horse and after the season, take him to the South and sell him, and make a profit by the trade. He consulted me respecting it. I told him if he could get the horse cheap, it was probably it would answer. Well filled with the notion, he went to purchase, but when he came there, Tyler owned the horse and sold him on a credit of some months and said he would give me as security. He gave three hundred dollars for the horse, worth about one hundred. He came with him here and said he gave so much and the judges here pronounced him enormously cheated.

Details: Hits: 2632

Morning clear and cold, rode some distance soon this morning and returned before twelve o'clock. I was invited by my esteemed friend, the Rev. I.C. Jacobson, to partake in a love feast celebrated today in which all belonging to the society partake, and those who do not, when invited by the minister. I believe this feast is intended to create the idea that we are of one family and are fed by the same parent, and that we should live in peace and harmonny as brothers and sisters, and that all these unkind feelings and backbiting should cease, and that the most kind feelings should be cherished, and instead of magnifying each other's faults, we should endeavor, by mild and judicious means, to correct them. Mr. Jacobson is one of your best kind of men, always the same slow to censure severely and prompt to forgive, and the longer you are acquainted with him, the more you love him.

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In matters where our feelings are deeply implicated, how very little will produce an elevation or depression. I have been made quite sensible of this effect today, because my friend is improving in health, and mind more serene and cheerful. We ought probably to partake of the feelings of our friends.

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I declare I am much disappointed in this climate. The wind is very high and cold enough for Greenland. I have been out considerable during the day and have suffered from the intensity of the cold. My friend still unable to be up. I must say, if ever my feelings would justify me in staying from those sick I had promised to see today, it was this morning. But I could not do it becuase I was sure she would be attended to and another consideration was the ever busy tongue of the multitude. This we should ever avoid as much as propriety will sanction and be as cautious as we can. We shall not always escape our due share.

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I awoke this morning and on looking through the window was astonished at seeing it snow, as I had anticipated no such occurrence in this climate at this season of the year. In New York it would have been expected, but here, a milder season was looked for. My feelings are too acute on every subject connected with myself. I am alive to everything that afflicts my friend, eitehr in mind or in body, just as much if not a little more than if it was myself. After discharging my country patients and returned to town, I visited my accustomed place, but found not my friend and did not inquire. I stayed but a moment and returned to my room and seated myself for contemplation when Julia, a little girl and half sister to H., came and requested my attendance, as sister was unable to be up. I found her bathed in tears and for what cause I did not learn. You may imagine I stayed for some hours and succeeded in relieving the severity of pain.

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I attended the funeral of Mrs. Schultz and was deposited in the dust one aged woman who had lived long and raised a family of respectable children. It is mournful spectacle to see a fellow mortal laid in the cold and narrow bed. But all must do it.

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I believe we ought to be thankful for the return of every morning that we are yet permitted to live and improve our goodness and alleviate distress; i have rode constantly and have had the unpleasant intelligence of the death of one of my patients; this is unpleasant to me, but I have acted agreeable to my conscience and ahve no reproach. And when there is no admonition from within, a serene feeling will attend us, and this is more than all receive on the occurrence of failure in any undertaking. I however retire to bed. I have spent a few moments with my esteemed friend. Says her mind is now satisfied and full of home.

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Once more behold the day approach with all the beauty this season can afford. I delight to gaze on the regular increase of light, how beautiful when the east is of a crimson, how magestic the sun, as he is observed through the leafless branches of the distant trees. How soon doe sthe temperature arise as he advances, and all nature appears to rejoice, and as he approaches all begin to move. I saw H. this morning, appears dejected; I fear all is not right. I related my ideas and for the first time saw with sorrow the briny tear steal from the orb of vision. Home, sweet home, dwells incessant in my mind.

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My mind is quite uneasy becuase I have some patients under my care that are dangerous and I am apprehensive of a fatal termination of one or two.These occurrences always give me pain. i will, however, discharge my duty and leave the issue to him who created them. Nothing is more calcualated to destroy peasce of mind than a dereliction of duty. When we are remiss, we can never feel satisfied.

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Morning was occupied in arranging the medicine for the young woman, and in replenishing my stock for ditribution. After which I finished my circuit, with mind contemplating on the joys of the futre, which I hoped were yet concealed for me. Anticipate not too much.

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I had last night anticipated that this would give me the inestimable privilege of a lengthy conversation with H. But such expectations are frequestly blasted, and disappointement comes in the stead. Called away just as the moment had arrived for my expected pleasurable visit. I must go and leave all my own comfort for the sake of others... Well, this is my duty and we should prefer our duty to our pleasure, and never neglect the latter to indulge the former, if we do we must not expect a long continuace of confidence by the public.

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After finishing my ride in the country, I returned home and requested H. to accompany me to see the young distant relation of hers, and she done so. We fond the young gentleman with her and indeed he was using his best exertions to promote her comfort, and this may be a mark of real respect in him and cannot be censured. We stayed but a few moments and returned to her abode and parted. I repaired to my room to write these few lines of the transactions of the day and to write a long commemoration of my ideas at the time.

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My business still increases and calls are frequent and pressing and require a great portion of the twenty-four hours to attend them all. I have no fault yet to find with the extent of my patronage, it exceeded my expectation, and I fondly hope it will continue so, for my situation require it and probably will as long as I am able to attend to it. Spent a few moments with H. this evening. It was more than gratifying.

Details: Hits: 2501

The morning is pleasant, and leave home early in order to see all my patients, and return again tonight. Came home a little after dark and as usual found my supper ready on the table, which I soon dispatched and repaired to see my friend. Our conversation was short, but all appeared well and going on increasing. My mind still dwells on home and how to prepare for it. As it is not best always to be forced to get a dwelling, after you obtain the cause of that necessity, prepare a little before.

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Again have been called to attend to the young woman mentioned some few months ago and whose course of conduct was not commendable in relation to a certain young man of this place, and at this time there is staling about some unfavorable rumor in regard to her reputation. It is inded lamentable that a young girl, whose character is all the property she has, should be so inconsiderate in her deportment. I am pleased that I can say that the day afforded me more satisfaction than has fallen to my participation in long series of days. And all from a belief that my friend is again restored to contentment and wears a contented countenance. It does give me pleasure to see her happy and I hope it always will be so. I wrote considerable to be found in the proper place. I hope you will never experience as many hopes and fears as i have been doomed from the want of proper discretion to endure. All my sick visited today are mending. This also is pleasing.

Details: Hits: 2426

After a day of anxious toil, I find in the darkness of night a few moments of leisure and these you can see how they are employed. I have thought much on my anticipated change of life.

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Once more a day of active employment has passed away and the result has been satisfactory, as it relates to deeds of charity, for many of those visited are marked by the cold hand of misfortune, yet these people require assistance when assailed by pain and disease, and must not and should not be neglected because they are poor. In consequence of some observation from my friend, i feel much renovated in mind and a small gleam of moderate hope enlivens despondency and I retire to my rest in a more peaceful situation than last night, but how long this state of mind will continue is as uncertain as the wind.

Details: Hits: 2482

I have been deeply engaged today both in mental and physical activity, and the whole amount of both have produced but little income. I have seen H., who seems far less cheerful than formerly and for what reason I cannot determine, probably I may be the primeval cause. But this is the case with all people with whom I am acquainted. And I believe all at times have these sensations. I will know that for one I am very subject to them.

Details: Hits: 2532

It would appear that man was destined an unequal share of perplexity. Last evening was the first time that H. and I took a walk unacompanied by others, before we commenced our short perambulations, I anticipated much satisfaction but was disappointed; and it frequently happens, when more than ordinary expectation is excited, the participation is below the ordinary. I returned again much dissatisfied and wrote considerable, which will be found in the proper place. I retired to my bed while the wind was moaning among the branches of the leafless willow that were suspended over my room. All circumstance seemed to combine to add deeper shade to my gloomy thoughts.

Details: Hits: 2603

The day has gone, and have been during its continuance, very busy. Yet my object of home has frequently entered my thoughts and should have been glad if their indications were more agreeable.

Details: Hits: 2603

I have become acquainted with a Mr. B. Hauser, a planter in the neighborhood, of very singular manner, and yet not very singular, but he is one of those men whom you know not how to take from his manner of conversation. Yet he is a very good citizen and considreable property. Some people find a good deal of fault with him, but I believe those who find fault are themselves more to blame than Hauser. His singularity so far as I have seen is this: If you are doing business for him, he will say, Now, God be favorable in the charge; poor man, you know; Shan't be able to pay; do it well, and small charge; etc. Well, if you have an account against him, he will say, if there be a few cents, Oh! knock off the cents and make it just even, that but a trifle; come, you know Ben is poor. And here is the cash, etc., etc. But I believe so far as I have any knowledge of his dealings, he is quite honest. He is quite free and accommodating in his house.

Details: Hits: 2630

I have rode considerable distance today and it was so pleasant I could dispense with an overcoat. My reflection during the day was on the subject of preparing a home of my own and the probable cost of a domicile, and whether I was prepared to encounter such expense. I am not satisfied in relation to my ability.

Details: Hits: 2394

This first day of the month is quite pleasant and the sensation of warmth are very agreeable. People open their windows and you may then resort to the old habit of sitting in companies on the porches and appear like bees in a warm day to rejoice that they can leave the old stand and enjoy the salubrity of the open air and exercise.

Details: Hits: 2622

A neglect may in some instances prove a source of mortification. I have observed in myself an occurrence that had it been properly attended, would have been of much advantage. It is this: I have when riding and thinking on a subject observed it would appear so very plain and reasonable, and that I had ready the most forceable and appropriate words to convey my ideas; then would appear no argument could have been advanced against it sufficiently strong to have moved one proposition. Well, in a few moments, called to something else, all these ideas are gone. Now if you will be but to the small trouble to always have withyou paper and pen, and whenever you feel such ideas, set them down, just as you think, and by so doing will gain much information and in a more beautiful style than any other way. I would seriously recommend such a course to you and really hope you will adopt it and follow it through life and whenever you commence explaining a subject delineate in as minute a manner as you can. Have no work or words that will elucidate it unexpressed or any view or tendency of the subject untouched. If you will but adopt this course and follow it rigidly, you will find its advantages will more than compensate you for all the trouble it may be, and after you have used it for a short time, it will become a source of the most pleasant amusement.

Details: Hits: 2534

I have found so far as it relates to myself that reading of various descriptions affords more substantial and pure pleasure than many of those nocturnal assemblies so frequent in this place. At meetings of men of age for the purpose of accomplishing by union of action some important object, much satisfaction and benefit may be derived by the young and they should be attended every opportunity. And all the movements of organization and progress should be attended to so that as we come on the stage of action, we are not ignorant of these ceremonies.

Details: Hits: 2684

I look around me on every side and every one seeking for pleasure, and how different are the ideas of the things that produce it. I see many seeking this desired object in places and at transactions to me disgusting. Some in going about the street after dark seek some little mischief that can only give delight but for a moment. Some collect in small numbers and spend the time in idle conversation and laughter. Others at the card table play merely to pass away the hours. Now, reading and writing is a much more preferable way.

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The day is passed and all its pleasures are now only remembered or probably all its reverses are stored up in the mind, more sacredly or supposed to be than those occurrences of a congenial nature, but while we remember those transactions which disturb, we should also think of the thousand blessings we have received.

Details: Hits: 2633

I have had rather more than an ordinary share of riding to do today, and have now just returned and have just time to write these few lines so that I leave the day not vacant in these pages. My ideas are in the same old beaten path and the prospect of an immediate change for the better would appear to be distant.

Details: Hits: 2681

I have enjoyed the day very well, have passed part of it in riding and the balance in reading. This last source of relaxation to me is very agreeable and beneficial and should be used by every individual. We obtain real good information if we read nothing but the news of hte day and this every man in society should do. Nothing can afford a man in the course of the day and this every man in society should do. Nothing can afford a man in the course of life greater pleasure than to be well acquainted with the occurrences of the day. Indeed I cannot see how people can bear to be destitute of the knowledge of the general topics of the day. It is of material importance in all company where subjects of a political nature interest every individual in society.

Details: Hits: 2506

Having settled in my mind the uneasy feelings mentioned yesterday, the day passed away more agreeable and a prospect of one day being able to fulfill my anticipations in one point afforded a brighter ray of hope to enliven the mind, and at evening i visited H. in some more cheerful mood.

Details: Hits: 2484

I have rode considerable and, as it may be imagined, thought much. Though I fully feel the justice and force of these objections, yet I cannot perfectly reconcile them to my feelings. I feel that my motives were not properly appreciated and that my character stood a little doubtful. Still I have no cause to complain, for indeed no one knew but that I was destitute of one good quality. Any man may conduct himself with propriety for some time, and then show his want of good principle in some diabolical act of which there was no suspicion. Yet the time I had been in the place was too short to afford a complete criterion from good and that nothing in relation to my moral character could be procured that would even cast a shade over it.

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The day is not agreeable. I have, however, a small satisfaction added to my mind from the occurrence of yesterday. But this is not as free from alloy as I could have wished. Yet there are several considerations that much have operated on Mrs. Conrad's mind to influence a reluctant consent. In the first place, I was very poor and her daughter was in the same situation. I admit this to be a very good and valid ovjection and it is an objection which I have of myself. Secondly, I have been in this country but a few months and was a perfect stranger, known to none. Here was a very material consideration in opposition to my wishes and one that would have justified a refusal. And the third was the youth of her daughter, putting all these together must create a formidable barrier to surmount. Had H.'s father been alive, I should not have proposed so soon, but living with a wealthy stepfather, and difficulties sometimes arising seemed to sanction such a step more than if different circumstances had been present.

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I have rode considerable today and have cogitated much on the unpleasant situation in which I find myself placed. What can be the reason of such delay? It is an unfavorable omen, even if it be as I wish in the end, because were there no objections; in any case an answer could be made at the moment. I will, however, imagine it to be a German practice and permit it to pass. However, at the arrival of evening, my inclination was obvious and I wollewed it and passed a pleasant hour and received the answer; no objections, but it did not leave the tongue with that freedom which produced conviction. So after three days of probation, I have received my sentence and to me it is such as I could have wished, but pronounced in a way not so agreeable.

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A man placed in suspense on important information is in no enviable situation. How intense are the feelings of a culprit after his trial is over and the jury have retired to consult on the situation of the accused. And how does he feel when he sees that jury come again into his presence, it must be dreadful. My own situation, though free from crime, has been much the same since the sixteenth and the final sentence is not yet pronounced. But let the decision be as it may, I will not suffer myself to tremble in dreaded anticipation.

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The day has been stormy and not warm, but much more mild in this temperature than the more northern country I have been accustomed to. I have had a few moments conversation with H. today. This was attended with some satisfaction. Indeed it alleviated my apprehension in some degree.

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Have spent a day at home and agreably amused myself by reading and contemplating on my prospects and what would be the result of a request I was soon to make. Indeed I am not altogether free from some little apprehension on that point.

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Most welcome day. Here you can see the poor African feel this lesiure day. And he appears quite free. He goes out in his little piece of land and prepares it for the spring.

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I have been forced into a short train of reflection during my ride today by an occurrence of seeing a wealthy man, under the excitement of losing a few hundred dollars. He was in a violent rage and depicted his situation in the most unfavorable colors. Oh! I am a ruined man. My family will come to suffer by this loss. Now if that be the feelings of all rich people, their sum of happiness must be small. Indeed it must be much less than an ordinary poor man's. I have seen poor people lose all and reduced to want, and yet bear the loss with more apparent resignation than that man, though he had enough for three or four such families.

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I have been called to see the wife of one of those sick poor men that are sometimes to be met with in this and probably in all countries. This man is supposed by those well acquainted with him to be worth at least seven thousand dollars and his family all grown except two daughters. Now this individual has not in his house a decent set of utensils to set a decent table. His house is open and uncomfortable; he himself subject to rheumatism and a dear lover of drams, but he makes it himself. There is not one convenience round him. But there is one good thing he has done; has brought his children up to know how to work. I must think that if I had all this wealth, I should have more satisfaction from conveniences than this man.

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I have been among the distressed, Poor, idle, unattentive drunkenness has produced it. And the mother of a large family probably not subject to the vice of intemperatate drinking, yet is too lazy even to wash her small children or even to keep herself clean. I should suppose she was a real slut. How disgusting is a woman, all rags and hands and face besmeared with dust and grease; hair standing in every direction and an old black pipe in her mouth. Such a sight to me is horrid.

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I have had a day of leisure and used it in reading and conversing with my friend and her mother. I have just been feeling my way a little further and see if I could find any obstruction in the path.

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Everything moves on in the old beaten road. I can observe no improvement or decay.

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Confined at home during the day. Called on H. a few hours and all was apparently moving on in harmony; peace beamed from every feature. I am pleased that her mind is at ease. I toook vesper there today. Mrs. Conrad made some indication of future time would be more agreeable, because youth has not had time to become capable of proper management.

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I have seen poverty in all its pride today. Poor, destitute creatures, you are accustomed to suffer and these little offsprings have never tasted a better cup, and probably are as contented as those of the wealthy. It must be entirely mismanagement that begets this low degree of indigence.

Merciful Father, give me a good heart that I may never neglect the poor, suffering creatures of poverty. It seems to be a source of consolation to be attended with a passing notice.

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I have nothing in mind to write tonight. There is, I believe, no innovation of any kind feelings, and reflections much as usual.

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The old lady mentioned yesterday little expected at the time she was abusing the profession that she would in the course of a few months require the aid of those individuals. But myideas of her situation were correct. I thought at the time I could discover evident symptoms of consumption which, on visiting her, I found to be the case. She now makes many apologies and laments that she has not sought assistance earlier. Never run down any employment that is good and commendable or any set of men follow in any particular business. You at some time may need those very individuals.

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How unexpectedly circumstances will occur. Last summer, on a pleasant Sunday morning as I was passing a house, the lady sitting in the porch stopped me and began to undervalue all doctors and medicine at the lowest rate. I listened, and carried on the joke for some time. During my stay I observed some symptoms of disease affecting the old lady and told her she would have to employ a doctor before long, and today I have to visit her.

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Morning is quite warm and pleasant. Have much business for the day, but the remuneration will be small, as more than half are incapable of supporting themselves. But I must not neglect them on that account. Life is sweet to them, as well as the more favored. One thing however, may here be noticed: this class of people insist more strenuously on your constant attention than those are able to pay you for your trouble.

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Day after day passes away and night after night is spent in reflection on the subject of my situation without alleviation of feelings. I have not been yet able to mark out a course of action, should the one now adopted fail. And the fear of this failure forces all agreeable from being participated.

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Again I am called on to pay for Gage, for his having clothes made at the tailors. And again must feel that I have done myself much injury by this fatal agreement, inconsiderately made. How easy it would have been to have avoided this difficulty. It did not require but a few moments to place me in the situation I am, and with half the number of minutes, applied to examination, I could have been spared all these hours of misery.

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In obedience to my feelings, I have enjoyed a short conversation with H. today. It is singular how much more contented and cheerful than formerly and it is quite gratifying to me to see it. Yet I feel quite different from the same cause, all of which have been stated before, and still continue to deprive me of that enjoyment for which I so ardently wish. I have spent the day principally in reading and returning a mind full of gratitude to God for his numerous instances of peculiar mercy and goodness shown me.

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Continues unpleasant. I have seen but little today except a few patients in abject poverty. Some entirely dependent on the bounty of a few neighbors for every necessary of life and confined to bed in sickness, unable to help themselves. Prepare for sickness when you are well.

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This is a cold, wet day. It is very unpleasant. I went today to see a colored child belonging to a slavetrader. It was shocking to me to hear the abuse to the slaves from this dealer in human flesh. He seemed to have an idea that it quite humane not to be beating them and that it afforded them much pleasure to injure their feelings as much as possible. Depict in the darkest shade the horrid situation they would be in when once, in the far South, and that they would live but a few years. Such odious principles as these ought never to be countenanced. The situation of the sale is anything but pleasant, and to insult to injury is a double crime.

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Riding by the house today, which I visited yesterday, I could not forbear reflecting on such conduct. Now this man has a poor plantation and a large number of slaves, and they are not half fed and do not make sufficient for sustenance even at that. They will steal because they are starved and must be punished when this master, who inflicted the blows, is the very cause of these thefts. It cannot be right. I here see his sons, fully grown, and doing no business. They are in no employment. No man should raise his children thus. There are several young ladies that have not a suit of everyday clothes fit to be seen in company and do not work. And were you to see one of them on Sunday at church attended by a female slave, you would imagine her father to be worth thousands, but you cannot think so if you examine the house. It must be a sin for parents to raise a family of sons and daughters in this idle manner.

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What strange notions some people have. I visited a man today who, from the slaves around him, would be considered wealthy, and go into his house and you would at once be struck with the idea of the most abject poverty imaginable. Now what is the use of all this if a man does not enjoy the real necessaries of life; for what do we wish to live, but to enjoy. His girls must now be waited on by a servant, and these poor creatures almost naked. This man came from Virginia.

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Some people are so unable to abandon a bad habit that they go on into destruction of peace, happiness, and prosperity, and involve themselves and all that are dependent on them in ruin. Is it not surprisingly astonishing that people having common understanding will thus act. Here let me remind you of that which I have so often done before: that desire in these individuals is the fatal rock and has the control of the will to which it should, in all case, be subservient.

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And if you ever expect to improve your pecuniary situation, always be careful how you spend your earnings and for what. What you may have earned and not received is not yet yours, but that which you have is your own and should be saved or placed in something of real value, and from which you may reap benefit. If a man owes you one hundred dollars and that not on interest, it does you no good. Now suppose an opportunity offer where you could purchase property to the amount of one hundred dollars, and that property is really worth twice that sum - are you not the loser and is it not far better to have it in your possession and money earned and not collected, is not worth as much as money in hand, for there is the expense of collection, at least and the risk of bad debts. So, I hope you will mind and take good care of all you have and collect your debts after a reasonable time of credit. It is a bad practice to suffer accounts to run long; close them once a year, at least.

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Men who make no calculation on small sums will never thrive. It is owning to the judicious use of these small affairs that increase a man's property - all large sums are made of smaller and he who will not take care of a little will not be careful of much. One cent is of as much value as one dollar, though one dollar is equal to 100 cents.

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Why some men are miserably poor and have no particular vice that devours all they earn while they labor night and day. This may be owing to several causes. A man may toil for years and receive a good compensation for his labor, and unless he be very judicious in his expenditures he will have nothing. Let him spend a sixpence at some and every collection he may be at, and it seems but a small sum, but this is not all he has lost or wasted. There is the time spent, probably work more than four times the money, and now let him pay a dollar for that which can do him no good, and do this every few days, and the time lost in getting them and in the course of a year, he is in debt. Everyone should keep a Book in which every article purchased should be set down and the time spent in getting them and this Book should be frequently examined and act in these matters accordingly.

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Man does not appear created for enjoyment or that kind of enjoyment which would result from an absence from care, or a satisfaction originating from a freedom from avarice or avaricious desires. I have my doubts whether it be possible for man to live and not feel a desire for more or a disposition to increase that which he already possesses. I know that I have but little and cannot reasonably expect great accumulations in wealth, yet I acknowledge I have a strong desire to enjoy a state of affluence above mediocrity. And I see those around me who have as much as I now think I should want, yet they are as craving, as thirsty for more, as though they would use today all they have in store, and as though the least loss would involve them in ruin.

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I have visited again the man mentioned on the 15th inst. I declare I can see plainly the course this man is taking and it will sure lead to his ruin, not only of property but his health must at last give way. His family suffers and becomes destitute. Every man must view such conduct with disgust.

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I have a multitude of ideas in my head. How to best accomplish a disengagement from that injudicious obligation and still act justly. This now more than anything beside disturbs the mind. I must have been intent on something else at the time, or this may have been my notion. I thought probably Gage would get into business sooner than I should, and I, therefore, concluded in case he should, I could have a little assistance. And by contemplating in this way, I supposed I had a better chance. And no doubt he had the same ideas and was actuated by the same motives. But I would advise a different course to try first yourself, and if you cannot get a start, then it may do to join with someone more fortunate.

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You will perceive the truth and full force of what I before stated on the impropriety of not fully considering and maturely weighing every course you may calculate and that nearly all of our troubles and misfortunes are attributable to this fatal and improper neglect. This connection with Gage was the feeling of the moment and not considerate, and now it is a source of sorrow, because it is a source of immense damage to me.

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Today I have had, in consequence of a misstep in relation to Gage to pay for him, money which I have earned and for which I expect no remuneration. Such disbursements I hope you may never experience or lay yourself liable in any way that you may be forced to make them. I have rode much today and this unfortunate engagement has been a source of fruitful reflection and I have come to a determination to put an end to it as soon as I can. It was entered into with a good intention, and it was expected to be advantageous to me, as it gave me two advances to one. No, it is not so; it has reduced my labor one half and I am bestowing gratuitously on him that which I now need for my own use. Stand or fall on your own ground.

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How many young men have I seen work and labor year after year and always be in debt and never have purchased anything of permanent value; no, have actually put on their backs for show and to appear grand. This is all a fatal mistake. Do not people with whom you have been raised know your situations and suppose you are with such as do not know you. How long can you keep it concealed but a very short time, and what much be the feelings of mortified pride. Keep what you got and lay it up for a time when you may want it, for these opportunities are frequently to be met with.

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Made a settlement with Christian Lash today and paid him some toward my board. It does me much good to be able to discharge my debts after they have been contracted, but the force of necessity which compels me to contract them is not calculated to create such sensations. On the point of ability to discharge all dues against me, I feel much more at ease than I did a few months ago. I have suffered much anxiety on that account last summer. I hope it will never be your situation to undergo such ordeals, but if you should, be not discouraged or cast down, but preform your part; be honest and industrious and saving, and you will obtain friends and credit. But you must never buy things you do not want for comfort and respectability because if you spend for ornament, you will never prosper.

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I have again seen my unpleasant lady and heard a tale of obstinate woe and misery. Her daughter is even now convalescent and still says all that died in her family were the same way. I told that I had strong reasons to believe that she would say even if her daughter was well and at her work that she would soon die because she was just like her brother. It is very disagreeable to have such individuals to encounter in a sick room. They are detrimental in the extreme and in many cases should not be permitted to have that privilege.

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I was soon this morning called about nine miles to the wife of a Mr. who loves the bottle well filled with spirits much better than his work or anything else. This man is yet young and his wife has but one child. He is now well situated for a common poor man; all left him by his father. He now has a senseless stupid vacancy in his counterance, perfectly inactive, and from the symptoms observable round him, all will in a very short period be swept from him, for what? For dreams! Mournful sight to this young family going down to abject poverty. I hope you will remember that such conduct was in destruction and never be guilty of this foolish and detestable vice.

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Some people imagine that a physician should not have but little wages because they say he earns his money easy. If I were permitted to decide that question, I should be forced to give quite a different discussion and say there are but few professions more laborious. He is a mere slave, must jump at the call of his master. No kind of weather will excuse him, be it cold or hot, wet or dry, night or day; he must be ready and willing. The pleasures of home cannot be enjoyed, he must always be from home. However much may value his own domestic fireside, he is seldom permitted to participate in its joys, or however much he may value any amusement, all must be left, forgotten, and abandoned at a word. And not only this, the meanest wretch that calls or crawls on earth has claims on him that must be attended to. And another circumstance shows the liberality of the medical profession that does not characterize any other set of men. They labor for those who can never remunerate them, and this, few if any do who consider we are too well paid.

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I have but little to say of the present. I have spent the time quite pleasantly in reading and reflection; have not mingled in society but little, and feel disinclined for exertion in the physical or mental, a species of lethargic indifference often felt by almost every individual in active life. Moments will come when we do not feel alive to every thing. I could almost now be animated by any occurrence. These feelings are disagreeable, but they are attended with their advantages and prepare us for greater exertion and long continued efforts.

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I have slept one more night and now behold one more day just emerging from darkness. It is beautiful to view these regular orders in creation and how complete, how sublime one mingles with the other. See the day how gradual it appears? You can perceive an aurora of light, yet perceive no motion. To us it appears slow, when in reality its velocity is great. Are not these things sufficient to make us feel our dependence on Him who gave the seas their bounds, and said to the tossing waves, thus far, but no farther and here let they proud waves be stayed? puny and inefficient man; how dare you be so arrogant; humble yourself before him.

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I have spent this day in riding and have found less agreeable than some days preceding. At evening I visited my friend and a few hours gave some more elasticity to my feelings. I hope I may succeed in my design in causing every hour in after-life agreeable to her. This alone will produce an easy state of ind to me, but the reverse I dread and that is my torment. In this the impropriety lies and this dread i hope you will shun. The day does not find me as usual. My thoughts are wholly on worldly affairs. I sometimes think quite too much but I hope pardon if this be the case. And my own feelings tell me that all is not right. I have not placed confidence in that serenity of mind that once cheered me up on this day. I have ever placed my dependence of life and success on my own exertions and God's blessings.

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It will be absolutely necessary for every individual to attend to his own interest as it will not be attended to. It was very inconvenient for me to attend to the collection of a small debt due me some twelve miles from here and I had as much business promised as could attend through the day, so I gave the account to an individual going to attend the sale, as this man was about to be made insolvent. He declared he would attend to it and get it, so I was quite easy respecting it. But by the debtor making a fair promise, he made no further attempt to secure the amount. So it is all gone, and man also. Few people will attend to that which does not immediately belong to themselves. Here I would make this seemingly incalculable declaration: Trust every man and trust no man. That is, place confidence in the declaration of all, for it may be the truth; but fortify that confidence by getting good security and credible witness.

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Days pass away rapidly and I seem to prepare slowly. Yet I progress some. My ideas begin now to fall on a house and it may be they may fall off and suffer fracture. Still these fears will not do to act on. We are sometimes forced to act under, by or through fear and in it. But I have but one fear that disturbs me, and that is a fear of not being able to gain a competence i my calculated, to be adopted, course. I cannot caution you too much on this point; be careful and see your way clear and sun before you. Prepare difficulties and snares for yourself. Respect must make the object happy or it will make you miserable.

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Today I stay at home and find y peace of mind more advanced by reading than any other employment, but the reading may not be otherwise as advantageous as when the mind is free, yet it helps a mind infested with thoughts that are not agreeable.

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Morning is loaded with business for me and I leave my desconsolate room and mount on the wing of hope and endeavor to discover a place where sorrow is not, but here in this terrestrial ball such can never be found, and not enjoyed, even if found.

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Nothing gives me that highlarity which I once passed and can't indulge in. I have too much on the mind, the real importance of which is of too grave a nature to impart exultant mirth. I have interview to keep a regular course and observe a medium and endeavor to gain my object, by unremitted attention.

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I have thought much of home today and of the peace where I boarded in New York after returning from Fairfield. It was in Jerusalem Township at a very respectable Quakers. I have in this family spent many agreeable hour. He was a very amiable man, but his wife more agreeable, interesting, and lovely. He had the most unbounded love and esteem for his wife. Indeed, whenever i think of a happy man and wife, my mind refers to them for the criterion. My intimacy with the family causes me often to think of them. It affords consolation to think over those with whom we have been intimate and whom we have esteemed.

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I visited today the patient described on the 30th inst. The Mother still continued her routine conversation, but it was not quite so disgusting to me today as before. As soon as I came in the house, she says it is not worthwhile, the truck does her no good. She is just like her father, etc.,... I went to the bed and examined the sick, and returned to the fire to warm, as it was cold. Well, Doctor, is she not much worse? She can't eat one bit, is much weaker. Does she sleep better? No, no, no! Mother, said the girl, I sleep much better. No, child, you don't know when you sleep, you don't sleep at all. Well, does she lie more still? Lord, she is in motion constantly! Oh, Mother, don't say so. I can lie still and do not suffer half as much as i did before the Doctor came. Mary, do you think I can't see when I am here day and night? So your Brother used to say, and he is dead and gone. Does she want to drink a much? Nothing but drink, drink, drink day and night. Do you give her one of these powders every two hours, in tea. I con't do it. I am afraid to give them to her. Maybe she has taken plenty? Doctor, said a little girl sitting close by, you leave them and I will give them to sister, for i had to give all you left before. Mother would not. i gave the little girl a sixpence and told her to attend on her sister as well as she could and give her one powder as directed. I now left the house; visited several patients as i returned and arrived home a little after dark. I go to bed and raise my feeble prayers to God for help to support me under every difficulty and keep me free from temptation.

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Morning calls to business, contemplating on time to come, affords but little satisfaction, yet I cannot avoid, and most surely I ought because there is much, very much for me yet to accomplish, or my feelings will be more disagreeably acute than at the present, an occurrence I much wish to avoid,. I have seen my esteemed friend today, but have nothing to add in this place. My feelings are well known and the cause of my anxiety fully described. We had better confine our ideas of pleasure or our desire of wealth within the bounds of mediocrity and never anticipate too much. If our expectations are above the ordinary with the same means, we are very apt to be much disappointed. However, when we wish to be more than we are, our exertion is greater and we have a better prospect of getting a little.

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I was surprised last evening to see the conduct of people, or the young people. They collected from the country in droves, both male and female, and then spent the night in running up and down the streets, collecting on the porches without distinction of respectability, the virtuous and abandoned, mingled indiscriminately in the same collection. And frequently some of the young men would come into my room and relate their conduct. It was indeed shocking for me to imagine such scenes of vice and impropriety should be allowed or sanctioned in this place. I said to myself as I listened to the recitals of these young men: Is it possible that these respectable young ladies with whom I am acquainted, indulge in these improprieties and scenes of abhorrent disgust. Do they condescend thus when all is in uproar and confusion, and the somber shades of night obscure the glare of day? For myself, I refused to join in such promenading or even to witness it, and confined myself to my room. I have been very much engaged in business for the past two days and have more satisfaction in that pursuit than in the pursuit of folly. Having also experienced the consequences of impropriety during the last year, i think it better to endeavor, to act accordingly.

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Once more a new day and new year burst upon the sight. After having reviewed the past on the close of the expired year, it will afford some satisfaction to think of the course intended to be followed during the one just commenced. It will be well to dwell close investigation on the causes that have proved injurious in the past and endeavor to avoid them in the future. It will be observed that I have experienced much anxiety for the last seven months. In the first instance my situation in life was unfavorable, I was involved to considerable amount for the assistance received in getting my profession. I saw in my native place no probable prospect of immediate introduction into business in a thickly settled country amidst old and long established practitioners. Having gained all the information I could relating to the Southern portion of the United States, I resolved to make one effort in that direction, and once more throw myself on strangers. This produced no small degree of perplexity in procuring a scanty means even for the journey. This was at last obtained, but until hope had almost vanished. Well, I do not now repent of this determination on its execution. After having arrived at this place, almost penniless and no resources, and none on whom I should feel willing to call. Here entering into an engagement for sustenance at the rate of over then dollars per month and running the hazard of getting into employment was a situation far from pleasant. But the next and most fatal occurred in the wish for an intimate confidential friend, and the almost immediate adoption of one, which soon led to a confidence of much importance. I have nothing to allege against that individual, because no falsity has ever been practiced, but the extent to which I suffered my respect to carry me has indeed been detrimental to my peace of mind and still continues to be. Avoid such mistakes. But I feel determined to make the best of my situation and use my endeavor to avoid as far as I can, the occurrence of a similar.

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The last morning of he year of our Lord, one thousand eight hundred and twenty-eight, has now made its appearance and soon will be numbered with the thousands that have passed into dark oblivion and hide there from our view. It is well enough that we now use a few moments in recalling to our minds the scenes of the past, and if we have done that which is productive of pain, and it be probable, we shall encounter similar objects during the next now soon to commence; that we seriously reflect and see where our originated and determine in future to avoid it. And if we act wisely we shall profit by experience and not permit the lessons of the times to go by unimproved. During the year I have experienced much and indeed some of that experience does not afford me any satisfaction, but instead, sorrow and grief; and if there be any permanency in my present determinations, these and similar occurrences never again disturb or molest a moment of my existence. One thing among many that has occurred is, I have left the kind and affectionate protectors of infantile and youthful days: a Beloved and respected Father and Mother. But I cannot accuse myself of wrong is this case. I could do no better. But I have erred in not being a little cautious in my confidential intercourse with those to whom I respect. There are circumstances in this department of life I would change today if it were possible. I have again erred in a most essential point, in regard to my pecuniary affairs. The connection in relation to the practice of medicine between myself and Gage troubles my mind very much. He will require so much and earn nothing that it will reduce my income quite low. Here I will advise you never go in business with another unless the prospect is such that it will be advantageous and and not when it may so happen that one may do all the labor and the other do nothing, having both equal stock. I have also gained a friend during the past year in whom I have placed implicit confidence, and this I have never before experienced. Of all, this is the most agreeable.

I have rode some today. It is now twelve o'clock and I bid the year farewell.

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Geof

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Now you must not give her anything that will make her sick. Don't you think we have waited too long? She is exactly like all my folks that died. Poor thing, she will go the same. Doctor, do you think you can help her? Why, Madam, with your permission I can try. I see nothing absolutely fatal in her case. Just what the other Doctor said and they all died. If you think there is no chance for her, don't give her a thing. She shan't be punished with medicine and have to die at last. Oh! I see she fails ev3ery hour. Do stay all night. It is not worthwhile for me to stay here and you forbid me administering for the relief of your daughter. Oh, don't talk of relief. She must die. I did not imagine she would be alive when you came, but I thought I just send for you to see what you thought of her. Well, good lady, if that was all you wanted of me, I can tell. I think your daughter can be cured and if she does die for want of medical aid, you may set down and contemplate that you have been instrumental in her death, and sit here and see her untimely end approved with all these ideas in your mind. Such conduct is inhuman and does not proceed from the bosom of a kind and benevolent Mother. So, if you refuse my aid I will not stay longer. I ask not to employ me. Send for whom you please, but help your daughter wants and must have. She now consented for me to prescribe by the strong solicitations of the patient. I left her really disgusted at such conduct and inhumanity. Are such the feelings of a fond Mother? I never was so vexed at the conversation of a parent. I began to conclude the old lady wished her child to die. I returned home in the night and could not expel the scenes of the day from the mind. Does that inhuman Mother desire to see the offspring expire? Can she delight even while she is yet alive to depict in her hearing the certainty of her death, adding mental pain to that of the body? I am sure she cannot have any feelings. She is a monster.

Details: Hits: 2360

This day may be set down as a rainy day. Have crossed the river and rode several miles on the other side. I listened to the mother of the sick until I was twice tired. Her daughter would die. She was just like Mary and she died. She is just as her father was and he died. Her complaint began just as her brother was taken and he died. Oh! Doctor, can you do her any good? I think I can cure her. Oh, no. She will never get well. It is hardly worthwhile to try. It torments for nothing.

Details: Hits: 2789

I have just returned from a visit to W. Tyler in Guilford. I must here declare I respect him less every time I see him. He is doing good business and gets ostentatious as he increases in property. Speaks quite too important and dogmatical. We were once intimate friends, but now I cannot confide in him. We have seen many a pleasant moment together, but now they are done, sealed up and never again to e opened. He is a man that can never stand prosperity. It ruins every fine feeling of his mind, and the transaction in April last, at the time I left him in Guilford, is sufficient to show him principle when he has the power to use it. If you once find a man destitute of principle, leave him at once, have no further intercourse with him as a friend.

Details: Hits: 2603

We sometimes magnify our misfortunes in a quadruple ratio when a few moments proper reflection will tell us we have not so much cause to complain. I am disposed to believe this in many instances has been my case. I have succeeded in business thus far better than could have been anticipated. I have heard of no complaint in that business. I have sufficient now to pay all my debts. Why then should I complain? No, I do not murmur because of this, but my fear is a continuance. Yet I know I do not appreciate these blessings as I ought. I have every indulgence shown me, my own restless bosom creates the disquietude.

Details: Hits: 2645

Day appears in the east and calls for action. I wonder what will be the consequence to H. - will happiness attend, if anticipated success fail? Ah! There is the fatal answer, and time will answer, and probably in a voice which to me will be more gratifying than has ever before greeted my auditories; but I have ventured, and must still continue to venture. The whole course of life is a venture and death also.

Details: Hits: 2771

Day has passed away and nothing occurred. All things seem to have assumed a certain course and have, so far as it relates to me, continued the same tendency. Do not, however, imagine from this that I am at ease.

Details: Hits: 2794

Rode during the day, returned home just night and solaced the mind with a few hours conversation with H. and now feel disposed to shroud all in sleep; although I look on this as species of death or annihilation of thought. There is no pleasure in sleep. It is a state of mere forgetfulness.

Details: Hits: 2721

Have spent the day in reading in hopes to find some alleviation and to my satisfaction. I have not been disappointed. This is the method, then the mind seems too much in one channel and that not agreeable, we should mark out some new course and endeavor to follow it.

Details: Hits: 2662

Have seen and conversed with my friend today and have nothing particular to relate in the occurrences of they day. But I cannot feel satisfied and the same cause, so frequently stated, produces the dissatisfaction. Study to avoid it.

Details: Hits: 2523

Time now moves on rapidly, though as placid as I could desire, but there is no escape from it. I will, therefore, use it agreeable as I can. This may be a forced wisdom. Indeed I have none to blame but myself and does this not make it more annoying and tormenting. I have in several instances imagined that where any occurred that created much disquietude, and some others were the cause, we do endure it with much more composure than if we are ourselves the cause, because we have in the one case a palliative, where in the other we have none.

Details: Hits: 2677

I have rode far today and attended many patients and my thoughts have been employed on disease, as several cases of no ordinary severity. I hope, however, to be able to remove the morbid excitement in a short time and restore the system to health.

Details: Hits: 2714

I have observed a slight disposition to deviate from those determinations of yesterday, scarcely twenty-four hours since the ideas were under examination. How unstable we are to ourselves, and promises made by imagination and to which no one is knowing but ourselves. I have frequently been astonished at myself that I would so frequently suffer these notions so frequently to deceive. But I am not alone in this situation, and it teaches this: that if you wish to have a man adhere to his promises, you have always a good witness to hear or his own hand with a pen to declare his assent. You will find this to be the case in many instances if you neglect to get good testimony.

Details: Hits: 2715

Rode home this morning, fully under a determination to be resigned and keep regularly accumulating those necessaries which in time may be wanted. After taking this resolution, I felt much better satisfied. But I have seen so often the instability of such resolutions, as to place but little dependence in them. But they produce a temporary satisfaction and are not entirely useless.

Details: Hits: 2666

During the conversation with Gage yesterday, the subject turned on the scenes we left. We dwelt for some length of time on the pleasures once thought to be pure and free from contamination. He had ideas of abandoning a lovely object there retained. I see but too plainly that I can never come up to my once anticipations. I feel the full effect of my situation not to be sensible, that I can never do as I once expected. But why this abandonment? Because he had forfeited that respect by sensual indulgence, which the forsaken world never sanction, and which if brought here could not be concealed. But my own situation was sufficient for me, and absorbed my attention while he was relating his story. He proposed for us to return to New York, against which I did not object, to see whether he would in reality adopt that course if seconded, and when I found he would, I opposed.

Details: Hits: 2841

I went today to see A.D. Gage, now resident in Surry County with one A. Pettitte, one of the family I described on p. 166, September, the 2nd. There were here during the day several individuals and among the number was a man on whose family I had attended during the summer. And he requested to know the amount of his Bill. I could not tell him, because I had not examined it and then he wished to know how much I thought it was. And I told him if I were to guess, it would be somewhere between eight and twelve dollars. He immediately said he did not send for me and that if it was that sum he should not be satisfied. Now to show the principle of the man, I will again state the whole circumstance as you may require to know it. I was in the neighborhood of this man and he sent word to his Brother by whose house I had to pass, that he and his wife were sick and that if the Doctor passed by there this morning he should tell him to come. But when I did pass, the morning had passed and it was probably two o'clock. I went and there both sick and appeared glad that I had come. I gave them medicine and attended to them until both recovered, and now he has the impudence and ill breeding to use such language. Be cautious how you act unrequested.

Details: Hits: 2773

When we experience sensations of the description related yesterday, they should be permanent, durable, and almost unchangeable. But, if after enjoyments, we feel discontented when dwelling over the occurrences of the past, we may be sure all is not right. Some corroding thought will arise and dampen our enjoyment. And thus it is with me. I am not prepared in a pecuniary way to adopt a course of life on which I in one way hope to enter. It is this which creates my disquietude and throws a shade deep over every reflection.

Details: Hits: 2636

I wish I could describe the sensations of this day, but it is impossible even to exhibit a faint shade of them. I may say, however, that if ever I saw a happy day, this was one. Just see the difference in that counterance, how animated, how cheerful, how heavenly are all the charms presented to my enraptured view. Indeed I admire them. I love them, sincerely and truly. I dwell on the accents from that fountain of purity in transports of felicity. Lovely angel, you seem just descended from the Elysian fields of paradise, and dream not of sorrow, as pure and spotless as the suspended snow. How fond, how confiding, and with what sensations are all my thoughts entwined. You seem born for happiness and I hope to make others so. Indeed, I all my ideas of circumstances were fled, and nothing left but to contemplate on a pleasant future. I have never before seen to delightful a day and evening.

Details: Hits: 2548

I have rode nearly forty miles since morning, and the day has been cold and disagreeable. Nothing new has presented itself today to change the aspect before me. But when you once have done that from which there is no honorable escape, the best plan is to go on in a course best calculated to make it as easy and comfortable as possible. To mourn and weep is folly. But these things are stated here to induce you so to act as to avert such consequences.

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I am, in consequence of this situation, now forced to look for other acquisitions, which lead me again into investigations, accomplishments before known only be observation; but now I must begin to prepare the way for the practical skill. I even now in this short space of time find many things to be acquired, before unthought of. All must be had, arranged before a third step can be accomplished. Thus you will observe that, one thing alone will not do, but when you get one, a corresponding becomes necessary. And in many cases absolutely indispensable. Think of the principle involved in these remarks and mind them. They will be of infinite advantage to you.

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One thing here I may observe that an obligation, the whole of which rests on another individual, is less severe in its effects and can be better endured. But when the whole burden falls on you, in such as I have described, and the nature of all such, mentioned on the seventh, bear on the male portion of community.

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I still have seen nothing today in my ride or mind that has the least tendency to change the views of yesterday, but my sensations today go far to corroborate the ideas them advanced. And I must hope you will reflect and act accordingly.

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I will now say after riding and intense reflection on the subject of the seventh inst., never, no never bind yourself in no case until you are fully prepared to meet such obligation, or very plausible prospect to do so. If you are so injudicious, rely on this declaration; you are not to be happy; it will haunt you in every place; you cannot escape it even if the obligation be for what you want. Inability will poison the draught and disturb the fountain. Ability is the prerequisite of entering into binding obligations if you desire mental ease.

Details: Hits: 2797

I have now experienced one thing more in this life and do not find equal to the anticipated comfort which might be supposed to result from the accomplishment of the sacred step in the accomplishment of an object. And this step also one of the greatest difficulties in the whole process. Yet I cannot say but it produces satisfaction, but that satisfaction is not as free from alloy as anticipated and this you will find to be the case in every undertaking. Something will remain unfinished in order to complete your felicity.

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It is a day of much consequence to me, viewed not only in the light of the Sabbath day, but as a day involving an obligation of a moral nature far more biding and unequivocal than any ever before imposed, and none could have required more candid consideration and none ever received from me a greater amount of thought than this for the last three months. And is it possible that my fate is sealed, that the unalterable mandate has been pronounced and irrevocably recorded? Sealed and witnessed under the Omniscient eye and in the presence of that omnipresent Being who is in every place. It is now late at night, I walk the room, I review my whole course of life and dwell over my present situation and ask, have I considered sufficiently; have I acted with propriety; is there nothing undisclosed which may not be contented and why? Because I fear the result and I fear the result only because I am in low circumstances. Had I now a competence, I should be more contented than I have ever been since the years of accountability. I will now leave it to you. You have seen or read from the preceding pages, my anxiety. To say, after you have seriously reflected whether it would not have been better for me underthese embarrassing circumstances and difficulties to have deferred such obligation to a more remote period; at least until I had seated myself, beyond all doubt on a sure, sure foundation of business; one ore certain than five or six months could possibly obtain. I have myself thought of all these. I am sure it would have been or at least propriety would sustain such an idea. I leave these feelings for your benefit

Details: Hits: 2724

Day very disagreeable, forced from a pleasant shelter and company to meet the cold and rain, but this is my duty. During my ride thought occupied on the subject of yesterday and will be more fully expressed in the proper place.

Details: Hits: 2830

The day has been agreeable in point of temperature and as I have been called to attend on Mrs. Conrad, I had an opportunity of a little conversation with H. and now imagine the decisive word will ere long be pronounced which may, ah! will decide my fate forever. Indeed, I ought to say to myself once more, pause and again reflect. See where you stand and on what foundation are attempting to rear such a superstructure which death alone can demolish. Are your means competent? Are your resources numerous and permanent? Have you prepared for the completion of your design? Have you weighted well the consequences that may result and made preparation so that if misfortune assail you, you still can live comfortable? I must here acknowledge that I am deficient and much is left unsatisfactory.

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Have been very much engaged during the day and now feel much exhausted after returning and getting comfortably warm by the fire, but feel assured the reflection of yesterday will be found correct and deserve considerable attention.

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I believe we do wrong and often retard ourselves by overanxious desire for anything, not within our immediate reach. A cool, steady application regularly aimed at a certain center will at last reach it and generally successfully. Because when we suffer our feelings thus to effect us, we are apt to remit in our exertions and suffer the golden moment to pass which may never again return within our reach.

Details: Hits: 2723

I contemplate and recontemplate, and retire disconsolate; become quite disgusted with myself that my resolution is so weak and feeble. Yet I have to all appearance as much as common individuals, and can adhere to one object, but do not feel satisfied because it is so slow. Avoid this.

Details: Hits: 2840

Today commences the cold and dreary winter through which we have yet to pass, and the result lies concealed. But the storms and changes incident to this season are not half so dreadful to anticipate as the ebbs and flows of my unsettled thoughts. Indeed my mind has for so long a time been in a state of agitation that its action is dreaded. All this is produced by the want of that discipline in youth which teaches a distinction between desire and will, and forcing by argument or more severe measures the observance of the dictates of the will. I hope you will be more fortunate and regard the advice I have given on that subject.

Details: Hits: 2860

I have not fulfilled my often determined intention in endeavoring to grasp at things while they are beyond the reach of ordinary people. In doing so I act unjust toward God and torment myself. He will bring all good intentions round at the proper time and place. So we should do our part with patients and steady care, and be thankful when we receive, and use it temperately.

Details: Hits: 2815

I view the slow movements with more than ordinary indifference because everything I wish to accomplish seems farther removed and the distance decreases its value, and causes me to feel less energy in pursuit. This is my feeling. But it is improper and ought not to be indulged. You must never suffer such overanxiety to disturb your regular and constant endeavor to gain the point at which you may be aiming. And if your object be good distance will not always diminish its intrinsic worth.

Details: Hits: 2749

I have been requested and have visited one of the wise men of Stokes County, but he himself is the very person to say so. Now this egotism is not commendable and always makes a person appear disgusting.

Details: Hits: 2607

The day has passed and gone and I find myself seated in my room and no present object to disturb my thoughts, but the past and prospect of the future are filled with scenes of discontent.

Details: Hits: 2751

Was up in the mountains today. How agrievously dirty do some people live, and have plenty of property to be comfortable. I have seen in this neighborhood floors that could not have been cleaned since they were laid, clothes that have never had one day of leisure since made, and I do not think have ever been off from the body since first put on. What is the use of property if people do not enjoy it or is it possible that these receive their pleasure from such courses. A medium is best.

Details: Hits: 2546

Rains and is cold and disagreeable. Have been out constantly. But all this unpleasant weather is nothing but pleasure compared with the element of thought whirling in my mind. All this may arise from some injudicious step I have taken in reference to friendship and the want of the means to justify the strong attachment I feel. I would solicit your attention to this, and never form such intimacies until property would warrant sufficient to bear me out in any respectable way or that an income placed sure foundation would advise the course.

Details: Hits: 2953

My mind still unsettled. Have been engaged all day and night until now, one o'clock, and have spent two hours in writing my feelings and sensations to my friend, which will be found in their proper place. A dark vacancy appears before me.

Details: Hits: 2630

I see no ray of light to enliven or cheer the sad despondency that weighs me down. I seem paralyzed in every exertion. Nothing has prospect enough to stimulate action, only where obligation calls strong. It is an unpleasant sensation.

Details: Hits: 2787

Mental atmosphere still unsettled and unfavorable. It is something singular that I or any person without any assignable cause should get in such a situation. It must be owing to the state of the system or to an overpleasurable excitement of the mind, or a too long and intense application of thoughts on some object.

Details: Hits: 2844

Weather cold; have rode considerable. Seen several patients. Gloomy thoughts are present. My situation deplorable. Feel uneasy, discontented, restless, fearful, distrustful, and all the sad unpleasant ideas seem concentrated at once and overpower the mind and I cannot divine the cause. I have felt no change in any way or from any source.

Details: Hits: 2776

Weather cold; have rode considerable. Seen several patients. Gloomy thoughts are present. My situation deplorable. Feel uneasy, discontented, restless, fearful, distrustful, and all the sad unpleasant ideas seem concentrated at once and overpower the mind and I cannot divine the cause. I have felt no change in any way or from any source.

Details: Hits: 2780

Mind much agitated from causes not under my control. Envy must have a place in a mean, low, and sordid mind, and the venom created in such an odious mass ought to be not regarded, but passed by in utter contempt, and so I will endeavor to treat it. And I hope you will never stoop so low as to be led into difficulties by noticing it unless it taints your reputation.

Details: Hits: 3056

Morning cloudy and quite cold. I concluded to visit the individual requested to visit on the seventeenth. The road was dreary and to me seemed more than double the distance stated. Not over three houses on the road. It afforded a fine opportunity for contemplation in the melancholic mind, and I drew largely on the store of my feelings and almost satisfied myself that I was able to get and support a plain home of my own. Returned and spent the evening with H. Smooth and placid seems the mind that animates her frams, but this may not be the case. We cannot see the inmost recess of thought.

Details: Hits: 2984

Have rode six miles today and am improving. I feel a debt of gratitude due to my friend for the kindness shown me during the two preceding days. I am grateful for favors received and hope I may always retain such a feeling. Indeed, it is a source of pleasure on which to muse.

Details: Hits: 2814

I am happy to say I feel much relieved this morning and have been strongly solicited to visit a patient residing twelve miles from here and the man would hardly receive my apology though I was then in bed. I consider his strenuousness quite unjust and improper. This again proves self to be the ruling passion of most men.

Details: Hits: 2970

I endured a disagreeable night, but forbear to complain. Why should I be exempt from disease while others are subject to it? I am in the same state of existence and liable to all the causes of pain. I cannot, nor will not, murmur. God is just and merciful and if it be his will, and few will doubt it, I submit and yield a perfect obedience to his mandates and still look to him for help. Several called in today to see me, and among the number was my friend, H. It is a gratifying thought to think one individual is willing to assist even if they do not.

Details: Hits: 2854

I do not feel well this disagreeable morning. My ride last night had been productive of much suffering today. And a prospect of some days to come, to be no better, I have, however, rode a few miles and been in bed the rest of the time. Such ties as these induce the mind to dwell on home strongly, and lead fast to the conviction that that ability had actually arrived. But do not be misled by these feelings and consider how you would feel if that home had nothing to support it and hunger and misery occupied every corner. Now you have only to bear your own pain, and then you would have double or triple the amount of mental pain, which is more insupportable than the want of a cup of cold water convenient.

Details: Hits: 2803

I was snugly adjusted in bed last night and listening to the wind and rain, when I was called to visit a patient about four miles from town. I was rather severe, yet my duty required me to attend to the calls of distress, and I was soon in readiness and on the road; the wind blowing strong in my face, attended with rain and snow. But notwithstanding the disagreeable weather, i felt much more comfortable than I should had I refused to attend, and this very man had during the summer endeavored to do me all the injury he could. Yet I could not feel justified in refusing on that account. Time will rectify all things. However, my mind was not in a situation for sociability though my conductor through the dark and rain was full of chat. Other thoughts were too importunate in my mind to be interested by subjects so foreign to my present feelings. Here I observed what I have often noticed that people will come after me in the night and consider I must go, and after I have arrived would solicit me very strongly to stay until morning, and to show how much they regard my feelings and how solicitous for my health, will say, it is too bad to ride home tonight. You will kill yourself if you do not quit riding so much in the night. It will make you sick, etc., etc. But when they want me to come and see them, they think it will not hurt me even if I am unwell at their object is attained but little do they care for the balance; but this, when carried too far, is unjust and should not be practiced.

Details: Hits: 2631

This morning looks and feels like a northern country as the cold northwest wind blows severe and cold, and its effects on me now seem much more sensible than ever before. I get chilly much sooner. I believe the air is much more damp here, in both summer and winter. One thing favors my feelings today, I have had but little riding to do.

Details: Hits: 2938

When night's sable curtain shrouds the universe in nocturnal silence and all who are blessed with the pleasant fireside of home, surrounded by all the endearments its purity is calculated to bestow, I resort to this friend of mine now in my hand and ready at any moment to give the only satisfaction allowed me in these hours when, not possessing a more desirable one, I feel much satisfaction in this enjoyment. Yet hope enlivens the desponding thought of this situation and bids me look for better and more pleasant days yet to come, when I shall be amply compensated for all the deprivation of which I now probably unjustly complain. I do not wish to complain in the least, and would not wish to have it understood so. I am merely showing the operation of the mind under the operation of desire, somewhat curbed by the will. These reflections keep alive animation and induce a steady perseverance to accomplish my design. Hope is the attribute of mind which never forsakes its hold until the object which excites it is beyond the bounds of possibility and hid behind some immovable interposing object that forbids any further pursuit; and even under these circumstances, all ideas of accomplishing the same end are not abandoned, because immediately on the loss of one another is substituted in its place and probably quite as uncertain of ever being enjoyed, and under as unfavorable an aspect. And thus we go on through the whole of our existence, with one expectation following another in rapid succession, too often forgetting the cause of the failure of past designs and instead of stopping to inquire and reflect, we fail a second, a third, and a fourth time before we take the proper course. All arising from inattention to the cause that made abortive our attempts before. Fatal mistake.

When the mind reposes on some sure foundation from which there arises no fear that the confiding basis will always endure and all things move on prosperously, then in what scene can a more unalloyed pleasure arise than in the company and presence of a bosom and intimate friend, one in whose fidelity you can confide every feeling that disturb your wandering thoughts. In such a companion every trouble and sorrow would find relief. Is anything beside, in the wide extended globe, so valuable or so desirable? No! I answer without fear of contradiction. Again in this place you may interrogate and ask, do you make these declarations from experience or from an overstrained theory arising entirely from the want of such a source of confidence? I have never enjoyed the pleasure of friendship to as full extent as indicated above, but from the effect on my mind of what confidence I have reposed in others and from them and observation, I am fully satisfied that the theory is built on an indestructible foundation. But you will understand I am speaking of the thing in its pure genuine form and not the boasting respect, to be found destroying the peace of every community and is varied by every change of sensation. No, I want that warm steady stream, undisturbed by storms and varying winds, but at all times and under all circumstances the same. All would be peace and pleasure while thus surrounded by pure affection, full of respect, unceasing, to use every means compatible with honor and virtue, enlarge the sphere of respectability and happiness, and willing to endure alone for that end, to give up all, to leave all, to promote your peace; but refusing to abandon the road of virtue or respectability. Who could be so base, so vile, so destitute of every good feeling as to wish to create one pang of sorrow in such a breast? None but a demon.

Details: Hits: 2740

To avoid every difficulty in the course of life that may depend on our own discretion, is the duty and should be the object of all. But it is probably that all will experience more or less. That individual who encounters them with the most composure approaches the most near of shunning them altogether. It is of importance that we study to not suffer ourselves to be too much irritated and vexed and show a morose or a melancholy temper when unfavorable occurrences oppose our wishes. It is probably unfortunate for me that I have not sufficiently attended to this myself. Looking back a few years, I see sufficient to convince me that I am not one of those happy beings that meet reverses with the same unmoved composure that should characterize every man. There are indeed but few moments that my mind is at ease, yet to all who see me, I wear the smile of contentment. Here you inquire the cause of this phenomena, and say why is it so? From what contagious damps are these disquietudes exhaled that continually agitate your mind? Are they the fruits of desire, confined within proper limits? And in conformity to the circumstances that surround you? It would afford me much consolation could I answer the above interrogations in the affirmative. But instead of this pleasure, I am forced, like too many others, to say that my ideas rove far beyond what circumstances allow me to hope with any probability of accomplishing. And all these insurmountable barriers arise from not acting agreeable to the dictates of preceding experience, from disregarding the woeful admonitions of that best of all monitors, experience, which has taught you and me and all others, that have seen the years of accountability, many a sad lesson and probably will continue to do so as long as we disregard his admonitions and examples. My mind is too full of such times and places.

Details: Hits: 2751

Mind in a whirlpool of unsettled notions half determined to do and not to do. Sad state for contentment. Returned home just at dark and once more spent a pleasant, agreeable evening with H. All preceding difficulties gave way and were overpowered by the transcendent superiority of an immediate presence of - ... Long may the moment remain fresh in the mind, to drive gloomy despondency away when brooding in silent despair over absent friends and with charms enliven the future scenes and awaken a more cheerful smile on a countenance so long clouded with discontent. Many disagreeable thoughts during the day raised a noisy contention around the mind. I saw in fancy's wide domain, nothing calculated to produce a hope of better times or change the present reflections, but the shades of evening gave at once the pleasure of being happily disappointed. The mild and constant endeavor of my esteemed friend to make me happy had the desired effect and H. was very agreeable to me, to endeavor to return the same compliment. How long will this endure? Would it be thus continued as long as life, if it had the opportunity, or would it fade in an hour? This time alone could decide.

Details: Hits: 2749

I have in several instances neglected to discharge my duty in attending at the appointed time to some of my patients, which is a source of some disagreeable reflections to me today. How much better never to postpone that we have promised to do at a certain time, and it will require no more hours to attend to it on one day than on another, and when we fulfill our engagements at the stated time, we feel at ease. I look to my Creator for forgiveness and implore his assistance in my behalf that I may do otherwise hereafter.

Details: Hits: 2806

But when we

Details: Hits: 2932

It should be our study, first to mark out a proper course, and one that will or would be advantageous if properly followed, and then study the best method of pursuing the path pointed out to the best advantage, not only in a pecuniary point of view, but as it may affect our ease and comfort in the progress of life. And after reviewing all and find that nothing contradicts, we may then, if able, adopt it.

Details: Hits: 2655

I have rode but few miles today and the day has afforded time for reading and has been used to that purpose. And I find that this calls the mind from those excursions which frequently end in vapor and dissatisfaction, leaving no permanent impression on the mind; the less time consumed in such cogitations, the better for us.

Details: Hits: 2924

That we often err in not looking at both sides of every subject that may be presented to us, or if we do attempt it we dwell much more intensely on that side on which desire is enlisted. And too often fatally controlled by that passion will not be denied by any one who seriously reflects on the operation of his own mind, under any excitement. But in relation to the subject which seems to occupy my mind for some time, I have endeavored to investigate it properly and have determined to be regulated by the result. How this will yet terminate, time will tell.

Details: Hits: 2862

When a subject be presented to the mind that interests our own happiness, it is with difficulty we can avoid its contemplation. And indeed it would be strange if we could, for this is all our aim. But if I should be inclined to imagine a certain accomplishment, might it then produce greater misery? We should leave it alone.

Details: Hits: 2784

Not a cloud obscures the horizon. Mind clear and tranquil. I see the numerous throng preparing for their different occupations; all except the poor African move with alacrity. And among the rest I go to my employment and the day soon vanished, and I returned to my home just after dark and spent the evening entirely alone.

Details: Hits: 2747

I have from numerous observations in the course of my life observed that subjects of the most vital importance, not only to the peace and happiness of the individuals concerned, but even to the real welfare of the community are the least investigated and adopted by the impulse of the moment and my mature reflection. And this one subject mentioned yesterday is one of them. How many poor wretched beings do we see in every community not able or not willing to procure the real necessaries of life for those who just must look to them for sustenance? And not only this, how many do we behold who are able to have the conveniences and comforts required, yet spend their day in misery and discontent? How does all this happen? Indeed, it may be from different causes, but the most common cause will be found in the want of proper consideration in adopting the measure in the first instance. I cannot solicit you in too strong language to pause and seriously reflect before you adopt any course of such vast importance to your own interest and happiness. Remember, on it depends all you hold dear in this life, and remember that when once sanctioned, capable of judging during the past, I feel as though God had given me the power, yet to withstand the many temptations I have seen, and for this goodness I feel as though Him alone I should adore.

Details: Hits: 2748

Spent the day in my room, except a town visit. I have reflected intensely on a subject that is of vast importance to me. If I take the most favorable view of my situation, I can see no danger in adopting the course of a married life, because now my occupation will support us and yield a small income; and I have more than sufficient to purchase a dwelling now coming to me over and above demands against me. But here is the danger and here the difficulty, if not impossibility, of deciding: will this state of things continue? I may in one year find myself destitute of employment and without resources. As I have not dues sufficient, deducting several hundred dollars required for house and furniture to support me in that capacity, but for a very limited time; unless, therefore, there be a continual addition coming from some source, I should be placed in a situation ten times more deplorable than alone I possibly could be. So I am net yet determined. I hope if you are ever in the situation I now have slightly described, you will instantly abandon all such ideas, and wait until every circumstance will warrant the step contemplated. If my example may be attended with success which alone will decide, tit will afford but one evidence. Be it as it may, adopted or rejected.

Details: Hits: 2901

Today I have not had time to think of anything but medicine and sickness, but by diligent attention I succeeded in getting through shortly after dark and then spent a few happy hours with my friend H. I here indicated my sentiments in relation to ideas on my capability of securing a home of my own and my situation in life, and gave a full history of my poverty, so that no deception should be practiced on my part.

Details: Hits: 2891

I have been riding all day and the cold for the season and now at seven o'clock it rains and I am called to ride nine miles. But when I saw the patient I was satisfied because his suffering was extreme.

Details: Hits: 2701

I have been called today to administer medicine to a young lady living in this town. I have been acquainted with her ever since I came here and have observed certain indications presented by her and a young gentleman here that cannot be considered altogether free from impropriety even if there should be no other consideration thought of because this girl has nothing but her character and reputation to introduce her into respectable company, and it is of the utmost consequence that she conduct herself with the most exact propriety or she will not be countenanced or respected by worthy people. And now she is in her present situation and that not free from suspicion. I hope you will ever pay attention to one thing in your conduct and that never do that which may involve your reputation. No, I leave this as a sacred injunction, never conduct in no place, not even in a supposed invulnerable and impenetrable secret place, so that the light and knowledge of your acts would cause a blush or involve your character. The above alluded to individual may have supposed that none ever saw them in their private meeting, yet when I have returned home at midnight, when every respectable person was in bed, these two I have frequently seen endeavoring to hide themselves from my sight. And this is often the case when you think you are secure and far from observation, some accidental observer will catch the fatal glimpse and you suffer the consequences of your own folly.

Details: Hits: 2953

The morning calls again to business, well my yesterday's relaxation makes more agreeable today's duty. I go with renovated feelings and quite a new impulse is given my energy. Mind more clear and active.

Details: Hits: 2678

I have enjoyed a day of entire leisure from riding and only attended to one or two patients in town. And after preparing some medicine and replenishing my Portmanteaus, I spent some hours in reading. Certainly this gave more satisfaction than to have the time in attending to no kind of occupation. Be always employed is one of the best mottoes a young man can adopt and let that employment be something in itself good.

Details: Hits: 2730

Every individual who can view the past and see that no part has been wasted in unimportant pursuits but in such as have been followed by good motives with a strict regard to justice, must feel a sensation of the most pleasing and lasting description, one that no subsequent period, however remote, will impair. It will be as durable as recollection. An individual quent period, however remote, will impair. It will be as durable as recollection. An individual whose conduct is thus guided can never fear the attacks of the malicious or dread the exposure of his acts. How much better then to act thus uprightly than to follow a course that is condemned by all good men and one too that we ourselves do not approve. Let a man deal in dishonesty, endeavoring to wrong those with whom he has business, and do it in such an ingenious way that he may avoid open detection. Yet his own monitor will ever tell him he has not acted justly; he cannot escape the stings of conscience. The transaction of the 20th instant, though so slight and attended with no bad consequences to any but myself, led me to the above remarks. I wish to show you how very necessary it is to act honestly and openly under all circumstances.

Details: Hits: 2932

It is really a pleasant morning, not a cloud to be seen in the atmosphere, and after coolness of the morning was tempered by the rays of the sun, it was very warm. Spent the day in visiting several patients and found several convalescent. I returned home a little after dark and repaired to Mr. A. Conrad's where the evening was passed agreeable to my felings, but this one reflection produces some uneasiness, for fear I may be acting with some impropriety, by inducing a belief in a mind that a more close intimacy will at last be formed, and if a reverse should be the case it will be most unpleasant to a youthful mind, not yet accustomed to all the vicissitudes of life. Were it not for these ideas I should feel more satisfied. Yet my partiality is too evident to deceive through mistake. After sleeping a few hours I was called from a warm bed to visit a woman in labor, and had been for several days. As soon as I saw the woman, I saw she was exhausted. I, therefore, gave her an anodyne and suspended for several hours all further proceedings, and she slept sweetly. There soon arose a dissatisfaction among the old women, and a caucus was held in different places, but they said nothing to me nor I to them. But they had made it out to send for another old woman to see what very short time all was over and much rejoicing, as this was the first.

Details: Hits: 2961

Mornings begin to feel rather northernish and indicate an overcoat as necessary for pleasant riding. The leaves are falling to the ground and the melancholy season is now at hand; the winds begin to send forth a hollow and deathlike moan as they pass through the few naked trees scattered through the woods. Indeed my feelings partake largely in the representations of nature, and all my reflections are mournful and melancholy. Even the endearing thoughts of a home can scarcely enliven them, or the presence of H., who to me seems all in all. But stop, pause and reflect again, before you venture on unknown scenes.

Details: Hits: 2851

Last evening I had placed myself by the side of a comfortable fire and in pleasant company, a summons was received couched in strong terms of distress, requesting an immediate attendance. The distance said to be about ten miles. Indeed I thought it twenty. The road was most dreadful, in the night, and the weather was quite cool, so that in riding that distance I was quite chilly. I found the man in extreme agony, walking the room for a few moments and then resting his head on his wife's lap. I shall never forget this moment. After having warmed and learned the history of the case and that an inflammation had occurred near the joint of the lower jaw and a very little motion created much pain, all attended with high arterial excitement and nausea at the stomach. As I was preparing some medicine for him to take, he said, for God's sake, Doctor, don't give me a puke, for it will kill me, and this was the very identical medicine I had intended to administer. I merely mentioned that I would attend to it. I gave him one portion and so every fifteen minutes until I had given the third, when I observed the sweat begin to appear, and in a few moments, he exclaimed, Oh! Doctor, this will make me puke, Oh! how sick I feel. Good God, it will kill me. But any further exclamations was hushed by copious vomiting and the jaw that could not before be opened, was now extended its full length, and in the space of a half hour he was completely relieved and slept all night thereafter. I felt for the man, but it was with much difficulty I could restrain my visibility from bursting into extravagant laughter. After he had become composed, I retired to bed and the morning came and I was once more on the road for home, and I found it fully as bad as I had concluded it was last night.

Details: Hits: 2860

How easy it is to be disappointed. I had anticipated a night of repose and an evening with my friend and had during the day made the necessary arrangement of conversation. But all was to be frustrated.

Details: Hits: 2984

In the morning I visited the patient and found a slight attack of intermittent fever, and felt quite comfortable. I was in some dread of being asked where I was last evening, but they did not and I was very glad they were so considerate. Mr. Jacob Conrad paid me toady, fourteen Dollars for Medical services. This added to the little received before, enables me to meet all demands that could now come against me. I am sure to anyone in my situation, this must be a source of consolation and I hope this will ever be your endeavor and that you may always have sufficient to meet all claims that may be presented to you, of your own contracting and any others I hope you will avoid.

Details: Hits: 2888

I have some few patients to visit today and one at considerable distance, which will occupy the day. I have now just come home and the sun has just sunk below the western hills and I more than ordinary inclination to have some conversation with Miss H. However, at the time I got to the steps and was just on the point of entering the house, when a man rode up and inquired if the Doctor was at home. I answered him in the negative and said he was not now at home but he was expected every moment and then inquired into the situation of the patient. And having satisfied myself that there was no immediate danger, I let the messenger depart with a promise I would give the information tonight or very early in the morning. But here I did not act with propriety because I might have been detected in this endeavor to conceal, and if the individual had been represented dangerous, I have felt it my duty to have went immediately and it would have been much more proper to have refused and made a reasonable excuse. I should have avoided a disagreeable reflection. However, I spent the evening more than pleasant and was well pleased with the respect shown in my favor, as I began more serious to imagine that my situation would warrant the support of more than one.

Details: Hits: 2939

How different are the ideas on the use of this day. Some employ it for pleasure and soon have their carriages in readiness and away to see some friend and spend the day in making arrangements for some pecuniary improvement. Others choose this day to transact business that would occupy time in the week and keep them from their employment. Others meet and discuss the political news of the day and mention over the different individuals, best calculated to legislate. Others make it a day of ease and think of nothing. And a few repair to church to hear the word of God and think of the day of Judgment and imagine they are preparing themselves to enter into everlasting rest at the close of life. This just we should do, give ourselves up to God.

Details: Hits: 3150

I have rode but twelve miles today and have used the remainder in company with Mr. I.E. Jacobson. This is a very agreeable family. It is a pleasure to be there and see and hear the accent, respect they indulge toward each other. Indeed there is no man in this place in whose company I delight so much as his, and his wife is one of those women that adds a luster to any circle. Indeed, I do not go to this place as frequently as I could wish, for fear of intruding on such pure domestic happiness as there is here to be found. After leaving this scene of pleasure, so pure, I almost determine to procure one for myself where the hours of leisure could pass smoothly by under my own roof. If anything has an inducement to join the matrimonial scene of life such places where it is enjoyed in its purity are the best calculated to have such effect.

Details: Hits: 2750

And it is the same with me, if an unfavorable occurrence affects those things in which I may be concerned even if I have done all that could be accomplished and discharged my duty in every respect. My feelings will partake largely in the whole affair. Have more leisure for two or three days and pass the time in reading. Nothing new has occurred. Thoughts still dwell on a home. Have had several interviews with my friend H. All agreeable.

Details: Hits: 2999

Whenever anything good in itself and I have any concern in it, speaks favorable and justly, too, I cannot avoid the agreeable sensation it produces and these feelings may affect my conduct so as to be observed by others; but if this be the case, they deceive me very much, because I have always endeavored to keep these feelings confined within my own bosom and to act as though no occurrence had transpired.

Details: Hits: 2812

An inordinate excitement of the mind however produced is sure to be followed by an opposite, compounding in degree. So it has happened of another case assuming a very unfavorable appearance, since I last visited her. So it is with me, I cannot keep the medium.

Details: Hits: 2458

I was much pleased this morning on visiting Mr. H. Doub, who was attracted some fifteen or twenty since with a violent congestive fever that has threatened his life and, indeed, I began to despair and he has been given up by many of his friends for some days. On seeing him this morning I could observe a great change for the better in all his symptoms and can now speak with confidence on his ultimate recovery. This is pleasing. He is of an extensive connection of highly respectable citizens of this county and all living in this immediate neighborhood. And the result of this case was of much importance to me in every point of view, and a prospect now of its favorable termination gives me great satisfaction.

Details: Hits: 2792

Time makes no stop, but moves on regular and swiftly and outstrips the ball from the loaded cannon in velocity. On this day, twelve months ago, I was entered a student of Medicine in the Medical School of the Western district of New York in Herkemer County, and now I am here involved in business and endeavoring to procure a living by practicing those rules, there and before learned. Thus we proceed through life until we land in the throes of death.

Details: Hits: 2763

Once more this peaceful day has come and I was forced to attend to the sick and afflicted. But this is a duty. I return my grateful acknowledgements to God for his goodness to me.

Details: Hits: 2589

The day has passed away without any occurrence that has produced a change of mind or induced a new reflection. i am now in my room and the hour is eleven. The idea of a home of my own seems strongly attached to the mind and is then made a subject of strict investigation and I have not yet been able to satisfy myself.

Details: Hits: 2793

After undergoing the business of yesterday and last night, I was not permitted to enjoy a moment respite, but was gone again the moment I arrived at my room. Indeed, I had been so incessantly employed day and night that my horse was almost exhausted. For the moment she was put in the state she would lie down in order to rest her weary limbs. I declare I felt more for her more than for myself.

Details: Hits: 2860

The day cloudy, I left home this morning and though yesterday I had time to arrange my little affairs, today I have been constant in exercise on horseback. And came to Mr. Henry Shore's just as daylight appeared. Here I slept a few moments and then crossed the river and came home. The night was very dark and I visited several places that I had never been at before during the night, but found but little difficulty finding them. It is indeed a pleasure to ride in a warm pleasant night when all is silent and everything appears in contemplation.

Details: Hits: 2645

My bewitched lady has paid the debt of nature and gone to her long home where pain and sickness will disturb no more. I have had but few patients to visit today. Time spent in reading and wrote several letters and spent a few hours very agreeable with my much esteemed friend and believe that confidence may be there reposed in security.

Details: Hits: 2811

This is a most beautiful morning and I have but one place to visit and hope to have a day of leisure. To me it appears necessray after so many days incessant activity. I was confined to my room the greater part of the day, preparing medicine and arranging some other matters that required attention, and had been neglected in consequence of the want of opportunity. Here permit me to make one observation of much importance and request your constant attention to it during life. And that is, always keep your business well arranged and your accounts ready at any moment for settlement and in your account's mind and make sufficient statement of everything so that you know how everything was transacted, particularly in giving credit.

Details: Hits: 2772

Last night roused from the sweetest slumber that I ever enjoyed. I was so exhausted it seemed impossible that I could again get up. Indeed, it was with the most difficulty I could be sufficiently awakened to know that someone in great distress required my immediate attention. However, I went and arrived at the place just as the sun arose and was not well pleased because the patient could have waited until daylight. Some people are so impatient when sick they imagine death to be inevitable and close at hand and keep so much complaining that those around them are frightened. And the Doctor must be sent for. Now in case of absolute necessity, it is all right and proper, but slight indisposition could be put off until daylight without detriment.

Details: Hits: 2764

The Sabbath has once more arrived to greet the weary and fatigued laborer and give him a day of ease and consolation and a pleasant time to spend in the midst of his family. It must be the day laborer, hails this day with more than ordinary people, who live at home, if from no other motive than the participation of a few hours at home, for I must believe this is the most comfortable place, even if it be poor. Believing that my duty has been faithfully discharged during the week, in every respect I feel that complaisant satisfaction which naturally results from such ideas and look to God for assistance to follow the path of rectitude during the one just commenced.

Details: Hits: 2955

Indeed, I am tired of riding so steady and constant, by day and night, I have to be up and going. Mrs. Conrad is no better and is incessant in her solicitations and complaints. Thinks I ought to be more with her, and she would be better.

Details: Hits: 2814

Every individual seems to imagine they are entitled to the most attention and will say, let them wait and stay with me today. Mrs. Conrad is quite sick and she wanted me there constant. Does not wish me to leave town. I could do so with pleasure had I none other to attend to, but my duty requires me to use all as near alike as I can. I am no more in duty bound to give her any more attention than any other individual, and cannot do it. But you will find many people wish you to do much for them, but they are not willing to remunerate you for it. This you will find to be the case in any occupation, and if you commence it, you will, in order to be consistent, continue to do it. The best way is to commence right and continue to follow that course to everyone.

Details: Hits: 2933

Morning unpropitious and indicated rain. Day cloudy, but warm. I see scattered here and there a few leaves beginning to turn yellow and some nestling to the ground. So it is with man. He must fall when the fall of life shall nip the beauty of Spring, and he has accomplished his work here. So it will be with me, those that are now just commencing life, weak, feeble, and tender and requiring much care and attention will see me fall as I now behold the aged around me, consigned to their grave. One thing is certain, and we all have to encounter it - death.

Details: Hits: 3047

October has this morning made his appearance and manifests a very pleasant disposition if it but maintain it so throughout we shall have a pleasant and agreeable month. I have rode my circuit today and was it not for the inevitable fate of the man intimated yesterday, I should feel quite well satisfied. Nothing occurred of consequence.

Details: Hits: 2949

Rode all day and much to my regret I saw one of my patients that must soon bid the world adieu. He has a large family who will feel his loss.

Details: Hits: 2889

Morning was ushered in with rain and continued so during the day with slight intermissions; and was very disagreeable riding; indeed, I was in it constantly and got very wet; came home in the evening and as there was no fire in my room, I spent the evening very agreeable with H. by a good, comfortable fire so that my wet clothes were dry when I went to bed. I not only thought of a home of my own, but expatiated on its pleasures considerably.

Details: Hits: 2809

I awoke this morning with a mind full of gratitude to Him who rules creation and directs the events of time, for the many favors conferred on me during the past week. Indeed, I have felt sensibly this goodness manifested to me. I had considerable riding to perform today and have found several of my patients convalescent and returned home at evening with the smiles of a satisfied conscience.

Details: Hits: 2929

It is one of those beautiful mornings that occur in the latter days of September when nature begins to wear the garb of age and seems to be preparing for desolution. I have been moderately engaged during the day, but feel very feeble and unpleasant. Had a short interview with H. this evening and the thoughts of yesterday occupied my ind during the waking hours of night.

Details: Hits: 2682

I find myself much better this morning, but weak and feeble from the operation of Medicine and constant fasting, as I have not eaten one morsel since I was taken ill, and this is my invariable practice, and one of the most necessary requisites in all acute diseases. I went into the house this morning and set the table, drank some tea, and took a few mouthfuls of toast bread and felt considerably revived. In the afternoon, visited a few patients and returned to my room. I reflected on a home of my own and endeavored to look into the probable situation of my future practice in order to see if a reasonable calculation would correspond with my mind on the subject, but the conclusion was unfavorable. I yet feared the permanency of my income and concluded to defer a conclusion some longer; though my feelings strongly solicited, but I did once let will govern desire, a thing in which I have quite too often neglected in the course of my past life.

Details: Hits: 2961

I see the long desire dawn begins to appear. How discouragingly tedious does the night seem to a man alone and suffering. I sometimes was almost discouraged and out of patience looking and looking for morning, and this extreme anxiety still increases in proportion to the delay and to the pungency of bodily suffering. Here I was in the most restless situation, tormented with fever and its general accompaniment, urgent thirst, and not an individual to get me even a draught of cold water, after the little allowed me in the evening had been consumed. Mr. Lash, with whom I had spent so many nights, never came into the room at no time, though now able to walk about. This proves his gratitude for favors. Having taken medicine as fast as was advisable, toward evening I was quite easy, and H. had with several others come in and made me some drink which I requested. I thought of sick patients often. I could not forget them, amid my own suffering. And being so situated as I have indicated above, I have more seriously contemplated on the subject of getting a home of my own as soon as propriety will sanction it. But the question would always occur to my mind, are you in a situation to take such a step, even if you had the opportunity? I dare not and cannot answer it in the affirmative, and until I can it would be the highest imprudence to attempt it. More to accomplish it or at least that part of home which gives it all its charms. And is it possible that a home will be free from all kinds of disquietude; is there nothing, nothing calculated in the possession of home to counterbalance all these ideas of pleasure that so frequently we see? Many act as though they thought all was accomplished when they assume that honorable station and by just such rash proceedings cause all that should be occupied in harmony to wear the badge of misery. A subject of such magnitude should be well considered before it be too late to repent or to change. Never be in too much hurry on this point, but consider, pause and reflect before you touch the sacred knot which death alone can dissolve or untie.

Details: Hits: 2898

How soon from ease and pleasure can we be involved in pain and misery. Short and quick sometimes is the transition. Last evening I went to bed late in the night as well as usual, and this morning awoke with a feeling of extreme lassitude, almost unable to rise from bd and suffered severe pain. However, after some little time, I walked about, still disinclined to motion. I got my horse and started to visit those patients to whom I gave my word to see them today, but before I had rode one mile, I was obliged to dismount and lie down by the wayside, and I was glad when I had succeeded in regaining my room. I suffered extremely during the day and all night, never slept any and was by myself.

Details: Hits: 2755

The morning was agreeable and I started on my circuit in full hope, well satisfied with my small successes in business and the favorable termination of that business. I now begin to feel a confidence in my occupation, and dreaded want stands far in the distance, and I hope it will never again draw near.

Details: Hits: 2821

This day has nothing of importance in its occurrences to me. I find several of my patients convalescent and the poor widow and her son evidently better. All this affords me consolation. Had the pleasure of some conversation with my friend H., but it was short; but had this effect, it was satisfactory.

Details: Hits: 2995

It appears that more business devolves on me this day than common, but still I feel my dependence on God, and look to him for all those benefits which I receive, and to him offer up my grateful acknowledgements for the same. I was requested to visit Mr. Henry Shore's, himself and wife are taken with the fever. Mr. Shore is an industrious, honest man, showing no peculiarity in his external expression. But his wife has some peculiarity in her counternance not often to be met with. Now I will venture an opinion on her disposition. She is in the first place, honest; and at the same time judicially distrustful. Has no mercy on those of her sex who deviate from the strictest rules of virtue, and believes at the same time there are few if any males who will withstand great temptation, or even very favorable opportunities. Mild in her common disposition and agreeable in her manners and handsome in person; a lover of home and domestic happiness, not fond of show that exceeds her income, but frugal and economical in everything; and is just such a person as sis any estimation, calculated to make an amiable wife and a judicious and strict Mother, wishing to prepare for old age now while she is in the prime of active life. This is the first time I ever saw her and I cannot but admire her appearance.

Details: Hits: 3008

I am going along with the wheels of time, full of employment. I have no time to write today and I must have some sleep once more.

Details: Hits: 2842

Having had a good night's rest., I feel much revived this morning. Rode all day and came home at twelve at night. I had the great pleasure of finding one of my most dangerous cases improving; this gave me consolation and added new life to my feelings. I have reflected on past times and anticipated time yet to come during my ride home. I see in retrospection things not agreeable where I have to precipitate. Reflect attentively and long before entering into any important engagement, because precipitancy will create a bitter remorse.

Details: Hits: 2742

Business still crowds me night and day, no remission. Some uncurable cases disturb the mind. I shall discharge my duty and trust in the Creator. I returned at about eight o'clock and indulged a little relaxation, in conversation with my friend, Miss H. Every visit seems to strengthen my attachment and indicates my confidence is not misplaced.

Details: Hits: 2697

Morning thick, cloudy and has every appearance of rain. I left at an early hour to discharge my obligations to numerous patients and among the number was a poor widow woman and her son, both confined to bed. Now the contrast. Here was a place where help was needed, where the slightest deed would be received with gratitude and acknowledged as a favor. There was Lash, rich and everything round him, all standing ready to give him a drought of water, soothing him, and sympathizing with him, weeping for his suffering, and he demanding it as a right, and was not even thankful for every favor conferred, yet not half so patient as this poor widow. Again see the charity, see the goodness of people. Here this wealthy could have more to wait on him than was necessary, even without asking. And the needy, by strong solicitations, could barely get enough. This act of people shows the full extent of Christianity prevailing here. No, not a Christian heart beats where such things are practiced. I blush for such goodness; I am almost ashamed that I am one of the human family. I thought it would be just for to pay more attention to the woman and her son than to Lash. I acted accordingly and my conscience approved of what I had done. As said the Poet, "For one much neglected use are Riches worth our care."

Details: Hits: 2947

As soon as I had made the necessary arrangements for Lash, I started on my circuit and was overtaken by a Mr. Doub. He is an invalid and asked me many questions. But from what motives I was unable to draw from him, but from his appearance I considered him an honest man and desired my opinion purely for his own good and not to make sport of, so I gave it freely.

Details: Hits: 2942

Morning comes and I have been disturbed all night by the uneasiness of Lash. He is indeed uselessly troublesome, even mad with himself. Calls for this, that, and the other in rapid succession. He does not care who suffers, if he can be made comfortable. And they seem to imagine I can sit up every night and ride all day. They have no feelings but for self. This is unjust; we should act as though we regarded others comfort, as well as our own.

Details: Hits: 2864

This ever blessed day has again arrived and calls on us all to spend it in the service of God, who on the seventh day rested from the labor of forming the immense work of creation. I do not mean, by service of God, that merely going to church, or that there can be no real worship without it, but I mean that we should seriously think of ourselves and of the many favors we receive daily from our Creator, and that we should feel grateful and remember we are dependent on Him for every breath we draw, and humble ourselves before him in submission to his will, and not be elevated above our dependent situation. We should look on all men as our Brothers and relieve distress when we have the power.

Details: Hits: 2943

I have not slept but little for several nights and here while Lash remains unwell, there will be no rest. I was much surprised this morning to be solicited by the friends, I mean connections, to stay at home and attend to Billy and let others wait, whom I had engaged to see today, when in fact many of them were much more dangerous than he was. I told them I must go and attend to those I had promised. No, I think as much of one sick individual as another and shall neglect none on his account. He shall receive his equal portion of my attnetion and no more. I had just as lief he would die as any other respectable man. He is no better than other people and has no more claims on me, nor do I owe him any favors.

I had a few moments conversation with H. this evening and found the moments passed swiftly, and now have no doubt of a strong attachment.

Details: Hits: 3006

I do not know how my feelings would be did I move in a sphere of competence, under my constantly increasing business, I am so fatigued from constant motion on horseback and no time for rest that I feel disagreeable. But I will not complain. I came home just at sundown, and was immediately requested to see Mr. Wm. A. Lash. I found him evidently attracted with a severe intermittent fever. He had before I came (and was under the operation of Antemomal wine) taken an emetic. I soon discovered the nature of the man under pain, restless and sullen, unpleasant in every particular, finding fault with everything not in accordance with his feelings. I commenced giving him medicine with full confidence of success in a few days. But every time an exacerbation returned, he became vexed and would not lie still one moment. And all his connections standing round him, whispering in loud whispers, that Billy would not get over it. Poor boy, how he does suffer; it is shocking. The first thing you could hear in the morning and the last in the evening would be someone of his connections, How is Billy? Is he better or not? I am afraid he will never get up again. When the fact was he never had a dangerous symptom about him. I was asked every day and sometimes fifteen times in one hour, what I though of him, and my reply invariably was that he will get well. But all would not do. Shuman must be sent for. I was consulted and, of course, had no objections. Well, he came and could find nothing amiss, but said as he once had a running sore, and that had healed up it would be advisable to make one as soon as practicable. I had little faith in its being of any utility, but had not the least objections of its being done. He accordingly burned his arm with a hot dollar and went to bed. This again produced a dissatisfaction with Shuman, but they never dare say one word to him. Oh, poor Billy, how he is tormented, could be heard from every quarter. I did not know what to think of all this excitement in his favor, Why is he any better that he should not have to suffer as any other individual; is not pain as tormenting to other people, and many a one, endures double the severity he does, with scarcely a groan. No, it is not the pain, but his disposition, his avaricious craving, because he cannot always be well to take advantage of everything that happens.

Details: Hits: 2982

Find several of my patients convalescent and will require my attention no more if they are careful. None but a medical man can imagine the pleasant sensation created by a successful case of violent and dangerous disease. It would seem that no man who has one spark of gratitude warming his mind could withhold the just tribute to his medical attendant when he found himself snatched from the jaws of death by his assistance, but it is seldom the case that we have those feelings given to us; but the reverse are more prevalent.

Details: Hits: 2914

Once more the morning calls and customers also. I was not refreshed before I was again summoned to meet the ravages of disease, and have but time to mention the fact, as I have not slept or been in my office half an hour since I left it in the morning, and now have to be gone again.

Details: Hits: 2895

I am this morning called to visit a patient some distance from town, which taken with my other engagements will occasion me to ride in the night. I have attended over twenty patients since I left home this morning. And now, three o'clock at night, quite tired. Yet, I feel more satisfied than I should be if I had set still during the same length of time. I will here mention a circumstance of singular occurrence in this civilized portion of the world, and whether it was done just for amusement by some individual, who know me, or by whom or for what purpose I cannot imagine. As I was returning from abroad, and had got within two and a half miles of town, just at the turn of the road where the Shallowford and the Pfafftown Roads meet, I was hailed by some unknown individual, and at first not seen, as it was very dark, and told to give up my money. My feelings at the moment are not susceptable of any description, but my answer and action was as quick as electricity. I told him I had no time, and as I spoke the word gave my horse the whip, and she darted like an arrow forward and a little to one side and I left him standing in the road. What became of him I know not. I will here mention that every man who travels much in the night, even if he be in his own neighborhood, should always be armed, for we know not our nearest connection or friends. We have not the power to see into the internal operations of men's minds.

Details: Hits: 2971

Morning is pleasant. All nature wears the impress of Deity. I still dwell with pleasure of the scenes of last night. I cannot drive them from the mind. Rode all day and have just returned, three o'clock a.m.

Details: Hits: 2917

I have been constantly employed today and have scarcely time to reflect. Riding slowly toward my home, I listen to low rumbling sound of distant thunder and could see the illumination of the flashes of lightning. All around was still and silent. It was such a moment as the mind sometimes delights in. Not a leaf seemed to be disturbed by any breeze. All seemed shrouded in deep contemplation. My horse was permitted to move agreeable to his inclination, while the bridle hung careless on the neck. My soul was overwhelmed with admiration of the greatness and goodness of God. When I would raise my eyes to heaven and see the dark, slow-moving pillows of clouds lifting their heads one above another in such sublime grandeur that I could not withhold the exclamation, Heavenly Father, it is your omnipotent power that holds the immovable worlds above, suspended and all moving in regular order and harmony. Your rising clouds are directed by the same wisdom, though the tempest and storm may seem so furious and rage in all its violence. Yet all are under the parental care of thy omniscient protection, even the minutest thing does not escape thy love, nor thou its praise. I give myself up into thy hands and as you may direct, I feel a perfect willingness to submit.

Details: Hits: 2892

I have observed this morning occurrences still convincing me of the correctness of my first impressions of Mr. Wm. A. Lash. In case of sickness, a poor man's property was subject to the will of a creditor; and just to be sold by the officer. He came to Mr. L. to get assistance, and Mr. L. was all sorrow and readiness to lend him the money to redeem his executed property, if he would pay him twenty-five percent. The man, after remonstrating on the hardness of the terms, and was told it could not be done for less, consented; and Lash paid him twelve dollars and received his note for sixteen, with interest one day after date. Here is a true specimen of the justness of Mr. L.'s internal feelings, while his external pretensions are unexceptionable. Avoid this deceptious conduct.

Details: Hits: 3015

Have crossed the Yadkin twice today. I am not fond of fording it and use every means compatible with dispatch to avoid it. The reason of this fear originated from not having a knowledge of the ford, and in consequence get in deep water, and was much frightened and perplexed to extricate myself from the difficulty. I would have you avoid all undertakings, when a deficiency of knowledge might lead to fatal consequences to life or reputation.

Details: Hits: 3107

The morning sun rose clear and bright. My practice extends so much that I have to be doing night and day. I have no time for writing and have not much new materials out of which to form a sentence. Home, with all its endearments, sometimes enters the mind at the midnight hour and whiles away the dark and silent moments. Nature has charms in the shades of night equally fascinating to those of day, and by being antagonists, one heightens the pleasure of the other.

Details: Hits: 2926

Have rode all day and in attempting to find the road to a place at which I had never been, in the night, I lost the way and wandered about in the woods for several hours, but being unwilling to give up and indeed, it is quite useless to yield in difficulties, because it has no advantage attached to it, and instead of lessening difficulties, it augments them. However, by perseverance, I found a road, and by following it arrived at the very house I was in search of. When difficulties occur, let your exertion increase in proportion to the increase of the opposing cause.

Details: Hits: 3179

I have this day visited a very singular family. There is not one of a large family of children that is fond of labor but all endeavor to live without exertion. Fond of show and amusement lively and all loquacious, full of anecdotes and jokes and of every description and in these both sexes indulge. Now how these people get along and go as well dressed as they do is as much a secret to me as the accumulation of wealth. Now my opinion is that all that is made on the plantation by two squalid old slaves is applied to decorate the body of the females and in the absence of company the table I have no doubt is stinted and of the cheapest kind. The male portion use every endeavor to cheat in every way they can devise, and to get some business from the other people, that requires riding about, all they can get in this way is laid out in dress. Now these people are not and cannot be respected. They have no reputation for anything good and any responsibility resting on them may be set aside. You should never trust such people, nor indulge in their company and above all things never depend on their friendship.

Details: Hits: 3022

Business calls from every side; I have no time for any other reflection. Rode all night and returned at sunrise. This the first time I have felt exhausted and now I have that sensation. I was summoned to visit Mrs. Conrad at Vienna, wife of Isaac Conrad. This is the first time I have seen that man and as he is a Conrad, a family of people all rich and having in this respect some peculiarities. This one I should judge to be unhealthy, very economical, but not parsimonious in relation to his own comfort. Taking advantage of every opportunity to increase his wealth and in his dealings sometimes forgetful of the interest of his customers, but never of his own. But ready to oblige in distress, and where pecuniary difficulties assail his neighbors, he is ready to give the means, but will secure the principle and double the interest. This is the secret in my opinion of the superior wealth of this family and this is the secret of wealth. Industry, economy, and a disregard to the strict requirements of justice, yet acting in such a way as to avoid gross violation. Take the advantage, and at the same time appear as though you was giving assistance.

Details: Hits: 3051

Again I have been spared to see the return of another Sabbath and again feel it my duty to return my acknowledgements of gratitude to my Heavenly Father for all the blessing of the past week, but also for all that I have enjoyed during existence. I feel a serene conscience approving of my course of life for the week as I have endeavored to faithfully discharge my duty. I have observed here, more than any other place, a total disregard for every holy on this day except attending to the practice of going to hear the preacher and this the most rigidly attended to. Do people imagine that in this they fulfill all the duties enjoined on them as Christians and as followers of Jesus Christ? When a man is regenerated and tasted the new birth, he is full of love to God and all his works and delights in following them. But here nothing further deemed necessary. The regular attendance of church and feast days.

Details: Hits: 3270

Have had a day of leisure. I visited the Rev. I.C. Jacobson for the purpose of becoming more intimately acquainted with him and his family. I am indeed pleased with him. He is not so superstitious as many Ministers are, or as I expected to find him, from my limited knowledge of the Society. He is frank and candid in his conversation, energetic in his way of expressions, views things philosophically, and is agreeable. He is an admirer of wealth because it affords the means for enjoyment and not merely for the name. His wife is a very amiable lady, agreeable in manners and person, sociable and intelligent, and both are better qualified than to be the guardians of such a church as is in this place. I spent the evening at Mr. A. Conrad's and indulged an inclination which I find difficult to avoid. I am fearful it is premature and will not be of duration. Yet, I have seen nothing to induce this idea.

Details: Hits: 3133

Morning cloudy. I have been occupied during the day. I have observed in this country that there are many people who are wealthy and have no conveniences around them, not even a comfortable bed, table, or house, and all their barns and outhouses are indications of the same parsimoniousness. Now, I do not understand why we should want riches if not for our use in such things as our comfort may require. I do not recommend extravagance or superfluity. No, these I am opposed to. But just for our necessary comfort.

Details: Hits: 3183

I have rode all day and all night and feel somewhat weary. I started this morning and felt confident that I should be home again by evening and have another night of rest. But how easily we can be disappointed in our expectations. I did arrive home just at dark and there stood a slave waiting for me. So I did not leave my saddle. Mr. Jacob Conrad went with me from his house, as it was one of his slaves that was sick. Now we rode at least twelve miles together and that very dark, so we rode slow and had ample time to converse. I studied the old gentleman well and found my first ideas of him much strengthened. I could discover also hints that went much further than the mere words indicated in common conversation. His immense wealth was depicted in its best colors, his possessions in the far west were not even forgotten; however, I was well pleased with the old gentleman and had a very pleasant ride. I visited also my lady of whom I have often spoken and find the lamp begins to burn, as its fountain was almost exhausted. I shall never see her again and have not yet got the recipe she promised. Poor woman will not think she will soon die. Daylight is approaching and I leave for a little sleep.

Details: Hits: 2867

I admire to receive the morning air and feel its enervating salubrity. To hear the sweet music of creation, when the dawn first appears. How replete with pure Heavenly harmony do these warblers impress the mind. I have rode some considerably during the day but have a prospect of rest for the night before me.

Details: Hits: 3073

Morning beautiful, clear, and moderately cool. I have been intensely occupied during the day and could not attend to all the summonses received. So those that I could not visit by daylight, I used the night for the same purpose and returned to lodging just at break of day. I have thought much of yesterday's transaction, endeavoring to divine what the result would probably be to me. I am well aware of the reputation of my counsellor, but at the same time it is not founded on superiority of Medical skill, but on that trait of character which in any other would be censured, and create a reverse feeling. Shall I venture to intimate such a thing? No! Because the people here are so absorbed in his greatness that proof positive could not convince. So I leave them to enjoy their own high estimation of him, and he is welcome to the applause they confer. But I hope you will be prepared before you undertake any kind of business to understand it well and then have those little instruments that may be required in every department of your profession. Had this been my situation all that could have been done would have been accomplished before counsel could have been obtained, and then all he could have said, he has done all that could be done, and his treatment is correct. Indeed, he said all was right, except the instrument should have been used and this I knew before.

Details: Hits: 3127

Today have a case of much importance and severity, and for want of an instrument, feel much anxiety about. I, however, gave the necessary direction and left Gage to attend to it. I reflected on it all day and could not get it out of the mind. When I came home just at dark I was told that Doctor Shuman had been requested to see the patient and as much be expected, this was no agreeable intelligence. But it is best to be or appear satisfied. I had heard so much of this man, both pro and con, that I was quite desirous of becoming acquainted with him. So we were introducted accordingly. He views himself omnipotent and unyielding in his ideas; he never asked me how he (the patient)

Details: Hits: 2923

How swiftly time passes, and how pleasant the reflections on this day to be able to look on the past week and, in truth, say we have discharged our duty to all. I must here declare it to be my conviction, drawn from my own feelings, that there is no enjoyment, no pleasure of permanency, but such as springs from a regular discharge of our several duties in life. And when we do this we feel a self-complacency and satisfaction that no other course in life will afford.

Details: Hits: 2901

I feel a sadness overspread the mink this morning and feel disposed to murmur at my heard fate. But why do I say fate? Is it decreed by the all-wise being that I must be doomed to wander in abject poverty? No, it cannot be. I am the power that seals my own fate. Inattention and mourning will assist to keep me in the place I wish to avoid.

Details: Hits: 2857

Looking around me on every side, I see the busy and economical man flourishing, at least all such drive want and misery from their homes, and wear a serene smile in their countenance. An approving conscience follows them to the pillow and cheers them in the morning. But look at the listless, careless idler, poor miserable creature. No power to move; want is seen sitting on his head and encircling his body. And the mean shelter that is for his protection from inclement weather bespeaks the abode of wretchedness. Spent the day principally in reading and the evening with H.

Details: Hits: 3009

The day has fled and from the quantity of business on hand appeared quite too short. I required the greater part of the night to accomplish all I had engaged. As I have often visited Mr. Wm. Blackburn's family in consequence of a chronic disease of Mrs. Blackburn, I cannot avoid mentioning this man. He is indeed one of those kind of men that know not how to set themselves at work and thinks he cannot do anything without help. He has a good trade, but what avails the means if a man has no application or disposition to apply it to useful purposes. None. Here is an individual lazy to use the power he has; with moderate exercise in his business, he could make a respectable living, and he himself feel happy in so doing. He is always putting off till tomorrow work that should be done today, even if he has promised to have it ready for his employer. Now this will never do. Act up to your engagement, be punctual in all your dealings and be employed in your occupation.

Details: Hits: 3186

Riding all day. Saw a man who would not eat any meat except fowl and deer; he is quite old and has an odd appearance. He has a family of several children and not one any way intelligent or active. His wife is a real slut and termagant, two disagreeable qualities.

Details: Hits: 2999

Today I have visited my self-tormented lady. But her tongue will soon cease. Death is inevitable. She is full of expectation and hope. Forming plans of future action, when she gets well. Fatal calculation. Yet it must be productive of benefit and solaces the pathway to the grave and removes the dread of death.

Details: Hits: 2792

Called again to visit some sick. I go with the greatest pleasure. I am more than thankful and more than happy to be thus employed. Employment is the natural sphere of man. It seems to act as an antidote to vice and idleness, one of vice's counsellors. I hope you will avoid idleness in every form.

Details: Hits: 3022

Heavenly day, how beautiful are all your ideas. When we reflect that on this day our Heavenly Father, after having finished the magnificent work of creation, searched the action of creative wisdom and reviewed his labor and pronounced it good. Who can look on this would and all the immense worlds that hang suspended in the arch of heaven and not feel his dependence on the Creator? I view it a duty that we owe him and ourselves, to reflect on this day and think of our situation and see how our time has been passed, and to what purpose, and if we have deviated or wandered from rectitude, that we resolve to do otherwise and sincerely apply to God for assistance.

Details: Hits: 3036

Rode all day and returned at eleven o'clock. I feel some inclined to sleep. Have seen no particular to draw my attention or to occupy my reflection. Only I see every day that people are quite selfish and the Germans more so than the English. But this disposition is confined to no set of men or to any one individual, but pervades the human family.

Details: Hits: 3115

It is really a pleasant morning. The mind has no time today for fancy reflection. Attention to business requires every moment. Rode all night. Had no sleep, but feel well, even animated. Have some important cases on hand, and one I fear will soon bid adieu to sublunary things. I have discharged my duty and feel no compunction.

Details: Hits: 2964

Morning pleasant, full of employment. It is my delight. It can't come too fast. My situation required it. Called up in the night and visited a patient just as was stated, ready to expire from suppression of urine for some time. Catheter was sent for, but succeeded before it came. Much gratified at this occurrence as it gave new confidence. It is of much importance in many instances that we do not tell all we see and know. Leave the people to their own ideas.

Details: Hits: 2988

Day has called me again in or from half refreshed sleep. I called a few miles, and from thence to see several others, and returned home before night and spent the evening at Mr. A. Conrad's. Somehow this place is more agreeable to me than others. Now is it proper for me to indulge in such ideas as fill the mind? On this subject, I will reflect still more and see how matters may stand. I will not, for no consideration, create a hope in her breast founded on my conduct toward her which I do not myself possess, after Mature reflection. No. Far be the idea that I shall act under false insinuations. She is young and may not have one real idea of my intention. I will not, if it be in my power, so do to deceive the innocent.

Details: Hits: 3033

Have many engagements to fulfill; consequently, was soon gone from home. Found some improving and one or two evidently getting worse. This to me is disagreeable. Few know the feelings of a sensitive physician when he sees his patient tending toward the mortal moment. It is one of the thorns in a physician's path. Returned late at night and now finish these few lines and retire.

Details: Hits: 3017

Morning bespangled with swift moving clouds, yet it is quite agreeable. I have visited the bewitched lady today and have succeeded in dispelling from her mind the dreaded visitor. But though this is gone, her loquacity is extreme. Soon, however, it will have an end and be consigned to the silent tomb. Her thread of life is almost spun, and with what assurance she anticipates a speedy recovery. Pleasant illusion.

Details: Hits: 3164

Though you are accompanied with pain and an unpleasant appearance, yet your peace and happiness are not the less agreeable; as all who wish to enjoy the sweets of reflection, I feel as though I had done during the past week all that was incumbent to God for all these mercies and favors I have received and look to him for a continuance if so he wills.

Details: Hits: 3019

Have been constantly on the road and in chamber of distress and have had the satisfaction of finding several of my dangerous patients convalescent. This to me is more than satisfactory, it is delightful. Spent a few hours in company with A. Conrad, Subject Religion. He is tinctured with superstition and thinks an endless Hell is, or will be, the abode of sinners. I leave all to enjoy their own ideas on this subject. But I had a desire to terminate this conversation and speak a few words with Miss H. Accordingly, the opportunity soon presented itself and was embraced, and in a few moments had to terminate, but it was satisfactory.

Details: Hits: 2933

Peasant morning. Have to cross the Yadkin River and visit severe sick individuals. Have now just returned, twelve o'clock. Mind employed on disease, and satisfied and weary I retired.

Details: Hits: 2916

Day once more finds me indulging in that employment which gives me delight. Visited several patients at same distance from Town, which employed the day and a good portion of the night. Some few ideas occurred on last evening's conversation and at some moments think I had better desist as my present station may be of short duration, and what then would be the consequence imagination would depict not in pleasant appearances.

Details: Hits: 3023

Had one new patient and visited several others near town and spent the day in reading. In this employment I find the greatest satisfaction. I do not mingle in the nightly collections of the young people of the place. I love to be alone and reflect undisturbed by any. I can find no satisfaction in the company of the many. Having been quite inactive for the day, I felt an inclination to enjoy the pleasure of a walk. Accordingly, I obtained the consent of Miss H., accompanied by two or three others, to participate in the gratification. I found in this perambulation much that was agreeable to my own feelings. Here I imagined I could discover a feeling in H.'s mind that responded to my own. We returned in slow pace to our several places of abode. I viewed the time well spent, if no unfavorable occurrences should lie concealed beyond present appearances.

Details: Hits: 2834

Day again calls and is wet and rainy. Have much to do today. Many sick to attend to and some very dangerous. Mind occupied on this and return to bed at two o'clock.

Details: Hits: 3101

Daylight is again calling all to leave the bed and repair to employment. I have rode considerable distance, and returned home late in the night. Nothing occurred of consequence.

Details: Hits: 3004

I stayed i my room this morning and commune with my Creator and review the past week and find nothing to mar my peace of mind, having discharged by duty to all, as far as I know. And feel grateful to the Dispenser of all good for the assistance he has given me in fulfilling these obligations. I rode the greater part of the day; during the time of reading I reflect on the certainty of death and how dependent we are on God for all the numerous blessings we receive. These things should fill us with grateful feelings to our Heavenly benefactor. This evening I was inclined to spend the evening with Mr. A. Conrad, not only because I was a friend of his, but because of Miss H. I passed the time very agreeably and for the first time a private interview with the object of my respect. Indeed, I am not seen but I am too soon engaging in this kind of intimacy, and probably had better defer it until they may become more acquainted with me, as the foul tongue of rumor too often assails the stranger, and this may be an injury to her, and this I do not wish should befall her on my account.

Details: Hits: 3055

I again behold the beams of the morning with pleasure, because I have engagements sufficient for the day. Spent a few hours with Mrs. Conrad and listened to a tale of woe. But for all this she is quite agreeable and was she well, would be active.

Details: Hits: 3133

It has been a very warm day in the sun, but I find in the shade in this country the heat is not so oppressive as in the North. But when you are exposed to the rays of the sun it seems to burn, and the reflection from shining particles in the sand in many places is injurious to the eyes. Mind is in a more pleasant mode than usual, from no other cause than employment and a prospect of gaining a competence.

Details: Hits: 2897

In the active discharge of the various duties of my station, I find much for admiration and much to disgust. A mind filled with gratitude for services during distress is an ornament of much value in the human mind and will be felt by the most unfeeling when acted to them. I have seen several today who have now recovered from dangerous illness. For me they cannot do too much or be too good. They appear to feel for you and enter into all your feelings. Money never can pay for a physician's services, and where does not receive the lasting gratitude of his patients, he is never remunerated. But all the people are not happily disposed. Many imagine they pay you plenty when they condescend to ask your advice. They consider you no better than their slave and demand your attendance with as much assurance as though in reality you did belong to them, and when you pay all possible you can, they will not be satisfied. Such instances are not unfrequent. But these must never lead you from the regular discharge of your duty, or to neglect them when they call for help. We have an obligation to fulfill and we must not from any cause suffer such obligation to pass unrequited, because if we do, it will disturb our own peace, and if we torment ourselves we must expect the same of others.

Details: Hits: 2838

Morning has arrived. I cannot forget the base idea of the old man yesterday. Do people suppose they have a greater privilege to impugn the motives of Physicians than those of other occupations? But such is the weakness and silliness of an ignorant man, and I do not hesitate to say that the individual who imputed these motives to my face yesterday is a dishonest man. We must resent these insults in a mild way or we shall gain enemies. Day occupied in reading and evening Gage and I took a walk and reverted back to the pleasures of New York, and he related to me his ideas of Miss H. as he had been boarding there. This was not agreeable to me, though there was nothing immoral insinuated. Trifles sometimes discompose the mind if they tough a sensitive place, but Gage never discovered my feeling. And this should always be the case. Never suffer yourself to be so affected at light occurrences as to be observed by others. Confine all in your own bosom.

Details: Hits: 2930

Called to see a man in the last stages of Nervous fever. He is quite delirious. Prognosticated his death. Here an old man asked me if he would get over it, and before I had time to reply, said, Doctors always gave a good opinion so they could come again and make money. Sir, said I, that is reflecting on those of my profession and as you must believe me to be actuated by such motives, any opinion I may advance cannot be believed to be the truth, so I must beg to be excused from answering your request. But you are mistaken in such ideas.

Details: Hits: 2868

Urgent calls are made this morning. I leave soon and return home at half past three o'clock. Have seen my bewitched today. Says she has not been troubled but once since I was there. I stayed but a few moments and was glad to be from her chat, for it was really disgusting. She knew more about doctoring than Physicians in the United States, and would have cured herself if it had not been for the Negro.

Details: Hits: 3075

Hail, happy day, I admire your serentiy and the duties you require of man. I must worship you as I ride alone, surrounded by the works of my Creator, I feel your Heaven-inspiring thoughts swell in my breast and exclaim, God, be merciful.

Evening comes and a few moments are allowed me to indulge this increasing inclination implanted in my affections. It most certainly is a pleasure, but should not be often indulged in or it will be a poison to the mind.

Details: Hits: 2798

Very warm. Clear and the sun rises in all her beauty and finds in my delight business. Have rode all day and have just returned home at three o'clock, much fatigued. Must sleep some, feel a stronger inclination to see Miss H. but have no time. Employment and no other pleasure is my intention.

Details: Hits: 2962

Pleasant morning. Business urges me from home even before the dawn and keeps me employed all night. Have but little time to rest and none to write. Mind occupied with the situation of the sick. I will make this acknowledgement that I feel as though I was traveling a new life. Never suffer yourself to be idle if you can avoid it.

Details: Hits: 2927

Morning again called to action. Visited an elderly lady about eight miles from this place who as she said was bewitched. (Consumption was the complaint.) This being the first time I was ever called to drive witches away, I hardly knew how to paw it over, but concluded it would be better way to let her enjoy the idea and believe that I coincided in her belief. All at once she said, don't you see that old Negro man peeping through the crack? It is him that has brought me to this. Oh, Doctor, do give me something that will kill him or keep him from my house. Give me some trick quick or he will have hold of me. Yes, madam, in a few moments if you can keep him away I will give you some Medicine that will calm your fears at least for a while. How long is agoing to take a Doctor to have his means prepared? I could have made enough in this time myself and you to take. Oh, Lord, I am afraid of it; is it had to take? You will please swallow it and then you will be a better judge of the taste. Won't it hurt me? I'm very much afraid of Doctor stuff. I can't swallow. Well, Madam, you can act as you like, in that respect. I shall leave it. Do you know what will cure the dropsy? I do, and I will give you a recipe sometime for it. Madam, I must bid you good-by. Oh, Doctor, you must not go yet. I shall die soon. Oh, that Negro will kill me. Every night he is here. Will this medicine keep him away? Most certainly. I will take it. Farewell.

Details: Hits: 3040

My idea of pleasure so far seems correct, profitable employment is the fountain of a poor man's enjoyment. Rode constantly all day and until late in the night, and as I was returning home, tired and full of satisfaction from having discharged my obligations to all who had requested my assistance, the idea of home, sweet home, filled the mind. My aged Father and Mother rolled in dear remembrance over my imagination. How pleased should I now feel could I but see them. They appear more dear to me than ever. I would now speak to every child and say, love and respect your Parents and do all you can to oblige them. Never wound their feelings; all they say is for your good. A few reflections on my intended intimate closed the scene of the day.

Details: Hits: 2941

Day more cloudy, but warm. Rode several miles and indulged a few moments conversation with H. More agreeable and attracting. It is sealed.

Details: Hits: 2832

Again the day is agreeable and very warm. Had several new patients today. Have rode much and the greater part of the night and have not attended to all the calls of the sick. Awoke from sleep and had to be gone. This was great task that I loved from two causes; first, because it was my duty and, secondly, because it was my interest and indicated confidence. Indeed, it was a pleasure.

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Ever peaceful and blessed day set apart from all others as a day of rest and heavenly reflection, and for such improvement thy freedom from cares well prepare thee. I was called on to see one Scott who had an attack of Apoplexy. They had been for Doct. Shuman several times but could not get him, and were forced to call on me. I accordingly went, and found him senseless, and applied such means as the case required. But such a woman I never before saw. Turbulent as the ocean in a severe storm, yet nothing about her appeared malignant, but rough and boisterous, no feminine character about her appearance or conversation. I am much disgusted at such unbecoming conduct of ladies. The man that came after me, I am sure is a real villain; he is a brother to the victim. He made many inquiries about substances that could be put in weak spirits in order to have them good proof, etc., etc. Have nothing to do with such men. Leave them at once.

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Call on soon this morning and visited seven or eight patients which consumed the day and a portion of the night. My acquaintance extends quite fast, even much beyond my expectation. I hope it may continue to extend and my reputation elongate with it, but reputation and acquaintance are two distinct things, and one may exist without the other. I feel now satisfied that I shall make sufficient to defray my expenses. Arrived home some wearied and retired and slept sweetly. I will do justice to Mrs. Lash for the more than expected kindness to me. I never come home but my supper was on the table and a light burning in the passage. She took every pains to me these things agreeable. Indeed, I could not have expected more from my own Mother.

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Not much to attend today. Reading employed the time, and was at Jacob Conrad's a few moments. Indeed Paulina is a sweet little girl and plays the piano very well. She will be the flower of those three that are now passed infancy, so my mind says.

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I feel a little uneasy sensation creeping into the mind during some moments, the indication of which would seem a little partiality for a certain individual before named. I hardly dare believe myself. What in the space of fifty days, penetrated with such soft emotions, strange as it may appear, it is a fact. Wrote a long letter, which by mistake you can read on the 148p.

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The day is on the wing passing away to eternity and I have been in full business, and returned home late at night. Visited a poor young hypochondriac, who has from mere dread of work been endeavoring to learn to walk the rope, and injured himself. He is indeed an object of pity, for such vanity.

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Morning agreeable, and I spent the day in reading, except the riding of a few miles, and a short time at Mr. Abraham Conrad's who is the stepfather of Miss H. Mrs. Conrad complains very much and is all wrapped up in herself, but his place begins to have a charm in it that I find in no other place, and I do not forget it as soon as I leave it, as other places.

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Called again to business, this is a source of gratification to me. I have but very little time to devote to any other thoughts but those of my business. I have seen the most abject poverty today. A poor man's wife is a situation that requires a sensation of any kind of labor, and confined to bed. The man is a lover of a dram, and the Mother has to see to her children.

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After enjoying a few hours sleep, morning came and Sunday once more greeted us with its beauty. Rode much during the day, and attended to several patients and one new one. As I came home this evening I saw the lovely diamond that was shining in my mind of more than ordinary warmth, and passed some few words, but I believe without being discovered or at least I did not intend to be seen internally. I returned to my room full of thoughts, and wrote the following epistle for the sole purpose of endeavoring to discover if there was a secret passion lurking agreeable to my own feeling before I ventured on to much.

Eternal friend,

Having a few moments of leisure time, freed from the disquietude produced by pain and illness, I feel disposed to write a few lines to you, originating from observation and mature reflection. I have long studied human nature, viewed both in the sunshine and in the shade. Therefore believing that these observations will not be detrimental or unacceptable, I shall proceed with pleasure, Years have rolled into eternity since I have viewed the conduct of my fellow creatures with diligent attention for the purpose of becoming acquainted with the motives that induce them to choose any particular object or to follow any particular course of conduct. And in doing this my own mind has not escaped the most careful scrutiny. This last forms the basis from which to judge or at least the most essential point in forming a correct judgement. We should endeavor to become acquainted with ourselves, to know our own disposition, to note the great variety of ideas that pass in our own imagination during certain periods when objects are presented that excite our attention. And as we often fail in our wishes or do not gain the point which desire sought after, we should endeavor to learn the cause of this failure and then receive profit from sad, thought beneficial, experience, so that when we are again aroused to action by some other or a similar excitement we should act with more caution and consequently with a greater degree of certainty. But, Sophia, this important point is by all and too often disregarded, we are apt to proceed on in rebellion against the lessons of experience, in the same blind and dangerous road without once reflecting. Here we act improper and wrong ourselves. You, my friend, have just reached the place where dangers are numerous and of various kinds. Your youth and inexperience have not yet taught you the danger of that tempestuous sea on which you have just embarked. At the present moment no dark clouds obscure that peaceful horizon which surrounds you. The aqueous surface is unruffled; it reflects not as the faithful mirror objects in their true form; yet, my friend, below this apparently placid surface the danger lies concealed and without the most diligent caution attends every word which proceeds from you. Disgrace and sorrow will overwhelm when danger escaped your notice. Sophia, your life has been once continual scene of pleasure. You have roved in the path thus far in innocent amusement. To your now peaceful mind sorrow is a stranger. The deceitful form of the world has not yet contacted your sensibility or produced in your mind that degrading dissimulation so often to be met with in the course of life.

Your respectability now devolves on yourself, and on you at this period of your existence, in a greater measure depends your future happiness. The morning sun has awoke you to behold nature in all her loveliness, dressed in the white robe of innocence, all deformity is endeavored to be concealed from your view, being yourself innocent and free from crime, you place more or less confidence in the veracity of others. In this I would advise you to be cautious. Remember that danger is often near at hand, when everything appears the most pleasant. Beware of men's pretensions; prove them before you place too much reliance. The beams of the morning have viewed you recumbent on the lap of peace and its meridian splendor continues the same unabated beatitude to you and when the sun descends below the western horizon and night's sable curtain overspreads the earth, the balmy arms of refreshing sleep, laid on the pillow of undisturbed repose are your constant attendants. No lost or absent friends disturb your mind; friends you have many and I have none. All my acquaintances are far distant. No deviation from the path of virtue has ever marred your felicity, and I hope it will be your greatest care to preserve it unsullied. You are under the guidance of the best of friends, your amiable Mother, whose anxiety for your welfare should increase your endeavor to smooth the path of declining years, and obey her advice. Now, Henrietta, permit me to say a few words on friendship. It is a dear word and much abused. It ought to be held sacred by all who pretend to be actuated by it, but alas, too often, instead of being really what it imports, is made the most dangerous enemy we have to encounter for in its deceitful form it seeks only to deceive. But when pure and unpretended it is productive of the greatest pleasure we can enjoy. It is the bond of that union which will last when age has swept our youthful form far from our possession. It is that which time is unable to diminish or lessen its value when pure that we so much desire it. What is life destitute of friendship? A blank, Henrietta. How often do those who are considered worthy and respectable use this pretended friendship for no other purpose than to gratify their own fancy of passions, and what is the consequence to the person who shall repose confidence in the mere pretender? Guilt, shame, and remorse follows. Friendship is the foundation on which respect is placed; therefore, that individual who betrays your confidence is incapable of being your friend, which is confidence; it is a firm reliance placed on the goodness and the declarations of others. If then, Sophia, you see an individual showing a great degree of regard for you when you are present, and in your absence, indulgence is given to others, that person is not worthy of your esteem, because genuine respect is the same, present or absent. Such a person will leave you to gratify his interest or sacrifice your virtue at the expense of your respectability. Receive these few lines as coming from one who wishes to see you employed in the peaceful path of virtue; one who wishes you peace and happiness through life. Reflect and consider well before you proceed too far.

Your friend,

Geo. F. Wilson

H.S. Hauser

In presenting the above letter, I am actuated by no bad motives. It has its origin in a little partiality, founded on a mere idea of things kindred in the feelings, and a wish to form a more intimate acquaintance with one individual, where confidence could be placed, and the youthful purity of Miss Hauser induced me to imagine, if it could be obtained was the most safe deposit of confidence, on which I could rely. Such were the motives and such the commencement of intimacy, the result of which time will develop. The following letter was written June, the 4th, and by accident was overlooked at the proper place. It was written to a very aged Divine who had once presided for many years over the Moravian Church of this place, but could not speak English and desired I should write him a letter. He could not hear sufficiently well to make conversation agreeable even if he could have spoken the English language.

4, June, 1828

Reverend Sir,

Please receive these few lines as a small tribute of respect due to that character which in the performance of the duties, incumbent on you, in the station you hold deserve. The high esteem in which you are held is strong evidence that the obligations, which we all are under to God and our fellow creatures, have been in every respect satisfaction by you discharged, and that you have been an ornament to that much abused name, Christianity. Think not, dear sir, that these words are spoken by the dictates of a base flatterer, merely (if it were possible) to elate your fancy or draw from you one sentiment of praise in my favor. They are conclusions drawn from what I have seen and the language of every one in this place with whom I have conversed. The different languages in which we communicate our ideas are obstacles which deprive us of the greatest pleasures we enjoy, conversation. Deprive us of this and you deprive us of one of life's sweetest enjoyments. It is in the circle of conversation that we can extend our information, revisit ages that are passed away; here we can become acquainted with all that has transpired in past years. Youth is the season of expectation; it is then we are full of ambitions, forming plans as we think, calculated to ensure the accomplishment of our wishes. In these moments of anticipation we too often disregard the caution given us by those who have seen and learned from experience or observation, the uncertainty of human calculation, and this is one reason why I should be pleased to converse with you, that I might now in the early period of life gather the wisdom of age and you whose mind has been stored with useful knowledge, joined with many years of experience and observation, are prepared to afford. It is that kind of information all ought to have who are just entering on the devious and tempestuous sea of responsible life, in which many for the want of a good polot are lost. I am now separated from those who would rejoice to impart the pure parental information required. My venerated aged Father and Mother are far from me and it is probable I shall never see them more. The cold and silent tomb will enclse them before I shall see my native soil where my childhood was spent in innocent amusement; these moments are fled forever. Thus deprived of friends, the source of confidence and pleasure, I hope, surrounded as I am by strangers, that I may be following the path of rectitude, which has ever been my endeavor, to prove myself worthy of respect and confidence, of every individual with whom I may become acquainted. Reverend Sir, permit me to commiserate you on the derangement of one of the most useful organs belonging to the system, and which in some measure renders easy conversation disagreeable and is an obstruction to the pleasures of verbal ideas. The ear is the most complicated organ in the body; consequently, when disease, the most difficult to be affected by the application of our art, particularly so when structure is attracted. But though we are here deprived of conversation and all its pleasures, I hope when the last great trump shall call us hence, we may rise reanimated and be permitted to enter the gates of eternal and undisturbed repose in the presence of that Saviour who died for all, here in those regions of undisturbed repose in the presence of that Saviour who died for all, here in those regions of felicity nothing will interrupt our joys. May God still continue to open the effulgent beams of his perfection to your mind and enable you to direct the wanderer to the gates of Heaven.

Your most Obedient,

Geo. F. Wilson

Rev. Pfoal

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This peaceful day has again arrived. I have visited many patients and been very busy, and have been well satisfied with myself. Contemplated much on forming an intimate acquaintance with Miss H. in order to have one in whom I can place confidence.

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The morning comes in all her beauty, placid, clear, warm, and serene. Spent the day in my room, reading. Thoughts have touched on a delicate subject and the most proper and appropriate method of introducing it so that even the individual to whom it may be addressed will not suspect the extent of my motives.And have finished the subject mentioned on the tenth of June. Fickleness. This is instability and irresolution of the will, and it is a sad misfortune that so many are affected with it, and from this number the writer claims no exemption. This arises from a deficiency of a well-regulated discipline of the willin infant life, most generally. The will requires a regular exercise and as thorough a discipline as any faculty of the body whatever. How long it requires an individual to accustom his fingers to the motion of writing. It is a lengthy and tedious undertaking and should be commenced in early life. So it is with the will We must use it and force it to act right. And if it has not underwent a severe discipline, it will not adhere to tomorrow what it may declare today. The will was designed, no doubt, by nature to be the governing power and to exercise absolute control over every other faculty. Desire must and ought to be subject to it. But where we see individuals grasping far beyond their ability in gratifying themselves, the desire in these cases controls the will, which in time will produce bad consequences. Now by not reflecting and allowing the will and desire to run in the same channel, we are changing both every minute, and as we advance in life this increases and, when we are incapable of gratifying desire, we become the most miserable creatures in existence and this is not the worst evil. It produces a mind on which there can be no reliance, determinations of the day are gone, vanished on the morrow. No confidence can securely be placed on such a mind, because the will itself, void of all firmness or resolution, is the sport of every transient incident, every interposing uneasiness or pleasure changes it. The friend of today becomes the implacable enemy of tomorrow. The pleasure of the moment is intense and the succeeding minute, painful and disgusting. Desire being always instigated by the feelings of the moment, it sacrifices the future to the present enjoyment. It too often purchases a fleeting gratification of subordinate value, at the expense of permanent and substantial happiness. You, for whom I burn the midnight lamp in writing these few and imperfect sheets, must not imagine that I now anticipate you as those who may have no firmness. I hope the reverse. I hope the resolution and constancy will ever fill your minds and that you will place your happiness on real substantial and abandon these fleeting gratifications, because you will find them and in pain. I will recite a case, that you may the better comprehend my meaning, and it the same in all cases of whatever nature they may be. We will take a case of frequent occurrence. Behold the youthful maiden whose affection from the pure fountain of fidelity whose intimate acquaintance has not long established her claim to friendship, but in that short time a strong and undying attachment had been formed, and desire wishes to perpetuate this connection through life, and the idea of its not being so is fatal to peace. You may now see them in all the loveliness that can deck human nature. But now the will may overrule desire. Unexpected misfortune occurs and a voice declares that these confiding confidents must part, having just prepared to enter a more extended field of happiness. The moment comes, the mandate must be obeyed, they embrace each other overwhelmed with grief that forbids utterance. A distant period is placed when whese two shall meet, if the unrelenting hand of death does not prevent. Solemn declarations are made, eternal constancy is vowed, and strict fidelity binds the whole. Time nor distance is declared to be inefectual to even diminish this respect, so pure and firm; the fervent lips bid farewell. Oh, the anguish which wrings the agonized heart, pencil and pen are inadequate to describe. Time now fast separates and the imagination paints all the dangers to be encountered and the probability of escape; and oh, if death should touch the lovely form. Earth's charms are gone forever.

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My head was full of complex ideas during the night. Again some ideas of home created anxiety. In fancy I saw many unfavorable occurrences that might happen and finding here things not expected could ever enter to molest my mind. But if these things molest me, I have to learn from experience. I hope they may be of service to you and this I wish you to invariably mind, never to place your affections too strongly on one place, that if you ever wish or have to leave it that it can disturb your peace. You wil find in almost any place something to love and admire equally well as in the place you may have left.

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A beautiful day and I have reflected much on many subjects, but particularly in relation to myself I have been employed the greater portion of the day and have followed an inclination which I find on the increase. And the more I endeavor to debar such ideas, the more they occur. And you will find this to be the case, you must not frequent the place.

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Morning clear and beautiful. Soon on the road to see the patient requested in my absence yesterday. He had been seen by Gage. Fell from the fence, with a harvest cradle in his hand and cut the calf of the leg quite to the bone, and vidide the great artery there situated, which at the time Gage saw was fast bleeding him to death, and he never attempted to take up the bleeding vessel but merely filled up the wound with sponge and bound it up tight, which left a constant drain of blood from the system. I found him as pale as the paper on which I write and a constant unsatiable thirst for water, and evidently fast approaching desolution. And in a few hours died. The reflection of this case gave me much pain, as a fellow creature might possibly been saved from death. he was the father of several children and in low circumstances, they require his assistance. Here I was like to have been precipitate into eternity. I was riding very fast in order to reach the man as an express had met me on the road, when my horse fell and hurt me very much; indeed, it was for some time I cold scarcely draw my breath. And now I have every two minutes to fetch a deep sigh in order to feel confortable. Never ride immoderately fast. A regular steady gait is much the quickest. Safe and free from danger. If you wish to get to a place speedily, be steady and constant.

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Again the morning beams have chased away the darkness of night and a complacent smile is playing round the mind, such as an approving conscience produces. Nothing now give me more pleasure than to have to call for my horse, and away to see my patients and find them improving in health. I returned late this evening and had been requested to visit a patient soon in the morning.

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Business now begins to occupy my mind and time and I find much more satisfaction in this than reflecting over days that have been. I seem now to live in a new element, more agreeable and more beneficial and it is this latter which makes it agreeable and pleasant. If you expect to be contented and enjoy life, you must be in some beneficial employment.

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Again the never forgotten day has arrived and all its endearing charms are enjoyed. I observe that during this day and in this particular day Masters of slaves who do not work themselves on this day, hire the negroes to labor in the meadow. I am not satisfied that this can be considered right, or ever proper, because if we consider it to be a sin for us to be employed in the field or at any kind of labor, we should at the same time believe it equally criminal for them. And I cannot see it will diminish our own guilt, as we are the cause of the crime, and even hold out inducements to have it committed. My practice increases very fast. After finishing my engagement yesterday, I was called to see several patients, and rode until dark. To me this is indeed gratifying, as it betokens success. And today I have done very well an been very busy.

Was called to Mr. Jacob Conrad's, a wealthy merchant, about one mile from this place, to see his nephew, Theopholis C. Hauser, son of Mrs. Conrad by her first husband and brother to Miss H.S. Hauser. Here at this place is much convenience and everything looks neat and clean. There are two fine looking girls here, just in the bloom of beauty but seem effected with modest and becoming bashfulness, indeed this adds a charm to their form of elegance. Mr. Conrad is from every indication one of your close calculators, never spending money unless for utility and judging from the contour of his head loves money fully as well if not a little better than justice, and when he has once succeeded in getting the advantage never lets it go until he is well remunerated and in these estimations of his trouble, he thinks it better not to undervalue them. He looks well to self and cares but little for the balance of the world. Such I believe to be the character of this man. Now at first view his wife would be taken to be of the most benevolent disposition, mild and insinuating, but just from her appearance and mode of conversation, she is full of deception, pretending no desire for wealth when she is more eager if possible than her husband and more proud with what she has. Very fond of flattery and admires those that praise her goodness and despises those who do not act hte sycophant. Yet she is generally admired, because it is not much expense to flatter.

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Again the never forgotten day has arrived and all its endearing charms are enjoyed. I observe that during this day and in this particular day Masters of slaves who do not work themselves on this day, hire the negroes to labor in the meadow. I am not satisfied that this can be considered right, or ever proper, because if we consider it to be a sin for us to be employed in the field or at any kind of labor, we should at the same time believe it equally criminal for them. And I cannot see it will diminish our own guilt, as we are the cause of the crime, and even hold out inducements to have it committed. My practice increases very fast. After finishing my engagement yesterday, I was called to see several patients, and rode until dark. To me this is indeed gratifying, as it betokens success. And today I have done very well an been very busy.

Was called to Mr. Jacob Conrad's, a wealthy merchant, about one mile from this place, to see his nephew, Theopholis C. Hauser, son of Mrs. Conrad by her first husband and brother to Miss H.S. Hauser. Here at this place is much convenience and everything looks neat and clean. There are two fine looking girls here, just in the bloom of beauty but seem effected with modest and becoming bashfulness, indeed this adds a charm to their form of elegance. Mr. Conrad is from every indication one of your close calculators, never spending money unless for utility and judging from the contour of his head loves money fully as well if not a little better than justice, and when he has once succeeded in getting the advantage never lets it go until he is well remunerated and in these estimations of his trouble, he thinks it better not to undervalue them. He looks well to self and cares but little for the balance of the world. Such I believe to be the character of this man. Now at first view his wife would be taken to be of the most benevolent disposition, mild and insinuating, but just from her appearance and mode of conversation, she is full of deception, pretending no desire for wealth when she is more eager if possible than her husband and more proud with what she has. Very fond of flattery and admires those that praise her goodness and despises those who do not act hte sycophant. Yet she is generally admired, because it is not much expense to flatter.

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(According to consecutive dates, Sunday should be July 5 but to keep in exactness with this journal we are listing as George F. Wilson has his journal.)

no entry for the 5th.

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The anxiety of mind this morning I leave to conjecture as I am incapable to describe it; now in a few hours to rise up before a congregation of strangers in a strange country and address on a subject relating to our Independence, before those, too, who have been conversant with the whole transaction during the struggle and since. When you have pledged yourself, it is your duty to act your part to the best of your abilities. One thing alone gave me some relief as it came from one more acquainted with the improvement of our country than I am. It was at the Revered I.C. Jacobson's and this was the first time I ever saw Mrs. Jacobson, and was there expressing some concern as to my performance being satisfactory to any as I was sure it would not be to myself. Oh! Doctor, give yourself no uneasiness about that. There will be few capable of judging of the merit or the demerit. The time of assembling was at two o'clock, which soon arrived, and the people began to assemble at the church in which I delivered the oration to a large collection of people who had assembled to hear what the new Doctor could say.

Gentlemen,

Believing that I am more indebted to your partiality than any merit of my own, in selecting me from this body of superior talent with which I am surrounded; from those too whose daily avocations prepare them to do that justice to the subject of which I am incapable; and were I forbidden to presume on your kindness and generosity should feel no small degree of embarrassment. Again when I survey this assembly and behold many of those aged patriots standing here, though at that period were not sufficiently advanced in life to take an active part in the struggle, which the day we are met to commemorate gave birth, yet saw and well remember the portentous moment when the Declaration was made, we are "determined to live free or die." It is in attempting to address such men, men who have not only superior information, but have traveled with our country in every step to her present greatness, combining two of the most perfect qualities of human superiority, knowledge, and experience, that I feel as though I had arrogated to myself the honor you have been pleased to confer. Under such circumstances the most experienced would hesitate, and with how much greater reluctance one who is unaccustomed to address a public assembly. Relying, therefore, on your charity I approach with diffidence the task your generosity has imposed.

Fellow Citizens,

We have met to celebrate the day that gave birth to all the blessing of freedom we enjoy. We have assembled, not only to commemorate the day but to perpetuate the memory and names of those illustrious patriots who in defiance of all the disheartening superiority and formidable appearance of our country's oppressor, made and proclaimed to the world the declaration you have just heard. How sublime and determined is the Declaration made by our forefathers, "We are determined to live free or die." What can subdue such people/ Not the feeble hand of man; it must be the omnipotent faith of God. It is not merely for our own present gratification that we pay this tribute of respect to the anniversary of our national existence, and those who achieved the glorious work, but is instilled into the bosoms of the rising generations, those pure principles of patriotism which filled the minds of our forefathers and conducted them triumphantly through the arduous and unequal struggle. And as we venerate the glory they acquired the magnitude of the achievement, or the beneficial result, so may our children learn from our examples to catch the same flame of patriotism and from our precepts to venerate the deeds of those who achieved the glorious boon of freedom we now enjoy. And thus in regular succession shall this day be hailed with rapture and commemorated with gratitude to those departed heroes who spilled their blood and sacrificed their lives to free us from the yoke of the Tyrant and foreign oppression. In turning over the pages of history, both ancient and modern, ewe are there presented with the rise and fall of nations once more powerful than our own. All have fallen and nothing remaining but the name. You look back to the period when this country was loaded with oppression; no, you go further back, back to the time when the first settlers of this country were beyond the briny ocean. You now ask, What induced them to leave their native land and to commit themselves to the dangers of a tempestuous sea, to leave a land where civilized life had shed her blessings to encounter the inhospitable wilds of North America? Was it in their own country they enjoyed that equal right and privilege so dear to us all? Was it there that justice overspread her balmy wing and gave equal protection to every individual? Was it there they could speak without fear the true sentiments and firm convictions of the mind on those subjects that legal tribunals should never decide? No, none of these inestimable blessings and privileges were there to be enjoyed. Unjust and unfeeling oppression was the great efficient cause that forced from home, kindred, and country the first settlers of this now happy country.

Oppression! that monster of human invention, that poisoner of happiness, peace, and freedom. It is that cold-blooded assassin which has destroyed the lives of innocent thousands. But, it destroys itself in many instances by its unfeeling exercise of power, which fortunately for us was the case in reference to the colonial situation of this country. Its ultimate termination, contrary to the expectation of the Mother Country, has been productive, a more extensive benefit to a greater number of individuals, and this is the general operation when extended beyond certain lines. It produces in the minds of the oppressed disaffection and dissatisfaction against the power that wields it; and the mind of civilized man will not long endure the degradating submission to the deprivation of his most dear and inalienable rights and privileges. In every community where this is the case, the least opportunity attended, even with but the faint glimmering of hope, is grasped, and put in operation to free themselves from the unjust and degrading grasp of the oppressor. The moment that a prohibition is placed on a community depriving them of privileges that every man should enjoy, that moment you create disquietude and they begin to examine the case and will, at last, become acquainted with it; and if it be within the reach of possibilities they will accomplish it at the price of any sacrifice. When we hear men begin to examine and ask themselves, Are we not born with these privileges? Does the good of the community require a surrender? Are we under any moral or Religious obligation to surrender these rights? And the answer to all these just questions is, No! He will immediately say, Who exercises such authority over me without my consent, and exercises a control which every species of justice unequivocally forbids. Here we see that oppression leads to investigation. It causes men to investigate the principle that ought to govern them. It awakens a spirit of inquiry in every mind that feels its baleful influence, and creates a just and noble ambition in the benevolent bosom of the patriot to seek the best method of restoring to himself and all mankind the right of which they are deprived. It awakens an ambition that will grasp the first opportunity presented to extricate themselves from those unjust grievances, the injustice of which have become insupportable. Is it probable that her, in this Transatlantic region, the first germ of American liberty, began to vegetate and was transplanted and nourished here by the first settlers of this country in a more congenial clime, freed from the shade of despotism it raised its lovely from gradually from beneath the rubbish of Tyranny until it reached the acme of maturity? But as the peaceful tree of Liberty was here flourishing, diffusing her radiant beams of happiness on all, producing smiles of prosperity on every individual; extending her divine blessings to all that sought repose under the refreshing shade. She was sought to be trampled under the foot and hurled from existence. The luminous sparks radiating from the splendor of her form in every direction. The unrelenting hand of Tyranny endeavored to extinguish her. Even in an imperfect state, the colonies were fast increasing in wealth, population, and resources. Arts began to make their appearance and industry caused every department of wealth to flourish and increase with rapidity. Intelligence, ornament of the social compact in all ages, breathing a deleterious odor to the despot, molesting the free respiration of the Tyrant was inhaled by those born on these wide and western shores, and under the combined influence of industry and intelligence, the natural products of freedom, wealth was the consequence. The Mother Country, beholding the Spirit and Enterprise of her Colonies, changed her policy, which she might have seen would result to her disadvantage if carried too far, but happily for us and for all mankind, she was blind to their own interest and regardless of consequences, determined to force her unjust policies in every particular, and continued in these measures until she learned from sad and mortifying experience, that freemen were not to be driven into submission to injustice. This policy was to keep the colonies not only dependent but tributary. They themselves were to monopolize the commerce of the colonies, cripple the manufactures so in every respect render them contributary to the wealth and aggrandizement of the Mother Country, entirely regardless of the rights of the colonies, and diametrically in opposition to the wishes of the colonies themselves. They rigorously followed these unjustifiable measures in proportion to the increase of population and wealth, and a jealous apprehension of the ultimate independence of the colonies excited alarm. Such illiberal measure led to their natural consequences, a separation which resulted in the independence of these United States. Here blind oppression raised her deformed head to breathe her last gasp on the shores of our beloved country. Here she raised the glittering steel, which liberty wrested from her iron grasp and plunged into her own callous heart, never again as I hope to be withdrawn to spill one drop of blood on these happy, peaceful shores of America. Our country, luxuriant in almost every variety of climate, soil, and production, within whose circumference lofty mountains and majestic rivers abound, is no less prolific in the modulation of men whose steadfast minds were not to be daunted in the hour of danger or intimidated at the threats of the Tyrant. Men on whose heads the garland of virtue, uncontaminated, ever shone, and in whose minds Liberty was interwoven and so strongly entwined that no power on earth could tear them from the place where nature had planted them. They had tasted the balm of liberty and inhaled the atmosphere of freedom, purified in a degree from the contaminating respiration of despotic power. They saw the beneficial result arising from this source and could not, no nor should not suffer it to be wrested from them without making a manly and determined resistance to any power that might have the audacity to molest the fountain of that placid and salubrious stream of whose pure water they had drunk. Such men and such minds were growing while the colonies were yet subject to the laws of the Mother Country and that country regardless of justice and humanity, instead of endeavoring to advance the prosperity and respectability of the colonies, loaded them with grievances, imposed on her colloquial subjects, burdens which the patriotic feelings of her sons could not endure. They besought them with paternal respect to remit the severity of injustice, but all in vain; deaf to every solicitation and determined to force obedience. The dearest rights of man were implicated and translated by the oppressor. Two alternatives alone remained and one must be taken, either to submit to the degrading, unjust requisition of the British Parliament and wear the galling chains of slavery, and be subject to the capricious whims of Tyranny; or make the manly, bold and daring declaration of independence. They chose the latter.

Looking around they saw home, kindred, and country involved in ruin, freedom, justice, and liberty, forever lost if they yielded in submission. The idea of home and country and strongly implanted in our nature and cannot easily be eradicated, they cling to every individual with incredible tenacity. Home and country are ever dear to us all, and it is with the greatest reluctance we forgo their pleasures. This induces the natives to adhere to the wilderness, rather than enjoy the pleasures and advantages of civilization. It is this that induces the inhabitants of Siberia to wander amid fields of perpetual snow, and to undergo almost every deprivation rather than enjoy the influence of a more congenial clime. It is these strong feelings which bind the slave to his master so firmly that the pains of severe torture cannot drive him from the door. The martyr who dies in the most excruciating agony is filled with these principles; exultingly he expires to prove that justice in a good cause will never yield. They are principles and feelings that should fill every man's bosom, the band of union in all communities, and the power and strength of every country. Let us cherish them.

It was such feelings and sentiments that inspired the small states of Athens and Lacedaemon in ancient times to meet and defeat the formidable army of Persia and save from destruction a land, a home more dear than life itself and called forth this noble true and manly expression, that no “Country was worth acceptance unless won by virtue.” This was the principle that moved the arm of Leoninus and freed the bosom of the Spartan phalanx at the Straits of Thermophylea to bid defiance to millions of Heroes (?). Here stood this little band of heroes invulnerable to every assault determined never to admit a foreign and hostile enemy to devastate their country unless that enemy passed over their lifeless forms, all for the sake of home and country, justice and freedom. How glorious, how transcendentally great and good are such deeds of valor. Do they fill the mind of every true American? Do you, my dear countrymen, not feel on this day as though your life would be freely given to preserve your home and country if assailed by a foreign foe? Me-thinks I see the spirit of seventy-six beam from the orb of the aged patriot and sparkle in the eye of the youth, and while we retain these principles in their purity, our beloved country is safe. Such sentiments spread their rays through almost every bosom in the British colonies, and as combustion is produced by severe friction, so oppression at last burst into a flame which warmed the mind of the patriot, and prepared the inhabitants to shake off the yoke of British degradation. The harmonious and lovely sound... FREEDOM, LIBERTY, and JUSTICE... was heard and reverberated from one extremity of the colonies to the other, her voice and charms were eagerly caught by the sons of America. They called on every man who held sacred home and country to arise and gird on the armor of destruction and make one manly and determined effort to repel the unjust aggression before stretching out the hand in submission, to receive the degrading manacles of tyrannical oppression. It was this spirit which animated the departed sages of seventy-six as they raised the standard of liberty and for the support of which they pledged their lives, their fortunes, and sacred honor. The Star-Spangled Banner of American independence was raised by men determined to live free or die fluttering in the salubrious air of freedom. And the landmark of liberty, served as a rallying for those heroes who gloriously fought and died in its defense. Joined in one common tie of kindred and country, no discouragement daunt their courage or induce them to abandon the pledge they had made. Led by a Washington, at the recital of whose name every individual must feel the ecstatic throb of patriotism thrill through his breast, conducted by such a man they could, destitute of shoes and warm apparel, ascend the rugged hills amid frost and snow to meet the invader and drive the oppressor from their country. I need not recite to you the battle of Bunker Hill or refer you to the plains of Lexington, where the principle of freedom contested the regular discipline of Tyranny with more than Spartan valor or Athenian courage; no, your minds have visited every place where the standard of liberty gained the laurels of victory or opposed the daring arm of the despot. Reading the eventful history of this date, who can withhold the just tribute of veneration for men who for seven long years withstood the disciplined assault of the most powerful nation and maintained unshaken fidelity to the Declaration, we are determined to live free or die, we have appealed to God for the justness of our cause, and pledged our lives, our fortunes, and sacred honors, never, no never to abandon the claims of humanity and the glorious standard of liberty and independence until death has swept us to the silent tomb. Who stands as the guardian of such men and foremost in the sacred pledge? Fellow citizens, it is your beloved and justly admired Washington, a name dear to every American and every philanthropist in the whole world. Where is there a bosom so insensible, so callous, that he does not feel the patriotic thrill emulate his feeling, creating raptures of ecstasy at the mere recital of the name of Washington? And is there a youth within the bounds of our country who does not feel in his pliant bosom the flame of patriotism kindle and glow with emulation, determined to follow the same just and glorious path as did our venerated and departed Washington? If our country should ever again be called on to drive a foreign and hostile foe from our shores and never let the garland of liberty be tarnished which our ancestors bequeathed to us as the rich legacy of their valor from which we now reap the great harvest of Peace and pleasure. Again, when we read the history of the revolution and see the inducements which led to the Declaration of Independence, and the aggravated causes during that period operation on every humane and benevolent feeling, we do not wonder that our forefathers continued this firm and unshaken in their determination never to lay down their arms until their country was free. We behold in the records of the day that perpetration of deeds the cruelty and injustice of which have not a parallel in the annals of the civilized world. At the very idea the mind recoils with indignant horror from the barbarous scene of bloody cruelty, and just indignation is tenaciously held against that power which was and could be accessory to these base and barbarous deeds. We see and almost yet hear the groans and shrieks of the innocent victims falling a sacrifice to savage cruelty. Behold, the savage hordes of Indians instigated and set on like bloodhounds on innocent lambs, by rewards from the Mother Country butchering innocent, defenseless inhabitants, infants snatched and torn from the tender and fond bosom of a kind mother whose angelic soul is frantic and beats in the sweetest agony at the fate of her darling child. See the merciless tomahawk of still more unfeeling savage cruelty inflich the mortal fatal blows on the naked head; see the crimson current, how pure and warm trickles down the lifeless child and the fond mother still clinging and fondly embracing her expiring child, falls by the same instrument, yet warm and glittering in gore, lifeless at the feet of the murderer. Who of us would have hesitated or would not hesitate even for one moment to pledge our lives, our fortunes, and sacred honor to hurl indignantly from our shores and enemy perpetuating such monstrous cruely? Every one would rise with undaunted courage and never lay down the weapons of defense until your country was freed and innocence reposed on the basis of peace. You would rally round the standard of liberty as did those departed heroes whose glorious deeds and unprecedented valor erected on the ruins of Tyranny and oppression, freedom and independence. It is to commemorate the achievements of these departed sages that we have this day met, and join with thousands of our countrymen who now surround the festive board and show to the world that we are not unmindful of those patriots who applied their blood in defending the inalienable rights of men the fruits of which we ourselves are now reaping in peace. Though their spirits are now departed and have been wafted on Angelic wings to the pure regions of endless felicity and there to receive the just reward of him to whom they appealed for the justness of their cause. They are not forgotten. No! Far be it from every American bosom to forget the deeds of our Ancestors. No! When the cold marmorean monuments, that now stand erected as mementos of their valor, shall have been crumbled to dust and scattered to the four winds of Heaven, by the destroying hand of time, the glorious and immortal deeds of the departed heroes of seventy-six will be chaunted with acclamations of joy and burn fresh in the memory of millions yet unborn. Yes, my countrymen, while liberty has her votaries and freedom finds an advocate the achievements of the American Sages and the Declaration of Independence will never be forgotten. May time roll her wheels in vain to sink in the dark gulf of forgetfulness or oblivion the name of Washington; so long as the seasons return in regular succession and the earth continued her diurnal revolution or the glorious luminary of day remains suspended in the vault of Heaven, may the name, principle, and virtue of Washington live to inspire the bosom of the patriot.

Having now viewed the progress of the revolution in the most disastrous and discouraging period, and seen the firm unconquerable integrity of our forefathers, we now behold the clouds that for a long time hung over and darkened our political horizon, beginning to give way and the oriental beams of a more pure and brighter light illuminate the western world and a prospect of peace begins to cheer the mind, the deliverers of their country are hailed with gratitude, and in congratulation even at the prospect, pure and rapturous streams burst from every heart. The bold Eagle of American Independence has curbed the roaring Lion of England and bears triumphant the laurels of history. In contemplating the sages of our country at this period, I know not to which belong the greatest tribute of praise, their heroic valor in arms or the magnitude and wisdom of their councils. Both stand conspicuous and unprecedented on the page of history. Though we were now acknowledged free and independent, and the enemy had abandoned our country, there were yet difficulties to encounter in forming a political union that should confer an equal burden on all, and stand as a fixed basis on which the infant Republic could rest in security. To perform this required the most pure patriotism and consummate wisdom, to establish the principle of the sacred compact on which depended the permanency of the victory we had just gained and none were more likely to give general satisfaction and none better calculated to do it than those who pledged their lives, their fortunes, and sacred honor to secure the privileges they now enjoyed. Here, Washington, ever great and magnanimous, laid at the feet of the proper tribunal, the Laurel wreaths that clothed him, authority and despotic chains severed by his own valiant sword. The regulation here adopted laid the foundation of our present prosperity.

A half century has now passed into the ocean of eternity since the light of liberty has illuminated these United States, and the union formed at this time directed us to our present elevated standing. No nation can boast of more rapid progress in every art and science calculated to adorn the mind or ameliorate the condition of society. Industry, the characteristic of our countrymen, has leveled the rude forests and its stead large and extensive fields spread their civilized grandeur. Places once the resort of Savage barbarity are now teeming with civilized inhabitants, and looking on every side, we see flowing the pure perennial spring of domestic pleasure. Our internal improvements astonish the European world. Our manufactories improving and increasing every day, equaling in many respects those of the Mother Country. Large and commer9cial cities line the western shore of the Atlantic, opening their ports to every Nation. American canvas whitens every sea bringing wealth and the productions of every clime for our enjoyment. The energy of the sons of freedom is not paralyzed or their courage daunted by any danger. But the brightest and most valuable gem that ornaments our country is the extensive dissemination of education among every class of the community, both rich and poor, in many portions of our country receive the benefit, education. And where I asked, in what the permanency and strength of the United States? I would not refer the inquirer to the large and populous cities to be found in every part of the Union, to the extent of our canals, to the magnitude of our manufactories, to fortified ports that defend our extensive sea coast, or to the number of vessels that sail the wide ocean. In the first place, I would conduct him to our common school, where our children receive the first rudiments of education, when the elements of liberty are early instilled into the young and pliant mind, when infusion are made the most desirable and the intellectual faculties expand as bodily vigor increases. From these direct him to our Academies, raised in a great number of our where a more extensive view of our policy is obtained and the minds of our youth become enamored with and initiated into the spirit of liberty and independence, all growing and increasing in beauty and loveliness, in exact proportion, to his advancement to manhood. From these we would examine our higher literary institutions, where could be seen our sons diligently following the paths of every department of science. Republicanism and liberal principles are here disseminated and take an unshaken place in the effection, and can never be eradicated. Here the mind is free and not chained down by the cords of superstition or awed by the power of the despot. It is as free as the air we breathe, at perfect liberty to investigate every subject and to express freely at any time and place the honest conviction of the mind arising from such investigation. Nor would I stop here, he should accompany me to the legislative halls of our country and the bar where eternal justice is weighted and equally distributed for all. He would find here no privileged order seeking favors at the expense of the poor. At the judicial tribunals of our country he would hear the thunders of Columbian eloquence in pleading the cause of justice and innocence; he would here find men full of the eloquence of liberty that would stand a comparison with either Grecian or Roman greatness; he would here see the energy of Demosthenes hearing all abstractions, and the sweet loveliness of virtue and black deformity of vice, each depicted in appropriate colors, and held in the clear sunshine of reason, or behold the Ciceroes of American elocution, like the mild zephyrs of spring bearing truth smoothly down the placid stream of true philosophy and sophistry stand mute at the bar of justice. These are the secrets of our greatness and union. These are the cords that bind us together. We all participate in the affairs of state because we are free and govern ourselves.

Early taught the value of liberty, and that its duration depends on ourselves and that if one is unjustly enslaved we all feel the degradation, and stake our lives for his liberty, thus we all feel as one family and as Brother. In youth we imbibe the sentiments of humanity and despise oppression, we hold all mankind as enemies in war, in peace friends, it is the dissemination of such ideas and the extent of education, through the great mass of our population that forms the rock of American liberty; here all are acquainted with the policy of our government, every man should understand the principles of legislation; equality thus united and informed we stand firm and unmoved as the rock of the ocean, against which the waves beat in vain, and if we are true to ourselves and just to posterity we may sit and see the political waves of empires and kingdoms beat with all their fury and topple to the ground, while we remain unmoved and undisturbed.

Light and knowledge have always been the dread of despotic tyranny – and the life of liberty – our constant endeavor should be to free the mind from moral darkness which will add as bright a luster to American Independence as did the extraordinary achievements of our patriots in freeing us from British oppression. The bondage of mind is the most degrading and humiliating kind of Slavery, and where this is the case that country is not sufficiently emancipated. Religious intolerance and despotic government are entirely incompatible with liberty of mind, the former are sure to curb the free exercise of intellect and this important fact did not escape the vigilant eye of those who declared, that all men by nature were equal, possessing a perfect right, in matters of opinion, to follow that course in worship which to them appeared just and acceptable. And under our free institutions, no subject is deemed by law to osacred for investigation. And we see by this wise provision, that despotism is mortally wounded by the arrows of civil and religious liberty, fleeing in agony back to the place from whence she came. It is education under the enjoyment of this freedom that has raised our country to her present standing, and this will form the capstone of our political edifice, whose sure foundation and unyielding structure will forever reflect the sunlight of truth and freedom. If then education forms the foundation, the very basis on which our political superstructure must stand, if our union, strength, respectability, patriotism, and liberty stand on it, it is a subject of the first and greatest importance, and should be nourished, supported, and strongly cherished by every individual in the community. No extent of wealth can, with propriety, be compared to it. No laurel gained by victory so unfaining. No monument so imperishable, and free republican government can long stand without it. It is the light of liberty and landmark of independence. If then we are actuated by proper motives in all our national improvements and endeavor to enlighten all, the great mass of our population, we can with propriety and forever exclaim, as an eminent barrister of Europe did, “Oh! Happy proud America! The riches of earth could not seduce your patriotisms and the lightnings from heaven were your playthings” - or vary the declamation of the Roman Orator, Oh liberty, sound delightful to every American ear, now sacred and so shall forever remain.

The spirit of liberty and independence did not repose in lethargic slumber after we took our stand among the nations of the earth, but with electric rapidity she spread far and wide her lovely form, the shining light she carried in one hand and the almost resistless power she wielded in the other threatened for a while the destruction of despotism. The power she wielded in the other threatened for a while the destruction of despotism. The monarchs beheld her lovely form and were mortified at their own deformity and trembled with fear. And the diamonds of kinds were reputed playthings, such was the power of her influence after it was known what she had done for us. She now revisits her ancient dwelling place, from which she had long wandered, to find a spot whereon to repose. Here she found that despotism had devastated all the lovely features of that country over which once she presided as guardian, that country once the depository of arts and science, and sunk down to the shades of ignorance. A place once the nursery of eloquence, and at one period so elevated that a whole nation would grasp the arm of defense at the declamation of the soul-touching orator. Liberty's sacred flame began to warm the minds of the oppressed inhabitants and the spirits of those heroes, who died on the plains of Marathon and those that bled at the Straits of Thermopylea, rose and animated the minds of the Grecians calling on all, that were descendants from such illustrious ancestors, no longer to submit, to be made slaves, and wear the chains of bondage but declare that no country is worth possessing unless won by virtue. Shake off the yoke of Turkish bondage, and usurpation and declare for freedom. Again from here she to the western hemisphere and awakens the patriot in South America. The light of liberty now flashes over the Southern world. The inhabitants can no longer endure the severity of Spanish bondage; the intelligence of liberty has penetrated the hiding place of ignorance, the charm of freedom awakens the mind, justice holds the scale equipoised, her patriots light the torch and oppression is sacrificed at the alter of liberty, and with reluctance yields up her power at the bar of public opinion. The heroes of our country, the patriots of seventy-six, set the example, that other nations might follow the same just path. And we, their descendants, have proved that freedom and justice go hand in hand. Our country is now respected by every civilized nation, all people here find protection and an asylum from oppression.

My fellow countrymen and young companions, it now devolves on us to support the dignity and character of our country, those who have borne it down to us and still with tottering limbs give it support at the present moment, must ere long be laid in the silent tomb, they deliver it into our hands pure and unsullied, its laurels are not faded, they glow with the freshness of vernal beaut. Let us then receive them with a firm determination to follow the same road which our ancestors have marked out. Let us be guided in filling every department by real genuine Republican Merit, and forever hold sacred freedom and justice. Let us march on with the same steady progress in every beneficial improvement so that when we have to resign the station we now occupy, to the generation which will follow, we can do it with pleasure and as pure and free as we received it. And if our horizon becomes darkened with the prospects of war, and we are called upon to defend its rights, let us go forth in the bonds of union and rally round the standard of liberty, determine to live free or die; pledge our lives, our fortunes, and sacred honors, to defend our country and home. And then shall the Declaration of Independence, the achievements of our departed heroes, stand unshaken by the revolutions of time, and forever remain inscribed in the archives of American liberty. If we thus proceed, our country will outshine all that have ever preceded it. Justice and freedom shal stand on the imperishable basis of independence, until the elements shall melt with fervent heat, and nature full as the baseless vision of day, and the whole would dissolve in undistinguished ruin.

Geo. F. Wilson

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Morning again has arrived, and a degree of complacent satisfaction beams on the mind as had as much employment yesterday as I could attend to. it took me until late in the night to get through. As soon as I returned from the morning's engagement there was waiting another individual for my services. Indeed I rejoiced at the occurrence and went immediately. This seems like getting into business, and a source of the greatest satisfaction to me. It is absolutely impossible for any individual to imagine the sensation of such fortunate occurrences to a man in my destitute situation unless he has experienced the same situation and occurrence. This small circumstance causes hope to revive and creates a belief that I shall succeed in getting into practice. Sufficiently to make an honest and decent living. I hope I am not too sanguine in my expectations, as these are all confined to my own bosom and not communicated or observed by those with whom I live. I do not admire a boasting disposition. If you are successful, people will find it out without your publishing to everyone you chance to meet. No, do not seem to see it yourself, but leave others indulge their own thoughts and make their own observations; but if by any means you can elicit unobserved thoughts and make their own observations; but if by an y mean s you can elicit unobserved the ideas of others in relation to your performances, it is well enough to do it so that you may be prepared to alter or continue the same road. Bu in this you must be your own judge; that is, if you should be satisfied that a change required the abandonment of a good and well-established principle, of course, you are bound to continue, but if it be a mere matter of etiquette and on sacrifice it will be better at once to leave it and comply with the common mode of the community in which you live. Much may be gained by these little affairs, and they are not to be overlooked and disregarded or treated with scorn. You must let everyone have an opinion and endeavor to respect it, and if it be a wrong one, convince him so mildly that he hardly knows how it was done.

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The morning is clear, warm, and pleasant and I feel as though a little exercise would do me good. While indulging in these reflections and, of course, wishing someone would call on me so that I could combine pleasure and profit, a man called at the door and inquired for the Doctor. I was at his service in an instant, and we were soon on the road for his house, a distance of ten miles from this place. Nothing could have been more agreeable to me than this call.

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It is singular how many ways people will contrive to find out whether an individual be capable of performing anything in more than one sphere or to find whether a man is what they have a right to expect from what he professes to be, if they are incapable of judging fo rwant of proper information. This morning two of the inhabitants called on me and wished me to deliver an oration on the Fourth of July saying the people were anxious I should, indicating it would be advantageous to me as many people would attend; I should become better acquainted with the inhabitants of the surrounding country. I understood the intention well; it was merely done to see whether I could make out anything to say and say it. They concluded that if I was capable I would give no objections, and if I did not agree to do as they requested, it would be an evidence that I was incapable. But it did not take me long to decide, though well aware of my inability to do proper justice to so good and feeling a subject as the Declaration of Independence. I, however, said if it were the desire of the majority of the inhabitants, I had no objects to comply with the request and would at any rate attempt to address the people on that day, and that they could make all the necessary arrangements for that purpose. ut I must say I felt a little embarrassed even at the idea of attempting such a thing in a strange country and among strangers, and considered the request a very singular one because it indicated that they were doubtful of my ability. It is no pleasant task to undertake to do that which we are not used to perform, as in the case before me. I was not used to speak in public, to an audience, and now to do it under all the circumstances of a perfect stranger, was far from a pleasant idea. If I was acquainted with the character of the country I should not feel quite so delicate on the subject.

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The day has passed away and the curtain of night is now about to be drawn. I have been confined principally to my books and find more satisfaction by their perusal than any other way except applying those principles in practice which are there laid down. But unfortunately, while I have too much leisure for reading and but little for practice, they are not equally balanced. But we must employ ourselves at that which we can, still keeping in view our great object. I have a few patients in town, which gives me a small circuit and affords a source of thought. Do not undervalue small favors. They may lay the foundation of greature and be the commencement of noble deeds. We are shortsighted to see what is yet to come.

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The morning is clear, serene, and pleasant and numbers the last day of June. It will be seen by the preceding pages that I have been in a most unpleasant state of mind, that my thoughts have been various, and perplexed ideas have constantly wrought on my feelings. I have also gained a little in business and ever the small quantity of that increase makes me feel grateful, and truly thankful to the Great Disposer of all events, and to whose benevolence I am indebted for every enjoyment and on whose power my life is sustained.

I was requested to visit a man today in the last stage of that fell disease, consumption. He was once a resident of this town and a wicked man; had been a colonel of the troops stationed in Norfolk in the last war with England. Several from this place went out with me merely for curiosity to hear what I would say and see how I should act, but this gave me no uneasiness or apprehension. We soon arrived at the destined place. I soon saw that my art and skill could not arrest the slow march of his complaint. I frankly related to him my views of the disease and told him all that I could do would merely to palliate his suffering. He bore this intelligence with fortitude and wished me to prescribe and give him some relief if it was possible. I stayed some time with him and returned to town alone, as my company could not wait. I was satisfied. I had discharged my duty. Consequently, I returned in peace.

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Once more the designated day appears, and all prepare to participate in the ease it permits. Here in this place I have observed that everyone, without exception, dress themselves in the best order circumstances permit and may exceed by far the indication of their property. And after thus decorated they meet in companies and enjoy themselves in jovial amusement until the church bell tells the time of preaching, to which they now all repair, both old and young, and seem to place great reliance on the saving effect of attending regular at church. It appears to me they place more reliance on this than on any other qualification, because as soon as meeting is over there appears no more godliness but trading, cheating if they have an opportunity; cursing and swearing does not appear to be considered of any immoral consequence. Such things appear to me not to be a part of the conduct of a Christian. I really view such proceedings and permissions as the reverse of those principles inculcated by the Christian Religion. And I have observed also that there is no taste for reading of any kind among the people of this place on this day. The light amusement of nonsense in their companies employs all the leisure they have from labor. There is more substantial pleasure in reading than any other amusement young people can receive.

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I have nothing to offer of importance today. I have occupied in perusing my medical books and in them I find much satisfaction and delight. It occupies the mind on subjects of consequence in future life and is much more useful than harrowing up discontent from scenes that are past and brooding over misfortunes that may yet occur or may not occur. This is tormenting ourselves foolishly and is not the mark of wisdom. We should use our exertions to avoid unfavorable occurrences, but to be so anxious for fear they may occur as to make ourselves miserable is not proper. It is making every moment of existence destitute of enjoyment and this unpleasant state of mind at last affects the temper and we become morose and disagreeable to all around us. I would consequently advise you to cultivate a cheerful and agreeable disposition and not sour your temper by mourning over your situation and repining because it be not agreeable to your wish, but by your energies, endeavor to make it consonant to your views.

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The days come and go in rapid succession and leave and find me much in the same situation. A good deal resembling sunshine and rain. Rode out this morning to earn a few cents and taste the sweets of summer, and to see the busy farmer gathering the rewards of his industry. How agreeable the odor from hay as I rode by the meadow. It is delightful task to gather it.

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Twilight streaks the east and as I gaze, its beauty increases. It speaks, in silent accent, Rise from the pillow and prepare to meet the morning in her golden robe. He who is inclined to sleep away the morning loses the most agreeable portion of his life in senseless nothing. Always be aware of the morning of the natural day and of the morning of life and in each commence some good and advantageous work, and slack in the midday heat.

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The golden moments of life are wheeled away swiftly and we frequently see, when gone, they were not usefully employed and in vain wish for a return. And even the time consumed in these wishes is again equally useless. So that when we commit one error it often produces another. It is the same with telling falsehoods, tattling, etc. It requires several to make, or endeavor to make, one good or appear plausible. For good they can never be made. Then you will please remember the best and most correct way is never to spend time so that you wish its return because it was not employed to better objects. And in speaking, the truth in its purity unencumbered by the ambiguity. And the tongue was never formed for so diabolical a purpose as tattling; therefore, never be found guilty of so base a charge. I have used the day in reading and been often molested by the senseless chat of S. Stolts. I should be pleased if he could see himself as I see him, I should have no further trouble with him. But such annoyances we must without an audible murmur endure. They are frequent and not far between through life. They too have their advantages as well as disadvantages. They instruct us at least to endeavor to make ourselves agreeable, which in society of respectability is of no small consequence.

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Nothing seems to produce as pleasant a feeling as to be called professionally. I am found of action and employment even if some who employ me are not able to make any remuneration. you must not always imagine that what you do for naught has no advantage, for in my business, a case may occur for which you can never expect a compensation by those who receive from you; yet you get their good will and wishes and everyone has some little influence. And a successful case in deplorable diseases are beneficial to your reputation and a good reputation in your profession, be that what it may, is of vast importance. Raise your reputation on merit alone and success in business will follow. Diligent attention is of the first importance and one of the paths to success. My duty called me this morning to visit the daughter of a woman who has several children and no husband, and from information, has waded deep in vice. Even to be with the Slave of some opulent or a free Black. This is in a high degree revolting, but at present she lives quite respectable and is very industrious, endeavoring to learn her children to follow a more respectable life. But the foul stain can never be forgotten. It's indelibly sealed and cannot be erased. One false step may forever blast a bright prospect and sully a fair name. It should be our study to avoid this.

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Morning in all her lovely appearance again salutes the eye and calls for action, and an abandonment of the recumbent position. Evey young individual should be up and out to inhale the salubrity of the morning. A man in business may just as well cast into the fire a piece of money as to indulge in bed when he is sufficiently restored by rest as to spend the same length of time in bed that it required to earn it. Indeed, no man should waste his moments in lethargy. It is not right, for there is always enough to engage the attention advantageously. All nature's works are spread round you in great profusion and afford subjects for contemplation. I have spent the day in reading and a few moments in lethargy with Miss H.S. Hauser, daughter of Mrs. Conrad by her first husband. I fear the assailable point has been wounded and increasing, but desist, give not the most distant allusion. Abandon the thought. It is difficult but not impossible.

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Nothing can be more agreeable to a man in low circumstances than to see and be sensible, he is by slow degrees improving. And indeed nothing should delight him more, and this should be his study and aim. With what pleasure does the honest man discharge his just debts, and what a salutary stimulus is it to him to find he can, by honest means, obtain the necessary funds. It elevates him; he applies himself more diligently to his occupation. I was called this morning to visit a lady about seven miles from this place, afflicted with mental derangement. She was confined to the bed. I took my seat beside her and began to make the necessary inquiries of her daughters respecting the matter During this time the patient fixed her eyes steadily on me and never moved them, and said in low tone of voice, He is handsome, he is handsome. This she repeated many times and then said words not to be related and insisted on their fulfillment. I was never placed in so awkward a situation.

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Have become acquainted with several individuals today and extend my business a little further. Hope still glimmers in the distant prospect and cheers the drooping mind. And I think it probable I may make sufficient to defray my expenses and even this has its advantage, and will keep me here and prevent extravagance; but in this I have never indulged. i visited Samuel R. Shore in Surry County. He is indeed dangerous of a Southern fever. This is the first time I ever saw this individual and in consequence of disease his counterance is not natural, but there is something of a benevolent mind portrayed. I forded the Yadkin River in the night and returned home well satisfied with my day's labor, as it rather exceeded my expenses. The night was dark and gave a fine opportunity for contemplation.. I participated in the offered pleasure, Scenes of Home, and the goodness and greatness of the Creator were the scenes on which I dwell. Everything around, even the darkness, declares there is and must be a God, or a great first cause of all things.

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The morning is more than delightful as there is agreeable warm, cloudy moisture in the atmosphere and the before dry and dusty roads have gently sprinkled during the night by rain. i stationed in my room during the day and often was disturbed by the man in whose house I have a room, Mr. Simson Stults. And his wife never passes before the window in the passage without peeping in a significant look which she understands and has practiced before today. it may be, however, that I do not understand these Dutch inuendoes, and for fear i have not ventured a Yankee reply in the same unverbal language. Here, in such instances, I would advise you never to imitate or be induced to participate in or return anything of the same nature, in the same or any other way, but treat all such with indignant contempt and mingle not in the society or company of such individuals who have no regard for virtue. They are dangerous companions and will lead you into difficulties and you will become a slave to their pleasure, because when once you have yielded you become less capable of withstanding a second inducement; and a fear of offense, and a consequent exposure will force you to give up your liberty and be subservient to the caprice of those whom you must hate. Individuals who do not respect themselves cannot be expected to have any regard for you, no longer than you are ready at their call. Stults himself I set down to be an ignorant, gainsaying, quarrelsome, boasting, meddling, unbeloved individual. He is a deceived man, but does not know it. The pigs are in his garden when he is sound asleep and dreams not of such an occurrence. i say, poor blind man, with your organs of sight in perfection, if you cannot observe what is passing before you. Such is my idea, from a few observations.

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Again the smiles of morning appear dressed in robes of the most elegant workmanship. Everything here seems fast approaching maturity and indicates an abundant reward to the husbandman. The inhabitants of this place live well as to the culinary department of life and appreciate any god or palatable food more than any people among whom I have ever lived, and use more coffee than is congenial to health. It is a source of much silent amusement to me to hear them speak the German language.

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One more night has just expired and a new morning appears. I have not seen anything transpire during the day that has any particular influence on my feelings. Spent the day in reading and reflection on the best course to be adopted in order to extend my acquaintances.

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The morning is very agreeable and not oppressively warm. Occupied in reading and visiting a few home patients. Had considerable conversation with Mrs. Conrad, who has been an invalid for many years. She is full of talk and has been accustomed to complain and understands her own feelings completely. She is a fine woman, or at least this is now my judgment, but is from every symptom a very jealous one; not that I mean jealous of her husband, but of everything that relates to her family, and full of that kind of fear that others may be used or treated better than her or hers. She is remarkably fond of attention and elated with praise, and feels best when you sympathize with her in her suffering. She is at the same time passionate and easily sheds tears at her own suffering and opposition to her views. Such is the disposition of this lady. Yet she is quite amiable and agreeable, and I am fond of her company either for her sake or my own. I cannot yet fairly decide, as here is the center of attraction to me, and I find it increasing since yesterday. Now the proper course to follow under this state of things is not to frequent the place or person, and not permit desire to get master over the will. Mind not so much disturbed about former friends as before; consequently, more contented. This arises from two sources: more business and a probability of mroe friends.

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Have a little increase in business, after which I have long been looking. It is now quite gratifying, and in my pecuniary circumstances is absolutely needed. This one thing, though small in itself, affords considerable alleviation to the mind as it indicates at least a probability that I am gaining ground. I have today been called to one patient in this place where the reserved young lady lives spoken of a few days ago. And I am not sure my feelings have entirely escaped. It surely produced a singular sensation, which I do not like to indulge. It would be an almost unaccountable occurrence were I to abandon a previous determination on this subject and become captivated, and experience its consequences.

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Sunday, though a peaceful day for those who look to you for an opportunity of entering the sanctuary of God with a mind free from the cares of business, all seem to participate in this peaceful inaction. The fervid Christian holds closer communion with his God and examines his own mind to see if all be right. The man of worldly inclination sits composed and calculates his increase of wealth the past week and matures his plans for future operation; and the hard laborer rest his weary limbs and thinks of the coming week. So to all you give a share of your goodness. All participate of the blessings you confer and I employ today in thinking of home and friends, and exclaim, Oh, could I but hail your peaceful presence with the same feelings of rapture I could have done a few days ago. How pleasantly would the moments glide away; smooth and placid would the diurnal revolutions appear to me. My path would be more agreeable than the fragrant odors wafted on the gales of lovely Spring now gleaming with all their blossoms. I have visited the sick and afflicted today and endeavored to relieve distress, and am happy to say my little patient, visited on the first instant, is convalescent and can walk about. Business is the best antidote for a discontented mind and I would recommend it in the strongest manner; occupation, whenever the mind is not at ease. It is good for strength of body and mind and tends to keep both within a more agreeable circumference. On my return, I again fell into reflection on the subject mentioned yesterday, caused by the reception of a letter from a friend. My road was pleasantly shaded with woodlands, filled with the natural inhabitants all chanting in harmonious and discordant melody to Him who sees a Sparrow fall. Your situation would seem to be free from trouble, yet here are moments when you are overwhelmed with fear. Perfectly innocent, yet you have enemies and such too that will destroy your existence at every opportunity. So the most complete freedom from armies does not free from enemies. So it is with intelligent man. He is the friend and enemy of his own species and the friend and enemy of all living creatures. That I have enemies does not disturb in the least, but to think I do not possess a friend throws the mind into a vortex of despair. Are the ties of friendship so soon to be forgotten; has oblivion cast her gloomy veil over that mind in so few days and obliterated every thought and every endearing moment that we have spent with confidence? Is all to be forgotten, neglected, spurned, and despised? Is nothing to be made permanent and durable except by every day's renewal? No, it is impossible that so good and benevolent an individual can erase all from the entablature of memory. It must, it will remain. But I leave the further recital. Now below the western hills the sun disappears and the cool, refreshing shades of evening invite to walk, and here are many that enjoy the privilege. The distant grove can now listen to the voice of the constancy, can hear minds speak in unison, responding each to the other, roving with sweet raptures of anticipated felicity, the distant period seems almost present, the mind overflows in prospects of enjoyment. And in many instances, each one has his choice, for whom none could exchange, none so good, so kind, so lovely or beautiful, no other would cause the moments to glide away so pleasantly; each bosom throbs with pleasure, present and in expectation, with hands converse and with eyes relate the ecstasy of bliss. Here is nothing that disturbs. Every tree, every hill and dale is naught, but the most fragrant flowers spread in great profusion, no thorns are here to wound. It would be almost profanation to attempt to disturb the felicity. But may it not be said these are dangerous moments, the mind is too often in these hours of transport too easy deluded and led astray in unforbidden pleasures. Here are prepared the materials of lasting and severe remorse. It is in these perambulations that easy virtue dies by the smooth and artful hand of vice; it is often at this time and in such moments that respectability receives its final would; it is now that innocence falls a sacrifice to the weapons of false flattery. Here also are told in pretended sincerity the base and deceptive falsehoods. Vows of eternal constancy are here made and the groves called in witness; promises are made and vows broken. All more on in regular succession. Virtue unyielding may be found here. Happiness, before untasted, may be enjoyed and pain unfelt before be the consequence.

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Once more the dawn of day appears, but I rise not with pleasure, it is not to enjoy the refreshing of the morning or listen to sweet carols of the feathered race, it was not the anticipation of spending the day in the favored embrace of friends, but pain severe, mental and physical, that induced me to leave the pillow. But the attempt was ineffectual, and I had to immediately resume a recumbent posture. I almost sickened at the idea of again being confined. Despair seized my mind and I abandoned every object and viewed all with the most cold and negligent indifference. How frequently will the question be asked, What is the matter of this man which causes so much disquiet? The bigoted Religious will declare it is because he does not love God and neglects Divine assemblies. But the first part of this answer is false; I have as much and as pure a love for my Creator as the most zealous Christian and believe as strong in efficiency of God's grace and that Christ died and suffered for Sinners; but I do not feel under any divine compulsion to attend everyday or week or month a meeting or meetings, but believe I can be just as good in my room or riding in the road as if at church. The moralist will refer it to a deviation from the path of strict rectitude at some period, and the repetition on past conduct will account for all this unpleasant sensation. It is impossible, he exclaims, that a man can be easy unless in every instance he strictly has followed that course which on mature reflection he believes to be just, equitable, and right. And the third, a more consistent and sympathizing individual, will endeavor to palliate and say it is more probable he, in all his intercourse, has been actuated by the best motives, in every undertaking, and the plan adopted has been the only eligible one circumstances would permit, and if accomplished, in the end, would have resulted in the greatest benefit. But, like many other individuals, he may have been unfortunate and who has always succeeded? This is nearer the truth. It is not justice to condemn before you have some knowledge of the action, in order to arrive at the probable motive. And may I not ask, Where is the man that has not done wrong or has at some time deviated from a strict attention to his duty? That individual is not to be found. But let every man have his own ideas, and prove the suspicion unfounded by exemplary deportment.

Received a few hints in a letter from New York from a real and genuine friend or at least has for several years proved himself so, from the many favors bestowed on me; that some foul defamer had endeavored to prejudice him against me. Respected sir, when you become acquainted with the motives that propelled me here, you will then be satisfied and believe me to have remained the same individual in every particular you once did, even if your ideas have now changed and you imagine you could look on me with cold indifference and unworthy of your confidence. Admitting this to be the fact, or all that may be represented by others, it will not change a friendship founded on long and the most intimate, and from which has resulted some of the happiest moments of my life. Remember that, when all the voices that have endeavored to filch from me the name I sustained through all my life are mute and silent and those busy tongues that have been busied in inventing falsehood are palsied by the stroke of death, you will then believe the words I have spoken. You will yet be sensible that I have never violated those sound principles, permanently established which it was my endeavor to inculcate to others. We are now separated and time may never bring us within the distance of verbal conversation. Be that as it may, I have a regard for you that the base calumny of the vipers, tongue can never shake. My friendship is not of that ephemeral nature that can wither and perish in a day. It was not predicated on the base idea of gain, but of worth, real worth, and a love of those principles of justice which you ever held forth and were so congenial to my own ideas on the same subjects. It is these that I cherish as the apple of my eye; it is by them I have been and am yet governed and under their influence I hope to yield up the last convulsive struggle of nature and hope that those that may live after me will never see them violated, but give to every man his due.

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A few observations made in reply to the above, difficult to understand epistle; occupied the morning of this day.

Dear Sir,

I have just read your observations on the question I proposed yesterday, and as I do not fully comprehend your conclusion, if you came to any decision on the point, or you did not fully understand the question; and as I believe the subject is not fully exhausted, I deem it no mark of disrespect to make a feeble attempt at further elucidation that you may have my views and understand more clearly my object in requesting your ideas on the subject, and wherein I wished to have them more explicitly stated.

Desire may, as you have stated, be defined a wish to obtain an object not in possession, at the time passion is acting in full force. Now, when an object is placed before us, which we wish to enjoy, it makes no difference what the object be. Love, Wealth, Honor, or Distinction, or any of the low sordid view, in all cases we act on the same principle, whether the action be good or bad. But if we follow the dictates of will or desire in which or under the government of which , are we likely to be the best and safest conducted through life, both are not equally safe guides; consequently, one must be preferable. My ideas tell me that will should control us in everything and hold a tight tein over desire. We may desire to be wealthy, and if we follow that desire uncontested by any other passion, it will be every case prove its own destruction, because we should take every means in our power, however disgraceful, in order to accomplish our desired object, which would lead us into inextricable difficulties. Yield yourself up to desire and you will be case on a tempestuous ocean without compass or rudder. - Suppose I meet a man whom I know to have a vast amount of money by him. I desire to be affluent in circumstance and am satisfied that individual has the very thing after which I am seeking and on which all my happiness depends. Now if you permit desire to have its unbridled sway, you will take the life of that man or contrive some other way to satisfy your inclination, but adopt what plan you may it will be unjust and improper because if you seek his life you violate the laws of God and man and lay yourself liable to lose your own. Here you not only cause pain to your individual self but to many others. But if you take will as the conductor, all will be well, for though you may desire as much as before, your will will say to desires, " You must wait until I have honestly gained by laudable means thouse things after which you seek." You will say, I must follow the road of justice, my fellow man must live as much as I. I will not deviate from the path of rectitude.

You desire to see your friends, but circumstances deprive you of this pleasure. - Now suppose at this moment some of them arrive and this is made known to you. Desire solicits you to embrace them immediately. But as you was hastening to perform this delightful office of embracing, someone should tell you that an immediate recognition under present circumstances would be fatal to your friend - would you go or would you not? Most certainly you would postpone the happy moment until the safe and proper period should arrive. But if desire should govern, it would lead to destructive consequences, and deprive you of the very happiness it had induced you to seek. Will must govern or we continually run into difficulties and dangers. Nine-tenths of all the moral evils prevalent in society are attributable to giving desire the rule, all vice arises from this cause, Gambling, Stealing and Robing, when once accomplished, do not yield satisfaction; and the misery caused thereby is not confined to the actor. Let success attend any moral crime and you are never free from its consequences. The laws of my country have violated moral obligations, disregarded respectability, destroyed peace and happiness, fled forever not only from me but from others. All because desire has governed the will.

Desire is notwithstanding all-important, it is the stimulus, the promoter of all our actions, urging us on to the accomplishment of every object; not only urges us, but it supports us under every discouragement and is the cause of all our diligent perseverance in every undertaking, without it we should be miserably idle, indifferent, wretched creatures. All it wants is a superior to confine it within its proper bounds and give it a proper direction and that regulator is the will, combined with equitable reason. The subject is of importance to every individual, a just understanding of it concerns all, a proper distinction between will and desire, should be made and every child who can understand the parental voice should be taught from infancy to make a discrimination and act accordingly. It most certainly requires a discrimination to be made in these two passions by all who have the care of youths, because it is of the first importance that they be taught to control desire by a mandate issued by the proper and legitimate authority, the will. Having made these few observations on this important subject, I will wait to hear again what you may be pleased to offer in reply.

Respectfully yours,

Geo. F. Wilson

A.D. Gage

The day has passed away in much anxiety of mind, fear, and oppression. Called this morning to give relief to a small child in a state of the most severe agony from suppression of urine, and I am apprehensive of a fatal result being the consequence, as it is attended with long standing and habitual costive state of the bowels. I have no catheter, which places me in an unpleasant situation and calculated to act injuriously. These a man should have if he could get them, but I have not yet had time to earn enough to purchase them. I would recommend to you as soon as you get sufficient to spare from the necessaries of life, that it be applied to purchasing those materials wanted in the execution of whatever business you are engaged in, particularly such as are often used in its prosecution. I have indeed spent an uneasy day; thoughts of home with all its fascinations have rolled with sadness over the mind. When a man is far from the place of his nativity, moments will come when he will think of those intimacis formed in the days of amusement and to him they will seem to increase in splendor as he receded from them, and those amusements he may afterwards engage in will not seem half so fascinating or pure, nay they will be insipid and tasteless. There are many endearing associations connected with the days of childhood, and the beginning of youthful pleasure, and the place where these halcyon times have been spent and it requires a long time before we can be convinced that our present situation or amusements are half so delightful. Yet, though we are thus partial to the place of, and people in, our native country, every portion of the globe will produce others equlaly good. And time will endear them to us by long and familiar intercourse. It requires time to form new acquaintances or friends whom we can esteem or in whom we can trust as confidants. Indeed confidentials should be few and received with great circumspection because, while they are capable of affording much benefit in relieving the mind and imparting information of importance, they are at the same time capable of doing you incalculable injury, not only in a pecuniary point, but in mind and reputation as they possess your ideas, notions, and intentions on the various subjects you may have contemplated. It is much the best, as well as the most, safe course to follow to have one to whom you fully reveal your intentions. We soon, when in a strange situation, merely from first interview or first sight, have a partiality for certain individuals. But our first impression may be erroneous on longer acquaintance. But today I have, for the first time, had a few moments conversation with the Moravian Minister of this place and am so favorably impressed with his noble and elevated mind that I cannot avoid guessing at his character. He is a man of elevated views and lively disposition, well versed in human nature and the motives that lead to certain actions. He is not censorious nor a meddler in others business, scorns to stoop to low and sordid acts, an admirer of wealth for the purpose of enjoyment and improvement. He is not go great in hypocritical piety as many of his profession and I think views religion calculated to produce peace, amity, and lvoe here in this world, as well as to prepare us for the next. He is honest and industrious, a lover of good order, kind to the afflicted and suffering, ready to be obliged or to oblige, grateful for favors conferred. Indeed I admire the man and hope the future intimacy may confirm my anticipation. It is I.C. Jacobson. Night closed her sable curtain but does not shroud me in peace or hust the tumult in my breast. I ask again the question, Why am I more unhappy than others? Is the source of my uneasiness to be found recorded in the haunts of vice? Have I ever left the pleasant and admired road of virtue, that I should wander in darkness and despair? Here I will declare that none of these have ever contaminated my mind. I have always viewed them with disgust. And I am not conscious of ever willfully doing a human or living being injustice. Yet I will admit that I have many times erred and repented sorely for those errors. And in every instance they have arose from attending too much to the demands of desire instead of the will which has induced many times to make and act on calculations that my means did not warrant and could not sustain. Some of these calculations or undertakings were caused by violent opposition and a determination of some that my object should not be accomplished, and my disposition would suffer no laudable undertaking to fall because an individual, more able in resources intended it so, and indeed I must say I never was foiled in these attempts. But the unpleasant reflections arise from a knowledge they were in many instances abandoned as soon as I had leveled the opposing cause. And I myself was the sufferer in a pecuniary point, as well as in mind, and what now produces the most incessant remorse is that those who gave me assistance are not rewarded according to their deserts or expectations. Here again I must say, avoid a source of so much disquietude, never for any consideration raise expectations that can never be realized, not only in your own mind, but in the minds of others. It is imprudent, it is unwise, it is unjust. I now see and feel that I have acted in these instances from improper motives and consequently advice you to avoid all sources of disturbance to your minds when the warm temperament of youth shall have cooled down to solemn reflection, so that a retrospection on your past life will in every instance be pleasant.

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It is a beautiful and pleasant morning and nature wears a serene smile. The fervid heat of midday is very oppressive, when exposed to a meridian sun, but in the shade is quite supportable. My little patient is slowly and steadily improving, which is all that gives me any satisfaction. I have a little better prospect in vision, predicated on a few more calls professionally. No man could be better pleased than I am because no man could be more needy. I have spent the day in reading Medical Books, this too is pleasant and draws the mind more to a center and prevents those wild excursions of fancy on subjects of less importance and more perplexing and indeed I may say less gratifying. I proposed a question to A.D. Gage this morning. In answer to which he wrote the following. The question was in relation to which should govern the action of man, "will or desire."

12 June, 1828

Bethania, Stokes Co., North Carolina

Mr Dear Sir,

Desire is a principle existing in the Human mind, when exerted is eager, desirous of wishes to obtain an object which it was not in possession of at the time when the mind was brought under its influence, or when the eye observed an object which pleases the organ of seeing, although disgusting to the sense of touch, smell, or taste, or any other sense it is capable of acting on. Desire acts according to the constitution, age, or cultivation of the mind. Therefore, when the mind is properly taught to view things as they are, in reality, it is not so prone to wish for an object as it may strike the fancy at first sight, but view it with all the success which nature has endowed it. When we become in possession of that desired object it is no longer a wish or desire, but participation. Desire may arise from numberless different sources, either from necessary want or other causes. When the mind is placed on some supremely desired object and when the will is not allowed to actwith the desire, then we see the full effects of the desire of obtaining that object of the wish or desire. When the desired object becomes an object of love, as it is very often the case, its influence often proves to the disadvantage of the possessor or otherwise an advantage as the circumstances or condition of the case may be. Then when allowed to obtain every object which it fancies, often allows the will to accompany it in all its wishes, often shows an uncultivated mind or not tutored in infancy; or it must be owing to the natural disposition of him who possesses this inordinate desire or wish. Desire is not the effect of obtaining any particular object or thing sought for, but the reverse of all this; desire is that principle of the human understanding which acts indirectly, whereas will acts directly or is limited to a certain degree of power which we may possess with regard to exerting our natural faculties. The will is choice or a command for some particular performance or act to be committed; at the command or will of him who orders or chooses to have this particular performance or act accomplished at his will or pleasure.

It is my ardent desire to see some of my friends, but it is not my will to go and see them, because there is an insurmountable obstacle with regard to my desire; therefore my will is perfectly at rest, with regard of seeing them. But if the will and wishes or desire run in the same channel should see those friends at my will. But, you will say that the will and desire do run in the same channel; why not obtain that object which you so much desire; for that can be obtained, if it is your will to accomplish it, because it lays in your power to accomplish it; which power and will are the same or coincident with each other, etc....etc....etc....

Your most ob^t.,

A.D. Gage

Geo. F. Wilson

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Last night I was hushed to Sleep by the continuous elements and my eyes closed while vivid flashes of lightning and loud peals of thunder were seen and heard in regular succession. And the morning sun has found my mind much in the same condition this morning as I left the storm last night. Wilds of imagination fill fancy's airy region. Prospects wear much the same forlorn aspect. Fear Strikes the mind; Want sits perching over my head preparing her appetite to devour with ease and more voracity; despondency crawls over every reflection; the mind hies away to different parts of the world and sees all that can animate far beyond the reach of its grasp and now recoils with redoubled force on its own misery. Spent the day in reading and investigating except the time occupied in writing the following letter. Though it may seem idle, yet every word is full of meaning. Mr. Ishiel V. Stone was my best and most intimate friend for several years while I studied in Penn Yan, New York. He was an intelligent school teacher of the place and now at Romulus, Seneca County, New York. The letter is here given verbatim.

Eternal Friend,

Long may you consider me sufficiently to allow me the privilege of appropriating that to you. - But what I hinted at in the last communication, continues to roll in sadness over the mind. This you will immediately say need not be the case, if justice has conducted you in every Step. Do not condemn too hard before you become acquainted with the motives that produced the effect. You know that circumstances materially change some particular cases. We parted in a Shower of rain if I am not much mistaken and at that moment, a more tremendous storm was moving with this mind, so violent indeed the mere drops of water distilled from the clouds were but little noticed. - Though from my appearance that evening during the time w were together you nor any present thought that I had the least disquietude and peaceable would this mind now be, had I, when I left that place, left also the source of all its perplexities there; not to molest any one, but had put them in some iron box and in the unfathomed depths of Seneca where daylight nor midnight darkness should ever uncover such a mass of heterogeneous of folly, death, and destruction as they are. - Friend, I think you may think that such writing does not sound well coming from me; indeed this is my own opinion; and I shall attach no blame if you have the same idea. It is what I do not admire, yet it seemed that like coin is necessary in the exchange, and if others insinuate to you without the least foundation, I must do the same when I alone am in full possession of the facts. To you it may appear destitute of meaning, yet this is not the case, every word if it be not well written is full of signification. Think not, dear sir, think not, I repeat it, that I am mad, crazy, delirious, out of any of my proper senses, bewildered or bewitched - but as to a real sound mind, I make no pretension. It is more deficient at present than it was when we held our verbal conversation over the midnight lamp, or in innocent, peaceful, and cheerful perambulations. - Oh! Sacred moments of friendship, now fled forever. No more to be enjoyed by me. You, I hope, will ever have a friend, near and dear, to walk and talk, when fancy may lead you to participate in such amusement, one whose mind, though the shades of nocturnal darkness may surround you, will illuminate the path and shed around the mind the radiant beams of philosophical science. - One whose mind the gloomy ignorance of superstition does not infest, and the torment of fancy's Hell do not flahs, and whose mind is not tormented by the black Demons of deluded imagination. - But I must not go too far. You may have imbibed such sentiments we used rather to dislike! No. God forbid that your mind receive the shackles of such ideas. It is impossible. But I will such pleasant representations and sound nonsense and tell you who I am and where. I have heard of animal magnetism but never until now believed it. I have lived in New York so long that I have become magnetic, for my face looks to the North. With esteem, your friend,

Geo. F. Wilson

Ishiel V. Stone

Evening comes and the young people here seem to be fond of not staying at home during its continuance. i mingled in their company merely to observe the general bend of amusement, or at least I make this the excuse. All except one seemed full of animation, life, and gaiety of the lightest kind. One young and well-formed lady, about fourteen years old, appeared not so much to participate in the hilarity of the evening. She is sober and Silent, as if some desired object did not return the same pure warm feelings that she felt in her youthful bosom. I viewed her with sympathetic feelings, but dare not divert her from her thoughts. It is with the best of motives she repeats and not with mere pretense: It is the genuine feelings of the mind. Young lady, beware of that tongue with which you utter or may declare your preference to one older than yourself who thinks not of returning your esteem, in such purity but at the expense of your peace, happiness, or respectability. Make not the love you have for him known any further than he may show the same to you. Guard well your present feelings, for on the use you make of them may depend your fate, and inconsiderate moment may extract the brightest diadem a female wears, respectability. Yield not to those requests that are not predicated on good motives and are calculated to yield disgrace and leave you alone to weep. Let your youthful mind be at peace for when he whom you love respects sufficiently, he will declare it. Therefore trouble not yourself. Beauty, though decked in all the costly ornaments that wealth can purchase, looks disgusting when it is known that the dark shades of night conceal the most diabolical acts that can be perpetrated by a female. With what thoughts do we look on a female, who will for a small compensation receive any to their embrace? One who, when those guardians of youth, Father and Mother, are silent in slumber will steal from the bed of repose where all should be innocence to meet or wait in the hazel copes, barn, or place appointed of secret retreat any and everyone who may wish to crawl over the ruins of virtue. Sleep, now give me rest.

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Morning once more awakens the busy tribes of earth. The lark ascends on high to meet th eorient beams of day. The bleating flocks and lowing herds now throng the plain to satisfy the calls of nature, that ease and repose may be enjoyed when the more fervid heat of the sun's meridian splendor shall arrive. But can these animals participate in pleasure? Are they capable of enjoyment? There are but few, if any, who would not answer this question in the affirmative and to this I would not object. But there are those who act without reflection, and know not what they do believe or what the doctrine to which they adhere teaches, and these will say they do enjoy pleasure. Now, if I am not mistaken in my ideas on the subject, to enjoy supposes an idea or knowledge of the thing enjoyed or the passing event. Now if this be admitted, it necessarily follows there must be reflection, and reflection declares a mind, and mind proves there must be thought; and this proves the same principle exists in animals that does in man and the only difference is in the degree. But this answer it will not do to say or you will be stigmatized as a theist or worst a deist, heathen and unfit for society. Yet the same people use language importing the same thing everyday and in their conduct toward animals they acknowledge it. Some over whom superstition reigns uncontrolled imagine when they leave this world and enter the pains or pleasures of the next, they will there have a perfect knowledge of the pasing events in the community where they no live, and of all the suffering they may have endured here, but think that an animal can have no such situation when it seems from every view they have ideas of pleasure and pain. Think and reflect.

That a man has a soul superadded to his body, and that soul is the cause of the mental phenomena exhibited by him in all the variety of expression and sensation of hearing, seeing, feeling, smelling, and tasting; and that he lives by the food he receives will not be denied. Now show me that the dog who obeys you call is not possessed of faculties and manifestations of faculties precisely the same, only in degree. The same cause supports both; the same external cause will produce the same pain in both, the same cause will alike cause the death of both. Then I would ask, why does man claim this high superiority? But if you admit that organization produces the acts of mental phenomena, then all this difficulty vanishes and the character of the Creator is set forth in a more brilliant light, and His ways are vindicated on the foundation of our understanding, the only legitimate of correct knowledge. For, if a thing be said to have come from the Creator that is repugnant to every principle of humanity and made obligatory for us to believe, many, if not all, must have their doubts as to its origin and consequently will disregard its requisitions. It is done every day in relation to the revealed record we have now for our guide in matters of religion. Even if there are a few who dare openly to avow a disbelief, yet their actions speak volumes.

Suppose you say that man is entirely material and that no immortal influence or principle is now in this state of existence, and that all the intellectual phenomena are the result of omnipotent wisdom in refining matter and organizing our faculties in nicety in exact proportion to the effect to be produced; and then, as it is declared in Sacred Writ, that this mortal shall put on immortality and this corruption put on incorruption. Here, in this view of the subject, no difficulty arises. You teach man to understand, and understanding and reason tell him it was correct; his disbelief could not continue when he is convinced he must believe. There is no way to escape it. ButI will leave the subject. Time and more reflection may change my ideas, so I forbear to express them at this time.

The cool shades of evening now appear and give me time for reflection, and I have examined myself a little attentively and from the feelings there deposited, I will judge of others. And in the beginning I will make this short preface. Man is an unstable and curious creature; he is indeed singular to everybody, and still ore surprisingly, singular to himself. I find now there is a plain but gentle effort gradually touching a delicate point in my feelings and one to that I had supposed invulnerable, let the attack be feeble or Strong, and all this is going entirely against my previous deliberate determination. I then say this will not answer how long have you been in this place? Not yet two weeks. We know not ourselves, a small unnoticed occurrence will introduce things that increase in magnitude every moment and if not arrested, in the bud, and at the first appearance, will in a short time defy our control, and in the end assume a control over us. This it is with gambling, a man at first commences solely for amusement, but indulging in it frequently, it becomes as permanently established as any other occupation. And when he wishes to quit he finds t is absolutely necessary for his happiness, being convinced that this is the case he partakes of it more eagerness, and at last, leads him on into vices, at which he once Shuddered. Such I hope will never be the practice of you, for whose benefit these pages have been written. Turn your face as you would from the deadly viper, and visit not the place of such performances. These are vicious practices, yet there are dangers besides them, equlaly fatal to your peace if immoderately indulged; I mean the too early and injudicious, of love, in the common aceptation of the term as used among the young. When you perceive this youthful passion, and your circumstances and age are not compatible with objects of such desires, I would advice an immediate withdrawal from any and every species of intimacy with the object so admired.

Well, finding such to be my situation, and that too without seeking, I again resolve to fling all Cupid's darts, hurled by whom they may be, even if pointed with gold and silver, or entirely composed of these materials, I say to the pride of North Carolina and all the North and South combined, place not your eyes on me however much I may admire; however great may be my desire, to please or be pleased, I will never give way until time and circumstance make it proper and expedient. This is, I must have a competence of my own, earned by these hands. Here then you have my present determination and these pages, if attended to, will show how I may live in accordance with them, but if my example be contrary, I wish you to avoid it. I have now the most delicate feelings to overcome, insinuating passions to encounter, and under circumstances the most enticing. Men here do not imagine how easily the are laid palsied at once. It has been said we are apt to love those who love us, or we respect those who respect us, and in fact I believe in general it will be found true. When we become sensible that any individual manifests a more defined attachment to us than to any other individual, and particularly so if it be a female, we are apt to some defined partiality for them and are apt to use our endeavors to induce the belief that we have as much or more regard for them as they for us, even if we not one-quarter as much; this is wrong, it is improper and unjust in every respect, and should never be attempted. If then any have entertained sentiments of this nature for me, I entreat the guardian of female happiness to keep it from my knowledge, not because it cannot be returned, but because it may induce me to show a preference not compatible with my determination, and create stronger hopes that must end in disappointment. It cannot, it must not be. I must never approach the edge of dangerous precipice. Thousands have been hurled . I must hope that will never suffer yourself to be captivated sufficiently to be of injury to you or others. Caution is the parent of safety and cannot be too kindly treated on this subject. It is indeed a dangerous situation to you. (Live while life is in your power.)

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Again roused from lethargic forgetfulness to real and active life. The morning resounds with sweet melody of the feathered tribe, chanting hymns of natural praise to the great Author of their existence. Pleasant indeed are the notes of innocence to the pensive and lonely mind. The more I contemplate on works of Nature, the more I find to instruct and admire and the more to astonish. How magnificently grand are all Thy works, the most minute in point of magnitude, of all thy productions, far exceed the boasted art and refinement of feeble man. Even the little buzzing fly, so repugnant to the ease of the unoccupied and really lazy, furnishes to me evidence of the greatness of that wisdom which directs the planets in their courses and causes the agreeable variety of seasons we enjoy. That individual who can calmly contemplate the immense extent, magnitude and variety of God's works and not admire the goodness, beneficence, and omnipotent wisdom of the Creator must be insensivle to every feeling of benevolence. And he who wantonly gives pain to a living creature is not well taught in the school of humanity. Even the most minute insect is not insensible to pain, and can humanity inflict a wound when necessity does not demand it?

Strength is the principle on which the unkindness of man is predicated and not justice and humanity. It is power alone that gives the boasted prerogative. Think for a moment and reflect with candor on the reason why you inflict uncalled for suffering on a living creature. Were you to meet, unprepared, the wild and coracious Lion or Tiger in the midst of the forest, and deprived of every means of defense the ingenuity of man have inverted, what would be your sensation? Would you fearlessly attempt to disturb his quietness or drive him, as you do the timid deer? No, Sir. You would cower and endeavor to sek your safety as the most weak animals do from you. Yet, in the death of them you take delight and their agony gives you pleasure. Boasted Lord of Creation, you are a man animal in all your actions. When superior, stand. When inferior, flee.

A feeble state of body accompanied with real circumstances of disquietude of mind is the most unenviable situation. No tranquility of mind can be enjoyed by such individuals. I seel my health far from being restored. Yet it may have some beneficial effect, by keeping the mind from being too much elated. If we were always to enjoy uninterrupted health, our sympathy for the less fortunate invalid woulld be destroyed and we should neglect an important duty to our fellow sufferers, a disregard to the calls of pain and misery, and destroy, as far as example extends, the great principle of humanity which under all our suffering is quite too much neglected. So, it is probable that afflictions, when properly viewed in their result, are beneficial.

Glorious Sun, you are now descending from view and soon your intercepted light will cease for a short itme to cheer the multitude. But your absence is delightful and equally beneficial. It prepares man to hail your return with renewed vigor. Now the shades of evening appear. Rove, imagination, to the tranquil shades where once I reveled in all the gay joys of childhood and the dawn of youth. Oh! could I invoke the shades of departed pleasure now to revisit this more mature mind. How eager would they be grasped, if only for a moment. Scenes of rural pleasure amid the decorated fields of Spring. How gay. How cheerful. How animating even the reflection. Must it be that more intellectual, consequently more real enjoyment does not yet await me? I must have time to decide this important question. If smiling hope did not cheer me in theses reflections my present situation would be quite insupportable.

Darkness now covers all from sight and man retires to the downy pillow of repose. But intense anxiety of the future, not in worlds unseen but here, now, every moment arriving, deprives me of this satisfaction. Most certainly my mind must be too sensitive on this point. A more morbid and inactive state would be attended with less complaining and murmuring. I ought not thus to spend my time.

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How pure are thy joys to the meek and lowly followers of Christ and the heavenly doctrines taught by him and left for your benefit and sealed by his life. What love more pure and disinterested. As you meet on this day in the house of worship and prayer, how plain must you see your Redeemer suspended on the cross and say it was for me he suffered and died.

It is not only a day of pleasure to the Christian but all blessed with freedom for care and toil. It is not a day of partial benefit. It extends its enjoyments to all: to the high, the low, the rich, and poor, the bond and free, the old and young. Joy animates the bosoms of thousands. Behold the youthful swain and maiden, they hail your presence with more than ordinary pleasure. The cares of the week are now laid aside, and happier thoughts occupy the mind.

It puts me in mind, while gazing on the multitudes of Fall and Spring. The ordinary garb is thrown from the body and nature assumes her most lovely appearance, decked in all her beauty. The toilette groans beneath the weight of ornaments calculated to conceal every deformity, and the faithful mirror tells every point where the aid art is required; and the willing and accustomed hand soon adjusts every deficiency and removes every unpleasing appearance. What penetrates the mind in these moments and touches the heart's sensibility I will leave for imagination to relate. But this may be said, all this care and trouble is not taken for ease and comfort of body. There must be a stronger motive than in full operation, not only by the young and gay portion of the community, but for those more advanced in years. And this motive I think is to please and draw attention, for it is by this art that many obtain a good situation for life.

Now see them collected to hear the word from the pulpit. See. Little known of what is said by the preacher. Pleasures not too pure for vocal sound are in the mind. No cloud of sorrow is observed when all shall be accomplished. But the mind is of more importance. Its decoration must at last be the source from which permanent and continual pleasure will flow. Wealth, youth, and beauty will all decay, but the mind will endure and flourish.

When a man has fixed his course of life and made all the necessary arrangements to carry out the execution part and placed all his hopes on the emoluments to be derived there from, and finds himself incapable of accomplishing it just for the want of an opportunity of putting it or his abilities to the test of experiment or trial, it is in fact mortifying and must unavoidably disturb his mind by day and night. Such were my visions of the night, and just as the sun arose I was disturbed in one of the most delightful moments that ever was allotted me, or fancy ever painted in the visions of man. Indeed it was a sad disappointment for all was dissipated by the certainty of thought. I had gained my ardent wish, I was on the wings of active and successful employment, fell disease was palsied at every place, summons after summons arrived, not a cloud could be seen, not a murmur heard. Competence soon was gained, affluence came rolling on, reputation elevated, and I was contemplating how to use my income to the best advantage for the good of the poor and destitute when molested. But sad reality told me I was yet an object of charity. Now from such high elevation to be doomed to fall was indeed horrid, but many a magnificent castle erected in the air has suffered the same fate. I would caution you to have your daydreams confined within the bounds of possibility and if possible confined within the circumference of plausibility and not suffer your imagination to transport you beyond the limits of common Propriety. You must not contemplate a state of things that can never occur and that human skill cannot accomplish. Let reason be your guide and not of the extravagant kind. You are in a community where you will find your equals or superiors and these will, and justly too, receive patronage. You must calculate if your success depends on the fancy of the public, to rise by attention, skill, and merit, be not ignorant of what you intend to follow, know all its ramifications, its rise and progress, be not incapable to reply to any question in relation to and not afraid to meet one of the same occupation.

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Well-regulated society is essential to anything bordering on pure enjoyment in every community, and when an individual leaves one society and mingles with or is surrounded by another constituted with less regard for the materials of which he may have been composed, he is deprived of a source of much happiness and beneficial enjoyment. Thus I find myself situated. I find that none or very few have ideas corresponding with mine or that which is agreeable to my ideas is repugnant to theirs, and things which they judge important to enjoyment, to me appear of no consequence or at least should be considered only of secondary magnitude. If I have reason to complain, they have also, so I will endeavor to mingle as little as possible in their meetings so that, while I cannot participate, I will not disturb.

Yet my imagination takes its flight to other lands and contemplates the scenes that are past and to be remembered, not with pain, but pleasure. Oh! Society, you still visit my thoughts, you alleviate the burden that oppresses the weary and anxious mind. The cares of life are mitigated in your presence and solitude flees at your approach.

Gage is today absent. How easy to fly on the wings of imagination to home's more congenial clime and there go over the pleasures of the past conversations, to walk again amid the beauties of nature as the gentle zephyrs wafted their refreshing breezes over the landscape, or wander along the meandering rivulet and hear its gentle murmurs, or revisit the more noisy cascade and listen to its incessant roar, or rest beneath the majestic oak or more impressive willow. In the still evening to view the borrowed light of Luna and the bespangled fields of either above all, and still greater to sit by the side of an intelligent, pure, and unpretended friend and listen to the sweet melody of science that falls from the voice. Even the recollection thrills in such rapture through the mind that my feeble words are inadequate to the description.

Today I saw a man from Georgia, who was a complete egotist and considered himself of vast importance. He wanted a situation as a teacher in common schools. I saw some of his writing and observed he had better be at school than here endeavoring to lead innocent females into vice, as he was evidently endeavoring to do. Never be guilty of such conduct.

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Again the light of Heaven cheers my vision, and in a measure dispels night's wandering dream of greatness, and once more I must see the probable vicissitudes of fortune expected. Once more must retrospection and anticipation in alternate breezes flit across the mind. Once more I can rove the field of observation. Once more to gain new acquaintances, a circumstance not repugnant to my wishes. Once more to visit the bedside of the sick and feel its disquietude and endeavor to arrest a human being from the grasp of fell disease. Once more to see prejudice and ignorance arrayed with all its withering influence in opposition to correct principles. This will always be the case where the want of correct information in early youth prevails. Nothing elevates Society so much as the domination of just principles when the mind is most susceptible of impressions. These, in this stage of life, become the permanent and durable principles of life.

At three o'clock, returning from a visit to my little patient, the practice of medicine occupation occupied my thoughts. I believe there are but few occupations in life equal for the producing of disquietude of mind to that of medicine, and none probably opens a greater field of observation and contemplation. The life of a physician is to be spent by the bedside of pain and misery in almost every shape and grade, both of mental and physical form, from the grave and fatal forms of acute diseases, to the light and slight disorders of affluent hypochondriacs. His life all anxiety and sickness, his constant companion by day and by night. He is viewed as one at whose presence pain and disease must take their departure. Fortunnately, some exceptions to this in the more considerate and better-informed walks of society and those who do not look on a physician as a Slave. But the larger number of the people imagine that disease, however long standing and inveterate, must be immediately removed or dissatisfaction is created. And the legitimate consequences of such feelings do not lie dormant and slumber in silence, but are thrown to the breeze and are soon wafted to the surrounding country. So that, he is loved or hated, despised or judged. A Physician in full practice has no rest, no peace of mind, except it be that derived from a conscientious discharge of duty, which is the greatest and most reasonable happiness a man can enjoy. He has no time he can call his own. Always endeavoring to investigate the cause of disease and the selection of medicinal substances or compounds best calculated to remove it. Does a day of relaxation arrive, his Books must be perused and new publications looked over, etc., etc., etc.

All this is perfectly just, and man is unworthy to be a Physician unless he attend it strictly. It is not only just, but to every well-disposed practitioner a real pleasure more pure and unalloyed than can be derived from an opposite course, because it is a duty, an obligation we are under to those who may employ us. It makes no difference what may be the motives that induce their call on us, or the bad treatment we receive. (Duty must be done.)

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The day s passed and onge, the curtain of night overspreads the land, calm and silence invite to contemplation. One beam of hope, brighter than yesterday, is all the change of feeling since yesterday. My little patient is mending. How animating. How cheering. And with what feelings I hear such intelligence I leave for conjecture. Description is vain.

Attending today the funeral of a female (these, you will observe, are not nor ever were my patients). Ceremonies as yesterday. Thoughts and reflections on the occasion much as before.

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The morning is warm and pleasant. How beautifully and mildly replendent does you glorious luminary of the day appear just as emerging through faintly crimsoned azure of the last. I gaze with delight. I rejoice at your rapid course. Though every time you appear tells me in plain but silent language that the houl of my earthly dissolution is more near at hand, yet I must hail you in the hope that you are yet to beam on me when happier feelings encircle this mind. Death is always busy. Old and middle-aged, youth and childhood are not exempt from thy touch. When the dread mandate has been issued from omnipotent authority, none can stay thy ruthless career. All must submit. No excuse, no pretext, no sympathy, however heavenly pure, can for one moment remit thy mortal grasp. And sooner or later I must be summoned to stand the great last trial. Awful and solemn is the thought. I now should not tremble if the sentence was at this moment executed. And sooner or later I must be summoned to stand the great last trial. Awful and solemn is the thought. I now should not tremble if the sentence was at this moment executed. And my hope and wish is that when I am called hence, that the dark and Ionesome passage will create no dismay. I have no dread nor fear of the change from mortality to immortality or to stand before the Omniscient Judge in a world of spirits. Futurity to me is a pleasant thought. No dismal swamp of dark despair corrodes these thoughts as I entered them. Every faculty I possess and everything I behold around me is proof strong as holy writ that all is peace and desirable.

These ideas occupied my mind during the preaching of a funeral sermon. The occasion was the death of an elderly man, I think a member of the Moravian Church of this place. The discourse was delivered in the German Language and, of course, not understood by me. Consequently, I had not to attend to the preacher or discourse. A few words in conclusion were spoken in the English Language as a general exordium on the life and character of the deceased individual, both as a religious and moral individual. The speaker declared it to be his belief that the soul of the deceased was then in Heaven singing peons of glory to the ost High and says to the hearers, "My friends, have you any objections, that our Brother's soul should be in Heaven?" This to me appeared to be a very singular interrogation, as I am confident that no individual in this or any civilized community possesses even an atom of good morality, to say nothing of Christianity, could raise the least objection to the happiness of intelligence in Heaven. One thing struck me very much during this solemn scene of committing to its mother dust one of our fellow creatures; namely, that no thoughts of the uncertainty of life seemed to occupy the multitude. All, with the exception of one or two near relatives, appeared quite as indifferent, lively, and unconcerned as usual. I could observe no difference. This probably may be a happy state of the society, feeling a perfect confidence in the Religion they profess, that it inevitably leads its passer to Heaven; or it may be a habit, inculcated from infancy to mature years, and relation to the dead it produces no effect, but it is not agreeable to the mourners, who are deeply afflicted, nor to the scriptures, for they tell us to mourn with those who mourn. It is produced by one of these two causes.

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Ere the sun burst the bonds of darkness I awoke. Parents and friends crowded the mind. Kind and affectionate Father and Mother, your anxious minds I cannot now alleviate; yet I hope the moment may arrive in which I may give a full and complete compensation for all the anxiety I may have caused you to suffer. Though now far from the paternal roof, its inmates are not forgotten or disregarded. My prayers, both night and morning, are directed to the dispenser of all good, and the preserver of life for your peace and happiness. No time or distance can obliterate those strong ties of love which must ever bind me to my parents. The kindness I have received at your hands will never be forgotten. You who have preserved and nourished me in infancy, conducted my childhood with the most tender solicitude, and in mature years imparted to me the best of advice, all having their origin in the purest motives, can never, no, never be disregarded. I am now among strangers, and probably many would delight to lead me into a vortex of ruin, you your precepts, implanted in tender years will stand against such temptation. Should pain and sickness assail me, there are none who would feel that solicitude or have that sympathy for my suffering that a Father or Mother would. But with parents the tenderest of ties must be severed. Brothers and sisters, I have bid you all farewell.

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Though the day is most pleasant and agreeable, my reflections are not of the brightest bue. Many clouds are gathering in the horizon of thought. Thick storms begin to rise in the mind; the way appears exceedingly difficult to travel, muddy and uneven. Lofty mountains raise their lofty summits to the clouds and seem to forbid an ascension; deep and almost imprenetrable forests border the way and must be passed, dangerous precipices to avoid, deep and boisterous floods to ford, rough and tempestuous seas to cross, adverse winds to encounter, rocks and quicksands to shun, incitements and allurements to withstand, violent passions to control, prejudice to encounter, reputation to establish, men to please, women to delight, enemies to love, friends to gain, and all the numerous incidents of a professional life I have now anew to encounter. These all occupied my attention during the day and night again came to my relief and in the arms of sleep I found repose.

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Sunday. Thou peaceful day. Thousands participate in ease and freedom from toil. The pleasures are the result of Thy Holy Countenance, all animated nature seems to rejoice in Thee; You seem the harbinger of peace and gladness. Your Divine appearance is full of gladness. Your Divine appearance is full of gladness. All pay their homage of respect and cease from labor. The husbandman leaves his fields to enjoy repose. The mechanic drops his implements to taste sweet rest. The merchant leaves the counter and closes his windows to enjoy your silent freshness. All is hushed at Your approach.

Once to me you were the harbinger of peace and contentment, but now you find me quite different, and well may you say, "Revert back." Are moments that are past lost, swallowed up in eternity? Once on your return, the cares of the day were laid aside and then did not your mind dwell on noble and sublime subjects? Recall now these feelings of fervent supplication to the All-wise God, which were then vehemently poured out, for his protection and mercy. You are yet under his care and protection and he your constant friend in every vicissitude of life.

I went about five miles from this place to meeting and heard Lutheran discourse delivered by a man by the name of Shober who spoke the English so imperfect that I could scarcely comprehend him.

My motive in going was not as pure from self-interest as many people ought to have when attending church. I did not expect to receive any benefit from the pulpit, but unjustifiable as my object was, I will state it and leave it for your reflection. I went for the sole purpose of becoming acquiainted with the people and to let them know I was seated in Bethania and that my profession was that of a Physicia. I was introduced to a nmber of individuals by Lewis Lash, who accompanied me, but all seemed afraid to speak and were repulsive. I recollect that the sermon delivered related principally to Sunday Schools, his praise of the beneficial tendency was long and tedious, and in my estimation of the matter, false. I have no respect for such institution conducted the way they now are. If they were confined in the sphere for which they were first introduced, I would support them, but as they now are sectarian engines of power, leveled at the liberties of our country, I condemn them. Here I saw for the first time in my life the Baptizing of Infants. There was several here today that underwent that ordinance. Every individual must have his own notion in these matters, but to me it appears that Infant Baptism is nowhere required or sanctioned in or by the Scriptures and the common understanding of men whould not sanction it if left uninfluenced by Sectarian representation. Yet we find men of profound erudition and sound intellect following and recommending it to others. Yet to me this does not make it obligatory or reasonable, it only shows the great extent superstition or preconceived notions may and do operate. To me it seems impossible that any man, uninfluenced by interest or prejudice, can possibly imagine or believe it to be productive of the least advantage to either child or parents in the present or future situation of the child, or that, if they child should die in infancy, its situation in another state of existence will be any better in consequence of having undergone the ordinance of Baptism. If there be any effect produced by it, I think it a deleterious one, because, in the ceremony connected with it, it requires of the parents and those who may become Godfathers and Mothers a pledge or promise of an attention to the welfare of the child that neither ever comply with. It goes further. It extorts a solemn pledge before God and man that they never can perform, and a moment of reflection will convince every Godfather and Mother that they have violated a solemn promise made before and in the presence of the Creator who now stands as a witness against them. And it is not probable that all the injury it is calculated to produce stops here. It has an effect on the child in after life, causing a belief that this infantile ceremony has in some measure freed them from the imperfections of nature and made them fitter subjects of God's eternal approbation and consequently less attention will be given to the real requirements of Christianity. And it has another tendency of equal importance in every point as it tends to perpetuate a belief in the efficacy and absolute neccessity of a mere ceremony, adopted in the darkest reign of superstition and ignorance. It creates a belief in the systems of man not in accordance with divine authority. To me it appears to be destined to receive its just reward as soon as complete understanding of the Scriptures obtain confidence. Time and understanding will be fatal to all such superstitions that, in proportion to the advancement of correct principles and refined intellectual improvement, will recede and at last be obliterated, and men will learn to act from motives that have their origin in utility. How long it will be before man will leave the dark and gloomy regions of ignorance and superstition to bask in the core congenial and pure atmosphere of rational intelligence, time alone can decide.

Ah, Man, how long will you continue to grope in darkness amid naught but the lamentable scenes of woe and misery created alone by the wild visions of fancy? Do you delight to hear the groans of the dying when the mind is filled with despair, when a mortal being is just on the point of leaving this sublunary world? Is it sweet music then to hear the firey imprecations of a pretended angel harrowing up every scene of black intermindable woe in another would, all the idle fabrication of friends on earth? With all your boasted superiority of intelligence you still act as a child.

If you desire truth with all its beauty, tread the paths of calm and diligent reflection on rational grounds and not take that for granted which contradicts the plain understanding of the mind. And endeavor to come to some rational conclusion on every subject connected with your duty and station and not assist in perpetuating a thing you believe to be of no practical utility because some Reverend individual may have recommended it. Do nothing merely because your progenitors or forefathers had done so. It is, however, of importance to have the good will of everyone and particularly men of influence; and this you must endeavor to obtain by every means compatible with honor and just regard for your own independence. You have five avenues to your mind and through them is communicated every species of knowledge you can obtain, and by the constant exercise of these faculties in every case, you will approach the truth. This will afford you more satisfaction than to adopt unthought of the feeble representation of the ignorant and will be of real service.

One gleam of hope now bursts to my view, one prospect not created alone by fancy has at last come to my relief. I feel its reviving influence, its animating touch thrills through every nerve; hunger and thirst vanish like mist before the breeze and I almost see a competence solicit my acceptance. The occasion of all these feelings is small indeed, yet things of great importance sometimes depend on small occurrences and to me this may be so fortunate.

This day at three o'clock I was requested, for the first time in North Carolina, to visit a patient. It was a glorious request, and fraught with momentous importance. On the fate of the object seemed suspended my destiny. However, a call professionally was the incessant and secret wish of my heart. At the same time, I must say, though so strongly desired, it was at the same time dreaded. As the result of the first case in my profession was calculated to have no inconsiderable bearing on my immediate introduction into business, an occurrence absolutely neccessary in my situation. The first case, then, was the point on which emphatically hung suspended my present introduction into practice and a failure was at least to be attended with a long procrastination of all my opes, if not a complete overthrow of all my expectations. In a strange place and surrounded by so many watching eyes and so much depending and expected, few can even imagine my sensation at the moment. All are anxious to see and hear the result, but there is quite a contrast between their anxiety and me. Theirs the anxiety of mere curiosity, mine the deep solicitude of the fate of the patient and my own reputation. Both seemed to be suspendd in the same scale.

Before I started, I could hear the suppressed observations of many of the observers: some would say the New Doctor is going for the first time; some, it is useless, the child will die; others evincing a more symathetic spirit would say it is a bad case to begin with as the patient has been pronounced incurable by our best Physician. This last gave me some relief as I foresaw a plausible escape, in case the event proved unfavorable, but anticipated. A more pleasant state of things provided success crown the effort. I did not regard the eminent danger, if I could but succeed in restoring the child to health. Believing the greater the difficulty and danger attendant on the accomplishment of any undertaking, in any department, the greater the reward, if succesfully achieved and the less deleterious the effect in case of a failure. With my head full of plausibilities, I accompanied the father of the patient, Mr. Jacob Schaub, to the place of destination and there commenced my task and career in this State.

This is one of the many disadvantages attending the commencement of the practice of Medicine, particularly in a place where the Physician is an entire stranger and in a strange place. Nine times out of ten the first cases he is called to attend and to give relief are old chronic diseases that have failed the skill of some half dozen Physicians of known reputation, and in whom confidence has for years been reposed. Satisfied in this, that I was no more unfortunate than the commonalty of my Brethren in the healing Art and compelled to embrace the first opportunity, however unfavorable, I obeyed with alacrity the summons, and after riding there we arrived at the gate where we were met by some dozens of friends and visitors, collected no doubt to see the Yanky Doct. and hear what I would say. I pased the common salutations of the time of day and entered the sick apartment with all the apparent confidence inspired by long and intimate contact with disease and misery, determined not to let my feelings betray a doubt as to my own ability in cases of emergency. Well versed in the secret of asking questions and giving explanations of Phenomena in Medical Mysteries, everyone stood gazing in perfect silence. Not a syllable was uttered. All their thoughts seemed to be so intensely fixed on me, as to forbid their utterance or probably the ideas they formed were such as propriety forbid pronouncing in my presence.

I found my little sufferer in a dangerous and feeble situation originating from an infection of the digestive apparatus, endorsed on a weak organization of the whole system. Having now formed my ideas of its favorable termination, guarded by the possible disadvantages we should have to encounter in the accomplishment of our task, and related these to family, I made my prescriptions, gave the necessary direction, and mounted my horse and returned to my abode full of anxiety as to the result of my first undertaking. The night soon came. I retired to my bed at an early hour and the ever busy mind soon closed its congitations. I was not aroused until the bright orb of light brought with it a beautiful and pleasant Monday morning.

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Again the glorious Sun awakens millions of human beings from sleep, some to endure pain and severe fatigue, and others to enjoy the paths of pleasure and inaction, probably forgetful, in many instances, of the object of their creation. I find myself in a feeble state of health, which may make my feelings more gloomy than they would be under a different bodily sensation. This day the room for our small stock of medicine having been arranged, these articles were there deposited, which gives me a species of control over this small place, producing a kind of home to which I can repair without distrubing any. The principle part of the day was occupied in adjusting our effects, as well as circumstances would admit. A very small place would contain all we possessed, yet it was not the less necessary they should be set in order, for he who will not attend to a little will neglect much, and probably the judicious management of small sums is the great secret of gaining wealth.

The mind thus occupied through the day found little time for roving on scenes left behind or the probably destiny that awaited in time to come. Still, evening came, and with it those reflections which the silence that accomplanies calculate to inspire tin those situated as I am. Home, friends, and country, in rapid succession, were visitants of the mind. Scene after scene more rapidly presented to view, scanned over for a moment and vanished. A succession of wild fancies, improbably imaginations in a short but agreeable perambulation in the first part of the evening, crowded the intellect. As rapid and as turbulent as the whirlwind, the most glowing pictures formed by various combinations would shine for a moment and then in an instant blank vacancy would fill their place. Returned and after many hours of reflection on the pillow, sweet sleep stole on the mind and closed the organs of vision, and my thoughts, still active, in dreams left to rove through the wild fields of fancy, still more dreadful than when awake.

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I awoke with this exclamation, "Oh! Shades of darkness, why will you not grant to me the pleasure which you apparently bestow on others? Here I may be in error, becuase others have their trouble as well as me. I am not more subject to misfortunes than my fellow man. All men will have more or less of anxieties and ideas not congenial to their wishes, and many are tormented much more than I am. Have I any just ground to thus deplore my situations? I have no remorse of conscience or guilt arising from crime which may torment thousands, and these perpetrated under the shade of darkness and secret haunts of men. From this I am free. There is no remorse attending my reflections, but all arises from a knowledge of my own dependent situation here and a possibility of not finding employment here to meet any demands that may arise. Cease then these reflections. Thousands have in your situation and under even greater disadvantages at last succeeded. Wait until yon orb in his rapid movement brings tday of trouble and these imaginary disasters have actually arrived; and then it will be time enough to suffer. You now must use your best ability to prevent unfavorable occurrences and leave time to accomplish and see your sorrow. Your complaints now are untimed and unjust, and only assist in accomplishing the very end you wish to avoid.

Spending some time in these musings before the common hour of rising arrived, I waited to be summoned to prepare for breakfast. Every naturla scene around me had a most pleasant appearance and seemed to rejoice, to mock my murmurings.

This day I went for the examination of the Females in the Female Academy in Salem, an institution of some considerable reputation in this and adjoining States. In company this morning was the youngest son of Mr. C. Lash with whom I boarded, and as this is the first time I have seen him and he is yet a boy, I will here give my ideas of him. He is possessed of an impetuous disposition, a strong tendency of affectation in his manners, unfeeling and overbearing in his dealings, austere and unattractive in his manner of conversation, proud, haughty, and disdainful. And should he live to become a man will be just where he has no chance to unjust, accurate in his dealings. If closely watched, a tyrant when and where possessed of power, unmoved by the entreaties of distress, and I will venture to say there will be few people to love or respect him and none to place real confidence in his integrity. Such I believe to be I.G. Lash.

The examination was attended by a large concourse of people besides parents and guardians of the northern and southern portions of the United States. Here wealth is the criterion of preferment and standing in society. This to me seems to be a fatal principle in a government like ours, where our lawmakers are chosen by the majority and as far as I can judge, wealth has a much more powerful influence than merit or any other qualifications. There are in this institution about one hundred scholars, one of whom is a Nature of the forest, a Cherokee girl about fifteen. The ladies seem to value their beauty and wealth as the only means of happiness, and pay much more attention to the decoration of matter than mind. This conclusion if from the examination of the scholars and the very limited qualification of some of the teachers, and the mode or manner of the examinations, or the way the interrogation was put. Questions were all asked in the same order, the pupil had for twelve months been accustomed to hear and read. i did not hear one questions asked promiscuously, and no individual except the prinicipal asked one question. Music is taught in this institution and much more attention paid to it than comports with the intellectual benefit resulting from it. Ornamental needlework appears to claim a large share of the time spared from Music. And from what little information I could gain it was evident the reputation of the school originated more from the safety of the scholars' in regard to vice than from the intellectual improvement they receive, fror this last must be of very small amount.

I have deemed it necessary thus much in relation to the Salem Female Academy, and much more could be said against the mode of its action. The gentlemen seem to partake of the same vanity of wealth as the females and this is not to be wondered at, because where the females are fond of any particular circumstance, the males are desirous of possessing it on their account. There are, however, exceptions but I think they are few, for property seems to be the fuling passion and avarice the predominant vice with the virtuous. However, there may be an injustice in the above declaration, although I have endeavored not to be influenced by preconceived notions or to let my own feeelings draw me from a true and faithful description of things as they appeared to my view. Yet it may be seen from a perusal of the preceding pages that my mind was in no very pleasant situation and it may from this cause be concluded my ideas were not competent for such a subject.

I am well aware that every circumstance or subject is shaded by the feelings of the individual at the time of its occurrence or when under the examination, and may as a natural result produce a corresponding effect on the judgment. I will not pretend to deny but this cause may have had too great an effect on my mind, but this I will say, that I did not wish to have been biased against the institution, neither did I go there prejudced against it. There, however, I had the opportunity of seeing the congregated wealth, beauty both male and female, eloquence of North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Kentucky, Virginia, and Tennessee. The sight was beautiful and pleasant, charming and delightful. Indeed women just as they emerge from the child to maturity, just as the flower has spread all its beauties before you in full view, are the most beautifully fascinating, the most lovely and desirable of all God's works. And in the lovely group before me are some of nature's finest mold. A man that can sithere and view all these desirable qualities and not have his feelings moved in transports of joy, even at the sight, must indeed be insensible to every object that can animate. Indeed the beautiful scene absorbed my attention and the placid serenity beaming from so many lovely faces made me forget my own troubles while viewing the happy crowd.

While attentively surveying this beautiful scene, I endeavored to draw a comparison between the ladies of the North and South and in this estimation I must give my reluctant approbation to the former. Here again, a partiality for the North may have an unfavorable influence in doing strict justice to those before me, and a longer intercourse and familiartiy may produce a corresponding change in mind. The mode of dress, ease of manners, and elegance of form of Females in the North are surpassing those now under my observation. All the females I new see (and I believe it is generally the fashion in this country), from the little girl of four years up to the aged matron, wear caps. All the scholars had this beautiful appendage elegantly adjusted on the head, at the same time everyone without a single exception wore a pure white dress, this as an emblem of innocence, had on my mind a delightful effect and produced a pleasant sensation. And as a dress for this season, it is particularly well adapted, as it is light and cool; two circumstances of importance to those who have to endure fatigue in a crowded apartment. And it is only beautiful as it relates to its utility in the present consideration, but it is equally so in relation, neatness, and purity and I am happy to say this last I believe is much attended in this place. It is of consequence that while you are bestowing attention on the purity of the mind and endeavoring to obliterate any erroneous stains that have there made an impression that you have them surrounded by things which from their very appearance carry with them their ideal purity. And it is equally important when we contemplate the future destiny of ladies and imagine them wives and mothers, what is more disgusting than a careless, slovenly Mother. Here, then we lay the foundation, and nothing will have a mroe salutary effect than example.

You are not, however, to conclude that I am opposed to female education. No, far from it. I love it, I admire it, and am one of its strongest advocates; but I would have it conducted with all the neatness here to be observed, and much more to the intellectual improvement of the scholar. I would have them taught to think for themselves, to investigate, to study every subject until they properly understood it. I would have them understand all they attempted sufficiently to put their own language to it and when interrogated, they might dress the reply in their own shape, and not have to recollect the subject and the very words of the author before an answer could be given, and if the expression be not remembered, though the subject is retained, yet they cannot speak. I want the thing, the substance, in the mind and thus teach them to use their own powers to delineate it. This is the education I admire.

Having now satisfied my curiosity and accomplished the object of my visit, and they sun nearly concealed behind the western hills, the multitude in constant motion, moving in every direction, all intent on pleasure. One sought in this, the other in that, the object of his pursuit. And as pleasure was my object and no source seemed calculated to afford more then a return home, I ordered my horse, paid up the bill, and soon was on the way for Bethania. My mind during the ride of nine long and tedious miles was occupied on the occurences of the day. What is the amount of lal this bustle? How many have been there today without any definite object in view and spent their time, money... foolish!!!

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Morning very pleasant. The sun arose free from clouds and nature in all her varied beauty wore a serene smile and every counterance indicated a peaceable contentment, really enviable. All with whom I spoke were in treatment attentive and kind. My mind, now more fixed to this spot with the expectation of making it a home, caused it to appear more so than any other place I had seen since leaving the peaceable mansion, a father's house. My object now is for a place of steady boarding. Mr. Grabs, the Tavern proprietor, does not seem disposed. I then, by his recommendation, made application to Christian Lash, Merchant in this place, who after some little hesitation consented to Board, wash, lodge, find me a room, and keep my horse for one hundred and twenty-five Dollars per annum. This is a great sum for a man who is not worth one-fifth of it, and in no business. Yet this arrangement gave some ease to the mind, as it settled for a time one difficulty even if in the end it had made it worse. We will, however, leave time to decide that matter and attend to things within our reach.

It is sometimes advantageous that we do not know the situation of individuals in relation to property and as to myself I know it to be the case in the present instance, for had this man known as well as I did my pecuniary circumstance, he would not have given me protection. What a situation is this, how deleterious to the full operation of the mind on any subject. It will call the mind from important objects. It is out of the question, it is impossible, when thus situated that you can avoid, more or less, reflecting on the many occurrences that may with ease frustrate your intentions, and particularly so when your dependence is on the public as a Professional individual. This day will be considered as the commencement of a new epoch in the history of my life and one too from which there is much desired by me and probably more expected by others; and disappointment may await both.

All eyes are now viewing me with that kind of cautious jealousy peculiar to the prudent. My conduct and daily deportment will now come under the scrutiny of all, from the urchin that plays in the street, by the low and abandoned vagabond, by the wise and ignorant, by the middle and higher ranks in life. With what care and caution I must now govern every word and act that I may avoid the censure of some one of the many guards, all vigilant activity. I will fear them not and in my turn I will take the outpost and see if there be an enemy calculated, secretly attack. If there be now one misstep, one aberration from the line of rectitude, or show even an inclination leaning in that direction which in others would pass unnoticed, will be set down in a notebook or registered in the ledger of memory to rise up in evidence against me when it may suit the interest of the holder. And this will be as certain to take place as it is certain the sun will rise tomorrow, if interest should ever bring us in collision hereafter. Present appearances have no such indication. Yet time may change our relation. It is therefore of the greatest importance, not only now but always, to guard my conduct with circumspection, that I may not furnish others with the chains to bind myself. In case my deportment should be exceptionable, I at once place myself in the power of other instruments which in a moment may be raised against me, which would completely deprive me of the ability of acting in my own defense and consequently be unable to repel effectively any assault that may be made. And from such indiscretion must fall a victim to the assailant. This cause has probably ruined thousands and it will continue to do so as long as men continue to deviate from that path of conduct they know to be just, proper, and equitable. This conclusion is drawn not only from observation but in some degree from sad and mortifying experience.

By close examination it will appear evident that indiscretion, when carried to any extent is in its ultimate termination, ruinous. Why does a man fail in business when he has a sufficient to commence with? Indiscretion. Why does a man get cheated in those things with which he is acquainted? Indiscretion. Why does a man lose his reputation? Indiscretion. And why do many individuals plunge headlong into improper liabilities? Indiscretion. And this, in a greater or less degree, is connected with nine-tenths of the misfortunes affecting the person or property of individuals. Viewing the subject in this light, it is my wish to avoid the precipice so many have been precipitated, and from which I myself have once narrowly escaped.

This, then, is my determination to follow, as far as my feeble penetration can discover, the path of virtue and rectitude in every place and on all occasions. To let the improvement of my intellectual faculties receive the greatest share of my leisure hours. No employment during these moments can be more commendable or afford more lasting and substantial pleasure, if judiciously directed. Nothing probably in my power to accomplish will do more toward bettering the present situation of my fellow creatures. It is, of course, the duty of each individual to use his talents, not only for his own benefit, but for the benefit of all within the circumference of their influence and should never be neglected. My object is to make every improvement in my profession, my opportunities and capabilities will admit of. Then, amidst the enticements of wealth, the fascinations of pleasure, and the allurements of vice, my task is not an easy one or one without difficulty. To accomplish my task it will be absolutely necessary, on every occasion and under the operation of every passion, to guard with the greatest diligence my actions. And not only actions, but every declaration should be well considered before uttered; to reflect with attention on every case and judge with impartiality and decide with candor in all cases referred to me for decision. If a subject be proposed for consideration, endeavor to see all its bearings and its probable or final termination before you make a decision. Thus am I conscious of the difficulties to be encountered, the passions and prejudices of mankind to be met and to consiliate. But one thing to palliate this reflection may be found in the fact that others stand in the same relation to me and have to encounter my prepossession.

If others deviate from the path of rectitude, why should I follow the example? Rather let me behold it in others than to feel its dreadful consequences myself. Let me learn wisdom from the follies of others and not from woeful experience. God of Mercy and rectitude, direct me in the performance of all that is just and equitable. Teach me to find and follow that which is good and commendable in every situation I may be called to act.

At this moment my mind soars in retrospection on scenes that baffle description or that can be properly appreciated by the inexperienced. Scenes of my younger days, where are you? Gone. Fled forever. With you happiness hovered on very moment more melodious than the zephyrs of Spring over the flowery fields of May. No anxious fears disturbed the peaceful hours as they unconsciously wafted me to the tempestuous sea of responsible life, peaceful hours as they unconsciously wafted me to the tempestuous sea of responsible life, to be drove in different directions by adverse winds sometimes threatening in their fury to overwhelm me in the whirlpool of despair. But, "don't give up the ship."

My health is very delicate, and has been for some time. I have but just emerged from a severe spell of indisposition and I feel now strong indications of having in a short space of time to again return to the unpleasant couch of pain and misery. How vastly superior in pleasantness has been the journey to my companions, who were so kind and attentive while I was confined in Guilford County and had I been a brother to one or both, they could not apparently have felt more anxiety for my recovery. Indeed, we stood in a situation similar to brothers all from the same place and had traveled nearly or quite eight hundred miles together and had shared as much as possible in all the cares, pleasantness, and pains incident to our journey. Their better health has enabled them to enjoy more than and suffer less than was allotted to me. But did I wish them less pleasure and more pain? No! God forbid that I should ever harbor feelings so repugnant to the requirements of humanity. A thought now occurs to my mind which should have been mentioned yesterday, and for fear it may not again occur I will here record the whole circumstance that you may see what kind of creatures mankind are, even in the last extremity.

Having before indicated our pecuniary situation, it requires no enlargement here, only to intimate who was the most destitute, which the relation of the following transaction will full develop. When we (Gage and myself) were about to leave Sanders', I took Wm Tyler to one side and requested him to call for the bill of expenses and state to him that as he had taken a stand here and probably soon would realize sufficient to discharge, and whatever amount he should pay would be passed to his credit in the amount due us. This appeared to me just and feasible. I was induced to this course because our funds under the most economical management could not endure long and we did not then know where we should locate, consequently could make no estimate how much we should require. Our expenses had been much more than we anticipated and we had actually paid out some money for Tyler as his funds were inadequate to discharge his equitable proportion of past expenses, and we, alas, were obliged to let him have some funds at this time, which I gave to him while making the above request. As we had individually more funds when we left New York than he had, it seemed rather to deprive ourselves to befriend him, because he was now located and ready to commence business; indeed, he had had one patient then. And by having to pay for him we were deprived of a portion of sustenance. Tyler had been kind and agreeable to us and by his natural vivacity and happy turn of mind caused the journey to be more pleasant than it would have, and his being much older than Gage or myself gave him some advantage over us. I had not the least fault to find at all with him, but I respected him very much. I have not mentioned this in any unfriendly feeling toward Tyler, but merely to show the principle in some to act unfair when they can do it with impunity. We shall here find pride and ambition to the last and most severe extremity. How anxious we are to conceal the real state of our situation as regards property when that situation is repugnant to our feelings and mortifying to our pride. Why not tell the real motives or motivation? Tyler told the Landlord he would pay him in a few days when he had to have money from us and at this same time had not one cent of his own. Few men in such cases will act on the principle they profess and avoid the very act they deprecate; viz., of being forced at some moment to tell the real truth.

Pride exclaims, "Conceal! Because if you act nobly and honestly you touch me in a tender point, and may inflict an incurable wound."

Ambition now takes the alarm and with a plain and audible voice says, "Deviate!"

And from the combined influence of both these passions we violate the most sacred obligations to our fellow man and follow a principle we ourselves despise. There are but a few, if any, circumstances in which a man can be placed that such a course can be justified or in the end prove beneficial. Suppose that Sanders is kept in the dark and always believes that Gage and myself to be destitute and dependent on Tyler, yet we know it and feel that an unjust and false suspicion has been created prejudicial to us, and under which we will not always remain, for an opportunity will yet arise that this will all return at six percent interest. That individual who in all cases and under all circumstances can act perfectly up to what he knows to be just and true, without the least equivocation or semblance of deception, deserves and will at last receive the admiration of every honest individual, and will be marked as a man whose conduct and example are worthy of imitation and adoption. He richly deserves the name of Man.

Here I would not wish to be understood as incriminating Tyler more than other men, but only take this case to show you how easy and how liable we to be deceived and how willing we are to deceive. And I also wish to impress you with the idea that justice should always be your aim, and that you may be careful how you condemn others for acts which appear censurable when you do not know the cause or motive that may have produced them. And also, because I thus speak would I have you imagine that I am clearing myself from a similar imputation or that I have never acted in a manner unfavorable. No. I am conscious of having deviated from that course which I at the moment knew was the commendable, laudable, and valuable. But in all these cases it seemed to me a complete avowal of my pecuniary situation would have blasted every prospect before me. But this is all an erroneous notion and is fabricated as a justification of error. And instead of its acting beneficially will in the end be disadvantageous if not destructive of your expectations.

It is not necessary for us voluntarily to tell our situation to every individual, but when we find there is a probability of doing an individual an injury by concealment, we should at least give a hint, sufficiently free from obscurity to be properly understood, that may weaken inquiry, but when that inquiry is instituted we should not shrink from our share of responsibility. It is now my determination so far as my feeble judgment may indicate, to avoid an injurious deception and to give a faithful and true account of my actions whether meritorious or otherwise. And when I am or may be culpable, to censure as freely and as severely as I may those of whom I may have occasion to speak. I will judge from actions and declarations as this is the only method from which we can approach the motive of the individual and as the motive of an action makes the actor culpable or justifiable. It is of importance we know it in order to pronounce a righteous sentence. This to me appears to be the most proper and judicious method of proceeding in every case, as every act must have a motive and we cannot divine the ideas of men before we see action or hear declarations by words, and we must judge of the motive from these two sources and the end to be accomplished, effect produced, or the tendency of these combined actions. And as the motive produces criminality we are forced to form an opinion on the ground before stated.

That you may have a more clear idea of the case which led to these observations, I will state it in Tyler's own words. After I had requested him as before stated, he says, "Captain, what is the Bill for the Boys?" "Twelve dollars," said Sanders.

"Well, as they do not know how much money they have yet to spend before they get a stand, will it make any material difference if they do not pay the whole of it a this time?" He did not say he would be responsible, but endeavored to create the idea that we were rather deficient in funds and that he himself had plenty and not only plenty, but it was equal substance to saying, "I will not go their security." Here I was astonished and almost stupefied. Asking him to wait only for a part when in this uncertain situation we wanted every cent we had and what was still more unjust and dishonorable (and plainly proves what I have before stated in reference to pride) to to cause the Captain to believe that we were unable to pay our expenses when, in fact, he was the very one unable to pay for one meal to satisfy the demands of appetite, and had a few minutes before borrowed money of us, and now not willing to assume a small responsibility for us. Here you see a man who had been receiving favors from us and with whom we divided, when about to separate and we knew not for how long nor what distance might intervene, yet he was not willing to give us any assistance, not doing us the small justice of a fair representation. Now I leave it to every unprejudiced mind whether it can be considered just and equitable for Tyler thus to have represented the present case. As we had or owned every farthing that was in the company and had paid his expenses for a considerable distance and indeed we did it with pleasure. He had at this time no better friend than myself and none that would have more cheerfully gave him assistance f I had been able and he required it and his previous kindness to me would have deserved it. But when this representation was made by him and calculated to so plain and direct an effect on us, I could not refrain from a description of so dishonorable an act. However, after taking him aside and talking for some time, Tyler agreed to become responsible for the debt and we parted in the attachments of friendship with ardent expressions of esteem and strong desires for the peace and prosperity we all required. It was with regret I left him who had enlivened many an hour that otherwise would have passed in gloomy and discontented reflections.

I now moved on once more under many considerations, tending to depress the active energies of the mind causing every scene to be robed in darkness and gloom and call the thoughts into a channel where retrospection instead of anticipation occupied the attention and tinged every prospect with a repulsive dreariness, more insupportable than the frigid temperature of the arctic circle. All seemed a vast waste, not a spot could I discover on which to build a hope, a complete state of despair appeared hovering around me, more deplorable and more dreaded than the silent mansions of the dead. I was almost ready to abandon so unequal a contest as seemed destined in every case to oppose, when it occurred to me, "Don't give up the ship."

It had its full effect in again raising up my determination never to abandon a good, possible, and laudable enterprise. Silence as to conversation was the natural result of such musings, and we both appeared much in the same mood. The friends we had left behind, the privation of all pleasures we seemed to have encountered, to come with redoubled force, bringing with it an enervating tendency. All who were related to us by the ties of consanguinity were far distant. Those that were familiar by long intimate acquaintance, with whom we had been raised and sported in the gay sallies of youth were absent enjoying in their place all that gaiety of which we in times never again to return had been partakers. And those who were endeared by every tie of respect for riper years, and worthy as being guides to inexperience and to whom we could unfold with pleasure our inmost thoughts and receive from them the wisdom age and experience, are left and to them we cannot apply for counsel or advice. Those who would as far as they had power divide the sorrows of life and assuage the tempestuous commotion that now agitates and disturbs our unsettled minds, are far beyond the reach of our complaints and all strangers to the chilling blast of misfortune, to hear from us, to see or hear or give assistance. We are now surrounded by strangers and must conceal our pain within ourselves. Who could, under all these accumulated sources of reflection, feel at ease? And where is the man enveloped by all these reflections, so destitute of feeling, that he could pass them by unnoticed? But, you will say, are these reflections calculated to be of any utility? They are not pleasurable or profitable, and why do you so intensely indulge them? Circumstances and situations control our thoughts and it cannot be avoided. If you burn your finger, the pain is consequent. Thereon will your attention be drawn. I say these ideas will never reach my object, but could retard my progress in a great degree in its accomplishment. Time thus spent is misapplied and as time is all my estate, it becomes me to use it to better purpose.

Instead of spending time in such debilitating reflections, let me contemplate the great object of every individual, happiness. Let them direct their attention to the accomplishment of any point, the primary and leading inducement to action of almost every description by the individual is calculated in the end to produce a greater sum of happiness, an enjoyment that would not be participated in in case of failure. This acts as a stimulus to nerve every exertion to obtain the end at which we may be aiming and wish to arrive. It removes every obstacle by perseverance, however formidable it may appear to those following a different course. Was it not for this stimulus we probably should live in perfect indolence and be insensible to enjoyment. Pope says that happiness is happiness and, philosophically speaking, I believe this to be the fact, but our ideas materially differ as it relates to the things and circumstances that will produce this effect or the course necessary to obtain it. The path I would choose in order to achieve its accomplishment probably by many would be considered repugnant. This want of coincidence in our ideas on this subject produces the vast variety of courses pursued to accomplish the same end.

I have long been satisfied that pure friendship(if there be such a principle as purity among mankind, and unshaken confidence reposed in the bosom of real worth and worthiness, placed on the foundation of well-tried and refined virtue, where benevolence joined with a peaceful disposition attends each moment) is the only source from whence this universally coveted and desired object flows. No other acquisition without it will produce it in all its purity. Honor, wealth, and the most extensive erudition, either separately or combined, are incapable of producing it. But when the preceding virtues are accompanied with them, they are then enabled to be more beneficial to our fellow man and extend the sphere of happiness, and cause those amiable virtues to wear a robe of more pure and brilliant luster. What can be more beautiful, more pleasant, more agreeable, or calculated to produce more perfect happiness than a virtuous, well-disposed, and informed mind. Nothing animate or inanimate is half so lovely or desirable, and nothing in this sublunary world can be compared to it. It is a foretaste of the pleasures of Heaven. I have drawn this conclusion from several sources and firstly from my own feelings at the present moment. How replete with consolation would all my feelings now be did I but possess such a friend as I have attempted to describe. And, secondly, from the fact that every individual, let is circumstances be what they may, is still unhappy and seeks a friend in order to fill the vacant source of pleasure. Had I a real friend in whom I could repose implicit confidence, these disagreeable hours would be changed to a serene and placid composure. This I may yet participate. Eighty days have only elapsed since anticipation filled this mind with prospects of peace. Imagination had created in all its beauty the pleasure I should receive where the warm sun should restore life and animation and the lovely appearance of Spring should be smiling around me. But much is yet wanting to make its beauties agreeable and charming. Had I now that friend with whom I could walk amid these beautiful flowers and view the grandeur of their animated appearance, such as ... who was one of nature's fairest productions, not only endowed with the beauty of animation but with an improved intellectual faculty, the lovely powers of which should be employed on investigating the laws of nature and the strict rules of morality. That should direct our course through the disastrous paths of life. But instead of this, my perambulations are alone and attended with anxious disquietude. Surrounded by strangers whose ways, customs, and dispositions are not familiar to me, who feel not the misfortunes, misery, or pain that attend those placed in their power or under circumstances like mine. They look with cold indifference, forgetting they belong to the human family, or in any way are subject to misfortunes or the calamities of mortal beings.

Now everything appears so to me, yet there must be people here who have no such idea and are are as good, as kind, benevolent and generous as in any other place, and who do not feel themselves exempt from the casualties of life. There are those too in all parts of the world who have suffered from misfortunes and are not strangers to distress. But, when the mind dwells so intensely on an unpleasant subject, every fact wears the same cold indifference.

Pursuing our journey in the mood and silence, as before stated, for a few miles, we were overtaken by a gentleman on horseback from appearance a traveler which on inquiry proved to be the case. He lived in Tennessee. After a few complimentary remarks had been passed, as he rode by the side of the carriage, that inquisitiveness so natural to men on subjects in which they are most interested began to show itself. We made numerous inquiries respecting the State of the stranger, in reference to the soil, production and salubrity of the country, and the prospects it held out to allow a physician, all of which were described as the most flattering and agreeable to our wishes. Had our funds been superabundant, we should have steered our course thither, or to South Carolina, or the lower part of this State. We should not have stopped at this place. In each of the former places an immediate prospect held the scale of probability in a more desirable balance, if the representations we had heard were true.

I cannot refrain from inserting here the ideas of the gentleman when we came to the subject of Religion, a name much abused by false and pretended professions. He says it is the source of disturbance in all countries and often, too often, is concealed under that as a cloak, the most deadly poison to peace both as a public and domestic nature, corroding the pure fountains of benevolence and good feeling. Even common justice is destroyed and friends and neighbors, once living in peace and harmony, become bitter enemies; as those who become professors imagine they are too pure to mingle in the society of mortal sinners and that a kind act is not required if it be to one who has not the mark of destination. This I can affirm from observation and experience, not only before but since I left home and have been traveling. Many of those who professed to have been born again were the most ready to take every advantage that could be taken and not subject them to the laws of the country, who were more afraid of the Legal Law than the Law of God. History gives evidence in abundance on this subject, but there is no necessity to bring the records of past ages to corroborate that which the observations of everyday satisfactorily prove to every unprejudiced mind. It is this which threatens the justly boasted freedom of our happy country and subjects it to a worse power than ever wielded the bigoted scepter of any country or chained the intellectual improvement of any nation. Pure and genuine Religion as taught by Jesus Christ, both by example and precept, has no such tendencies. Peace and pure benevolences follow it. But that interested sectarianism now prevailing is far from Religion.

Who are those now using every scheme to obtain the suffrages of our country? Look once at the numerous societies spreading in every direction and concentrating in one. And all have the completion of the same object in view, to assume the reins of government. Bible Societies, Tract Societies, Missionary Societies, Temperance Societies, and Begging itinerants that throng every nook and corner of our country to obtain money to use for Sectarian purposes exclusively. This accumulation of power in the end will crush our liberties, force improvement from our land, and curb the free exercise of intelligence. What kind of men wish to direct the Legislative, executive, and judiciary branches of our government? Priests who are fond of high places, wearing the mock robe of Religious Sanctity in order to conceal the diabolical schemes of hypocrisy, forcing people to believe or to act as though they did believe, that these parasites had entered the Sanctum Sanctorum of Heaven and there become purified from all gross Materials, declaring themselves to be the vice-gerents of Heaven to bring the mandates of God to a degenerate world, and that these must be obeyed or death temporal and Black Death Eternal await them. The scorching flames of God's omnipotent wrath will be eternally poured out on them if they dare to disbelieve or refuse to obey. What could be expected from such beings if once clothed with authority? You may bid farewell to every enjoyment of civil or political liberty, Strife and domination, dissension will fill your now peaceful homes.

Who are they that now are endeavoring to prejudice the mind of Brother against Brother provided they do not both believe in exact conformity to certain rules or tenets made by man? Are not these Priests the individuals who formed these divisions? Who are they, endeavoring to debar the just development of the human mind by throwing the youth of this and every other country the degrading manacles of Sectarian bondage? They are the Priests. They are the hireling parasites that infest every corner where proselytes, money, and power can be gained.

They too destroy the peace of neighborhoods, disturb the amity existing in families, and not unfrequently by their diabolical representations of that God who is good and merciful to all, of whom they pretend to be the vice-gerents, dethrone reason and destroy the most noble and elevated faculty which the creator gave to man, and by this mad procedure plunge a rational being and a brother into irretrievable ruin and misery. Can this be pure Religion? is this the tendency of that doctrine which came from the lips of Him who spake as never man spake? Are these the bitter fruits of those precepts which came from God who declared His tender mercies were over all his works and who gave His life for the sins of the whole world? No! It is impossible. It is a libel on the character of the creator. It declares Him to be less benevolent than man. It indicates Him to delight in pain and the torment of His offspring.

Our traveler related many cases where individuals had become quite insane from no other cause. Such examples are not rare and he found them in every portion of the world. He stated that in his neighborhood some difficulty was to be settled between two Priests and in the trial one was proved a downright liar, and in a few weeks this degraded one obtained some new idea or information against his opponent and on the second trial proved him to be a liar. All was done in the name of God. Is not this a beautiful picture of the veracity of those or many of them who pretend to be so good? In this case there must have been some hard swearing and shows that many of these people care but little about our modern hell if they can escape the law here. By the preceding observations I would not have you to understand that I deprecate real genuine Religion or piety, or that I have the least doubt of its realit, or that I disrespect these persons called ministers of the Gospel when their conduct and profession conincide. No. I love and venerate that man, whatever be his name or profession, whose life is spent in acts of humility and benevolence, who endeavors to mitiate the disquietude that surrounds the oppressed and unfortunate, and who justly endeavors to smooth the dark pathways of death by giving consolation in the dark moments of approaching desolution to those minds which cannot endure the idea of leaving this world without these prerequisites for a departure. It is the unjustifiable abuse of these salutary principles which I do really abhor and despise. And if the acts of those who cause the disturbances before mentioned are not violating every principle called or ought to be called Religion, I am a stranger to what can be called abuse. But if such proceedings be called religion and the duty we owe to our fellow man in this state of existence and that be the requirements of Jehovah, I must be excused from ever becoming a participator in things heavenly or that which produces such baneful influences. I desire that such rubbish be forever swept from my embrace and as for myself let me follow the path that leads to virtuous actions and real respectability during my short stay on this earth. If for so doing I must suffer the unceasing pains of endless torment hereafter, let me live here with a peaceful conscience.

I now leave my stranger to push on toward his own place of destination, where I hope he may arrive in safety and meet the welcome smiles of a benevolent and virtuous wife and family, and then live in peace until it please God to call him hence. So we parted.

Few are the men prepared to judge of the anxiety of the mind when placed under such circumstances as now encircle me. How to proceed, I can scarcely imagine in my own mind the most eligible course to take. This night will ever be held in fresh remembrance while reflection continues to employ her strength. No height of prosperity can ever efface it. No balmy sleep refreshed by weary frame and almost exhausted mind. Now to offer myself as a guardian to watch over the health and lives of mankind. As one from whom much would be expected even things beyond the power of human beings to accomplish, would be expected to to yield to my control. Should I be called on to act professionally, did I not immediately give relief and produce a beneficial effect however great and eminent the danger or malignant the disease I should be charged with ignorance and not worthy of confidence. Again even placing all this in the most favorable light, that success should immediately attend the first case.

Then there were those who placed implicit confidence in the Physician who had long practiced in this place, which success, and no doubt he deserves all the confidence they place on him. One work by him aimed at me would be taken as fact without investigation or evidence, andthen my prospects w0ould be shrouded once more in gloom at least for a season. My reputation was now to be established, not only as a Physician but as a man. My skill was now to be proved at a time when I stood in need of all these qualities and qualifications in ruinous. Where is the feeling mind, viewing every possibility and probability that have reposed under the aboe considerations. Some may say and think what they say, that all this indicates irresolution and weakness and an uncommendable concern. To those I willl only say, you judge too soon. Probably you have never had the trial of difficulties surrounding you on all sides, and if you have not, suspend your judgment a little longer and you may know by sad experience and learn to sympathize.

The people of this place all appeared sociable or at least all that could b induced to speak English, and were desirous of having a Physician in the place. But all spoke of the great skill of the gentleman before alluded to; but everyone spoke in their plain, downright way without once thinking of the insinuations their method of declarations carried with it. They would say, "We want a Doctor who understands his business." I immediately came to the conclusion from the unspared eulogies of my predecessor that whatever he said was law and gospel on any subject. To differ therefore from him, should we come in collision, would be considered as not "understanding my business," consequently detrimental, however erroneous his opinions might be. To follow such a course was not all agreeable to independence of mind, which I have determined to follow.

To speak my mind freely and fully on all subjects when required has ever been my practice and determination. Now ust I surrender this independence and acquiesce in silence? No. Never will I sacrifice those privileges of honest independence for gain. On the blind fanatical zeal of Religious votaries I may pass in silence, when argument is worse than useless to a listening multitude who have never thought for themselves. I say, act nobly, fearlessly, and calmly in every case; be guarded in every work you speak so that no advantage may be gained on you for want of proper discretion. But the confidence of the people must be obtained in order to accomplish the exercise of my profession. My situation required me to be doing. If I do not gain this important point, fail I must in a very short time. Now here I have principle and interest in direct opposition and both are of the first importance to me. One or the other may have to be sacrificed. To wear the garb of hypocrisy I could not bear the idea, and to fail for want of support was humiliation. But my principle I will not abandon. If my opinion should differ with those around me I have no quarrel with them because of opinion, and I can be silent, unless pressed to defend or decide. I have an object of great importance to accomplish and was this not done it would cause me to walk the gloomy path of unhappiness and to gain this point interest wields her powerful influence to an almost unbounded extent. A failure in this respect would not only be detrimental to myself, but would extend to those who had extended the kind hard of assistance, in the time of need, to whom I owed a large debt of gratitude. All these will exaggerate the pain of retrospection and forever annoy my felicity. But I will not forsake an upright principle in conduct for the sake of gain in property. o, let groan under acumulated proverty rather than knowingly act contrary to what I believe to be just to myself and to all others.

But twilight begins to illuminate the eastern horizon, and morning will soon dispel the darkness of this weary night. I must leave this downy pillow of repose where many have slumbered in peace and pleasures, if pleasure can belong to forgetfulness. My eyes have not slept or mind reposed during the long reign of night. The course I may follow will be pointed out in these pages and the errors I may commit specified with the cause that may have produced them.

Happy the man who is surrounded by friends of tried veracity, who has not to regard with fear the frowns of any, who is sufficiently independent in property to act as he wishes. Thrice happy is he who is not under the painful necessity of looking to the public for support, who is not dependent on the smiles of the great and fears not the frowns of prejudice. Never before have I so sensibly felt the situation of an expectd public man. No occupation can be more agreeable than the free and independent planter. No, I must leave such ideas. My calling is laudable. I have spent years in its acquisition, and now, why should I fear? Obstacles have before yielded to my perseverance and will at this time if it be judicially applied. Yet agriculture for all is the most peaceful mode of accumulating a competence and the most pleasant in it sexecution and attended with less anxiety and responsibility. When the shade of night draws her sable curtain, he can return to his home and family in peace and then enjoy the hours in domestic repose. There is no danger of producing a detrimental offense if he choose to differ from those around him, and ignorance or prejudice are incapable of affecting his interest.

The people in this place are descendants from the Germans and in conversation among themselves speak the German Language and these are some few of the old people who cannot speak English. This too is unfortunate, as it will be impossible for e to understand them or they me, and as a necessary result, I canot expect to be employed by them. Education is much neglected in this place and in this country. It is at property the mass of the people grasp and the grandeur attendant on its possession, and not at the superior splendor of intellectual refinement. It is really a matter of astonishment to me that people possesing ample means neglect so important a matter as education. It is not only important as it relates to the ordinary transaction of business and intercourse in society, but in a free republican government like ours where men are called from ordinary classes of society to fill offices of importance, of honor, and profit. Though every individual does not become a favorite of public confidence, yet it is no less important that all should be educated and understand the subject of legislation in order to select the best and most capable individuals as representatives.

But, leaving this important material out of the subject, no ornament is equal to education, no gem so valuable, no monument so durable, no enjoyment so great, and no pleasure so pure as that arising from a well-cultivatied mind. Wealth, after which we all so eagerly grasp, is mere insignificance when compared with intellectual superiority and should be valued as a means to obtain the latter.

May I here anticipate to find a safe and durable residence, and here may I live to see a spirit of education spring up and raise its beautiful temple in the midst of ignorance; and may the middle-aged and youth become enamored at its beauty and sublime grandeur and become votaries at the shrine of intellectual emulation. May I see them endowed with a noble ambition endeavoring to reach the temple of fame's towering height where scenes of divine beauty may be beheld. May peace and harmony ever cement us all in the bonds of real amity.

I will here remark in justice to the gentleman who keeps the public house in this place. Mr. John Grab used all his influence in my behalf and was very kind and active. And William A. Lash, the very gentleman spoken of as being in the store on my first visit on the 26th inst., though I have the same idea of him as indicated on that day and confirmed in the same more strongly by two days' acquaintance, yet he gave me all the information he could and all the encouragement kindness could give. But time will prove from whom it was the most disinterested. I now received much attention and respect from all. This, however, I look upon as nothing more than empty show and to be of an ephemeral duration.

Having arranged our affairs as before stated, Gage and I took our horses and rode a few miles into the country. We went as far as Oldtown, musing on time to come. How small a circumstance will elevate a man's feelings, even if it does not increase his wealth. Even this arrangement seemed to remove a load of anxiety from my mind and smiling hope drove for a short time depondency from my mind. Lively anticipation filled my soul. The ideal bark of prosperity was pleasantly wafted on the harmonious current of imaginary prosperity, and once more a ray of light seemed to illuminate the cloudy horizon that had for a long time hung over my head.

But how am I better off? If I do not immediately get into business this is only postponing the evil day a little longer, and accumulating its consequences. I have only gained one, the least point in my step toward procuring a living. I have made a stand, which must be done before I can expect employment. Then this much I may set down to my credit as gained, and nothing more. But hope, man's only solace in the hour of trouble and distress, was awakened, and on the wing even at this. Such is man's life, a continual elevation and depression, and such are the effects of small occurrences. Though I receive all these kind attentions and assurances, yet my real situation cannot be forgotten and in spite of every effort will at times throw the mind into despondency. But what have I before declared, "Don't give up the ship." Give way to no difficulty, discouragement, or obstacle which would cause you to abandon a laudable undertaking. These ideas should not depress but stimulate you to greater exertion. If you have much to oppose, increase your exertion and all will succeed.

Night calls for repose. Farewell, 29th!

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Morning came and with it a more settled state of mind, as it could be of possible utility to endeavor to penetrate that which was endowed with impenetrability. My health is improving and action must be my theme; to mourn and weep, to yield up the object without a trial is ignoble and should never be permitted to enter the mind, rise with energy, "look aloof," stem the tide of the opposing current and sink or swim, let your own exertion assist either way... such thoughts and the determinations resulting therefrom, were salutary. Our Medicine Books, etc., were now divided and other affairs arranged. Horses to the carriage and Gage and myself were on the road to Hausertown (Bethania).

Morning most beautiful and if there could be any indication of the future from this it most assuredly is far from an unfavorable one. But not placing on this everyday occurrence the last reliance, my ideas were arranged and their execution was at hand and must be attended to. We now took leave of Tyler and the family with whom we had become acquainted. The scenes and reflections occasioned by them will be described hereafter. Suffice it to say we parted with Tyler with regret as well as mortification at a declaration we had never in the least anticipated. We drove slowly toward our destined place, distance thirty miles. During the day we naturally spoke of home and laid down a few rules by which we would be governed in the future in relation to our own intercourse. We arrived at our place of destination before sundown and put up at John Grab's Inn. He is a small, active man full of vivacity and attention. His wife is German but the handsomest featured woman I have yet seen in North Carolina and, if I were to guess, I think she is a very amiable, peaceable, unassuming person, calculated to be a wife and make a husband contented.

An abridgement showing the places and distances as stated to us:

Month	Day	Date	Names of Inn	and	places	Dist.	County	State
April	Sun.	27	Hopeton	to	Head of Seneca Lake	28	Yates and Stuben	N.Y.
	Mon.	28	Head of Seneca Lake	"	Newtown	26	Stuben
			Newtown	"	Chemung	17	Chemung
	Tues.	29	Chemung	"	Tioga Point	4	Tioga
			Tioga Point	"	Towanda	20	Tioga	Penn.
May	Sun.	4	Towanda	"	Harrisburgh	200	Tioga	Penn.
			Down the Susquehannah by raft
			Harrisburgh	"	Middleton	9	Dauphin
			Middleton	"	Elizabethtown	12	Lancaster
			Elizabethtown	"	Columbia	12
			Columbia	"	Whitesville	1.5	Windsor
			Whitesville	"	Wondersmith's Inn	4
	Mon.	5	Wondersmith's Inn	"	Harfordtown	36	Harford	Maryland
	Tues.	6	Harfordtown	"	Warrenton Factory	19	Baltimore
	Wed.	7	Warrenton Factory	"	Baltimore City	17	"
	Thurs.	8	Baltimore City	"	Washington City	38	D.C.	D.C.
	Fri.	9	Washington City	"	Fairfax C.H.	18	Fairfax	Virginia
	Sat.	10	Fairfax C.H.	"	Centerville	8
			Centerville	"	Buckland	14.5	Faquire
			Buckland	"	Warrenton	8	Faquire C.H.
	Sun.	11	Warrenton	"	Jefferson	10	Culpepper
	Mon.	12	Jefferson	"	Fairfax	15	Culpepper C.H.
			Fairfax	"	Locust Grove	10	"
	Tues.	13	Locust Grove	"	Orange C.H.	11	Orange
			Orange C.H.	"	Sheshler's Inn	15	"
			Sheshler's Inn	"	Louisa C.H.	10	Louisa
	Wed.	14	Louisa C.H.	"	Yanceville	9	"
			Yanceville	"	Wid. Hayden's	11	Goochland
			Wid. Hayden's	"	Cartersville	15	Cumberland
			Cartersville	"	Woodson's Inn	9	"
	Thurs.	15	Woodson's Inn	"	Cumberland C.H.	9	"
			Cumberland C.H.	"	Wright's Inn	15	"
	Fri.	16	Wright's Inn	"	King's Tavern	12	Prince Edward
			Kind's Tavern	"	Morton's Inn	14	Charlotte
			Morton's Inn	"	Connolly's	10	Charlotte C.H.
			Connolly's	"	Murrill's Ferry	12	Halifax
	Sat.	17	Murrill's Ferry	"	Halifax C.H.	18	Halifax C.H.
			Halifax (Foot's)	"	Shelton	22
	Sun.	18	Shelton's	"	Danville	16	Pittsylvania
			Danville	"	Geo. Bethel's	15	Rockingham	N.C.
	Mon.	19	Geo. Bethel's	"	Scott's	14
	Tues.	20	Scott's	"	Capt. H. Sanders	18	Guilford
	Mon.	26	Sanders	"	Germanton	28	Stokes
	Tues.	27	Germanton	"	Bethania	9	"
			Bethania	"	Salem	9	"
			Salem	"	Capt. Sanders	22	Guilford
	Wed.	28	Capt. Sanders	"	Bethania	30	Stokes	N.C.

Having now selected this as my abiding place for a season at least and perhaps, it may be as long as I live, this may be considered a new chapter in the transactions of my fate. And I will say every man makes his own fate. Believing this, then, success depends on me alone. During the day my mind was much occupied on the gloomy prospect before me in which I was completely enveloped. Far from my native home and kindred, in the midst of those I knew not, entirely dependent on my own feeble efforts, without one single individual from whom to receive even an introduction, my resources reduced to the lowest point, capable of affording relief only a very short time in any situation either on the road or unemployment. Necessity was therefore close at my elbow declaring that employment must be speedily adopted.

Having had some conversation after our arrival with a few of the inhabitants who gave me but little satisfaction on the subject most interesting to me, and that was, what is the prospect? all appeared to be distrustful, hesitating, and indecisive in every word in relation to that which I most desired to know. All this may have been a mark of prudence in them, fearing that I might not understand what I professed, but however well they may have felt, in acting the cautious, it was far from being agreeable to me as I wanted to know at once if it could be considered a place under Professional Competence of ordinary prospect.

While engaged in these inquiries, the hour for retirement arrived and we were conducted to the chamber of repose " where mortals the sweets of forgetfulness prove," and here a new scene at once arose in brilliant shades of darkness and chased away the balmy restorer. No, not one moment could I expel the ideas from the mind and the night was spent in vigilance. It was a night long to be remembered. It seemed that no sleep had been set apart for me. My soliloquy was, Even if these people should receive me and business should not immediately follow, what am I to do then? What resource is left? I have proclaimed myself to be a Physician and they are now doubtful of the fact, and will be until some practical evidence be produced. Books, medicine, and words will not do. And if I fail and resort to something else, it will be a confirmation of their suspicion. And when all my little means are exhausted and heavy demands stand unsettled, can I exist on indulgence, or ask for it when I see no chance of bettering my situation?

What avails all these fears? Why lie here and indulg on what by possibility may occur? Are you never to commence until you have a competence to sustain you for years or until some generous individual solicits you to receive him as assuming all responsibilities? If you are to wait for either you will die in despair, for from what source can you expect a competence to come? None on earth but your own exertion and energy. Do you want assistance? Then prove yourself capable of performance and willing to act in the sphere you have chosen and your prospect of obtaining will be double. Mind the proverb, "Help yourself and God will help you." Venture. This you must and if you fail in the attempt, why venture again? Some benefit will arise from energetic industry. It will and must have its reward. You will either succeed or in the attempt learn the cause of failure, and both are of consequence.

Little indeed do these people imagine the feelings of the stranger and may God in the plentitude of his unbounded mercy grant that none hereafter may feel what I have endured for several days. Having, however, concluded to try what could be done, hoping that Providence would smile once more on a destitute mortal, I concluded to use all my powers of persuasion in the morning to obtain a place of shelter and sustenance if there should be any difficulty.

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Bethania, North Carolina

We left Germanton soon this morning for Hausertown, properly called Bethania, distance nine miles, and arrived there at nine o'clock. I suffered much for a short time this morning from a slight return of those symptoms that had caused me so much pain and suffering for the few preceding days. We stopped in Hausertown at Christian Lash's store. here we made many inquiries of a young man in the store, dressed in a long surtout coat. He would say nothing positively but appeared quite careless and indifferent, indeed such was his general appearance. He would always refer us to Dr. Shuman near Salem. I immediately judged that he was afraid of offending this Doctor or else was connected and wished him to retain his practice. I have one observation to make in relation to this man and that is, he is close, has a counterance of deep deception, a mild disposition to the beholder, calculated to draw confidence and gain friends, but all from selfish motives. He will never do a good act when he cannot be detected. Self-interest binds him. All this I drew from his looks and way of answering Tyler, who talked some time with him. I felt too feeble for interrogations. I now really wish someone would now give me a history of this man that I could see how well I had guessed.

At this place we inquired if there was a tavern and was answered in the affirmative; then we asked how long before we could get breakfast, and was told we could have it in two or three hours. This, we concluded, was longer than our distance would sanction, so we went and finished our conversation in the store and started for Salem, distance nine miles. The singularity and the indefinite answers of Lash occupied my attention considerably. To hear a man when asked a simple, plain question, involving no one, respecting his ideas of the place where he resides and the situation of the country for a few miles around, and then refer us to Doctor Shuman when he, without any more words, could have given us all the information required. But every man has a way and this seems to be his, and if he acts it to suit himself, he will ahve none else to reproach.

This is a place of Germans and I suppose every family in it are of German origin. This place looks old and the houses have the appearance of decay and require repairing or rebuilding. Some few will do very well. It contains, agreeable to lash, about one hundred and seventy-five inhabitants. I suppose when we ask Doctor Shuman we shall have it completely. From here we went to Salem and took dinner at Warner's Tavern in the place. This also is a German town, full of Moravians. It has more the appearance of business than any we have visited in Stokes County. Houses are low but have the appearance of comfort. Here is a Moravian Church and here also is located the far-famed Female Academy of North Carolina. We visited several of the curiosities of the place and also the graveyard. This to me appeared quite singular as all memorials were placed horizontal. The Potter's garden, or the Cedar Tree in it, was curious and pleasant. By the extensive and perfect shade it produces, at a distance it looks like a well-make stack of hay. The boughs are all running through each other, and the internal limbs have been cut away so that it forms a most beautiful dome. It must be a most delightful place in a warm summer day.

After spending a few hours in this place we left for Guilford, Captain Saunders's, distance twenty-two miles. We arrived a little after dark. Tyler was in good spirits and full of his natural turn of mind, jocularity. As for myself, I declare I felt as though the world had no charms for me. i could see no favorable prospect with all powers of discernment I possessed. I could see no favorable prospect to obtain the necessary products the hungry wants of man solicit. I never did, to my recollection, see everything in reference to myself in so unfavorable a light. I reflected and re-reflected, endeavored to change my thoughts, and place them in every form, yet the same dark side would always appear foremost and plainest. After having exhausted my mind in these unpleasant musings, sweet sleep came to my relief and closed the unpropitious scene with the conclusion that I would the next day go to Hausertown and there wait until my health should indicate a continuance of my search for a location more permanent and favorable.

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Germanton, North Carolina

During my confinement Tyler had become somewhat acquainted in the neighborhood of Sanders and concluded to stay and seek no further. After this determination was made known and my health yet too feeble to start a long journey, we concluded we would take one more ride together before we parted. Accordingly, we started this morning for Germanton in Stokes County, a distance of twenty miles. i felt so much debilitated after getting in the warm sun that I could scarcely sit up. We arrived in Germanton before sundown and put up for the night at John bitting's. The landlord was absent. His son, a small little fellow, was very active and answered many of our questions in a very intelligent manner. The Lady had every appearance of a most amiable woman, but her earthly cares, I think, will be short as she has every appearance of being afflicted with that fell disease, consumption, the sure destroyer of human life. Our fare was good and common and treatment the same. i imagined as we sat down at the table the lady thought we were preachers, as I had a very long hypocritical face produced from the few days sickness I had undergone, as she waited for some time after we were seated before she gave us our tea.

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Guilford County, North Carolina

Still improving. Morning very pleasant and agreeably warm. but what are my feelings, do they mount on Ariel wings and soar away in raptures of gratitude to Him who holds in His hand the destinies of the whole world; do I feel that humble awareness for the many blessings bestowed on me, which should fill the mind of every creature of intelligence; do I bow in humble submissive to His will. But one thing I cannot agree with many in believing, and that is in relation to the Sabbath and attending meetings. i feel myself under no compulsion to refrain from traveling on this day. I, for one, believe that doing anything which necessity requires in not committing a crime, but to neglect doing it and loss occurs from such negligence in any shape is a sin. And the same is the case in relation to so much time being spent in going to meeting to the neglect of other important business absolutely necessary for the comfort of many a poor family. I believe that ma man may be just as good and his meditation just as acceptable to God in his own house or riding along the road as he can at church. On this point and several others connected with Religion, Tyler and I had a lengthy argument today in the Captain's porch. He vindicated in the strongest terms the Calvanistic doctrine of everlasting punishment after death; and I the reverse that all punishment was confined to this life where the crimes are committed. We parted as we commenced in relation to conviction, and I expect were all who had the patience to listen. Tyler talked just for the pleasure of talking, not believing fully the doctrine vindicated, and I from a firm belief.

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Guilford County, North Carolina

All passed much as the 21st except Saturday when I found myself able again to use my limbs and retain the center of gravity sufficiently to walk the floor. As soon as this improvement had taken place I found desire in full operation and all my wants return, and I again found myself planning schemes of action full of hope and promise. I could not set down in idle inactivity a moment. I wished to be once more on the road seeking for the destined spot whereon to lay the foundation of my professional career. Thus as health improved, anxiety increased.

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Morning once more comes. I feel no pain. A weak and feeble state seems to pervade every limb and nerve. I feel as though motion was impossible. I have no corroding anxiety to aggravate the disease today. A placid serenity hovers round the mind and reconciles me to my fate. A mixed sensation of I cannot tell what or have. I have no want or desire except a little cold water. Thus has disease leveled all my ambition, fears, or hopes. All sunk, fled, gone. How different. How changed.

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Guilford County, North Carolina

I could see no bright aspect in the dark and gloomy horizon through which I was wandering. All appeared unpropitious and repulsive. my respite from suffering did not continue long this morning. But in this respect I was not disappointed because I was aware that another paroxysm would occur and prepared myself to receive it with resignation. This morning I was solicited strongly to partake of food, but I loathed the sight and smell, consequently refused to attempt it. The day passed away without taking notice of any particular except the unabated attention of Gage. He was constant at my bedside using every endeavour to make my situation as comfortable as he could. The medicine I was using operated well and much abated my suffering so that when evening came, I felt more like enjoying repose than I had for several nights passed. I really longed for a night of good sleep once more, not only for my own benefit, but that I need not disturb my friends whose rest had been much disturbed for several nights in consequence of my restlessness. Yet, I cannot tell why my mind was filled with fear and distrust, mingled with hope, which in a sick individual produces a species of disagreeable anxiety which I ever endeavoured to conceal within my own mind that others should not feel them or see that they were preying in my bosom. Night came, and silence seemed slowly to muffle every noice, and I requested Tyler and Gage to lay down and enjoy the silence so inviting and that if I should require assistance I would call them, that my inclination was to sleep. Now I was left to myself and a deathlike silence pervaded everything around me. I endeavored to assume an easy position to invite sleep, but in vain. No shapeor situation would solicit it. How unpleasant the situation to be unable to close your eyes, in feverish restlessness to be in a kind of stupid half wake, dreaming. The feeling cannot be described, but never forgotten when once endured. It is a dull, active state of animation, turn and turn and return. You find neither ease or sleep. Your eyes seemed forced open and will not close. Such was my case during this apparently long and tedious night.

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Guilford County, North Carolina

At the approach of the long wished for dawn I rejoiced, but my hopes of an amelioration of suffering were sadly disappointed. This morning rose unrefreshed from my bed and made preparations to prosecute our journey. We now drove Fourteen miles to Scott's. Here we made a short stay to refresh our horses, as the day was very warm. I can give no account of the Country or public houses, as I feel sensibly the approach of an attack of severe disposition. Of consequence, I observed little or nothing. From Scott's we drove Eighteen miles to the place above mentioned (Capt. H. Saunders'). Indeed, my anticipations are deplorable and feelings the most unpleasant, not because I fear the approach of death or that I in the least imagine my indisposition is marked with any unfavourable or fatal symptoms. No, this does not so much cause my despondency of mind as my pecuniary situation. When am I, and under whose protection, and what is y ability to remunerate services that may be performed for me? And if it shall be my misfortune to remain in this helpless situation for months, to whom can I look for assistance? my companions are as destitute, if not more so, and it will require all they have for their own convenience. To these, then, I cannot apply. Well then, I must depend on the benevolence of strangers and e completely dependent and beholding to those who know not who I am and care less, whose sole object in administering to my wants is the sum to be received at death or restoration to health. This to any extent I do not possess, hence my despondency.

Another feverish excitement seized both mind and body, thus I felt tortured both in mind and body. After some time spent in disquiet and the proper arrangements were made with the Landlord for the night, Tyler and Gage came into the room and I do believe they both felt as Brothers toward me; their incessant attention to everything in relation to my comfort was by them cheerfully attended to. Their kindness and assiduous attention to my every necessary want alleviated many an anxious moment. had I been a near relative they could not have been more kind and attentive. And for this kind and generous treatment I do feel grateful, notwithstanding it is a duty we owe to our fellow man. Yet under all circumstances, if properly considered, connected with us, they could not well have acted otherwise because we all left the same place, under similar situations and in mutual agreement, concentrating on the same object, and some considerable degree we even were dependent on each other in order to acomplish that object. But leaving all this aside, and admitting no dependence, I yet believe they would have been the same. Such are my ideas in relation to them, and so I feel toward them. And I really should be sorry that any circumstance should arise which would anihilate this amity and good feeling. It is such as we all should have. It is a benevolent sensation and productive of real happiness, in retrospection. And should distance separate us, a very probably occurrence, this will afford a mucleus round which leisure may find a pleasant recreation.

I now became sensible that my situation forbade further progress until a better state of health was acquired and that the postponement of medicine would be attended with disadvantage, as a morbid disarrangement of the system had taken place to that extent not likely to be soon removed without the necessary means. Accordingly, this I commenced immediately. Such as I required was prepared and administered by Dr. Tyler, which in time produced its effect and removed much of the oppression and pain under which I had for some time laboured and toward morning I fell into broken slumber and a slight moisture of the surface. I do not know on what subject my mind was mostly occupied during the night. Everything seemed whirling round in a circle. All was uproar and confusion.

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Rockingham County, North Carolina

From Shelton's we drove fifteen miles to Danville in Pittsylvania County where I first heard the word Chinquapin spoke, and indeed the man who spoke it did not speak it fully. The individual we had observed in rather close connection with a mulatto girl was earnestly talking to some Ladies who were just preparing to leave the lawn, and they soliciting him to resist their father's family, and at last said, "When will you come?" and his reply was, "About chink time." I indeed wondered what thime that could be. It was beyond my lexicon, having never before heard such an expression. From some little inquiry I found it was the time Chinquapins ripened in the latter part of August or first of September.

As this is the last meal I expect soon to eat in this State, i feel some little inclination to make a memorandum of it, though it is in fact what I must term a Virginia meal for all are must the same, let the time of the day be as it may, with the exception of the bitter coffee, instead of which you have milk, a much better beverage if the article be good. But this is not often the case. Milk here has not that pleasant flavour imparted to rich clover pastures. Dinner then consists of warm biscuit made up with cold milk or hot water and nothing added to make it light; cornbread, bacon or ham boiled, and bad butter, sometimes and not infrequently sweet potatoes, lettuce or boiled Greens. Not the first mouthful of raised or light bread have I tasted since I left Washington City and have not, i believe, seen one Bake Oven. All Biscuit! Biscuit! I loathe the sight and shudder at the name. I have used it so long that I had much rather sit down to a table where there is not a particle of the staff of life than to be molested by the sight of these whetstone biscuits. They really produce a nauseous feeling the moment I see them. Had it not been for the cornbread, or hoecake as it is termed, I must have suffered more than I have. It is much to this cause I attribute my present state of ill health. I have been so long without light bread it would hardly be advisable to have a sufficient to satisfy my appetite at once.A few mouthfuls at a time would be better until I again become accustomed to it. Water has no good taste, which with the whetstone bread in addition, produces a derangement of the bowels. Coffee is another article I do not like, yet I have it regular every meal. I must have some fluid when I eat and neither the water or coffee agrees with me. This latter is very good medicine when properly used, but to use it as a beverage every day at table, as strong as it is prepared here, cannot be congenial to health. As to tea. They do not understand how to make it or how to choose good from bad. Call for it at a public house. Ah! Yes, you can have it. Well, it is set before you. It is as pale as death and you will think it has in reality fainted. Taste it and it will require a good level of discrimination to tell whether it be anything more than hot water, cream and sugar... or tea. And as to its being prepared clean and nice, you must not think of that subject. Imagine that some neat, old Negro woman or man made it and your relish will increase in a quadruple ratio.

From Danville we drove to General Bethel's in Rockingham County, North Carolina, where we stayed all night. After leaving Danville a few miles, as we were passing a house, a Gentleman stepped to the door and says to those around him, "There goes some Yankees," knowing us to be Northern men by our carriage, etc., and immediately called to us. After making a few inquiries, he said if we wanted to wait a few moments he would accompany us some distance, as he was a resident of Lincolnton in a county by the same name, and was well acquainted in that and several others, having once been a dry goods peddler in Rockingam, Guilford, and Stokes, but was now a merchant in the place before mentioned. From his conversation we knew him to be a Northern man by birth, which when asked, he acknowledged. Now, I believe it to be generally the case that individuals far around the place of their nativity are delighted to see an individual from the same country though they may have never seen each other before. As he was in his own conveyance, a carriage with two horses, one of our company generally rode with him. From this man we learned much respecting the Southern country and the manners and peculiarities of the people. He was pleasant and agreeable and communicative in this conversation but showed none of the Pedant. As for myself, I cared little for conversation being quite sick and suffering severe pain incessantly. Few can feel as I felt while steadily and slowly moving from home to I knew not where; every sudden move of the carriage was almost insupportable to me, yet I was disposed to go on in hopes to see the gathering storm scatter before it burst its threatened violence, and the same time hoping that every day would present one of us at least with a place or a situation where we could have business and at the same time give an idea of home, because the home of one would have been the home of all, in sickness we all now felt as brothers. And at this moment my feelings indicated a place of rest and comfort. I was so weak and feeble that it was with great difficulty I could get out and in the carriage. And during the whole day suffered so much from constant severe pain that I could have lamented aloud if there had been the least prospect by so doing to have mitigated my suffering. But, having for some years considered it a mark of feminine weakness to complain audibly, I endured it with a murmur above my breath.

We arrived at Gen. Bethel's just at dark. Supper was soon in readiness and I with the rest sat down to the table but could not eat one morsel. Drank one cup of fainted tea and left the room and company in order to suffer alone and not molest the happiness of others. In this respect I am not of disposition that if I am deprived of enjoyment, I wish all others to be. No, I am fond to see my friends happy, even if I am the worse.

I think this night is the second time in my life that I felt and really sighed for sweet home and all its familiar endearments. no place, however magnificent, is half so pleasant as where we were cradled in the dawn of existence; no voice so sweet as that of Parents in the hour of distress, of pain and sickness. None can be so interested and familiar and will so readily extend the kind hand of assistance in all innumerable little offices required. I hardly can decide which is the most deplorable, to be in a situation to demand these attentions or to be unable to obtain them when required. I think the former must be the worst. But in my soliloquy I would say grieve on this occasion? I can bear pain here as well as under the paternal roof, I can be sick here as well as there and if this must be the dreaded moment I had just as lief resign my earthly cares here as in the bosom of my friends. Why, then, give way to those childish wishes? It may be it is because they are such. They are Pure and free from all hypocrisy or deceit. They are the feelings of the mind in its uncontaminated moments when it is not swayed by the allurements of the world. No, it will never do. Rouse up under pain and disappointment. It ill becomes a man to give up, sink down and die in despondency. After having indulged for some hours, as far as suffering would permit, in such ideas, we arrived at Captain Hezekiah Sanders' just at dark in Guilford County.

i now summoned up all the resolution at my command and went to bed and endeavored to hope the repose of the night would give some relief and the morning would find me better. But alas, sweet sleep came not to my relief, a feverish restlessness pervaded the mind and whole system and, surrounded as I was by perfect silence, added still to the horror of my feelings. I alone seemed negligent.

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Halifax County, Virginia

We were on our way this morning at an early hour. The roads were not as good as for the last days. The morning was remarkably foggy, damp, and cool. The dew fell in immense quantities last night. The dew here seems to be much more abundant than in the North. It would drop from the trees as we passed along as after a shower of rain. it appears there is much more attention to the cultivation of tobacco along the road traveled this morning than we had before observed. Large quantities of newly cleared land probably may have been the cause. The land in the Valley of the Staunton River is of the best quality. The soil here luxuriant and productive. We saw many large fields of wheat in the valley or at least its growth was good. No better looking grain can be found than we observed in the bottom land, and we also saw many good pieces of upland wheat.

It is here, as before stated, people build at a distance from the road and turn their chimneys out of doors. We are now in Halifax County and have just passed the County Seat. The public buildings in this county are not elegant or convenient and are principally constructed of wood. Taverns are not furnished with proper houses for ordinary travelers, as you have no convenience of sheds under which you may drive during a storm of rain or to shelter you a few moments from the heat of the sun. If you wish for shelter you must have your horses put in the stable. It may be a lucrative convenience for the Landlord as they cannot permit a slave to unhitch your horses for less than nine pence, or a quarter of a dollar. Even if you stay but ten minutes and your horses eat not one morsel. This I consider a great disadvantage in traveling in this part of the United States. In New York there is none of this and if you wish a few moments rest fr yourself and horses, you may have a shade from the sun or a shelter from the rain under which also your horses may stand. Another more great inconvenience is the great expense of traveling. You can travel in the State of New York one hundred miles with less expense than you can here fifty. It is at least this much difference.

There is much less energy exhibited here than in any other State in which I have traveled. Take it in any way you please, in work, wit, or humour. Among the white people you will see but very little. No animation, liveliness existing, no humour or wit can be seen or heard. Call at a tavern and all is mute except their looks, and from the close survey of your person, appearance, and equipage, the Bill is in mind and the probably amount of your purse is estimated. You hear no argument, no conversation, except it be respecting some horse race or fox hunt, or something equally trivial and uninteresting. However, you may sometimes hear a fellow say he purchased a likely Negro fellow the other day and sold him immediately to a negro trader or speculator and he "done first-rate business by doing so." Made fifty Dollars advance, etc., etc. The ladies in Virginia in general are delicate in form with good features and pleasant countenances, easy in manners and much more animating in conversation than the men. They, however, do no domestic labour that is not easily performed or at least very few of them. Servants are in the kitchen and Parlor Maids. Men and women are employed in the fields or in the house as circumstances indicate. It does appear that the mind can become accustomed to any species of hardness. It has been truly said that custom is a second nature, etc. A thing that is specifically just once is always just, may have been controverted. Yet that which has received the sanction of the Holy Scriptures and also one of the most important requisitions of Jesus Christ, "do unto others as you would they should do unto you," must be as obligatory in acting toward a slave as in or in intercourse with those who are our equals. But it seems to me that such an idea is never once acted on here.

Stayed all night in Halifax County at Shelton's private entertainment. Nothing of consequence observed.

My health is gradually failing. I feel despondent. For the last three days I have been incapable of participation in the enjoyment of my companions. Too feeble to observe te passing scenes, I have had no interest in them, or tey do not interest me. How close is the intimacy of mind and matter, and how sympathizing for each other. It is absolutely necessary for a healthy play of mind for it to be connected with a healthy play of the system. If any considerable derangement takes place in the digestive functions, the digestion of the mind becomes impaired, its healthy action clogged, and nothing will produce a pleasant sensation while the system is thus enfeebled.

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Prince Edward County, Virginia

We stayed last night at the Bell Tavern (King's Inn), Prince Edward County. Started early this morning and passed Sidney College. Elegant buildings and beautifully situated and now contains only about seventy-five students. not far from this place is a Theological Seminary. Look on the extent of Slavery and the Moral degradation to which they are reduced, and by whom it is produced. To me it does not appear that much benefit has been produced by such an institution; but it may be in its infancy and not yet fully matured to shed its luminous rays on the inhabitants of this place and community. From all indications it will hear anything except the Gospel, centuries must yet be swallowed up and sink into oblivion before the inhabitants of this place can say they have no slaves.

We left Charlotte County a little before sundown. Nothing particular occurred. The roads tolerably good. Land poor and unproductive. Yet you could once in awhile see a beautiful plantation with neat comfortable and elegant buildings on it. But these are few and far between. These, I suppose, may be taken as an indication of wealth and the proprietors to be rather above the common level of his less fortunate neighbors, and were it not for the dark spots to be seen here and there in every direction I should think contentment had here found an abode. But, as it is, while thousands around them are destitute not only of common liberty but of the comforts of life and existence. I do not comprehend how a human being can be happy. But take the State of Virginia so far. You would not imagine there could be much wealth, yet it is said to be vastly so. Their property consists in slaves and show of person more than Land and convenience. The Blacks do all the labour. Convenience is not much studied, as it is plenty convenient enough for a Gentleman or Lady to get up and say, after walking twice the distance to help themselves, "Tom... or Silve... reach me that," or "give me a drink of water," or if anything is to be done it is no trouble to wait three times as long as it would require to do it, for a slave to come and preform the labour, to say nothing of the vexation necessary in telling them how it must be done.

I was much astonished at such apparent helplessness in Virginia. If a man wanted his horse from the stable and that not more than five rods distance from where he might be, he would call a servant if in order to get him he had to wait an hour and at the same time walk ten times the distance to his horse. Yet, to do the labour is quite too low and humiliating for the slaveholder. it is, I believe considered a disgrace. Or, it may be they think it indicates poverty to see a man wait on himself. Such scenes were not familiar to me and are not such I would recommend or practice.

Here men buy up Slaves for speculation and drive them farther South where they bear a better price, and it is no more deprecated or detested than the purchasing of cattle for market. Many individuals have made independent fortunes at this detestable traffic. From what little observation I was enabled to make, these slave traders were men more respected than the common people. Is not such a state of society deplorable! What, in a land of liberty and a Christian country, to hold in higher estimation the dealer in human flesh than the common, industrious mechanic or honest peasant.

We crossed the Staunton River at Coles Ferry. We forded it, water about three feet deep. Put up for the night immediately after crossing at Murril's Inn. Here I saw and heard one of those pretended Christians and a preacher too who held slaves. He had the impudence to insult the throne of Grace by asking a blessing at the table and to go to prayer after supper. Oh! Monster, how dare you insult Heaven. Will the Infinite God of Mercy harken unto such a being as you. How dare you open your unhallowed lips in aspirations to Himand ask for grace and Mercy to descend on you. Vile wretch, who has no mercy on these poor degraded creatures, held in bondage under your polluted hands. Do they not implore you to give them back to liberty and freedom; do they not on bended knees plead with you to spare them their wives and children, their fathers and Husbands when you are about to sell them to traders? And do you regard such pure entreaties, which you know is entirely free from hypocrisy? No, Stern Monster, you turn a deaf ear and grasp the betraying Gold. Go! Hide your head in some secret place, and never again cast a stigma on Christianity by your impious pretense of being a good Christian... much less a preacher of Good news and Glad tidings which shall be to all people, unless you endeavor to free your slaves. Such was my indignation at this man that I could with difficulty restrain myself within respectable bounds. indeed it seemed to me to be a sin sufficiently enormous not to be forgiven in this life or that which is yet to come. But who can remedy it? It must be so or at least it is so.

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Cumberland Court House, Virginia

Morning clear and pleasantly cool; this, I think, is generally the case in a Southern climate. We continued on toward Cumberland Court House. Roads continue excellent and our traveling pleasant. Arrived at the Court House and took breakfast at Hopson's Inn. This place is quite small containing only between thirty and forty inhabitants. My health seems declining. It has appeared to me all day that it was impossible for me to sit in the carriage and as a natural result I feel cold despondency yawning over me. But my glorious motto, "Don't give up the ship," is ever ready to step into my assistance and in some measure chase despair out of sight. And the more I pondered over the words of our Brave but unfortunate Lawrence, the more I loved them. When properly considered and acted on they will, in those dark moments, have a beneficial effect. They would seem to say, "Though you may think all efforts will end in nothing, your situation may be etter. Ah! Sacred Hope ever present in the most gloomy moment.

My reflections for the last two days have been of a disagreeable nature in every particular, feeling the failure of health in the energy of the system naturally produced a corresponding effect on the mind in relation to that mortal part which returns to its Mother earth. I viewed as to myself all sublunary things of but little importance and to be beyond my feeble grasp. Moments of utter despair would seize me in spite of every effort until I would view some barbarous cruelty to slaves and this would enlist all my feelings, and the mind would contemplate that. What can the people of Virginia think in the sober hours of refection, if such moments ever occur to the slaveholder. Even allowing custom and familiarity to have its whole influence, in paralyzing the feelings of humanity and benevolence, yet I must think they must feel at some times the keen stings of a guilty conscience, the working of the worm that never dies... and above all, and over all, Gentlemen moving in the most elevated circles of society (it may make no difference where all are guilty) are greeted by the soft voices of Females, in the most pleasant manner, when these identical individuals are connected in the most intimate manner with the female slaves, whom they treat as Dogs or beasts of burden. No! this is not the blackest picture. After having this diabolical intercourse, the fruits of which may be seen in every section of the country through which we have passed, these demons in the shape of men sell them as he does his hogs or horses.

Where does Christianity sleep? Is there no still, small voice speaking to him who deprives of liberty God's intelligent creatures? How can those who profess to be led and conducted by those pure and Heavenly precepts and examples taught as never man spake, tolerate in their own families a continuance of Slavery? I would often think, it was impossible for a Christian by profession to hold Slaves under any pretext whatever because every principle of slavery is in direct opposition to Christianity. Does Jesus Christ give one precept that can be tortured into an indication that to deprive a human being of liberty and expose him to be sold in accordance with or in direct opposition to his will formed any part of Christianity or that the principle of so doing be justified? If any such permission be given by our Divine Master, I do not recall it; and, from what I do know he said, I am confident Slavery in any shape is in direct opposition to the tenor of the Gospel. This is now my opinion an feelings on the subject. But it may be that a more extensive knowledge and longer acquaintance will produce a change in some measure. Self, so dear to us all, when combined with interest may induce me to act quite differently from what now appears just and equitable in regard to Slavery. Man, I believe, is much the creature of circumstances and at one time may do things without compunction which once he may have considered himself incapable of having committed.

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We left Louisa court House soon this morning and took breakfast in Yanceville, nine miles from L.C. House at one Hayden's, a most miserable place. Landlady and Lord, Parlor, Dining room and furniture, Kitchen and victuals, servants and children, things of every name and description, from, color, or size both in, out, around about the whole establishment was poor, mean, low, and dirty. Indeed I concluded this one house must have attracted all the smoke and dust from not only the village but the surrounding country to considerable extent. But when the reconing was served up it was so elevated that it must have been clean. But our stay was short and if I ever retrace my steps I will make sure this man will not have the satisfaction of changing my money.

From here we proceeded on for Goochland, a distance of eleven miles and situated in the west part of the country. Just before sundown we crossed James River just below the junction of the River at Cartersville in Cumberland County and then drove nine miles from Cartersville to Woodson's Inn and put up for the night. The roads today were the best we have seen since we entered Virginia. There was some satisfaction in riding once more over roads more level and through a part of the country with a more fertile soil. After the morning cloud had been swept away by the mild Zephyrs of May and the sun shone in his full splendor, though his rays produced a little more than a comfortable heat, yet the effect was much counteracted by the tall forest trees that stood on both sides of the road, now in full bloom with beautiful green. Along the road a great portion of the land is covered with timber. We passed today some of the most extensive wheatfields I ever witnessed, and the same may be said of the fields planted in corn. And today was the first time I ever saw fields prepared for the planting of the Tobacco plant. I could not at first imagine for what purpose there were so many little mounds raised in the field, as it was full of cones raised about ten or twelve inches high and at the base about fourteen inches in diameter. The Saw Mills here stand on dry land and are propelled by slave power. We saw several of this description. It appears a low way to make plank.

Jame River at Cartersville where we crossed is said to be three hundred and sixty yards wide. Cartersville is quite a pleasantly situated place containing about two hundred inhabitants and among the number are four Doctors and one Preacher of the Presbyterian order, and what is singular, there are no lawyers. And what makes it appear strange: the characters of these Professions are so similar that when you hear of one, the idea of deficiency is immediately created. And in almost all cases when you find one you will find the others two.

From this place we proceeded on toward Cumberland Court House, over as pleasant a road as heart could wish or traveler expect. Woods on either side of the road the greater part of the distance from Cartersville to Cumberland C. House. We were, however, overtaken by night before we could get to a place of entertainment and owing to the thickness of the forest on each side of the road, it was very dark, and the wet places in the road and the hollows on each side presented the same appearance, and by this we were so much deceived that our carriage got upset and overselves and trunks spilt on the wet ground, and in almost Egyptian darkness. For a moment it produced a little state of derangement and a very peculiar sensation when we found we were turning, where we could not tell. Those who wish for a description of the feeling must try it and it will be perfect. But after the first moment of surprise was over, we found we were yet on the earth and though we could not see, yet we knew we had hands and feet and could feel, by the use of which we found our situation to be easily remedied, which was soon done. Our trunks were reloaded and we as well, seated in the carriage as ever, but we were a little more cautious of the same deception and in a few moments we emerged from the woods ino the open field where we could see much better, and in the course of fifteen minutes we arrived at Fulton Wood', a tavern, and tarried until daylight gave us a better opportunity of finding our way. Ourselves and our trunks were not injured. Here again my motto occurred to me, "Don't give up the ship." to sit down and cry under difficulties will never answer. You must set your mind at work instantly to see how you are to get ought of it and as soon as you are satisfied of this fact, go immediately tat work to put your plans in execution. Do not wait for others. if you have matured your ideas, communicate them and have them acted on, as quick as the nature of the case will admit.

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Orange County Court House, Virginia

Domestic happiness has here found a pleasant abode. Both man and wife are agreeable, cheerful, and lively. She presided at the table adding sweetness to the repast. This man's companion appears the most mild and amiable female I have seen in traveling and, added to these qualities of the mind, she is possessed of all the other points of attraction... youth and beauty. everything here indicated contentment. Such a place makes the traveler wish for his own domestic fireside if he has one and, if not, causes him to long for the possession of such earthly happiness.

To me it appears evident that people could do much better here if they would. They do not move than half cultivate the land. Almost every plantation exhibits the poorest cultivation imaginable. You will see some farms well fenced and that is all. The proceeds of the land, the way it is cultivated, is not as valuable as the enclosure. We sometimes would travel ten miles and not see a human being, and then a few wretched slaves would present themselves either plowing, hoeing, chopping, or getting out Flax. Sometimes we observed a large plantation all cleared and apparently worn out and by close viewing probably a few cattle and sheep could be observed picking a scanty morsel of some vegetable. Several times today we saw large numbers of the poorest hogs I ever beheld, perished most certainly. The inhabitants in this State must be at least fifty years behind their Northern Brethren in agriculture improvement. The Black people are surely degraded and abused. Saw some sold. It is shocking to a person unaccustomed to such scenes. It is not Religiously right. It is not just. But how can it be made Better? I see no way an d less prospect. Public opinion in the slaveholding States must first sit against it. No other power can arrest it, but from every symptom I could observe, it will be hundreds of years before this will take place. They are permitted to marry. But where are the joys of this Heavenly union, entirely dependent on the will of the master, he has no control of himself or his destiny. Subject to the caprice of him who has paid his price, and disregards the tender ties of consanguinity, Husband may be sold from his wife and wife from her husband and children from both, and that too with as little feeling of sympathy as I would sell my horse. Where is there a feeling and reflecting individual who can view such scenes with indifference? I am sorry I am forced to believe there are too many such in all the slaveholding States, and this indifference probably is the consequence of being brought under the institution of slavery and familiar with al these things from the earliest recollection.

We left the pleasant Locust Grove and still more pleasant family at five o'clock this morning. The country and road was much better for the eleven miles we rode this morning, which brings us to Orange Court House where we fed and took breakfast at a good house kept by one Porter. This is a very pleasant little village situated near the ex-President's residence, James Madison, who was President of the United States in the last war with Great Britain and run from Washington and let the enemy take possession of the town and burn the Capital. He lives only six miles from this place, said to be a very fine, sociable man and have a very amiable wife, but our anxiety to get further South prevented us from paying him a visit.

There are in this place three Lawyers and the same number of Physicians, and no Priest or Meeting House. We were told that here was a good vacancy for a well-accomplished School teacher who would be able to teach the Languages and prepare students for College. The Landlord is a pleasant gentleman and fond of the Turf and spoke much of fleet horses and their Genealogy. He wanted to talk more about the blood of horses in ten minutes than I ever thought of it in all my life. He would run back with the breed of these noble animals ten generations with as much clarity as I could the alphabet. indeed it seemed to animate him to speak of horses. Horses and how to charge a good round Bill I don't think he ever forgot.

From Orange Court House we drove fifteen miles to an Inn kept by one Sheshler, a moderately poor place for convenience. Here we were much amused by a gentleman horse driver from Ohio who well understood the science of praising horses. During our short stay the conversation turned on the subject of currencies of the different States. He said in different sections of a state different numbers of shillings made a dollar. In the North part, eight Shillings made one Dollar; in the South part, seven and sixpence made one Dollar; and in the east, Six Shillings. And he declared it was a fact and such was the currency and appeared to be serious in his averments, and he could not or would not be convinced to the contrary. I guess he must be an intelligent fellow and a close observer, for he declared, in order to give his ideas the greater force, he had lived in the State Twenty-eight years and it had always been so. And that they had no weights or Measures of standard nature, ... and so we left him in full possession of all his acquired knowledge.

We here saw white, grand gentlemen, riding and half-white slaves attending as waiters. They used them with great severity when probably some may have been their offsprings. Are not such ideas enough to chill the blood and call aloud for condemnation.

Here are Peaches and Cherries, the last nearly ripe, which to us, used to a Northern climate appeared soon, as it is now only the 13th day of May and in New York they are but just out of bloom. But avails the beauty or bounty of Nature, exhibited in her productions amid the institution of Slavery.

We made but a short stop with the intelligent gentleman from Ohio and from here we set our compass for Louisa Court House and during the time we encountered a severe storm of rain which in spite of our cloaks drenched us to the skin. This was the first rain of consequence since we left the Susquehannah. The country through which we passed today was more level and more fertile, presenting at the same time an agreeable variety of undulations. When contrasted with the steep, rough hills over which we had been traveling for the last few days, was really delightful. Large fields of wheat were passed today all in full bloom, waving in the warm and gentle breeze of a Southern climate, and the Heavens above or the clouds sailing on the wind, by obscuring at times and in places the rays of the sun, caused them to appear as if endowed with animation and one portion of the field to be in full chase after that just before. It is pleasant to see a good field of grain in gentle wind and warm sun occasionally obscured by flying clouds. But Slavery again forces itself on the mind and all its horrors come into full view. Here we see extensive fields planted with corn, now just requiring the plow and hoe, and for these rich lords of the soil and in large fields we see Blacks hard at labour, both male and female, and not the vistage of a clear white man to be seen at work. An overseer with his instrument of torture in his hand, is walking about with all the apparent importance and pride of the usurper of the people's liberty. At such pictures, who does not blush to call himself a man. Boasting of patriotism and liberty and at the same moment depriving thousands of that liberty of which we can proudly boast. But does the love of freedom teach us to be tyrants. If it does not, and most certainly it should not nor will it if we indulge it properly and view it correctly, then why do we so unjustly deprive other of it. Does the color make a difference? Most assuredly it does not and ought not. And nothing but the color and way they are born can be assigned for the continuance of slavery. But suppose we view it in a different light and say they cannot be freed here and left among us. This I believe would be impossible, but because it would be improper to grant them freedom and liberty, does it follow as a necessary consequence that we cannot use them well? Must we deprive them of every enjoyment and drive them worse than we do our beasts, and expose them to more hardships, with deficiency of nourishment, and force them to clothe their children from their own labour done in the night and in violating the Sabbath. For such treatment it appears to me there can be no justifiable excuse. Again, where is the justice or feeling when Mulattoes are held in servile bondage, particularly when they are the joint offspring of Master and Slave. I must say I can see none. No shame or remorse observable, yet I think that still secret voice, not felt but heard, must create some compunction and corrode all self-satisfaction. Yet individuals who have thus acted and are thus acting, move in the high sphere of life and fill places of honour in every department of society. Such I now believe to be the fact, degrading and despicable as such connection is in itself, and should be treated with neglect, scorn,and contempt. Where is the frown of public indignation? I confess I have not been able to discover any. I want to say to them, you can make a plausible excuse for slavery as it now exists and your opinions are respected. For this illicit practice with slaves you can offer no palliation to such crimes, no sophistry however ingeniously done can shelter you from a Righteous condemnation: For such base, unprincipled connections, even your own self-approbation must be horrid. If it was not for this one circumstance you would never use as a slave part of your own flesh and blood. With what care do you use every means to hide the fact from public knowledge that you are the father of a Mulatto Slave. You well know that if the fact was notorious, public sentiment would soon pronounce the merited sentence. And you are conscious of the severity as well as the justice of such a condemnatory sentence. And in order to conceal the fact you treat as a slave your own children.

My reflections during the day have been on various subjects. Sometimes pondering on Slavery, endeavoring to find a just excuse for its continuance and if it must be, to see if it could not be made more agreeable and humane. Though my opinions have, in short, been stated above, my acquaintance with the institutions of slavery are too recent, consequently imperfect, to speak with correctness. And a more thorough knowledge may change my present views in some particulars connected with it, yet I now feel quite confident that the illicit correspondence evidently carried on between slave and slave holder cannot be changed.

Leaving the contemplation of the disagreeable subject of slavery, the mind naturally turns back to scenes of youth, home, and friends in a land where we have no circumstances at present of this nature to molest our happiness or disturb domestic felicity. And so I hope they will forever remain. Looking in retrospection always will never do for any individual just seeking for a location wherein to commence and make his theater of action and acquire standing and reputation for himself with none to assist or means to back him, who all he has is a few scattering Dollars confined in a small pocket of his waistcoat. no, it will never do to mourn for things past and gone and spend the powers of mind in pondering over that which is irremediable. look aloof in the hour of despondency and endeavor to penetrate your future destiny, for plans of action in the sphere you are intending to accomplish. Mark out the proper course of conduct which it may be necessary to follow in order to gain your intended aim. Think of means in your possession, how far they are calculated to aid you in your undertaking, and how you are to get more when these are gone. And, if you mind well your ability and manage accordingly, how long it probably will be before you can realize a support from your occupation; and how long before a probably income over and above expenditures may be calculated on. But mind in all these calculations to view both sides of the picture and make good allowances for reverses. Finally, adopt an honest, upright, and sociable course of conduct and not meddle with that which does not concern you as a private individual or as a citizen of the government under which you live. And adopt this as your Motto, "Don't give up the ship," for I believe old Shakespeare somewhere said, "A man was never ruined until he was hung." If you have been unfortunate either by birth or your own conduct in life, mourning and weeping until you close your eyes in death will never remedy the consequences. In this case it is well to think of our aberrations and see the causes which have led us on to ruin and then use our faculties in marking out a course which will carry us clear from such sad effects in the future and form an unalterable resolution to follow the path that will shun that or similar precipice. If you are poor by inheritance, study the cause of this poverty as far as you can, and act in a way that is calculated to remedy the defect and do not pine away your life in inactivity.

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Culpepper County, Virginia

Rose soon this morning in order to have our carriage repaired as soon as possible. Set the Negro at work; he is very slow and it is with much difficulty we can make him understand how it must e done, and with all the assistance we could give him, it took him until eleven o'clock to get it so it would do, when I believe a good workman would have done it in two hours. So much to recommend a Negro smith; however, we must not complain as it is well we procured a man to do it so readily without having to go some six or seven miles to have it done. We now reloaded our trunks and started as soon as we had discharged Wood's enormous bill, and was glad to leave the place so soon, for a few days expense at the rate paid for so short a time would have brought us to want and, not only so, the place was so much associated with our misfortunes and vexations that we rejoiced at the sound of the whip indicating our departure from Jefferson with feelings of disapprobation and disgust with Wood and all his dependents.

Our place of destination today is Fairfax in Culpepper County, Fifteen miles from Jefferson. The appearance of the land and soil are much the same as yesterday; however, if anything, a little hotter. i think, take it all, people, houses, land, timber, and roads, we find it better today. The country is more agreeably undulating, gentle hills and beautiful dales. Had they only been covered with rich soil, it would have been pleasant to have traveled over them.

Our stay in Fairfax was short. There are in the place two meeting houses, one Presbyterian and the other Episcopalian. Quite a number of Lawyers, three Doctors, and a school house ornament this place. It is quite a pleasantly situated village and must be agreeable in dry weather, but in wet it must be horrid. It appears to me there can be no traveling on foot in winter when the ground is soaked with water and the road much used by wagons. It is now raining. While we stopped at the tavern, the conversation in the company turned on the subject of Religion. An elderly man full of talk and an inhabitant of the place, intelligent and communicative, made this expression: You may preach anything to a Virginian and he will listen except the Gospel or divinity, and that he will not hear. This I think may be said of people in any State and to me it appears to be a very probable thing. And I cannot doubt the truth of the observation, for I cannot conceive that the requirements of the Gospel are much attended to when people are so fond of slavery.

After leaving this place, we missed our road and wandered about for some miles out of our way and then was directed to take across the country, through woods and plantations, instead of our retracing our steps in order to gain the proper road. In consequence of this mishap, we got no further than locust grove when we put up for the night. It is pleasant place and the private entertainment kept here is good and the family very agreeable.

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Faquire County, Virginia

Beautiful Morning and glorious sun. How clear and serene are the beams of thy radiant counterance, which should teach us Mortals to live in peace and harmony and adore the beneficent creator for the many blessings we continually receive from thy regular return at the appointed hours set by the all wise director and creator.

I must really admire the house. It is the best conducted I have ever seen in any place. A servant came into our room and awoke us stating that as we wished to be soon traveling, the breakfast would soon be ready. At the same time giving us the necessary directions for washing, immediately across. And, having finished washing, in steps a second equipped with brushes and dust broom and completely cleans our clothes, and retires without saying a word. Now comes a third with our boots like mirrors, and he had scarcely set down his load before the fourth with all the necessary apparatus of shaving enters and dispatches our beards with ease and elegance. And not half a dozen words were spoken during the whole time. Thus there was no time lost and for all this no extra charge. And as we went into the room, the morning repast was spread with elegance on the table. Everything was plain and neat; all was done with no noise or confusion, a thing so frequent in public houses. All was order and regularity. It was really a pleasure to be here among so much purity and impressed me very forcibly with the idea that more could be done by less hands in the same time with double the number of servants in the common ordinary confused way. When one-half the time is spent in finding things mislaid, unclean, or in improper state for use. Much may be accomplished by adopting a good regular system, by learning every one to know and be in his place and understand his business - and having a place for everything and everything in its proper place and in order for use. I now went to the other public Inns to see if Gage had arrived, but he was not to be heard of. It was now conduced that one of us should go and learn what had become of him, as I was sure he had not the means with which to defray his expenses for one night, and I did not know but he might bave been retained in consequence of it. His money was with us in the trunk and that was in the carriage. As I was retracing the road I had traveled the preceding day, I found the road completely lined with blacks going to meeting. I pitied the poor degraded creatures. From my soul I abhorred slavery and thought, Is there any Christianity here? Can that Parson, a holder of slaves himself, teach the Gospel as it was taught by Christ? If he can articulate the words, his acts must condemn him. Can these people here who assume the name of Christians be any other but hypocrites? One poor African who walked as fast as I rode said he was badly treated, his master was cruel, that he had a wife and small children whom he had to support by working nights and Sundays, as his Master would not find the small children any clothes until they became old enough to labour. Such was the story this man told. How true it may be, time will convince me. I declare I never had my feelings more hurt at the relation of any tale that I had ever heard than at this of the Virginia slave. it appeared at the moment that had I been in affluent circumstances I should have purchased the fellow and family and set them at liberty. Such is my horror at the idea of slavery.

I rode back twelve miles and met Gage coming on. He looked rather frightened and melancholy. He said he had been in trouble. His horse had been sick and that he had no money with him to pay for his own living or that of his horse, yet had found plenty for both. I was glad to meet him so soon, as I was apprehensive he would take the road back in order to learn our course. We now rode on in a steady motion and arrived at Warrenton at noon. Now fed our horses prepared for starting, determined not to part again until we parted to stay apart. Warrenton is situated in Faquire County and is the County Seat. It contains about thirty houses or buildings not very good if we except the Widow Morrises' where we stayed. There are three Lawyers, three Doctors, three Taverns, four stores, and one Druggist Shop, and No schoolhouse or Meeting House. Here we left the "Pike" and started for Jefferson in Culpepper County, a distance of ten miles. The road for the first seven or eight miles was very good and the appearance of the land much the same. In the whole distance we saw but one white person and that was a Young Lady, attending by three female slaves, and if it shall be my fortune to live in a Slave State, I hope time and custom will efface such impressions as I now feel at the sight of slaves. But few buildings are in sight of the road and those few are at considerable distance from the highway. it seems to be the fashion in this State to build from the road, the reason I do not comprehend. And not only this oddity may be seen, but there is another equally as singular to me; that is, all chimneys are turned out of doors, built on the outside of the house. There are but few exceptions, let it be for good or poor house, all the same. They have no ovens here neither; their bread is warm biscuit mixed with milk or water, before baked, and eaten immediately. They have no pickled meat in this country that is not smoked and then called Bacon.

In our most prosperous moments and when everything around appears to be free from all danger are we assailed with misfortune; and it has been observed that we felt this security and to all appearance were free from any apprehension. It is then the greatest and most severe calamity often befalls us. Thus it was with us this evening. While riding along anticipating the pleasures of the tomorrow and within two miles of Jefferson, the place we expected to stay during the night, our carriage broke and that just as we were going to descend a steep hill. How sudden in the change from pleasure to pain in the course of life. Well, here we are. And unless some contrivance is resorted to, our wagon must stay here. As soon as difficulties arise, we then must think of a remedy and tax our ingenuities to produce the plan of reparation. So it was with us. After various propositions ad been investigated we at last hit the proper one, and that was to have a small pole fastened underneath. But how could we get it as we had no implement to cut it. Believing that one could be cut with a knife by proper management, we tried the experiment and succeeded in accomplishing our object and, with this and our halters, we so repaired our broken carriage as to be able to drive to Jefferson by a little after dark. It has been said that necessity is the mother of invention, and in our present case it produced its legitimate effect. We put up at Wood's Tavern, engaged a Negro smith to mend our carriage soon in the morning, got acquainted with a Doctor Helm, a young and intelligent Physician just started in the world to establish his reputation and procure a living. It was with much satisfaction I learned from him that he was doing well and, if no unforeseen occurrence should intervene, he in a short time would establish a reputation not easily to be shaken by the location of other medical gentlemen in this vicinity.

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Fairfax County, Virginia

Rose early this morning and a fine looking, jet black little Negro boy presented our boots brushed and elegantly black; and with his broom, performed on our coats the necessary operation of dusting in the most musical manner, which we rewarded him with four pence. It seemed to please the little fellow very much. The Village, as it is called here, contains ten Inhabitants, no school or Meeting House, but instead of these, a Court House and jail. The jail is separated from the Court House and we were told this was the custom in this country. There are two Doctors, two Lawyers, two Taverns, and One Store. A Negro shoemaker and blacksmith in the place. We are told the number of mechanics in the Southern country are from the Black population. The white inhabitants think it degrading to be employed in labour but are very fond of sport. And so far as I can now judge, I think the Ladies are not fond of employing their pretty, delicate hands in domestic performances, particularly so in relation to culinary affairs.

We left our pleasant Inn at just five o'clock, leaving the turnpike road with expectation of having a better and more near one, to Fairfax. But, if the turnpike is worse than this road proved to be, it must indeed be horrid; for this, in many places, was almost impassable. The land, the whole distance this morning from Fairfax to Centerville, a distance of eight miles, was much as yesterday, poor. And the country appeared to have been once cleared and fenced but forsaken and deserted. All that was saw this morning was a few Negro huts and naked, destitute Negroes, both male and female. At length, we came to the turnpike at Centerville; and here we took breakfast with a fine, facetious old fellow who told us that servants would cheat in feeding our horses and advised us to be particular in this respect or we would, before getting through Virginia, be unable to move. He also said the Negroes were trained to stealing and cheating. Now, is not this declaration a bad comment on slavery, that here are a set of human creatures, intelligent beings in a free country. Under laws inflicting severe punishment on those guilty of theft, yet have incorporated into their Constitution the right of domestic slavery. And the circumstances surrounding these slaves are such as to cause them to disregard honesty and truth. If such things are right and commendable in a Slave State, I must confess I have been erroneously taught in my education.

Just before we arrived at Centerville, our wagon broke and was under the necessity of having it repaired. Myself and Tyler stayed for that purpose, while Gage concluded he would continue on as he was on horseback. And by some misunderstanding in getting the direction of the road, or forgetting it after he had received it, he got out of the way some ten miles. He left the Pike or pavement as it is called here, and went through Haymarket. After we had accomplished the object for which we stayed, we kept the main road or Pike, and a worse highway cannot well be made in the imagination. We drove over such roads as indicated for fourteen and a half miles, encountering toll gates every five and two and a half miles. Our expense for tollage was extravagant. They would charge us fifteen cents for two and a half miles. We had a severe dispute with one of the gate collectors by the name of W.W. Connor, but it produced no effect in diminishing our bill, so we paid him and went on until we arrived at a place called New Baltimore, the last gate on the road, when the collector said we had to pay ninepence (twelve and a half cents). This old fellow was father-in-law to Connor and we related to him how we had been charged. And he said we had been imposed upon very much and that the law forbid taking over fifteen cents for large wagons, etc. The old man was very profane and said, "Hell was a sacred place and would be full of such villains." At Buckland, a place fourteen and a half miles from Centerville, we fed our horses and took some refreshment ourselves. From this place we drove on to Warrenton, Faquire County and Court House, distance from Buckland eight and a half miles. For the last eight miles the road had been graveled and was much better. In Warrenton we put up at the Widow Morrises. Here we expected to have found Gage as this was the place appointed to meet, but we found him missing. retired to bed quite early. Beds in good order and very clean, and as I hoped, not infected as at Washington. It done me much good just to view them. They look so cool, sweet, and pure. And not only the beds were thus neat but all the furniture in the room appeared to have been purified by the same hands. It is gratifying to the weary traveler, when he calls at night to find that he is welcome and that everyone is ready an desirous to make him contented and that care has been taken to make his short stay as comfortable as possible. It produces feelings of attachment which he loves to think on when it is passed and gone, and when such feelings exist, the house will never be abused by any except by such as are insensible to affection. Viewing the day that has passed and gone, I must make one remark: How often are people imposed on in traveling by overcharging. The law has made provision for these things in almost every State, yet a stranger does not know the regulation, consequently is liable to be imposed on every day. It is necessary for a man when he enters a State, or as soon as convenient to make some inquiry into these things, so that he may be prepared at any time to defend himself from the designing and unjust because these are large numbers of every community who cannot withstand the temptation of gaining property in any way where detection is improbable. The passion of self-interest is so strong that it obliterates every idea of justice, honour, or honestly and deprives a man of those more pure and elevated sentiments, which are inculcated by Religion and Morality.

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Washington, D.C.

It will naturally be supposed from what has been related that I was up soon this morning, and as soon as it was completely light and I had come to the proper temperature from the unnatural and unpleasant excitement of the night, I started to view the President's house and other Public buildings situated near it. The abode of Presidents, as to exterior, is beautiful and elegant, built of white marble, pleasantly situated at the end of the avenue leading to the Capitol and in full view of it. The yard around the President's house is now undergoing repairs. The Public buildings belonging to the Government are not as convenient as I should have expected, but they appear well built and indicate expense. After thus spending one or two hours in satisfying my curiosity, I returned to Floyd's with a good appetite for the morning repast which was in readiness on the board. After having satisfied the demands of appetite, we called on a Mr. Maynard, a member in the House of Representatives from the western part of the State of New York. Tyler was personally acquainted. He seemed delighted to see us, some of his constituents, and his acquaintance with the place was advantageous to us, as our stay was intended to be limited to a very short time. From Washington all wrote home to our friends for the first time. By the time we had finished our ramble and deposited our communications in the post office, the members of the House of Representatives and Senate had convened, and we repaired to the Capitol to see and hear the congregated wisdom and eloquence of the United States assembled in the Legislative Halls of the nation. And judging from what was said and from the general appearance of the House of Representatives, many an idle illiterate fellow was lounging on his quilted seat with a mind as vacant as the space above their heads. What use are such men here? Mere drones. And love the bonus per diem better than the people who pay for doing nothing, and find them Sofas to sit on. They vote, but from their own ideas of the measure which may be under consideration. But there are those whose intellectual capacities do not lie dormant, who have the energy to investigate and give their views on that investigation. Such men it was a pleasure to see and hear. We had the pleasure of hearing several attempts to display their powers of eloquence, but none of the great Masterpieces of American orators chose to argue the time we stayed, or the subjects under consideration were too plain and easy for the full operation of their profound intellectual superiority. The Rotunda is forty feet in diameter and eighty feet high and the niches are, with a few exceptions, filled with elegant paintings representing some scene of our glorious Revolution. This is as it should be. The Representatives of a free people ever have before them the scenes of those fine patriots who at so much sacrifice and blood established our freedom.

The departments of the Capital: for the Senate and the House of Representatives are elegant and furnished with beautiful and easy seats for the members and so are the galleries for the Spectators. The Judiciary or Legal Department and Library are spacious and splendid, displaying taste, grandeur, and convenience.

The subject under debate at the time of our visit was the great Western Canal. Some of those who addressed the chair were very good speakers. But those most eloquent were on the wrong side of the question as they were reindicating internal improvements by the general Government, a thing in my estimation not granted by the Constitution.

From the Capital you have a fine view of the President's House, as both buildings stand on an elevation, and the road leading from one to the other is descending from each about half the distance and the street wide, affording an excellent view. The sidewalks are wide and well paved and the streets are nearly completed. The houses are not compactly built and never will be until the day of judgment, its situation seems to forbid it as its location is entirely to the east side of the United States while origination flows to the West, settling the vast world of forests belonging to the United States, which in time will be the most numerously and densely populated portion of the Republic, consequently the most powerful. And as the majorities rule, the Valley of the Mississippi will in time become the seat of Government in the United States. However, it is probable it will far exceed its present population, particularly so if Congress will do all the improvements required, such as leveling and paving each street merely for the inhabitants. That it should have done so much already in this is astounding. i see no just cause why the people must be made to pay for paving the streets in Washington. it is not right. The Representatives have no more business to use the revenues in this way than I have.

We purchased a few articles in this place, and from the way we were charged one might suppose it was done in order to get sufficient overvalue and profit to pave the streets in good style. Having now satisfied, as far as time would allow, our curiosities - though our examination was indeed very imperfect, we prepared to leave the great Metropolis and examine the pleasures of the good Old Dominion with the fond hope of diminishing our expenses. How far this hope will be realized the future will disclose. At two o'clock we left the city.

We passed through Georgetown which joins Washington and the union so intimate and the resemblance so complete that it requires the accuracy of a surveyor to discriminate the ending of one and the commencement of the other. We passed through but one street, consequently our view was limited. It is, however, situated on the North side of the River Potomac on a considerable eminence fronting the water. The streets are paved with large rough stones; houses poor and wear the venerable appearance of age. One or two Meeting Houses are to be seen raising their solemn spires above the ordinary dwellings. Finally, it has no particular attraction. As we approached the water our olfactories were much incommoded by the disagreeable effluvia eminating from the decaying of all the finney tribe that had probably there been prepared for market. The River here is one-half mile wide and a Ferryboat propelled by horse was fifteen minutes in crossing. Now having seen most of the important places which we expected to visit when we left home, a contemplation of the prospect before us was very natural. And to me all had rather the horrid aspect of gloom. Every part of the country appeared to dampen our energy, as the land on every side was miserably poor, the roads bad, and only now and then could a dwelling be seen and that reminded a traveler of a poor God-forsaken place as ever was in the world. And every human being we met on the road had the appearance of abject poverty, completely depicted on every part of the system, furnishing a complete picture of the country and buildings through and by which we now are passing. Had I now been asked why I left the State of New York and wandered into this country my answer must have been, to see poor land and poor people. I do not mention poverty in relation to the people as entirely associated with vice, but as here represented, the combined product of slavery and unluxuriant soil. Because he who has no slaves has no standing in the higher ranks of society but feels and seem himself neglected both in public and private capacities. He is destitute of those opportunities of information derived from an education which his more favoured neighbors, Slaveholders, enjoy. Poverty is no reproach to any man when it is not the consequence of some vice. There are in the lower walks of society as much virtue and patriotism, nay! I may say more than can be found in the more elevated. The purest hearts and cleanest intellects are among those who live and die neglected for the want of cultivation.

We drove a short distance after dark and arrived at Fairfax Court House in Fairfax County and put up for the night. The Landlord at this Inn is really a good natured, humorous sort of a man, intelligent and communicative in conversation and agreeable in manners, keeps a good house and makes a stranger feel as though he was at home. This certainly is one of the best recommendations for a Landlord. It is a rare quality, however, and seldom found. our suppers were served up in good style. His lady attended at table, servants were well trained, and here appeared to be well used, a treatment I have not before seen since I entered the Slave States. indeed it seemed to alleviate my mind in relation to slavery. After remaining here a few hours my mind became more calm and serene, and many of those disagreeable forebodings of the past six hours began to disappear under the influence of this pleasant and agreeable man.

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Washington, D.C.

The morning glowing with a beautiful red in the sky indicating a pleasant and warm day. Rose early, called for our horses, paid off a moderate bill, bid the Landlord good morning and started for Washington, the seat of government of the United States. As our horses had now received the necessary repose and felt much refreshed, we drove nineteen miles before we stopped. And this brought us to the Waterloo Hotel. Here we took breakfast. It is a first-rate house, everything good and plenty and as a necessary consequence, the Landlord knows how to charge for it, but this much more just than to have to pay high and not get anything. But extravagant prices have of late become quite familiar to us, and do not sound as harsh as when they first greeted our ears and purses. At this place are many natural curiosities, some of which I have not had an opportunity of before seeing and one is a complete white chipping squirrel. It is a most beautiful little thing and remarkably active. It is shut up in a revolving cage which it would cause to revolve with great velocity. Also a yellow, Gray, and Black squirrel. All caged and appeared contented and lively. A large wharf Rat, a thing I never before saw - even the name Rat is disgusting to me - I could not fancy it. This was also in a cage. A very large Baldhead Eagle - he had the appearance of strength, his eyes bright and quick. With this bird is associated the idea of liberty and the American Revolution, and ornaments our national Flag which I hope will continue over the Union as long as there be air sufficient to support the Eagle in his flight. There is a penguin the only I ever saw. Besides these there are here many Parrots, Mockingbirds, Petrifactions of shells, skins, etc., with many curious Sticks, Roots, etc., to attract the foolish and cause them to pay an "eleven penny bit" for three cigars.

Having finished our repast and satisfied our curiosities in viewing curiosities, we got under way once more for Washington. The country is not such as would suit a New York farmer or one from Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. All the Land along the road today is in reality miserably poor. Considering the road over which we have traveled today, situated between Baltimore and Washington, it is very bad. The land is of reddish appearance before mentioned and filled with isinglass so that in clear sun it has the reflecting power equal to polished silver. Farms are not well cultivated in this country - fences in dilapidated condition, soil is in a new state, very light and principally washed away. White people here seem to view labour as a degradation and shun it more than they do acts of the basest character. This condemnatory sentence drawn entirely from the evidence drawn from the appearance of the color of the slaves, as many of them must have originated from or by the intermixture of the whites. Slavery is in itself lamentable, but when combined with the prevalent vice as shown by the mulattoes, it is still more deplorable. i would not, however, be understood in this denunciation as including every individual situated on the road, for a man may have mulattoes in his family of slaves and be entirely innocent of any improper conduct with them himself. Yet, it is a vice that does not speak well of any place, and should be eradicated by the frowns of an intelligent community.

But few cattle or stock of any description are to be seen along the road. Fields growing up in wild vegetation and thrown into the commons as no longer fit for tillage. Houses look as though they could not much longer withstand the ravages of time, they are neglected and decaying. To see this state of things, everything depreciating on so public a road, did not argue strong in favour of slave cultivation and population. This picture brings us within four miles of the great emporium or city called Washington. And I should be glad if I could speak in higher terms of approbation but, alas, the sad picture if possible is still worse. The road and country assume a more dreadful aspect. Yes, it is horrible in the extreme - houses of the meanest construction or almost of no construction at all. Age and a worse disease, indolence, have permitted them to fall into ruin and decay. Shrubs and undergrowth extend their unfeeling extremities into the road and greet you, if it be night, in the face. These things, in such a deplorable condition so near to Washington, did not impress us with a very favorable idea of the place into which we soon expected to enter. During our ride after dark we met many travelers or residents on foot, apparently vagabonds, and I thought a more fit or congenial place than this could not well be found for such wretches, for here in an instant, they could conceal themselves in the thickets and gulphs. It is a complete place for thieves and footpads, etc., etc. The first part of the city that met our view was the Northeast, where the Capitol stands, and the Capitol the first object which attracted our attention as we approached the Town. It was just dark as we passed this stupendous edifice. We put up at D. Floyd's. Weather warm and evening pleasant. We walked through the place until ten o'clock and then feeling an inclination for sleep retired to bed with fond hope and expectation that the balmy slumbers of the night would prepare us for the morning's prospect. But, alas, how sadly and unexpectedly disappointed. All these fond anticipations were very far from being realized. Do not, however, imagine that it was from the thoughts of home, friends, or relations that drove sleep from my eyes. Ah! Glad would I have been ahd I even the liberty to have cast one long lingering thought on home and all its sweet endearments. Such ideas though they may deprive of sleep have a redeeming quality in them which makes them supportable. It was not from such mental disquietude, but pain, real bodily suffering, severe torture, inflicted on the system by thousands of punctures and scratches. I almost feel now while transcribing my notes of that night nearly nine years since the transaction. I was tormented the whole night by droves of these nasty, dirty, hateful little insects called in Southern prose chinches. I was so tormented and vexed. I got up several times, shook the sheets, and all the bed appertinances, but the effect was too trifling to be of any avail. No sooner than I was completely in a mood for sleeping than ten thousand feet and toes were crawling over me. The bed I do think must literally have been full. I endured until three o'clock when I left the room in no very pleasant mood. I came to the conclusion that Washington City at this time was infested with Bugs of every sort. There were the Bedbugs during the day eating the flesh from the people as fast as eight Dollars per day would do it. And here in the night are the Bedbugs as voracious as tigers living on the Blood of man. It is a Buggy place.

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Washington, D.C.

Our anxiety to get to Baltimore induced us to start before day, and accordingly we were on the road at an early hour this morning. The road was good and as we calculated to stay in Baltimore one or two days, we drove much faster than ordinary. Small Peaches were to be seen on the peach trees; corn was up in many places; and people were plowing in it preparing for the more laborious process of hoeing. Slaves were here to be seen, plentifully. We could see the top of Washington's Monument long before we reached the city. It appeared in the distance to be no more than two feet in diameter. Arrived in Baltimore at eight o'clock. Took breakfast. Prepared our clothing for the purpose of cleansing from some of the dust collected on them. And then we began our rambling over the city. Our first object were Wharfs and waterfronts. These, to my feeble judgment of these matters, were well constructed and the Steam Boats and Sloops in the harbour had a beautiful appearance. Stores, Warehouses, and shops of every kind and description animated with business. And the streets thronged with active multitude of businessmen was to us a source of satisfaction. We only lamented that we were not thus employed; to be thus idle spectators among this crowd of active people indicated us to be men of leisure, and indeed we were at this moment. But our pecuniary circumstances admonished us that we could not long bear such an easy course of life. Yet we had this consolation that we were searching for the proper place to become active members of society - though now unemployed - we hoped it would not long be the case.

The old part of the town is not as neat and free from filth as would have been expected. The streets are narrow, houses mean and low, and there is no regularity in the Streets. It indeed exhibits quite a contrast when compared with the more modern part of the city. In the latter the Streets and Spacious and well paved, the houses mostly build of brick, indicating taste, elegance, and improvement. The city Hotel is a handsome large marble edifice standing nearly in the center of the town, on Market Street near the Naval Monument. It is one hundred and thirty feet long and eighty wide; its cost is said to be three hundred thousand Dollars and is rented for six thousand Dollars per Annum, and at this seemingly momentous sum, it doesn't yield the proprietor two and a half percent on the money invested and will require Fifty years to equal the first cost. If this is the fact, I must say it is a bad investment, for profit. It is well furnished internally, containing the best and most costly furniture our country affords. Everything has method and regularity about it combined with elegant style. Board and lodging can be had in this superb mansion at the price of Ten Dollars per week, or at the still more liberal price of three Dollars per day. Such a place will do very well for those who have money to spend and wish to have it gone as quick as possible. All the servants about this magnificent establishment know their places and business, and indeed strictly attend to everything necessary to be done as though the least dereliction of duty would be the signal for death. However, I suppose all this to be absolutely requisite in so intensive a Public house, where so many different individuals, with as many different notions resort. Yet to me unaccustomed to slaves, it appears inhuman that there should be such a condition of any of the human family, liable to be sold at the discretion of another.

Curiosity next led us to Washington's Monument situated on an elevation of ground a little South of the town. It is not yet finished. It is constructed with white polished marble, and is now one hundred and sixty feet high and the Statue of Washington on horseback is yet to be added. When this is accomplished it will have a much more imposing appearance and increase its elevation seventeen feet. The base of the Monument is fifty feet square and rises in this form twenty-five feet, and is so constructed by arches the inside is hollow. A column made of brick rises in the center of the inside several feet in diameter and runs up quite to the top. Round this, steps are made in a spiral form from the bottom to within fifteen feet of the top where there is a door. On the top, and at equal distances from every side of the fifty-feet square, rises another square elevation about eight feet high and nineteen feet square. From it starts the round marble column nineteen feet in diameter. In this form runs up one hundred and twenty-seven feet and is made like all the part of polished, white marble and so well joined as to appear like one solid stone. At the door before mentioned, near the top, is a kind of platform nineteen feet square on which you can walk all around the column and from which you can have a full and complete view of every place and street in the whole city - and a full view of the Harbour and vessels, either going out or coming in. We did not think our time misspent in visiting this mark of respect shown by the citizens of Baltimore to the father of our common country. On our return we called at the place where they cut and polish marble. This, or these, operations must be very tedious. The polishing process is not as laborious as the sawing of the slabs from the block. This last is to say, the last of an endless job. Here I saw a negro sitting under a species of shelter to keep off the violent heat from the sun or to protect him in rainy weather, working at a block of marble at least seventeen feet long and four feet wide, that is perpendicular, sawing with a smooth saw - a slab of marble about four inches thick - there has to be a constant dropping of water into the vacancy made by the saw. The process seemed more like filing than sawing. It really looked as the fellow might end his days at that one piece and then live threescore and ten years; but the constant motion of the saw will in a short time detach the piece from its present adhesion.

So it is with everything. Even property, b small additions, will in time swell to large sums, and so by the removal a little and often lost will in a few years sweep away large fortunes.

The sun had rose to the Meridian and our curiosity satisfied, or sufficiently that we were wiling to return to our lodgings and take some refreshment, as our appetites, from the constant alert of the day, were more than ordinarily acute. And in accordance with this demand, we pointed our course for the house we left this morning.

After appeasing our appetites we started for the Shot tower and on our way to that place we called in at many of the Shops of the different Mechanics. All of the operators appeared busy and contented. And I believe that employment is the very essence of contentment. We saw some elegant specimens of workmanship in almost every shop we entered, particularly of cabinet work. I saw one of the most elegant pianos I believe this country can produce. Here I tried to supply the loss of my Glasses but in vain, not at a price that I was able to pay. We now arrived at the Shot tower. Having obtained permission, we entered the circular pile of brick, the material of which it is constructed. Its internal diameter is thirty feet at the base. from here it regularly diminishes so that after it has reached to a height of one hundred and seventy-two feet, it is only sixteen feet in diameter. There are six flights of steps to ascend before you reach the top and each of these are made to consist of forty steps. We found it is not as easy a task as we imagined. We, however, reached the top and stood and looked down on the world below - not with disdain, but with sorrow to think of the pain vice, and wretched poverty contained within the small circle of our view from this elevation. At the end of every flight of steps there is placed a large Kettle for Melting the lead calculated to run into shot. After the lead is melted it is run through an iron ladle pierced with holes of diameter such as the shot to be made. These sieves, during the time the shot is forming, have quite a sudden, small, and continuous motion in order to prevent a continued stream of lead. And these drops of lead assume in their decent a globular form and at the bottom fall into cold water. Weather the finest or the largest falls from the greatest elevation I did not learn or whether it makes any difference. But I should suppose it did. They are now removed from the water and it allowed to drain off, and then they are rolled on an inclined place for some time in order to give them that smoothness you always observe shot to have. We were told that six tons were made here daily. The lead is raised up to these different places of melting by means of a windlass and large rope turned by horse; the bars or pigs of lead are made fast with a simple noose that can be easily unloosed and the lead removed as soon as it gets to the proper place without stopping the machine.

Here, too, as on the monument, we had a place of elevated observation. Could from this point see every church with their lofty spires reaching far above the ordinary buildings as if too pure to mingle in the sins and miseries of the world below. From this point also the Medical College and Hospital was plain to see. The prospect of the Bay from this place was as complete as could be wished. Here we could see Sloops coming into the harbour. At so great a distance they appeared but small specks on the surface of the water. And if you continue looking at them you will see them in crease in apparent size as they approach. Others again spreading their canvasses to the breeze slowly moving from the wharfs laden with merchandise destined for other harbours on our sea coast and from there to the interior of the country. Indeed the prospect, in a fine clear atmosphere, was not only beautiful but delightful, and to one unaccustomed to such scenes was almost enchanting.

But the sun indicated that we had occupied as much time in this view as practicable, we therefore closed our observation in this place and descended to the ground to mingle with the crowd, which had now increased by the addition of many who had left their business to enjoy the call of the evening in the salubrious exercise of walking. Now you can see Gentlemen and Ladies promenading the streets in every direction, seeking for pleasure. But it would not appear that pleasure resided in one place, no she is always in motion, continually moving and I may say that few are the number in the immense crowd who will find the fickle dame. When you think you have her within your grasp, you have not time to enjoy before she be flown in an instant or assumes some other shape and points you to some distant object, and there paints in vivid colors the place of her abode. Thus she eludes the grasp of mortal and keeps him continually on the search for that which he seldom finds. At night we attended the museum. Here are a fine collection of natural curiosities, and some elegant and grand scenery exhibited through magnifying glasses. Here we were shown a learned dog. He preformed well and would have been disbelieved by me had I not seen it preformed. So I will not relate it.

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Morning has an unfavorable appearance. Country uneven and remarkably poor. Indeed, along the road it looks too unproductive for people to live on it and sustain life from the products of the ground, and I must say the sight of squalied looking houses and people living along the road would corrobarate this conclusion. Yet, amid all this apparent....

After moving on a slow steady pace for five hours, we stopped as one of our horses showed symptoms of not being well which we soon found was the fact, for no sooner was the harness removed he lay down apparently in much distress. During our stay here which was for several hours, we became acquainted with an old invalid and a real miser, too. He was very inquisitive indeed to that degree he became rather troublesome. At last wishing to change the position and become the inquirer, I said to him, Stranger, you seem to be labouring under disease and judging from your appearance and the nature of your complaint you must have been an invalid long enough. The old man was speechless for a moment, placing eyes on my counterance, said, who told you I was in bad health? I never heard the first syllable of you or health from a living being. How then do you know that I am an invalid in any respect? - From my knowledge of the human system and of the inroads which certain disease makes upon that beautiful fabric, said to express the image of its Maker. Certain diseases are just as sure to produce certain symptoms as an effect is sure to follow a certain cause. - Are you a Doctor? exclaimed teh fellow in astonishment. I have been sick for years and you are the first man that has ever told me my complaint. - Yes said someone of the company, and has not yet done it, but I am sure he can and cure you, too, if you will open your purse and pay him a little something for his trouble. - Well, said the patient, for I considered him mine now, if he will now tell me how I feel and the disease that torments me I will take a prescription, if it does not cost too much. At this declaration I says, Come, sit down here and I will describe your suffering nearly as minutely as you can. In the first place then, your appetite is variable, you feel much oppressed after eating a hearty meal, and do not sleep sound during the night or feel refreshed from what you do sleep. You are dull and heavy in the morning and very fretful, easily irritated at trifles, sometimes pains over your eyes, often in the limbs - trembling of the hands - belching from the stomach - weak and feeble after much exercise - costive state of the bowels - and often without knowing the cause, troubled with lowness of spirits. - He jumped up from his seat and declared I had told every symptom better than he could and said: You must certainly know my complaint. He now began to inquire if I had any medicine with me After being answered in the affirmative, he wished to know how much it would cost to make out one prescription. Here I was at a loss how to act and not tell him until he had got the medicine. But I evaded the question so as to create no suspicion. But, says the old man, can you cure me? I answered, No, but I can give you medicine that will cause you to feel much more comfortable while you do live and will lengthen your days several years. But, my dear sir, I do not wish to have you imagine that I am anxious to give you anything against your own inclination. Finding from his conversation and from several hints thrown out by some of the company that the old man held his money dearer than anything else, I began to speak of the probability of his final restoration in case he would continue use of the proper medicine and adhere strictly to the directions I would give him. i had now raised the old man's expectations as far as I thought practicable to insure my object. I stopped and left the company so that he could consult his immediate acquaintances whose advice I was satisfied would be in y favor. After a few minutes I returned and found all was working just as I expected. I was now joined by Tyler to who I briefly related the situation of the invalid and at the same time giving a favorable prognosis. One hint to Tyler was sufficient and he was certain the disease could be removed, strengthening his representation of cases cured in worse cases. Tyler now began at the very point to cause a discussion in a few moments. He says to me: We have the medicine in your portmanteau which this gentleman wants. No! That is very unfortunate. Our medicine is all put away very compact, calculated for a long journey, and it will be attended with much difficulty as well as more delay than would be agreeable with the object we had in view. From this representation the anxiety of the old fellow was increased in a quadruple ratio and he expressed great willingness to open his coffers from the prospect of relief and really began to insist very strongly that we should not depart until we left the catholicon for his complaint. Such is the case with people generally when completely activated by desire. hold up to them an object much desired, put it within their reach. Represent that now is time and that a few moments delay it will be probably forever e too late, that it is just ready to flee from them forever and you are sure to enhance to the imagination the value of the expected and wished for ovject; and if you wish to palm a deception on an individual, now is the time for you have the man in your power and if he be able he will accept your proposal.

We at last very reluctantly acceded to the old man's wishes and made a prescription which I have no doubt will be of much service to him and relieve the disagreeable feelings of which he complained. And we only charged him two Dollars and fifty cents which to him appeared enormous and it seemed as though he had rather suffer yet more than to part with his silver. Many of the bystanders who were well acquainted with this man said we did not charge him one quarter enough, that he was the most despicable miser that ever lived. But this would not justify us in asking him an exorbitant price. I considered that we had gone fully as far with the old gentleman as could be justified and it may be a little further because indicating with apparent correctness a complete cure was going beyond even probability - for cure in his case is quite out of the question.

We now are in Baltimore County after budding the patient farewell, expressing our hopes of his enjoying better health in a few weeks; we started for Warrenton Cotton Factory (Buchanan'). After passing over some dreadful roads, up and down some of the most steep and dangerous hills I ever passed, we reached the Factory at three o'clock. It is indeed an elegant place for so inelegant a situation. Art has in this place much improved the rude works of nature; if any rude may be said of nature's works. Here is established by far the most extensive Cotton Factory I ever saw. The building appropriated to carding, spinning, and weaving, and the necessary apparatuses for the same is one hundred and ninety-one feet long and the old part is five stories high. There are in this building Eighty carding machines, nine thousand spindles, and three hundred looms, all forced by water. There is also an establishment of one hundred and forty-five feet in length, used for stamping calicos and handkerchiefs, and a depository for the prepared fabrics, after they have left the looms. It was stored with an immense quantity of cloth. The department for stamping is conducted by a Frenchman who would not let us see the operation. From what cause I am unable to say. The number of hands required in all these departments is five hundred and fifty - the greater number of whom are females. These attend the weaving exclusively - and some of them told us that they made nineteen Dollars for a month. The whole of this large establishment is said to be the property of one man - Buchannan. it stands on a stream of water called Gunpowder and at a place called the Big Falls of Gunpowder. Rather a dangerous name.

Buchannan's house is in the place, seated on an elevation of ground in every respect elegant and beautiful, surrounded by a beautiful grove of luxuriant shade trees and in this hot day looks inviting. here we fed our horses, and when satisfied with examining the place, we drove up the hill and pointed our compass toward the city of Baltimore which is thirty-six miles from Warrenton Factory.

We now, after reaching the summit of the hill, drove at a full pace. Our road was a good graveled turnpike, and the country had not the appearance of wealth. Charges high and accommodations bad. Weather very warm. Spirits low. All of us appear dejected.

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Hartford, Maryland

We rose very early this morning and found ourselves much refreshed from a few hours sleep after having traveled the day preceding thirty-nine and half miles. The atmosphere this morning is quite serene and a s warm as it was yesterday. We started this morning before breakfast, leaving the turnpike road, traveled eight miles and took breakfast at a place called Windsor in York County. Road very unpleasant. Soil of a reddish appearance and for about four miles from Wondersmith's was quite fertile. Today I met with quite a loss. After having traveled a distance of fifteen miles I found that my specks were missing. Having used them for several years in reading and writing in the night and for this last purpose used them last night and must have laid them on the table after completing my few notes and then left them on the table. They were by far the best glasses I had ever seen, and I had examined many before I met with these. And I must have lost them as above stated. I know not how it could have been otherwise. I would not have parted with them for any price, and would rather have lost a ten Dollar note even under worse circumstances for money than at present. I feel quite unwell today and often thought of home. Singular as it may appear that a man should think of home who has none, yet the place of all others the most desirable when sickness assails us will enter the thoughts. A Father's house under these circumstances has charms that a gilded palace does not possess to the stranger. We all seem more than ordinarily dull and mute today from what particular cause I could not tell. Traveling is much more expensive here than in that part of the State of New York where we resided and the fare not as good. The stock of the farmers here look well and are in excellent order. At about two o'clock we entered the State of Maryland in Hartford County and Town. The land increases in poorness of soil and the Roads are very much cut to pieces and almost impassable. Having now drove thirty-six miles over a very unpleasant road we, after considerable difficulty, obtained lodging for the night at an Inn kept by George Steiner, a real German, but he could speak English tolerably well. The reason alleged for not wishing to accommodate us for the night was a very plausible one, nothing less than the expected confinement of his wife. This, we said, could not be a proper excuse for us as we all were Physicians accustomed to all such scenes. And in real Yankee style we soon gave out such hints as could be easily understood and such, too, as the nature of the case required. And the old gentleman took us at a word. our indication produced the desired effect. And what was still more agreeable to the old man, before morning his prediction was fulfilled and his lady attended by Doct. Tyler as the acouchere. The old gentleman was really delighted with the success of the night and expressed his warmest thanks to us as we bid him farewell in the morning.

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Harford, Maryland

After a few hours of undisturbed sleep, long before the sun had illuminated the city, we arose and the first thing, as soon as it had got sufficiently light to be attended to, was to find a Barber - a search not attended with difficulty in such places - and in the course of a half hour our object was accomplished. Returned to the Tavern and divested ourselves of our sea-worn dress when breakfast was announced, to partake of which there was no inclination in either of us to decline. As soon as this was dispatched, the morning being clear and the weather agreeable, we commenced a short view of the place. First of all we repaired to the State House and other public buildings adjoining. All are elegant and stand in a pleasant situation. The portico of the Capitol is supported by six large columns, four feet base diameter and three at the top and in elevation thirty feet. The elevated site on which it stands affords a commanding view of the City from the upper stories. Two other Public buildings within forty feet from this one at each end fronting the South; and about twenty rods south of these stands the Arsenal. Back and northeast of these buildings stands the fire engine house. Near the center of the town stands the Court House, and a more elegant or better house I have never seen in any place composed of the same materials. They are made of neat and well-wrought Brick, all having stone pillars supporting the porticos very neatly carved. I very much admired all the public edifices. Standing at the Courthouse you can see Northwest one Roman Church, one Methodist Church and that not entirely destitute of elegance. Southwest an Episcopal Church; East one Unitarian and German Lutheran Church; Southeast another Episcopal presents itself to view, together with a splendid Presbyterian Church not appearing as proud and haughty as I have seen some fo the clergy belonging to that denomination. And near the Bank of the River is an African Church - oh, this I think is of the Methodist order.

There are many elegant buildings in the place and it has every appearance of improving, but as in all cities, towns, or countries, mixed with the rich there are some miserably poor. But all classes of people in this wealthy emporium breathe the same kind of air and as Jacob Myres says, "as Dutch as the d--l."

Having now finished our view of this place we started on our journey. From here to Middletown, a distance of nine miles, we found an excellent road. A few miles before reaching the latter place we crossed the Canal. It is very neatly executed and the Locks are constructed in a very superior manner in several respects to those on the great Erie Canal in the State of New York. Middleton, or town, is an old looking place. It is in Dauphin County. We called here to have our horses fed. The Tavern is owned by a German and it was impossible to preserve our gravity while listening too the old Gentleman's conversation. There was no regularity about this house; there was a place for everything but nothing could be found in the place or in the right place. It contains a Presbyterian and Methodist Meeting houses and if I were permitted to judge from external appearances they must have been erected long before the Revolution. And in opposition to the good that may result from the gospel preached in the two or three houses of worship, there are seven taverns. Five stores I should think sufficient to supply the surrounding country, but people purchase much more now than formerly and many of them to their own injury. Between Harrisburgh and this place, or the greater part of the distance, the country is beautifully situated. Land level and the soil fertile and from every appearance inhabitants industrious - everything bore the semblance of peace, plenty, and contentment. Nature here seemed robed in all her beauty; during the morning ride we breathed the sweet fragrance exhaled from the blooming apple tree and saw the fields richly clothed in heavy robes of verdure. In Middleton we crossed the Swetara. It is probably one hundred feet wide. After leaving this place a few miles the road became very rough and stony and continued so until we came near Elizabethtown in Lancaster County. Elizabethtown is finely situated and in the country immediately around it is most beautiful. The soil is excellent and vegetation most luxuriant, and the inhabitants partake largely of the bounty produced by nature, their houses and Barns, cattle and stock of much wealth. I have never seen as large horses and sheep and as good fields of clover as I saw this day. Cultivation and nature were here so happily combined that the effect was really enchanting. Yet even here in this rich and splendid country we were stopped every seven miles and asked for a gate toll. Union Canal runs down with the River Swetara and is most elegantly executed. As we passed through Marietta and approached the River the road became more broken. The road here in Hampton Township runs close to the beach of the Susquehannah. At the left hand in going down the River road is cut through a rock and a most stupendous pile of stone rises perpendicular to the height of two hundred feet. or as the Indians say a little more - it rather hangs over. The view is really grand.

Soon after, we came to the Columbia Bridge which is one mile 25/64 in length, or four hundred and five rods, or two thousand two hundred seven and a half yards, or six thousand six hundred and eighty-two and a half feet and cost two hundred thousand Dollars. The toll for carriage was one dollar. The whole Bridge is completely enclosed and lighted by windows. Then two paths separated by a strong portion and the traveler must always take the right. A heavy fine is imposed on any individual who rides or drives faster than a walk in crossing the Bridge or even for smoking during the passage. At sundown we crossed the Bridge and cast one long lingering look, probably for the last time, on the Susquehannah on whose waters we had for the last few days been rolled from home and acquaintances. Who is then so destitute of feeling as not to think of home an dthose endeared to them from infancy; indeed to me it seems they cannot be entirely forgotten.

It is now the fourth of May and vegetation is quite forward here. The gardens look beautiful. Potatoes and other culinary vegetables are shooting forth luxuriantly. Wheat at least fourteen inches high. We drove from Whitesville four miles in the night to Wondersmith's Inn at a place called York in Windsor County. Here the landlord did not speak in high terms of the South - to which part we were bound - but shall we suffer his unfavourable representation to dampen our ardor and produce a corresponding depression of mind, or in the least depress our energy? As for myself, I had fully thought of all the difficulties and probabilities of the South not being as good as some had represented, nor as unfavorably as depicted by others. Yet taking both sides and striking as equal a balance as you could, good seemed to me to have the preponderance. We cannot all see alike, and must not expect that every individual will entertain the same favorable or unfavorable views of a place that we do. Consequently, different ideas must not produce a different determination in our own mind, particularly from unreasonable or prejudicial grounds. If, however, our course be opposed from a thorough knowledge of the impracticality of accomplishing our intention, then it may, yes indeed it should, cause us to hesitate and ponder well before we proceeded further. And in coming to a decision we must ask ourselves this important question, are the motives disinterested which produced the opposition to my views? And in case you can discover interestedness in the individual you need not place much reliance on his declaration - at least not sufficient to change your mind. But in the case before me was it possible for such motives to have existed. I believe his opposition arose from prejudice against slavery and consequently indirect interestedness and probably arose from this idea, that the more inhabitants the more slaves. But let his motives be good or the reverse, it produced no discouragement to me and I think to none of us for, says Tyler, when one man can see nothing but poverty and misery another will behold peace and plenty.

Our horses are now snug in a good stable and plenty of good food before them. I have seen much in our passage through this great State, and learned to say Fip, three fips, and a fippany bit, almost as well as a real native. This method, in sound being so unlike that of New York, was a source of much amusement to us and if it had no other advantage it served to drive away the disagreeable sensation which every individual is sometimes tormented with, and our section of the country was known and distinguished by as formidable an appellation as the feeling itself; viz: Horrors. We have now finished a very good supper, made more palletable by long fasting - and have now nearly finished the few notes of the day. Much fatigued, nature calls for repose. I lay down my pen by bidding this noble and great State of Pennsylvania farewell as it is the last night I expect soon to sleep in it again.

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Harrisburgh, Pennsylvania

Left our anchorage early this morning and finding by observation on the shore we were in good speed, which was gradually increasing every moment, a source of much gratification to us as we were all very desirous of ending our journey as soon as possible. This morning we passed Mocontongo Rifts and indeed it may be called by such hard names. It indicates long before you reach the real place something more than ordinary. You see or think the mountain closes across the River. And you can hear the roar of the water as if dashed over rocks in the greatest violence, creating to the timid a dread increasing in the same ratio as the near approach increases. I was patiently waiting the moment we should enter the focus of the dashing waters, and I cannot say that I approached it entirely indifferently. My mind would in spite of every effort say it is not exempt from danger when we consider the feeble union of plank to each other. But dismay is of no avail when danger stares you in the face and there is no means of escape, as was the case with me at this moment, because it was impossible even if we all had so willed it, to have rowed our floating bark ashore. No. Leave me unpleasant feeling, and if death much come, let me take it in a mind scorning to flinch at the near approach. While I had been making these calculations standing in or near the center of the raft, in as instant the waters were dashing on every side, foaming and tumbling in every form, and the pins which united the piles of Boards cracking and squeaking at every place of union; but so rapid was our progress that you had scarcely time to think of danger before all was passed and in a smooth but rapid current which hurried us along so rapidly that in a space of time less than one hour we found ourselves at Liverpool, twelve miles from Miller's.

Liverpool is a dirty looking place. Buildings are principally of wood and some almost as the timber grew in the forest. A small creek runs between the town and the River and to me it appeared to be a singular situation for a village. Miller's Burgh, situated on the East side of the river three miles below, is neat looking, pleasant little place and has one Meetinghouse. The surrounding country is quite level and the soil of an excellent quality. The land rising from the River in an agreeable and pleasant ascent producing from the water a fine view. Hallifax, on the same side of the River further down, is said to be an agreeable little place. The interposition of an Island deprived us of a full view. Here we had to row quite to the opposite side of the River. Our crew, however, accustomed to such work, applied diligently at the oars and after a laborious tug of nearly one hour we were in the proper and safe channel and our ship moving by computation about five miles per hour. The weather was now fine, clear, and warm, giving us every opportunity to enjoy the scenery of the country. We were now in the section of the country where internal improvement was going on. A Canal was in progress of execution along the banks of the Susquehannah. As soon as we had passed the mouth of the West branch of the River the canal commenced. There we saw large numbers of hands at work far up the side of the Mountain, digging rocks and precipitating them into the water for the purpose of building or laying the foundation of a wall - in those places where the elevation rose abrupt from the shore of the water - and this was the case in many places - we saw some walls completed for at least a mile in length. It looked beautiful, rising perpendicular out of the water and running in a straight line. It made a beautiful shore to the water. If not as durable as the mountain itself it will stand a monument of the greatness of those who projected it when they themselves shall have returned to their Mother Dust. But their deeds must be as durable in the minds of a grateful people as the rocks they have converted to the use of Man.

Many Irishmen were here at work, and some would labour all day at this, the severest kind of work and at night would spend in drink which done them no good the whole wages of the day. It would seem, to a real reflecting man, that any individual in a perfect sane state of mind could not act in such a manner. Yet I have been often assured that it is a sincere fact and of frequent occurrence. I hope that this may never be my disposition or practice. You would hear these Sons of Erin shout in dozens at once, Hurrah! for Jackson, giving every word they said the real Irish brogue.

We now approach the Seat of Government of Pennsylvania, Harrisburgh. We have now spent nearly five days on the raft, in the company of the crew, and I must say that I was much disappointed, from all I had ever heard of the conduct of most of those individuals who follow this kind of occupation. Every one of these were sociable and agreeable in common conversation and not addicted to use much unbecoming language. Our short stay with them had contracted considerable attachment and our parting showed evidently we had gained their good will.

The place where the raft landed was not convenient for unloading our baggage or for getting into the road after we had affected the first object. However, after some little trouble and vexation (a thing uncommon in this life) we succeeded in reaching the road in safety with all our effects, and entered the Capital of Pennsylvania just as the sun bid adiew to this hemisphere.

At about seven o'clock we were joined by the Captain and his company. We all took a good supper in good health and fine spirits - I drank a glass of good wine - promenaded the city until eleven o'clock, called in at a druggist's shop, prepared eye water for the pilot whose eyes for the last two days had become considerable inflamed. Returned to the Inn, took leave of water companions and retired, giving the mind the full liberty to indulge in such visionary schemes as might best suit her fancy during the hours of sleep. Thus ended our voyage on the Susquehannah.

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On the Susquehannah

Now again we have unloosed our fastenings and are on the move in slow but steady motion downward. In five miles of our last stop is situated a fine looking little village on the East side of the River, probably however its beauty may be overrated as it presented itself to our view under favorable circumstances just as the sun rose above the horizon, in a fine clear morning and some two or three small islands partially ovscured our view. The hills on the right still maintain a good degree of altitude, at least sufficient to be salubrious. A small stream empties in at this place down which a canal is completed from Yorktown on the Delaware, from thence to this place, and from here up the River merchandise for the far west is sometimes taken. We have met several of these flat boats loaded, moving slowly and laboriously up against the current. It requires several hands to propel them. From the present prospects of internal improvement by means of canals in this State, transportation from the Seaboard will in a few years be convenient to every part of this Commonwealth; and if accomplished by the State will in the lapse of time produce a revenue of importance in which all the inhabitants will participate. Stayed all night one mile above McGee's Falls at one Miller's rains-house much crowded - German proprietors; of course, we had Dutch talk in fine style.

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On the Susquehannah

This morning we unmoored at six o'clock from conduit, Nantuckit Township, Luzerne County. The River more straight and the mountains not so prominent as yesterday, yet sufficiently elevated to keep the eye fatigued in search for the top. What appears the summit of one when at a distance, a little advance down the River or a sudden turn of another point is only a stepstone to a more lofty elevation. In many places notwithstanding the extreme elevation and magnitude of these places and seemingly forbidding aspect, you may now and then on a summit which rises some hundreds of feet, see a fence apparently projecting over, just ready to tumble down the steep assent. You can actually see that some hardy and daring son of the forest has ventured to trespass on the privileges granted by Deity to Beasts of Prey and the soaring Eagle, a place which seems a fit resort only for such as are the enemies of civilized man and domesticated animals. It is said that man is the master of created natureand this would indicate such to be the fact, for I should suppose from the appearances, however voracious might be the beasts which could inhabit these places, man would hardly venture in search; there they and they only could sally forth in the shade of night and commit their depredations and return in safety and be secure. On other points not quite so rugged you may see sheep apparently search for some choice food, climbing up the steep declivities with much caution and labour. Many were the jokes and jests of these mountains. One day as we were viewing these scenes the pilot called out, Hiram oh! here is something You have never seen. And what is it? Look! Look yonder is a sheep quarry. Do you not see them? Wonders. Five are produced already.

We now pass an old looking town called Berwick, situated on the west side of the River. The banks of the River in this place have much the resemblance of those near the square in Geneva on the Seneca Lake, N.Y. Could see but little of the village on the east side of the River called Nantucket. As far, however, as it could be observed, it has an old appearance. The town and the surrounding county are inhabited principally by the Dutch. We could observe a few good-looking buildings.

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On the Susquehannah

We found today in our progress that there were many islands situated in the River and that it contained many shallow places so that it required a pilot who had descended often in order to conduct one of these rafts in safety. Ours seemed to be familiar with every crook and turn, and was a very humorsome and eccentric man. Our whole crew were very agreeable. The raft contained two hundred thousand feet of inch plank. Oars were attached to it so that it could be moved in any direction and it frequently happened that it had to be rowed quite to the opposite side of the River - which took considerable time and labour to accomplish. And when it became necessary, they commenced several miles above the place designated. This was done to avoid shoals and rocks or to get into a better current. In some places called rapids, the water runs very swift and rough. In these places the Raft will run a mile in a few minutes. These rapids are generally situated where the hills compress the water into a narrow compass or when the River spreads over more than usual ground. These latter are the most to be dreaded in consequence of the rocks reaching near or above the surface of the water. In passing over some of these places our raft would frequently grate over these immovable barriers.

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Towanda, Pennsylvania

Morning rather cloudy. Changed one of our horses and started before breakfast. During the morning I saw some beautiful situation which indicated good soil and industrious inhabitants. We now crossed the Susquehannah and are in Pennsylvania. Drove over some tremendous bad roads in consequence of a part of the main road which runs very close to the margin of the River and a high mountain on the right. The road has been made by digging perpendicular down the hill. Here we had to go around and in many places the elevation seemed so steep that it appeared impossible to ascend it. Yet by slow and cautious management we surmounted the difficulty and at twelve o'clock arrived at a little place called Towanda, having traveled the distance of twenty miles. Here we took dinner, making many inquiries in relation to roads and distances, so much so that a stranger, Captain and proprietor of a large Raft of Plank, finding that we wished to go to Harrisburgh made us the offer of the raft if we would accept it, declaring it would be as expeditious as by land and save us expenses, two considerations that completely coincided with our wants and as people generally do when suited we very willingly accepted the generous offer and at two o'clock made the necessary arrangements and drove on the floating raft. - In a very short time we unmoored and were carried pleasantly down the stream by the current. Our captain appeared to be quite agreeable, a gentleman, sociable, kind, and accommodating. The sky had been cleared of clouds and the day was fine and pleasant. Then a good shelter was erected in the middle of the raft for shelter from rain or a shade from the sun. Our horses stood in the open air fastened to the carriage. Everything seemed to wear a favorable aspect, which gave us leisure to think of home and friends from whom we were fast increasing the distance which now intervened, and to anticipate the future, at the same time affording us a fine view of the adjacent country bordering immediately on the River on either side. Our velocity, as may be supposed, was now very irregular. Sometimes our motion was so slow that you could scarcely discern it, and then again we would glide along at a rapid rate, keeping in perfect unison with the surrounding country and obstructions created thereby to even and straight course of the water.

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Tioga Point

We arose early and found that Sleep had much relieved our anxiety and acted as a balmy restorer. Morning somewhat cloudy and we were much perplexed for a short time in consequence of one of our horses refusing to go; however, after some time spent in mild measures, off they went in fine style. The road for some distance was excellent, but after crossing the inlet to Seneca Lake it became very bad as it rained for some time in the forenoon. And all the way to Newtown, situated on the Susquehannah, we had disagreeable traveling. The distance from the head of Seneca Lake to Newtown is twenty-six miles. In this distance I saw some of the most elevated Pine Trees that imagination could reach, and it was almost literally true, as my companion said, it required two looks to see the tops. We arrived at Newtown about two o'clock P.M., when we took some refreshment.

A circumstance occurred which afforded me some amusement as well as taught me never to place much reliance on acquaintance. Tyler had told me before we arrived that he had some friend, a mechanic in the place, whom he wished to call on. And, accordingly, as soon as our horses were disposed of we went in search of him, and soon had the fortune to discover his residence. We knocked on the door and were admitted, passed the ordinary compliments of strangers. The man did not seem to act as though he had ever seen Tyler before - when Tyler says, Mr. ___ , you appear not to know me. - No, Sir, I do not recollect as having seen you before. - Did you not come from ___? - Yes. - Did you not marry ___ ? - Yes. - And don't know me? - Most certainly I do not. - My name is Tyler and I married a Mrs. ___. I know the family very well but have no recollection of you. - It is very singular said my companion that you should not recollect me. And we left the house in some disgust. Here we see how far the former acquaintance of some individuals reach. There can be no doubt but that this man knew Tyler, yet from some cause would not acknowledge it. From this one circumstance I have come to the conclusion that dependence placed on former acquaintance is likely not to meet with a good reception, though in this case there was no expectation of favor or none was wanted. But it may be probable that the man thought some expectation had induced Tyler to call on him, and in order at once to put a stop to any solicitation, would not recognize him. There are many ways to refuse without saying no.

From Newtown we started down the Susquehannah, and after driving some ten or fifteen miles we came across Aaron D. Gage who was to accompany us. He had left a day or two sooner than we did. We found the roads in a bad situation to Chimney Point, a distance of seventeen miles. The road ran close to the bank of the River and so narrow was the excavation that it was very difficult for wagons going in different directions to pass. An immense steep elevation of land is on the left as you descend the River. Along this road we traveled some distance in the night and arrived at Tioga Point at about nine o'clock, making the whole distance of day's ride Forty-seven miles. Here we took supper of good wholesome bread and milk and soon retired for the night which the fatigues of the day made very agreeable.

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Milo Township, Yates County, New York

After many plans had been investigated by my own mind, in relation to the course to be adopted by me, and the various sections of the country having been recommended by different individuals of respectability, and from all the intelligence I could obtain thereto; the South seemed to have the greatest number of advantages. Accordingly, my mind was drawn toward the strongest point of attraction. This morning, agreeable to plans and calculations previously arranged, myself and Dr. Wm. W. Tyler left the above place in a light carriage with two horses and bent our course for the South, expected however not to stop short of South Carolina. We had as much medicine as we could well convey with the other necessary trunks of clothing and Books. We traveled up the Seneca Lake on whose borders we had long lived and whose beauties were familiar to us. Our individual feelings were different in many respects. He had just bid farewell to an affectionate wife and several small children with all the fondness of a kind Father. And, indeed, I must do him justice, for I do believe that he sacrificed his own happiness for the sole purpose of being a benefit to them, and endeavoring to better their condition, here he could see no prospect of success. His wife, also, to me seemed the pattern of goodness -the most kinds and affectionate. Yet she bore all her deprivations with the utmost fortitude; and believed the course he was adopting held out at least some prospect for the better, and said she was willing to do any way which should appear to be the best. His feelings under these circumstances I must leave for those who have felt the endearments of a family and are just leaving them in rather unfavorable pecuniary cirumstances. But when a man does all in his power, he does his duty.

My sensations probably were different. I had a few days before (15th inst.), bid a final adieu to my Aged Parents, Brothers, and Sisters. And not with feelings of indifference or disregard, because they were all dearly beloved by me. No man could have more affectionate parents or those who wished better for the respectability of their children, yet we could not always live together and I now consider it time for me to make preparation for the future life. I had no endeared object to mourn or to weep for me, yet there were many to whom I had become attached from an intimate acquaintance. But this could not support or yield any pecuniary profit, a consideration of vital importance in my situation; and for the purpose of honestly obtaining the one thing needful, and the prospect before me believed to be favorable, I could leave all with a degree of cheerfulness. We traveled on in silent mood for some time, broke at intervals by some object that happened to attract our attention. At night we found ourselves at the head of Seneca Lake, a distance of twenty-eight miles from our starting place - here we put up for the night. Our fare was of the real substantial articles of diet and not agreeable to me. After a few moments of conversation with the landlord, we retired to bed and being much fatigued in mind and body, all was forgot in the peaceful arms of Sleep.

1826 - 1830 Journal of Dr. George Follett Wilson